So, do we base our hair decisions on men? *triple spinoff*

[Radianthealth]

Mizani....YOU ARE SOOO SHALLOW


I kid I kid

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

And you know call me shallow/dumb/young whatever, but it's my opinion. And like you stated there ain't NAN women is this board that hasn't done something to attract a man-whether it be makeup, weight, shoes, something!

LOL, Im gonna call u "Shallow Halle" LMAO!

 

[breezy]

And you know call me shallow/dumb/young whatever, but it's my opinion. And like you stated there ain't NAN women is this board that hasn't done something to attract a man-whether it be makeup, weight, shoes, something!

I don't think it's shallow at all. I like to look good for my man, and if other men think I look good in the process, then hey, that's great too.

Miss Jetsetter, I took what you said to mean, if I was trying out a new style or something drastic w/ my hair and my SO/DH expressed dislike, then I would consider changing it, b/c his opinion matters, and I want him to think I look good.

Now on the flipside, if I wanna BC or transition and he's not to crazy about it, I'd have to inform him of my reasons and if you have a SO/DH who cares about you, it won't be that big of a deal. Now if it's just some guy I'm talking too and he doesn't like my "nappy hair" or weave or whatever, he can just step on...

 

[MizaniMami]

@trimbride

I have no problems stating that *I* think the purpose of my human existence here on earth is to reproduce. I ain't gon do this by myself, I need a man. How am I gonna get a man looking tow down? I gotta do what best suits me in a position to where Im gonna get a reporductive partner. LOL, too many biology classes for me.

 

[Radianthealth]

Mizani....YOU ARE SOOO SHALLOW


I kid I kid

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

I don't think it's shallow at all. I like to look good for my man, and if other men think I look good in the process, then hey, that's great too.

Miss Jetsetter, I took what you said to mean, if I was trying out a new style or something drastic w/ my hair and my SO/DH expressed dislike, then I would consider changing it, b/c his opinion matters, and I want him to think I look good.

Now on the flipside, if I wanna BC or transition and he's not to crazy about it, I'd have to inform him of my reasons and if you have a SO/DH who cares about you, it won't be that big of a deal. Now if it's just some guy I'm talking too and he doesn't like my "nappy hair" or weave or whatever, he can just step on...

Wow. Someone gets me. Thank you Breezy, that's EXACTLY what
I meant. EXACTLY.

I guess i must not articulate my points very well... It's cool in any case. As long as someone out there sees where I was going with it, it's all good

 

[MizaniMami]

I kid i kid!! I just told a little joke!! that damn dog is hillarious!!!

 

[Poohbear]

And you know call me shallow/dumb/young whatever, but it's my opinion. And like you stated there ain't NAN women is this board that hasn't done something to attract a man-whether it be makeup, weight, shoes, something!

How can you say that when you have women in this thread saying they haven't done anything to attract a man? They do things for themselves only. Just because you and MisJetsetter want to look attractive to men doesn't mean all women think and feel that same way. That is why I mentioned it was naive to say that. I didn't say anyone was dumb, (naive has a total different meaning than dumb). I just feel the statements you two have made about all women doing something to attract men is false. Look at the evidence in this thread to see that not all women base their decisions on what men think.

 

[Synthia]

When some women base decisions on a man's considerations, I believe it is not some weak, submissive, self-conscious posturing.

I think it's about power, perserving and increasing personal feminine power.

Women know sexual attraction and attraction of the opposite sex is the strongest power on earth. They empower themselves by putting themselves in the position attract as much interest as possible.

Even if they don't want the interest...even if they laugh at it, ignore it, abuse it...it's about having the power to command an eye and do with it what you choose.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

How can you say that when you have women in this thread saying they haven't done anything to attract a man? They do things for themselves only. Just because you and MisJetsetter want to look attractive to men doesn't mean all women think and feel that same way. That is why I mentioned it was naive to say that. I didn't say anyone was dumb, (naive has a total different meaning than dumb). I just feel the statements you two have made about all women doing something to attract men is false. Look at the evidence in this thread to see that not all women base their decisions on what men think.

Hrmmmmkay

And for the record, I never said that I wanted to look attractive for *men* I said I like to look attractive for *MY MAN*. There is a difference.

 

[Wishin4BSL]

My SO loves natural hair and said that he'd support me 100 percent if I actually wanted to go natural...but that could just be because he has nine sisters who grew up natural and a few of them still are. He's not really particular about long hair as he is about helthly hair. However, I don't think he would like anything shorter than neck length. Me? I do things 35 percent to look good for my SO and 65 percent for myself. Although, honestly, it was be 60 him and 40 me when we first started talking. I wanted to put my best foot forward then. I like looking good for my sweety and I still do. Actually, sometimes I look like crap and I know I do and guys still try to holler. I don't think they care that much.

 

[so1913]

See, I think we are mixing up ideas here. There is a difference in what we all are talking about, I think, at least in what I'm talking about. Of course we want to look attractive, dress nice, work our style, get done up, do stuff that makes us feel good and feel attractive, and hope to attract a man that feels the same way about us as we feel about ourselves. The things you like about yourself and what attracted him to you in the first place. I'm talking about CHANGING things about yourself to please a man. Example, if a man told me he prefers straight hair and thinks I look better with it, should I run out get a relaxer or hot comb to please him, meanwhile I'm miserable because I LOVE my natural hair??? Same thing with woman who may want to wear their hair natural, but they are afraid "guys" won't like it on them. Or a woman who rather wear their hair short because they like the ease and how they look, but their man likes long hair. Or vice versa. They make these unwanted changes about themselves out of fear of not pleasing men. Woman sacrificing their own satisfaction of their own appearance simply to appeal to the opposite sex. That's where I'm coming from, and yes this extends outside of hair, i'm just using hair as an example since that's how this topic started. And women do it all the time, let men dictate how they look and carry themselves despite how THEY FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES. I just don't think it's cool.

 

[Wishin4BSL]

@trimbride

I have no problems stating that *I* think the purpose of my human existence here on earth is to reproduce. I ain't gon do this by myself, I need a man. How am I gonna get a man looking tow down? I gotta do what best suits me in a position to where Im gonna get a reporductive partner. LOL, too many biology classes for me.

Amen sister!!!!

 

[MizaniMami]

How can you say that when you have women in this thread saying they haven't done anything to attract a man? They do things for themselves only. Just because you and MisJetsetter want to look attractive to men doesn't mean all women think and feel that same way. That is why I mentioned it was naive to say that. I didn't say anyone was dumb, (naive has a total different meaning than dumb). I just feel the statements you two have made about all women doing something to attract men is false. Look at the evidence in this thread to see that not all women base their decisions on what men think.

I Didn't say you said anyone ws dumb or naive to be honest I didn't even read the whole thread. I wasn't speaking for all women I was speaking for ME and ME only.

*sigh* I knew I should have added a disclaimer...

 

[Poohbear]

Hrmmmmkay

And for the record, I never said that I wanted to look attractive for *men* I said I like to look attractive for *MY MAN*. There is a difference.

I was just speaking in general when I said *men*... not trying to argue with you or anything....

 

[firecracker]

I know women who tussle with the idea of going natural, admitting that they fear they may be seen as less attractive if they did.

I know I did have the less than attractive thought b4 going natural . I can say that the straight is great bs was the norm and spoonfed to me from as early as I could remember. I cannot say that it was transcribed to me in words but more in images and comments like "girl why did you cut off all that hair, "oh your hair grows right back though" or some other sumthin sumthin that actually sorta gives more props to relaxed/straight hair period be it long or short. I have worn some of every kinda hair style except a weave or three times a braid style. I have dabbled in every kinda clothing style so I'm known for just doing what I feel. Folk don't give a hoot now. I have loads of photos over the years that folk say thats not you or you sure look different.

I've also seen natural women who decide to go back to the relaxer for several reasons, but the reason that sticks out is to be more attractive to the opposite sex.

I think that rings true for lots of women. I mean we do like the men-seses and wanna please them to a certain degree. I let my hair grow back for my ex fiance . I think as you age you really do let go of the hair bs/myth out of confidence and the aspiration to simplify your life on many levels. Hell I got tired of sitting in the salon, nail shop and the 1 1/2-2 hour time it took to get dressed due to styling my hair.

I will say it took a year to get the nerve to say f that I'm being real, I'm hair lazy so I have to find something that works for me. Which is where I am now. I don't even wanna press outside of once or twice a year because its too time consuming, fear of heat damage and I get loads of compliments anyways from men and women. Not everyone likes natural hair and I respect that but I refuse to be boxed in for someone else (male or otherwise). I'm keeping the napps for now and for me! Claude help me naw!

 

[firecracker]

OT: Poohbear I am loving your twist in your avatar. Their beautiful chica!

 

[Poohbear]

I Didn't say you said anyone ws dumb or naive to be honest I didn't even read the whole thread. I wasn't speaking for all women I was speaking for ME and ME only.

*sigh* I knew I should have added a disclaimer...

I know you didnt say that I said anyone was being dumb or naive. I was feeding off you saying "call me shallow/dumb/young whatever"... I was reassuring you that no one was calling you dumb...

Question about whether you were speaking about you and you only...were you talking about yourself when you said this:

And like you stated there ain't NAN women is this board that hasn't done something to attract a man-whether it be makeup, weight, shoes, something!

Just trying to follow what you're thinking here...

 

[MizaniMami]

See, I think we are mixing up ideas here. There is a difference in what we all are talking about, I think, at least in what I'm talking about. Of course we want to look attractive, dress nice, work our style, get done up, do stuff that makes us feel good and feel attractive, and hope to attract a man that feels the same way about us as we feel about ourselves. The things you like about yourself and what attracted him to you in the first place. I'm talking about CHANGING things about yourself to please a man. Example, if a man told me he prefers straight hair and thinks I look better with it, should I run out get a relaxer or hot comb to please him, meanwhile I'm miserable because I LOVE my natural hair??? Same thing with woman who may want to wear their hair natural, but they are afraid "guys" won't like it on them. Or a woman who rather wear their hair short because they like the ease and how they look, but their man likes long hair. Or vice versa. They make these unwanted changes about themselves out of fear of not pleasing men. Woman sacrificing their own satisfaction of their own appearance simply to appeal to the opposite sex. That's where I'm coming from, and yes this extends outside of hair, i'm just using hair as an example since that's how this topic started. And women do it all the time, let men dictate how they look and carry themselves despite how THEY FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES. I just don't think it's cool.

If that man was my husband, seriously, I would give it some serious consideration and make my final decision based on ME and how I feel. I believe when you are with a man in a commited relationship (marriage for me) you make some sacrafices.

When I answered the question originally, I just answered the question in the topic line.


**Disclaimer, I am speaking about ME and only me. I am not speaking for all women.

 

[MizaniMami]

I know you didnt say that I said anyone was being dumb or naive. I was feeding off you saying "call me shallow/dumb/young whatever"... I was reassuring you that no one was calling you dumb...

Question about whether you were speaking about you and you only...were you talking about yourself when you said this:



Just trying to follow what you're thinking here...

Ooookay. I see where you are coming from. Once again, it is My opinion that all women did something in their lifetime that they think the opposite sex would like-makeup, weightloss etc. I do believe that, I would have trouble believing otherwise.

 

[Poohbear]

Wow. Someone gets me. Thank you Breezy, that's EXACTLY what
I meant. EXACTLY.

I guess i must not articulate my points very well... It's cool in any case. As long as someone out there sees where I was going with it, it's all good

It's not that no one got what you were saying... of course, there are women who like to look and feel attractive to men/boyfriend/husband... it's just that a few ladies here disagreed with you saying this: "People might throw out the "Man, I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look" ra-ra all they want, but that's bulls**t to me."

Disagreement and Misunderstanding are two different things...

The fact is, there are women who in fact do NOT care what anyone (men/boyfriend/husband/women/whoever) thinks about how they look. There are women that may care about how they look to themselves, but they may not care what they look like to other people. You get what I'm saying?

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

And you know call me shallow/dumb/young whatever, but it's my opinion. And like you stated there ain't NAN women is this board that hasn't done something to attract a man-whether it be makeup, weight, shoes, something!

Totally OT, but this made me think of:

'Girl you don't nan, uh oh, that dress fresher than me and you don't know nan that wear mo' Polo gear than me girl, naw you don't know nan,nan,nan....'

 

[MizaniMami]

Totally OT, but this made me think of:

'Girl you don't nan, uh oh, that dress fresher than me and you don't know nan that wear mo' Polo gear than me girl, naw you don't know nan,nan,nan....'

Okay!!! I'm so country. My whole family been saying that ever since the beginning of time.

Girl you don't know nan!!!!

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

When some women base decisions on a man's considerations, I believe it is not some weak, submissive, self-conscious posturing.

I think it's about power, perserving and increasing personal feminine power.

Women know sexual attraction and attraction of the opposite sex is the strongest power on earth. They empower themselves by putting themselves in the position attract as much interest as possible.

Even if they don't want the interest...even if they laugh at it, ignore it, abuse it...it's about having the power to command an eye and do with it what you choose.

****Bowing Down***

Well said Synthia!

 

[cocoberry10]

Unfortunately, I think women base many decisions on men. Black women seem especially sensitive to doing things to please our men.

Personally, I think most people (men and women) of all races do seem fascinated with long hair, but not just because it's long. I think long hair is seen as ultrafeminine. No matter how progressive our society is, I think men will always be fascinated by things that are feminine. That's why they love seeing women in dresses. That's why they love it when a woman can cook, b/c today many women can't or won't. That's also why they love it when we have long hair. It's just a girly thing!

 

[Cheleigh]

See, I think we are mixing up ideas here. There is a difference in what we all are talking about, I think, at least in what I'm talking about. Of course we want to look attractive, dress nice, work our style, get done up, do stuff that makes us feel good and feel attractive, and hope to attract a man that feels the same way about us as we feel about ourselves. The things you like about yourself and what attracted him to you in the first place. I'm talking about CHANGING things about yourself to please a man.

I agree with you here. There's two different issues being addressed in this thread. Of course I like to look good because I'm going out with my SO. Conversely, he wants to look good for me too. He can even offer opinions about my dress or style that I will take under advisement (like if he loves how I look in "those" jeans, or loves "that" particular hair style, of course I note that). But that's different than him asking me to cut my hair or grow my hair or relax it or telling me to take off/put on my makeup. I don't ask him to change anything on his person and I would expect the same courtesy. There are some things he wears or some things he might do to his facial hair or hairstyle that don't thrill me. But I still love him, and I'm not going to allow something as minor as his outfit or his goatee to affect my attraction to him. If he didn't feel the same at the end of the day, then we wouldn't be together.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

It's not that no one got what you were saying... of course, there are women who like to look and feel attractive to men/boyfriend/husband... it's just that a few ladies here disagreed with you saying this: "People might throw out the "Man, I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look" ra-ra all they want, but that's bulls**t to me."

Disagreement and Misunderstanding are two different things...

The fact is, there are women who in fact do NOT care what anyone (men/boyfriend/husband/women/whoever) thinks about how they look. There are women that may care about how they look to themselves, but they may not care what they look like to other people. You get what I'm saying?

um do you get what I'm saying?

All I am saying is that it's HUMAN NATURE TO care about how others see you. Not care so much that we lose sleep over it at night, but just care in general.

That's why we dress up for interviews and get our hair done--because we care about what our future boss may think of us.

That's why we put on nice clothes to meet our boyfriends parents for the fist time-- because we want to set forth a good first impression.

Maybe because I work in an industry where my looks actually matter is why I feel this way. I don't want Jay Z to walk on my plane next week and be like "Dang, her hair is dry and her teeth are yellow" That does not look good on behalf of my company.

In the end I will always look good for Yaasmeen first and foremost.

 

[Dannygirl]

.. wasn't this suppose to be about hair? lolerplexed

 

[Dannygirl]

um do you get what I'm saying?

All I am saying is that it's HUMAN NATURE TO care about how others see you. Not care so much that we lose sleep over it at night, but just care in general.

That's why we dress up for interviews and get our hair done--because we care about what our future boss may think of us.

That's why we put on nice clothes to meet our boyfriends parents for the fist time-- because we want to set forth a good first impression.

Maybe because I work in an industry where my looks actually matter is why I feel this way. I don't want Jay Z to walk on my plane next week and be like "Dang, her hair is dry and her teeth are yellow" That does not look good on behalf of my company.

In the end I will always look good for Yaasmeen first and foremost.

Thank you!
BTW: your hair is lovley!

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

.. wasn't this suppose to be about hair? lolerplexed

Yup, but this isn't the first and I'm almost postive that it won't be last thread that has drifted *slightly* off topic.