andrea
New Member
I am going through a slow agonizing break up with the man that I just knew was the one... So, I had a conversation with my ex boyfriend today.. The one who sent me to counseling(I think I wasted the money, cause I didnt learn a dang thang, just went right out and did the same thing in the next relationship)... So, I am quite embarrassed to share what our common complaints between the 2 guys who are very different...
Let me also say that.. While I both of them had a part in the demise of our relationship.. I want to talk responsibilty for me and work through my part. so I do not go out and repeat the same thing a 3rd. 4th time.. I really do not know where to start so here it goes..
1. I am controlling
2. I only hear what I want to hear
3. I play the victim
4. Once I am hurt or angry, I say I forgive but I constantly bring it up and use it against them
5. I tend to only want to say what I think is important and how I feel, not listening to another person
6. I emasculate both of them or at least that is what they say.
7. I start out encouraging and supportive
8. I use personal things that they have told me against them in an argument..( I will say that some of the things that come out of my mouth I do not even realize I am saying it)
Ok. That sums it up. I know I am so embarrassed.. I know I was probably raised better then this.. I don't know if it is insecurity, if it is a low self esteem.. I know as a child I really felt like my mommy chose her relationship with my stepdad over me.. I mean we lived in the same house. I got everything I wanted financially.. Sometimes I just wanted a Hug... I actually feel like that sometimes now.. "I just want a Hug"
Sometimes I wonder if its that I just do not know how to love a black man or any man for that matter..
I will say that in my last relationship there was a little betrayal (not another woman, just some untruths) that I thought I could get over and I thought I did but its like once I was aware of them, I lost respect for him.. So, I guess maybe I justified that as a way to say whatever I wanted and treat him any kind away..
So, with both guys they paint this picture of only wanting to be with me but me making it hard and creating an environment where they feel disrespected. like less of a man, unhappy and not encouraged. Here is the weird thing, it's like I didnt realize that was what is happening..
Bottom Line: I need help and I don't know where to start? Oh and give it to me straight no chaser...
Let me also say that.. While I both of them had a part in the demise of our relationship.. I want to talk responsibilty for me and work through my part. so I do not go out and repeat the same thing a 3rd. 4th time.. I really do not know where to start so here it goes..
1. I am controlling
2. I only hear what I want to hear
3. I play the victim
4. Once I am hurt or angry, I say I forgive but I constantly bring it up and use it against them
5. I tend to only want to say what I think is important and how I feel, not listening to another person
6. I emasculate both of them or at least that is what they say.
7. I start out encouraging and supportive
8. I use personal things that they have told me against them in an argument..( I will say that some of the things that come out of my mouth I do not even realize I am saying it)
Ok. That sums it up. I know I am so embarrassed.. I know I was probably raised better then this.. I don't know if it is insecurity, if it is a low self esteem.. I know as a child I really felt like my mommy chose her relationship with my stepdad over me.. I mean we lived in the same house. I got everything I wanted financially.. Sometimes I just wanted a Hug... I actually feel like that sometimes now.. "I just want a Hug"
Sometimes I wonder if its that I just do not know how to love a black man or any man for that matter..
I will say that in my last relationship there was a little betrayal (not another woman, just some untruths) that I thought I could get over and I thought I did but its like once I was aware of them, I lost respect for him.. So, I guess maybe I justified that as a way to say whatever I wanted and treat him any kind away..
So, with both guys they paint this picture of only wanting to be with me but me making it hard and creating an environment where they feel disrespected. like less of a man, unhappy and not encouraged. Here is the weird thing, it's like I didnt realize that was what is happening..
Bottom Line: I need help and I don't know where to start? Oh and give it to me straight no chaser...