So Exactly What Do You Do All Day?

[PrissiSippi]

@Supervixen You are so right about the sorority trying to put more work on you.

hunny I didn't leave one job for another. Unpaid job at that

I don't need that kind of stress in my life lol.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I am making this decision right now. I want to homeschool my children but taking care of a home and family is hard work. It should be valued. I'm not giving all of this to a man without Shipt and Merry Maids. You are an accomplished woman...you deserve it.

Hell I'm a working mom and I love Merry Maids.

man....there are ups and downs to both. I wish people would just let mothers be great. If 1/2 the women in the US wasn't so racist we'd be a lot farther ahead as a species (women). I just don't know. I feel like society asks too much of women. Especially black women.

I joined a Melanin Mothers group recently. I really encourage you guys to link up with some like-minded women and mothers. This group has been a blessing.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

So are the women I'm speaking about. They're very traditional. They're older now though, like 50s, early 60s. However they're well to do and are sahms. Their families eat different types of roti daily and it's delivered hot unbeknownst to their husbands. If you ask them though, they're slaving over a hot tawa daily and their roti is always round .

I guess because the husband in the OP is not Indian the wife doesn't even care to pretend...

Shoooot....When I'm 50-60 I would be ordering perfect roti too. Roti-making takes time.... This girl is younger so she still got the time. They just got the one kid. She enjoys it.
IDK why I thought the OP said ol' boy's wife was Indian.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Shoooot....When I'm 50-60 I would be ordering perfect roti too. Roti-making takes time.... This girl is younger so she still got the time. They just got the one kid. She enjoys it.
IDK why I thought the OP said ol' boy's wife was Indian.

Cause she did, lol. You weren't bugging.

 

[Supervixen]

Its just like @Supervixen said.
And I'll be so bold and put it out there....they still don't really see us as WOMEN. Feminine....worth being taken care of. I meet young women (mothers to be) all the time who tell me they plan to move out of the workforce upon the birth of their baby because the husband or boyfriend just wants her to stay home and focus on their new baby. These aren't rich people. I tell them if she is comfortable with that, its a great plan. You only have a small baby once. I know there are black men who still feel more comfortable knowing their baby will be with the mom. And I'm glad. But these men don't have a platform cause they too busy working and taking care of their family to share these attitudes all over SM. I understand for some women its a risk---to put your trust in someone who could leave you high and dry....but that's for another thread. My point is that this thread is addressing an underlying attitude that I don't like. I feel like OPs friend has this attitude---that she needs to be working....that's why I recommended she cut him off. Cause he deada$$ wrong for saying that. When he got a goodfornothing by his side he need to worry about.

We're right here. >>>> <<<<

To the bolded, I learned here (and I may be repeating it wrong) that based on us protecting and providing for ourselves, most BW unknowingly identify as men. However, we're expected to and get shamed if we don't get out here and protect and provide for ourselves like men, so it becomes a circular rat trap for us. Are manly expectations pinned on us because we brag about doing it or is it another symptom of the systemic racism we experience?

However, I'm noticing this board is starting to REBUKE all that. We have several threads going right now about being more feminine and are noticing the benefits of being more feminine in our interactions with men.

We started the natural hair movement and now we're at the forefront of a return to femininity for black women...I have a feeling this will work well for BW because feminism did not!

 

[nysister]

Well, as a black stay at home girlfriend , I do even 'less'. I earn my keep by being my normal vivacious self and that's enough. Now take a deep breath and say it with me, ladies, "That's enooooough."




@PrissiSippi To answer your question, what do I do all day? I cook one hot meal and pack his lunch. Dassit. And I cook because it's a hobby, not bc he asked. His mom didn't cook at all so everything I make is like manna from heaven. Otherwise my day is mine. I shop, have lunch with my mom, research my favorite subjects, stay up late when I want.... I just be doing me. :shrug:

Girl, I love you!

 

[RossBoss]

He's one of those Black guys that has Black women on the brain even though he is with an other. And like most in this thread have said it is inconceivable to him that a Black woman can be a SAHM and be pampered and spoiled by her husband. They can't wrap their minds around it because they are conditioned to see BW as always struggling, doing all the work, etc...If you were any of these things he wouldn't be bothering you at all because you would you would be living your life according to the script he has written for Black women in his head.

 

[PrissiSippi]

We're right here. >>>> <<<<

To the bolded, I learned here (and I may be repeating it wrong) that based on us protecting and providing for ourselves, most BW unknowingly identify as men. However, we're expected to and get shamed if we don't get out here and protect and provide for ourselves like men, so it becomes a circular rat trap for us. Are manly expectations pinned on us because we brag about doing it or is it another symptom of the systemic racism we experience?

However, I'm noticing this board is starting to REBUKE all that. We have several threads going right now about being more feminine and are noticing the benefits of being more feminine in our interactions with men.

We started the natural hair movement and now we're at the forefront of a return to femininity for black women...I have a feeling this will work well for BW because feminism did not!

I agree. Feminism did NOT work well for us. It's a meme I saw that really summed that up for me. Let me see if I can find it.

 

[Zaynab]

Now that you say it....you're right. I've never met another Indian that wasn't a great cook and who didn't cook.

And a wife that doesn't do oral. That's another story. He was so giddy. Smiling from ear to ear. He said but TRUST she makes up in other areas. But whyyyy. But how? Hmmmm. Let that had been a black girl. He'd be like chick you're childish. Even though we been together ten years and got ten kids we can't marry because you're just childish. lol.

Becky swoops in though and he's like yeah I love my wife. I worship my wife. I dunno what it is about her. All my brothers married light skinned women.

But bruh your mama black with a Micheal Jackson nose just like me. What's really good?

I find it disgusting that he's discussing his sex life with you. I know women talk with out girlfriends about sex but a male colleague? Ewww.

 

[Zaynab]

We're right here. >>>> <<<<

To the bolded, I learned here (and I may be repeating it wrong) that based on us protecting and providing for ourselves, most BW unknowingly identify as men. However, we're expected to and get shamed if we don't get out here and protect and provide for ourselves like men, so it becomes a circular rat trap for us. Are manly expectations pinned on us because we brag about doing it or is it another symptom of the systemic racism we experience?

However, I'm noticing this board is starting to REBUKE all that. We have several threads going right now about being more feminine and are noticing the benefits of being more feminine in our interactions with men.

We started the natural hair movement and now we're at the forefront of a return to femininity for black women...I have a feeling this will work well for BW because feminism did not!

And I'm glad for the shift finally. Years ago on this board, it was looked down upon if you were a SAHW/SAHM because I think a lot of BW have bought into that mindset that we have to work, that men want us to be contributing to the household financially. Y'all know I hate the MissIndependent movement with a passion. I think when you're continually saying "I can take of myself or I pay all my own bills" you're sending the wrong message. Of course you can pay all your own bills, but why are you telling men that? You're taking on the role as the leader now and I think some men unconsciously feed into that. If you want to be Wonder Woman, you can. But it may come at a price. when you embrace your feminity, and you expect a man to protect, provide and take care of you, they will jump to do so. I mean, women say I want this this and that but then you're like "oh but I got it" So which one do you want? DH expects me to take care of him, the house, kids and look good. That is a job. I have been on all sides of the working spectrum, I do like to work but I think if a woman works, it should be just as an added bonus to finance herself, the house, the kids, etc.

 

[Southernbella.]

I just woke up from a nap, bout to make brunch for myself.

Prissi, tell ol boy to mind his business and enjoy your freedom. You may want to go back to work one day and that's fine too. I just love when women have options.

 

[PrissiSippi]

And I'm glad for the shift finally. Years ago on this board, it was looked down upon if you were a SAHW/SAHM because I think a lot of BW have bought into that mindset that we have to work, that men want us to be contributing to the household financially. Y'all know I hate the MissIndependent movement with a passion. I think when you're continually saying "I can take of myself or I pay all my own bills" you're sending the wrong message. Of course you can pay all your own bills, but why are you telling men that? You're taking on the role as the leader now and I think some men unconsciously feed into that. If you want to be Wonder Woman, you can. But it may come at a price. when you embrace your feminity, and you expect a man to protect, provide and take care of you, they will jump to do so. I mean, women say I want this this and that but then you're like "oh but I got it" So which one do you want? DH expects me to take care of him, the house, kids and look good. That is a job. I have been on all sides of the working spectrum, I do like to work but I think if a woman works, it should be just as an added bonus to finance herself, the house, the kids, etc.

I remember that time on the board as well. I was one of those people as well because of tradition. As a child I can remember my dad asking my mother to do xyz. She would say I HAVE TWO DEGREES. I wish I would have a master's degree to be a mammy to you and clean after you. I grew up with maids. I will never be a maid. You won't trap me.


And I honestly even see the concern. I made a post about not having to prove you are a "boss chick" to validate you as a potential wife. Ole girl said that women like that were stupid. Their man was going to leave them eventually because the girls were so dependent on a man and they would have no job skills so they'd live a life of poverty and misery once he left or end up tolerating his bad behaviors to make him stay.

They clowned me for one sentence. One dude even came on like...who is this chick? Is she even married. lol It was a petty day for me so I responded, She is but are the people in this thread married? Nope? Okay, carry on.

BUT WHY DID MARITAL STATUS EVEN MAKE A DIFFERENCE?!

We as black women have more options than we think.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I just woke up from a nap, bout to make brunch for myself.

Prissi, tell ol boy to mind his business and enjoy your freedom. You may want to go back to work one day and that's fine too. I just love when women have options.

I just woke up (again) I might add...to drink a mimosa lounge around and later look around the city (well conjoining city...not my city lol). I must say I have only been off work for ONE MONTH. I have met so many people I usually don't run in the same circle with and learned so many things that I couldn't learn in my work environment. I know this may not be a permanent season for me. But it really does feel good to change things up.

 

[Zaynab]

I just woke up from a nap, bout to make brunch for myself.

Prissi, tell ol boy to mind his business and enjoy your freedom. You may want to go back to work one day and that's fine too. I just love

I just woke up (again) I might add...to drink a mimosa lounge around and later look around the city (well conjoining city...not my city lol). I must say I have only been off work for ONE MONTH. I have met so many people I usually don't run in the same circle with and learned so many things that I couldn't learn in my work environment. I know this may not be a permanent season for me. But it really does feel good to change things up.

I had brunch and bottomless mimosas this morning , just got back now a nap

 

[Supervixen]

I just woke up from a nap, bout to make brunch for myself.

Prissi, tell ol boy to mind his business and enjoy your freedom. You may want to go back to work one day and that's fine too. I just love when women have options.

I had brunch and bottomless mimosas this morning , just got back now a nap

I just woke up (again) I might add...to drink a mimosa lounge around and later look around the city (well conjoining city...not my city lol). I must say I have only been off work for ONE MONTH. I have met so many people I usually don't run in the same circle with and learned so many things that I couldn't learn in my work environment. I know this may not be a permanent season for me. But it really does feel good to change things up.

I just woke up (again) I might add...to drink a mimosa lounge around and later look around the city (well conjoining city...not my city lol). I must say I have only been off work for ONE MONTH. I have met so many people I usually don't run in the same circle with and learned so many things that I couldn't learn in my work environment. I know this may not be a permanent season for me. But it really does feel good to change things up.

Love it! I just put my baby down for a nap, finished a glass of wine and am about to do some Leslie Sansone. #happywifehappylife

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

hey SAHM/W/GF:

Please enjoy a drank or mimosa for me...like FRFR: Say: for my homie naturalgyrl, then sling it back or take the sip.

Being pregnant at work is not the business. On the upper hand I am working the field I love. I have a bit of a calling here. So here I stay until life presents something else.
I am glad you made this thread OP.

 

[shespoison]

Well, as a black stay at home girlfriend , I do even 'less'. I earn my keep by being my normal vivacious self and that's enough. Now take a deep breath and say it with me, ladies, "That's enooooough."




@PrissiSippi To answer your question, what do I do all day? I cook one hot meal and pack his lunch. Dassit. And I cook because it's a hobby, not bc he asked. His mom didn't cook at all so everything I make is like manna from heaven. Otherwise my day is mine. I shop, have lunch with my mom, research my favorite subjects, stay up late when I want.... I just be doing me. :shrug:

I wanna be like you when I grow up.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I must say, as I sit here working while cramps threaten to have me laid out on the floor .... That it must be nice to just live and not have to work to live. Sigh.

 

[PrissiSippi]

hey SAHM/W/GF:

Please enjoy a drank or mimosa for me...like FRFR: Say: for my homie naturalgyrl, then sling it back or take the sip.

Being pregnant at work is not the business. On the upper hand I am working the field I love. I have a bit of a calling here. So here I stay until life presents something else.
I am glad you made this thread OP.

Congrats again on the baby!!

 

[niknakmac]

To the second girl I responded: Work is Overrated. I'm enjoying spending time with the family. #VacationIsLife

Did I say enough?

My first coworker didn't respond after I said the of course my husband deserves that and more. So our conversation ended there.

you need to text this to him the next time he comes with the foolishness...#VacationIsLife
Enjoy your time off!

 

[BrownBetty]

Well, as a black stay at home girlfriend , I do even 'less'. I earn my keep by being my normal vivacious self and that's enough. Now take a deep breath and say it with me, ladies, "That's enooooough."

I was so relaxed and nice to be around. He kept asking if I was sure I wanted to go back to work. I cooked because I wanted to. I was happy and he was happy.

OP - I would cut dude loose. He isn't your friend.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I was so relaxed and nice to be around. He kept asking if I was sure I wanted to go back to work. I cooked because I wanted to. I was happy and he was happy.

OP - I would cut dude loose. He isn't your friend.

Yeah I put him on that block action. It's Block History Month

 

[Femmefatal1981]

hey SAHM/W/GF:

Please enjoy a drank or mimosa for me...like FRFR: Say: for my homie naturalgyrl, then sling it back or take the sip.

Being pregnant at work is not the business. On the upper hand I am working the field I love. I have a bit of a calling here. So here I stay until life presents something else.
I am glad you made this thread OP.

I saw something today that reminded me of you...it made me smile. I love that you love what you do.

 

[Honey Bee]

I was chatting online with an old wm about our shared hobby (I have tons of hobbies, lol) when he told me he was writing a book. Because I enjoy his writing, I offered to look over some stuff for him (just so I could see it earlier ). So I ran down my qualifications and made a joke about being really over educated for what I currently do. He replied, Noooo, what you're doing is "noble and rare. What a delightful combo." That's an actual quote. I was like, You know what, old wm? You right.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

One of my friends friends asked, " what is she a princess?" When she told her I was a sahm. I've been side eyeing her ever since lol.

 

[PrissiSippi]

One of my friends friends asked, " what is she a princess?" When she told her I was a sahm. I've been side eyeing her ever since lol.

Lmao. Naw bruh you're not a princess. Princesses aren't real.

You're wonderfully and fearfully made. Your worth is far more than rubies just because of who you are.

And she could be too but she playing.

 

[Honey Bee]

One of my friends friends asked, " what is she a princess?" When she told her I was a sahm. I've been side eyeing her ever since lol.

Ask a Taurus woman if she's a princess and see what answer you get (" Yeeeeeesssss. ") She was right to ask a third party cuz you woulda hurt her little feelings.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

Ask a Taurus woman if she's a princess and see what answer you get (" Yeeeeeesssss. ") She was right to ask a third party cuz you woulda hurt her little feelings.

It's just the way she seemed so offended by what I do . She is also one of those, "I'm independent women this and that". Imo, she is single(and mom) she is supposed to be Independent . No one else is taking care of her and her kid right now but herself so like, meh stop it . she has no other option but to be.

 

[yamilee21]

... It made me think like femininity in the black community is perceived as lazy, indulgent, irresponsible. It's like it's a second class citizen. Because you can't measure its value...we believe it is okay to measure it less.

As black women in this society, we aren't allowed to be women the way other women are allowed to, but at the same time, we are criticized for being too masculine and domineering. We can't win.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

Some people can't fathom a non-celebrity black woman being kept. It is what it is. You have to keep doing you and move on.

It sounds like you don't want to use the energy to explain further. If so, silence is a moving answer!