So his sister doesn't like me...

[HAIRapy]

which I find to be utterly stupid, but okay. How would you handle this? I'm 34, so I'm too old to be playing games with fake small-head-bald-head chicks. I've been with my SO for over a year now. She has smiled in my face (and still does) and has had conversations with me. Not one time did she act like she had an issue with me. I've always been nice to her because I thought we were cool. Come to find out, she told my SO she doesn't like me. She doesn't know why, its just something about me. LOL Anyway, since I found this out, I don't say hi to her anymore or converse with her because I don't talk to people who bite my back out if I don't have to. I'm not openly mean to her, I'm just not open to talking anymore. Life is too short for such nonsense. Maybe she was used to chicks kissing her butt to be her friend/sister when they dealt with her brother our something... I don't know.

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[Bmack]

I would do nothing, just carry on as usual. I think your SO should have kept that to himself though...

 

[BayAreaDream]

Be the bigger person, keep doing what you were doing prior to finding out. You never had a problem with her, so maybe in time she'll come around, specially if she doesn't even know why she doesn't like you! How old is she?

 

[HAIRapy]

I forgot how it came up in our conversation. He told me a few months ago. I asked him her reason, and when he told me she didn't know why, I just laughed and said that it sounded like a personal problem to me. I can't sleep ATM and it came to my mind, so I figured I'd post about it.

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[DarkAngell]

kill her with kindness. You'll drive her crazy without actually doing anything wrong. Worst case senario....she'll not like you without you ever giving her reason to. Best case senario....she'll turn around and end up loving you.

 

[HAIRapy]

I believe she's 30.

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[nappystorm]

which I find to be utterly stupid, but okay. How would you handle this? I'm 34, so I'm too old to be playing games with fake small-head-bald-head chicks. I've been with my SO for over a year now. She has smiled in my face (and still does) and has had conversations with me. Not one time did she act like she had an issue with me. I've always been nice to her because I thought we were cool. Come to find out, she told my SO she doesn't like me. She doesn't know why, its just something about me. LOL Anyway, since I found this out, I don't say hi to her anymore or converse with her because I don't talk to people who bite my back out if I don't have to. I'm not openly mean to her, I'm just not open to talking anymore. Life is too short for such nonsense. Maybe she was used to chicks kissing her butt to be her friend/sister when they dealt with her brother our something... I don't know.

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HAIRapy Clearly I'm not as mature as the other posters because I'm the same way. Why should you go out of your way being nice to this cow when she doesn't like you? I don't subscribe to "kill em with kindness". I subscribe to "I will ignore you and your foolishness unless you make me cuss you out".

I'm a sister (to brothers) and we can see through @$$ kissing. I don't even fake it. Ironically, sisters, mothers, and female cousins seem to like and respect that about me.

 

[mjsliberiangrl]

kill her with kindness and keep on smiling in her face and continue with cordial hellos and goodbyes, and then keep it moving.

if this man becomes your husband, you will have to deal with her forever!

my SO's female cousins are not too fond of me but, when we had tension, it would stress him out and make him feel uncomfortable. now, we are not friends but we are respectful and kind to one another. things flow much easier that way for everyone, be the bigger woman!

 

[HAIRapy]

HAIRapy Clearly I'm not as mature as the other posters because I'm the same way. Why should you go out of your way being nice to this cow when she doesn't like you? I don't subscribe to "kill em with kindness". I subscribe to "I will ignore you and your foolishness unless you make me cuss you out".

I'm a sister (to brothers) and we can see through @$$ kissing. I don't even fake it. Ironically, sisters, mothers, and female cousins seem to like and respect that about me.

Same here- I have 4 brothers and its very obvious when someone is trying too hard to get in with the family.

I must say, I was surprised because we've talked, joked around, talked about hair, and she's even asked for my advice. I just really don't like fake people or acting like I'm cool with someone who talks crap behind my back unless I had to (ie. at work). Its not about rolling eyes or anything like that for me, I would just say hi if we're in the same room, but nothing else- and I would engage in conversation everyone/anyone else in the room.

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[nappystorm]

Same here- I have 4 brothers and its very obvious when someone is trying too hard to get in with the family.

I must say, I was surprised because we've talked, joked around, talked about hair, and she's even asked for my advice. I just really don't like fake people or acting like I'm cool with someone who talks crap behind my back unless I had to (ie. at work). Its not about rolling eyes or anything like that for me, I would just say hi if we're in the same room, but nothing else- and I would engage in conversation everyone/anyone else in the room.

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Oh I'm never disrespectful either. I treat family members how I would want my mother and I to be treated. I speak, smile and ignore. And I give them the Bert-stare if they ask me for anything. More often than not, the ignored family member is trying to get back in my good graces. Actively ignoring bothers people for some reason

I have a couple of "kill em with kindness" peeps and they always end up getting used by people the KNOW don't like them I've known female family members (not mine) as well as baby mamas to milk a wife-hopeful for all she's worth. Wifey wannbes usually know the deal but goes along with it because she "wants to keep the peace because they may get married some day".

 

[NOEChic]

I feel you HAIRapy , I am not going to speak to you when you go behind my back and tell my SO that you don't like me. When you see me you all smiles and conversation. She should have told you herself, since she so bold. And to the poster that said her SO shouldn't have told her, I think he should have told her. What if the chick is REALLY fake, and the op thinking she likes her and made a friend and start confiding in her about something and then it comes out that she don't like her, it would be hell to tell the captain.

 

[NOEChic]

Oh I'm never disrespectful either. I treat family members how I would want my mother and I to be treated. I speak, smile and ignore. And I give them the Bert-stare if they ask me for anything. More often than not, the ignored family member is trying to get back in my good graces. Actively ignoring bothers people for some reason

I have a couple of "kill em with kindness" peeps and they always end up getting used by people the KNOW don't like them I've known female family members (not mine) as well as baby mamas to milk a wife-hopeful for all she's worth. Wifey wannbes usually know the deal but goes along with it because she "wants to keep the peace because they may get married some day".

The bolded, and that is why I just ignore folks lol

 

[libertysince05]

which I find to be utterly stupid, but okay. How would you handle this? I'm 34, so I'm too old to be playing games with fake small-head-bald-head chicks. I've been with my SO for over a year now. She has smiled in my face (and still does) and has had conversations with me. Not one time did she act like she had an issue with me. I've always been nice to her because I thought we were cool. Come to find out, she told my SO she doesn't like me. She doesn't know why, its just something about me. LOL Anyway, since I found this out, I don't say hi to her anymore or converse with her because I don't talk to people who bite my back out if I don't have to. I'm not openly mean to her, I'm just not open to talking anymore. Life is too short for such nonsense. Maybe she was used to chicks kissing her butt to be her friend/sister when they dealt with her brother our something... I don't know.

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To be honest it was wrong of your bf to tell you what his sister told him in confidence.
I disagree with whats bolded.
She doesnt like you because she doesnt know you, and you stopped talking to her just confirms her dislike of you.
If you're uncomfortable at what she said at least try and be civil, not saying 'hi' is not being civil, its very immature and puts your bf in a difficult situation. You dont have to kiss her *** but at least be civil.
Also she didnt talk behind your back, she probably answered a question put by her brother or gave an opinion (i'm sure you're not the first gf she voices and opinion on).

 

[NOEChic]

To be honest it was wrong of your bf to tell you what his sister told him in confidence.
I disagree with whats bolded.
She doesnt like you because she doesnt know you, and you stopped talking to her just confirms her dislike of you.
If you're uncomfortable at what she said at least try and be civil, not saying 'hi' is not being civil, its very immature and puts your bf in a difficult situation. You dont have to kiss her *** but at least be civil.
Also she didnt talk behind your back, she probably answered a question put by her brother or gave an opinion (i'm sure you're not the first gf she voices and opinion on).

When my name comes out your mouth to my SO, he has a duty to tell me what was said. EVERYBODY man/woman/child should know this. You should not be keeping secrets from a SO. Y'all should be in whatever the situation is together. If the sister did not want the girl to know, she should have kept her big mouth shut.

 

[H0tPinkButtafly]

I don't think it was wrong for ur man to tell u what his sister said. If it were me I would want to know too. And I don't agree with "kill her with kindness" because that would seem like ur desperate for his family to like u. I just wouldn't speak to her like that any more. U only have to deal with her to a certain extent. Your in a relationship with ur man not her.

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[HAIRapy]

To be honest it was wrong of your bf to tell you what his sister told him in confidence.
I disagree with whats bolded.
She doesnt like you because she doesnt know you, and you stopped talking to her just confirms her dislike of you.
If you're uncomfortable at what she said at least try and be civil, not saying 'hi' is not being civil, its very immature and puts your bf in a difficult situation. You dont have to kiss her *** but at least be civil.
Also she didnt talk behind your back, she probably answered a question put by her brother or gave an opinion (i'm sure you're not the first gf she voices and opinion on).

When I say I don't say hi anymore, Im actually talking about when she's on the phone with my SO and we'd speak through him saying hi to each other. If I find myself in a room with her, I'd say hi- but that's it. I don't feel obligated to have unnecessary conversation with people that do things like that to me. She can continue not to like me, I'm okay with that. I understand that some people are just like that and I don't let their negativity get me down, I just keep it moving.

What I don't like is acting like were cool when were not. He told me this awhile ago but feelings are still current. The entire time she felt this way, she was acting super friendly. I'm actually happy he told me, because she had me fooled. She even hugged me last time she saw me, that's far too much if you don't like someone. That's the fakeness Im not liking.

ETA: I'm fine with the rest of his family BTW.

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[ladysaraii]

Same here- I have 4 brothers and its very obvious when someone is trying too hard to get in with the family.

I must say, I was surprised because we've talked, joked around, talked about hair, and she's even asked for my advice. I just really don't like fake people or acting like I'm cool with someone who talks crap behind my back unless I had to (ie. at work). Its not about rolling eyes or anything like that for me, I would just say hi if we're in the same room, but nothing else- and I would engage in conversation everyone/anyone else in the room.

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Thanks foe clarifying. I'm the same way, I cant do the kill with kindness. If you don't like me, that's fine. I will be polite and keep it moving.

When my name comes out your mouth to my SO, he has a duty to tell me what was said. EVERYBODY man/woman/child should know this. You should not be keeping secrets from a SO. Y'all should be in whatever the situation is together. If the sister did not want the girl to know, she should have kept her big mouth shut.

I rather disagree. I think I should be able to have a conversation with my sister about an SO w/o her feeling the need to run back and tell him.

Of course, her SOs tend to know how I feel about them (usually unfavorable) so it's not hard to guess

 

[HAIRapy]

Of course, her SOs tend to know how I feel about them (usually unfavorable) so it's not hard to guess

See, this I can respect. If she didn't like me, fine but don't act like you do. That's not cordial, that's fake. She was all "hey girl..." this and "we should get together..." that. It's not like we met and she was cordial, but kept me at an arm's length. She drew me in like we were cool. We've spoken and laughed together enough for her to warm up to me, IMO. I'm a go-with-the-flow type of person, but I just cannot smile in someone's face that I'm not vibing with.


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[aribell]

which I find to be utterly stupid, but okay. How would you handle this? I'm 34, so I'm too old to be playing games with fake small-head-bald-head chicks. I've been with my SO for over a year now. She has smiled in my face (and still does) and has had conversations with me. Not one time did she act like she had an issue with me. I've always been nice to her because I thought we were cool. Come to find out, she told my SO she doesn't like me. She doesn't know why, its just something about me. LOL Anyway, since I found this out, I don't say hi to her anymore or converse with her because I don't talk to people who bite my back out if I don't have to. I'm not openly mean to her, I'm just not open to talking anymore. Life is too short for such nonsense. Maybe she was used to chicks kissing her butt to be her friend/sister when they dealt with her brother our something... I don't know.

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@ the bolded. That's generally a sign that the dislike is baseless or based in something like jealousy. Not saying that she's jealous, but to actively dislike someone without being able to offer any tangible reasons at all is suspect. You couldn't do anything about that if you tried. So long as your SO is happy, there really isn't anything more to think about. (and I am also not one to be friendly towards people who I know openly dislike me)

 

[Keen]

See, this I can respect. If she didn't like me, fine but don't act like you do. That's not cordial, that's fake. She was all "hey girl..." this and "we should get together..." that. It's not like we met and she was cordial, but kept me at an arm's length. She drew me in like we were cool. We've spoken and laughed together enough for her to warm up to me, IMO. I'm a go-with-the-flow type of person, but I just cannot smile in someone's face that I'm not vibing with.


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Maybe she is not being fake. Maybe she is just being cordial for the sake of her brother because he likes you. She's being honest with her brother. Maybe you're reading to much into it to think that she drew you in instead of her just being nice. Just trying to point out a different view.

I did not like my BFF's boyfriend. I told her straight up. But I was always nice to him. I never told him how I felt but she knew. I don't know if she ever told him. I don't care if she did. I got along with him for the sake of my friend. If he ever found out, I would hope he also try to be cordial with me for the sake of my friend.

 

[deltadreamland]

I wouldn't kill her with kindness; in my opinion that is similar to kissing butt and being fake. I would just act as though she were a ghost....not even there.

 

[tinkat]

If My SO sister did not like me and she did not have a valid reason and I know I have not done anything disrespectful from my knowledge, I really would not care. I would assume that it is just some issue she has. BUT I will not ignore her. I would definitely be polite but I would not act like she is my best friend.

 

[MissYocairis]

Girl, please. Don't even worry about it. And, don't stop being you. Keep speaking. Be yourself. Don't care if she secretly "doesn't like you". She clearly is struggling with her own issues. Don't own them. Her not liking you isn't about you, it's about her. I wouldn't even GAF nor give it a second thought. She's the one who looks silly declaring she doesn't like you and doesn't know why and then still smiling and speaking. So...let her figure herself out and keep being your cordial, comfortable self.

I don't think you should pretend she's a ghost. That's feeding into negativity. It's begging for an environment of conflict to come about. If you truly don't care whether she likes you or not then you will be able to continue being yourself and let her work out her dubious feelings about you on her own. That doesn't mean you have to kee-kee with her if you don't feel like it, but don't stop speaking. That is more of what she is doing. She doesn't like you so you don't like her. If she doesn't want to be grown, then does that mean you don't want to be?

I speak to people who don't like me. Purposely. Because I want them to know their feelings are THEIR issue and not mine.

 

[Highly Favored8]

OP I used to feel this way about my ex-fiances family until I realized I am dating him and not his family.

 

[RegaLady]

OP, I was/am in a similiar situation. Had phone fights with them(sister-in-laws) and everythng. They started out really nice to me and I truely liked them, until they turned. They have issues with ganging up on people they think might be a threat-no lie! I was hurt because I tried for years to be nice to them. I kissed their butts, I spoke, I did it all. One sister came around, the other did not. I spoke to her at another family gathering and she cut me cold. Guess what, I said NEVER again! I pushed the ignore button and kept it moving. I won't allow myself to disrespected by her.

What I did realized is that she was jealous. And that alot of the issues she is having is because she is not happy with her. She is used to bullying women and manipulating people to gang up on who she thinks are better than her. She has ALOT of insecurities. So do what you can to be nice, but there is only so much you can take. Then you will have to press the ignore button on her a$$.

 

[knt1229]

Just to play devil's advocate and to offer another viewpoint:

Are you certain what he said is true? There are some men who manipulate women by playing on feelings of insecurity and pettiness. He might tell you this so you won't like his sister because he knows his sister tends to dish his dirt to his girlfriends. So to keep that from happening he just made you not like or trust her.

If what he said is true I would continue being cordial. There is nothing butt kissing about speaking to someone and making small talk. If you know she doesn't like you then don't invite her to girls nite out, don't loan her any money, don't do anything for her and don't confide in her. But there is no reason why you can't be polite and cordial to her.

 

[HAIRapy]

Just to play devil's advocate and to offer another viewpoint:

Are you certain what he said is true? There are some men who manipulate women by playing on feelings of insecurity and pettiness. He might tell you this so you won't like his sister because he knows his sister tends to dish his dirt to his girlfriends. So to keep that from happening he just made you not like or trust her.

If what he said is true I would continue being cordial. There is nothing butt kissing about speaking to someone and making small talk. If you know she doesn't like you then don't invite her to girls nite out, don't loan her any money, don't do anything for her and don't confide in her. But there is no reason why you can't be polite and cordial to her.

She hasn't told me anything that he.hadn't already told me. Also I know its true because I've since then, I've heard him responding to her talking ish about me. When she starts talking crap, he gets agitated at her and tells her to mind her own business. She has told him once that she doesn't think we should be together because I seem fake or too perfect or some crap like that... like I'm acting or something. She's always trying to give... force her relationship advice about us to him.


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[YasashiiSekai]

She probably doesn't like you because you're with her brother. Some people are just like that.... I don't really know why. It's one thing to have a reason why you don't like someone but to say, "I don't know why I don't like her, it's just something about her" is immature.

Anyway, I would just take it and KIM. You don't have to be best friends with her at all, but being cordial would let things not get worse or make it seem like you're the evil one.

There's people I know that don't like me but I just say hi and go on my merry way....

 

[PAgirl]

Well I was in a similar situation for two years. My so's mother hated me. Eventually he dumped me and I'm pretty sure she had gotten in his ear. If your so and his sister were close, I would be careful before wasting two years like I did just for it not to work out.

 

[Much2much41]

@ the bolded. That's generally a sign that the dislike is baseless or based in something like jealousy. Not saying that she's jealous, but to actively dislike someone without being able to offer any tangible reasons at all is suspect. You couldn't do anything about that if you tried. So long as your SO is happy, there really isn't anything more to think about. (and I am also not one to be friendly towards people who I know openly dislike me)

I'm not so sure. OP is probably a cool person, so this isn't about her in particular. We tell women all the time to trust their intuition. We don't always know why we get signals about a person or a situation, we just do. Sometimes the reason why we feel that way doesn't reveal itself until later. But I kind of think a sibling should be able to disclose how they feel about a potential in-law w/o worrying about it getting back to the person. Better to bring it up now than after the wedding when it's too late.