So, do we base our hair decisions on men? *triple spinoff*

[so1913]

No, I would never expect you to do something so drastic.

But say you like to wear your hair in three styles. In a high ponytail, in a side ponytail and a low ponytail. If your SO was like "Babe, I really love when you wear your hair in that side ponytail...you look soo beautiful!"

With me, although I love wearing all 3 hairstyles, I'm probably more likely to wear the side ponytail since my sweetie says that's what he likes.

I can understand those situations, that's a hair style you LOVE wearing anyway. I'm talking about things woman do SOLEY to please a man, regardless how they feel about it for themselves. And so many women do this....I don't know how many times I hear a female say they are going to do something which is totally opposite of what they usually do or like...you say "but I thought you didn't...." and their response, "Yeah, but so and so likes it that way". To me that's crazy.

 

[so1913]

I originally went natural to rediscover myself. I actually didn't have a problem with my hair at the time other than my ex-SO telling me not to cut it off all the time. But, I did always wanted to see what it was like to have short natural hair so AFTER we broke up I did it.

Then I discovered that I liked my hair longer better. It just so happens that men like it too. ?? I don't think I'm sucking up. I just like the look. I wouldn't CUT my hair for anyone!!! but I would wear different things (heels, dresses if requested) I LIKE wearing that stuff... it's not to much to wear the red dress as opposed to the black..? That's how I look at it. I'm not changing my personality or anything. . .

See, that's different...if you LIKE doing something anyway, then that just means you have that too in common with the other person, which works out for both of you.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

If you're going to call out one thing, then you might as well call it all out

Have you ever lost weight for just yourself, or have you also done it to please your mate/lover?

Do u apply make up only to please yourself?

Do you style your hair, whether it be natural, culy perm, locks, relaxed only to please yourself?

Do you wear nice clothing to work, to the club, to social events, only to please yourself?

And last but not least, do you really think that you would go through all of the trouble to look good if you were the only human being on earth?

Nope, I seriously doubt it.

My point is, we live in a world where we care about others opinions. People might throw out the "Man, I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look" ra-ra all they want, but that's bulls**t to me. You care about how look to your man/husband, whatever. Who doesn't want to look attractive for their SO? Shoot, people like to look "attractive" period. Isn't that why most of us are here?

I don't think there is not one woman on this board who has not done something beauty wise to themselves to attract the opposite (or even the same) sex at some point in their lives

Actually I do all of these things to please myself...maybe I am the exception
And I don't even wear make-up, but if I did it would be because "I" wanted a different look (for the night) and I 've never lost weight at all never mind doing it for someone. And I'm the one buying my clothes so darn right I'm wearing to please my self..if the guys like it then it's a bonus. I have to feel comfortable because I'm the one wearing it.

But I think this thread was talking specifically about hair.

IMO if a woman wants to change herself for a man that's her decision, you wouldn't catch me doing it. I would just hope that somewhere in her subconscious that it was a descision that she was thinking about anyway not something that a man (husband or not) put into her head. I really hope that women out there are Not changing their HAIR to please a man especially if she has to look at herself in the mirror every morning KNOWING that is not what she REALLY wanted.

 

[Southernbella.]

I guess some women do, but I think most women do what they like first, and if it happens to make them more attractive to the opposite sex, then it's a bonus. That's the way it is for me, anyway.

ETA: How else do you explain all the black women who wear weaves even though the vast majority of black men hate fake hair? The women wear it because they like it.

 

[BrickbyBrick]

Admittedly, I'm guilty of wearing a relaxed style simply because it conforms to what I think men perceive is "pretty". I am a work in progress when it comes to changing that mentality.

OT: so1913, I think you are damned attractive, so if you're single, it may be for another reason (like the men in your neighborhood are all gay and/or blind). I dunno man.

Good thread, Bubbln! The ladies are doin' it up on LHCF today.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

I can understand those situations, that's a hair style you LOVE wearing anyway. I'm talking about things woman do SOLEY to please a man, regardless how they feel about it for themselves. And so many women do this....I don't know how many times I hear a female say they are going to do something which is totally opposite of what they usually do or like...you say "but I thought you didn't...." and their response, "Yeah, but so and so likes it that way". To me that's crazy.

I totally see what you're saying so13. I know the kind of female that you are talking about and yes, that's sad.

I was just commenting on the general fact that we as women like to feel attractive and how we want our mates to find us atrractive too.

Yes, I've done many things for myself as a single woman. But while in a relationship I'm not going to front and act like i don't like looking good for my man and his opinions don't count.

No, he is not going to pick out my clothes for me, choose a hairstyle for me, etc.

But as his woman, I will take notice of the things that he likes in reference to my appearence and keep on doing them to make him smile.

 

[Legend]

I can only speak for myself, but I don’t make any decisions about my appearance on what the opposite sex might think because I truly don’t care what they think. I have to feel confident about the way I look for myself. My style (hair, clothing, etc.) also has to be fast, classic, quick, neat, and easy. That just how I do “me.”

Heck, I went to a women’s college surrounded my women who went to classes with damp hair, pajamas, and flip-flops. It would have been easy to fall right in and not care about my overall appearance, but I was the only one who curled her hair every morning and pinned it up and dressed as stylishly as possible on my student budget. That’s just "me", and I like "me" just the way she is!

ETA: This could be some of why I'm still single. But, I don't care.

 

[Pam Pam]

Hmmm, this is a good question.

I guess I could answer it twofold.

First, I don't think I would base my hairstyle on what someone else likes if I were single. December 31, 1999, I did the big chop (and didn't even know I was doing it ), just because I wanted all of the relaxer out of my hair to thicken it up. The guy I was dating at the time thought I had a curl. I really didn't consider how anyone would view me, except I didn't want to look at all masculine.

Now, I do do things that my husband would like. I got a relaxer in July 2002 because my beautician told me I needed to so I could wear my hair straight in the summer. My hair shedded something terrible and my DH was like, don't do this again because he didn't understand the transition. I kept my hair relaxed until November 2003 and haven't had a relaxer since. I do keep my hair relatively long because DH wants me to. And I'm glad I made that decision because this board is a plethera of information on how to achieve certain lengths, goals, and desires for hair.

So, I guess my answer is yes, to a certain extent, we all conform in one way or another....

 

[MizaniMami]

Whoa good thread!

 

[Sistaslick]

I can only speak for myself, but I don’t make any decisions about my appearance on what the opposite sex might think because I truly don’t care what they think. I have to feel confident about the way I look for myself. My style (hair, clothing, etc.) also has to be fast, classic, quick, neat, and easy. That just how I do “me.”

Heck, I went to a women’s college surrounded my women who went to classes with damp hair, pajamas, and flip-flops. It would have been easy to fall right in and not care about my overall appearance, but I was the only one who curled her hair every morning and pinned it up and dressed as stylishly as possible on my student budget. That’s just "me", and I like "me" just the way she is!

That sounds like my dream school Talk about gettin' in some growth at that school! I wish I could show up at school comfortable like that. There's just too much pressure to be cute . . . and I'm married.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

Actually I do all of these things to please myself...maybe I am the exception
And I don't even wear make-up, but if I did it would be because "I" wanted a different look (for the night) and I 've never lost weight at all never mind doing it for someone. And I'm the one buying my clothes so darn right I'm wearing to please my self..if the guys like it then it's a bonus. I have to feel comfortable because I'm the one wearing it.

But I think this thread was talking specifically about hair.

IMO if a woman wants to change herself for a man that's her decision, you wouldn't catch me doing it. I would just hope that somewhere in her subconscious that it was a descision that she was thinking about anyway not something that a man (husband or not) put into her head. I really hope that women out there are Not changing their HAIR to please a man especially if she has to look at herself in the mirror every morning KNOWING that is not what she REALLY wanted.

**Sigh**

I figured that my statement would get misconstrued...

Bascially, all I was saying was that I believe that people like to feel attractive in general. Me personally? I have never *tried* to change for any man. As I've come of age, I feel like if they can't see the real me on their own merit, then it ain't for them to see.

Funny thing is, I'm the most low maintenence woman you'd ever like to meet. I only *spruce myself up* because I work on a private jet with VIP's two weeks a month and it's required per my company manual.

I also live in Miami where the men do not hide the fact that they are looking for covergirl material. I've never checked for them just like they've never checked for me. I like my men with depth and maturity. I wear what I feel comfy in which are jeans flip flops and clear lipgloss. Down here, you gotta come correct, but fortunately for me, I work too much and have my own thing going on to be concerned.

NOW-- If I really gave a damn and wanted to be down, then I would cop a 16" weave, stilletos, sexy eye make up and go post up at Wet Willie's on Ocean Dr. I've never done that and I don't plan on it either

I like to look good for my man. That's all I'm saying. He loves me fresh faced, and low maintained. And the great thing about it is.............

SO DO I!!!

Like Lauryn said earlier, if he likes what you love it's a bonus, right?

Sorry for the rambling.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

I want to add my own personal experiences:

I know my hair and I know what my husband likes as far as the style of my hair. I love buns,my husband HATES them! Does it stop me from wearing them? Nope, because I really like buns. They are protective to me, quick and easy and seem to be the only style I can really get right I've explained to hubby that while I don't want to make it seem that I don't care about his opinion, I have to do what's best for me and my hair and wearing it out most of the time is not best for me. I guess after awhile of noticing my hair trends (wearing hair out, but by the end of the day, there I am looking like a wild woman ) he has backed off. He's not the one who has to deal with tangles, thickness, styling, washing etc- he only has to worry about what he claims are split ends on his head.

 

[Ebonygurl00]

I'd NEVER go to extremes just to get a man to like me. I do admit that when I go to school, I wear a headband with my bun so I look at least a *little* feminine. I'm going natural because I want to, and if men don't like it, that's too bad for them!!

 

[leleepop]

I dont. I base my decisions on what I feel about my own hair and if my DH loves it thats a bonus. I have always been like this. Although on a date night I would do something he perfers, because it makes for a fun evening lol.

 

[MzOptimistic]

I belive in most cases YES. It matters to me what my husband thinks, and while I know he prefers me with shorter hair, I find that the longer my hair gets he always telling me how beautiful I am and other people are constantly telling me "Your husband told me you were growing your hair long", so i know he likes it.

I recently bought a phony pony and he mentioned that he hated that false hair so I returned it, because I do want to be attractive to him. Also, I know he wants to get a tatoo, I hate tatoos, and I know he will not get one because of how I feel.

My SO hates weaves and micros BUT I still wore micros...I'm not going to let him dictate how I wear my hair...this fool (my SO) has two ear rings (hoops) in his ear and he knows that I do not like it but he still wears them so if he can't stop doing something that I dislike...why in the heck should I worry about what he likes...

 

[MzOptimistic]

If you're going to call out one thing, then you might as well call it all out

Have you ever lost weight for just yourself, or have you also done it to please your mate/lover? I lost weight to please myself....I have always been 130-135 lbs I am now 146 and want to be back down to 140;

Do u apply make up only to please yourself? I do not wear makeup

Do you style your hair, whether it be natural, culy perm, locks, relaxed only to please yourself? Yes I style my hair to please myself

Do you wear nice clothing to work, to the club, to social events, only to please yourself? I wear nice clothing to please myself..I mean who wants to go outside looking like whodidandwhy

And last but not least, do you really think that you would go through all of the trouble to look good if you were the only human being on earth? Cross that bridge when I get to it...

Nope, I seriously doubt it.

My point is, we live in a world where we care about others opinions. People might throw out the "Man, I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look" ra-ra all they want, but that's bulls**t to me. You care about how look to your man/husband, whatever. Who doesn't want to look attractive for their SO? Shoot, people like to look "attractive" period. Isn't that why most of us are here? I really don't dress or wear my hair a certain way for no one other than myself...but the topic here was in regards to hair styles being long or short...and I perfer to wear my hair long for my own personal reason.

I don't think there is not one woman on this board who has not done something beauty wise to themselves to attract the opposite (or even the same) sex at some point in their lives

maybe when I was a teenager but I am a grown woman know and I do what Tanya likes and no one else...

 

[Tene]

I do whatever to my hair I really don't care about what a man thinks.

 

[Enchantmt]

Miss Jetsetter, I understood where you were coming from.

I worry about it, but I didnt realize how much until I decided to transition. In the past it was never an issue. In fact, when I was relaxed it never occurred to me that someone WOULDNT like my hair. Men liked however I wore it, and I loved to have it played in. Going natural and reading others experiences, it made me worry, but I went through with it anyway. I've written before, folx werent happy with my decision. I would like to think had I a SO at the time I still would have done it, but I'm not so sure. Especially at the odd lengths, before I could pull it back into a pony tail. I was still somewhat unsure, so if I had had a SO who didnt like it I probably would have caved and gotten a relaxer again. I cant say that I will never relax again, I've toyed with the idea, but now that my hair is becoming a good friend again, if I were to, it would be my decision based on what I wanted. Now that I have had several good experiences with my hair and I know more what it can and cant do, I would be able to confidently stand my ground. I'm still style challenged, but that will come in time. Besides, at this point, if I meet someone, I'm already natural and I assume if the whole package wasnt attractive they wouldnt have approached in the first place.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

Miss Jetsetter, I understood where you were coming from.

I worry about it, but I didnt realize how much until I decided to transition. In the past it was never an issue. In fact, when I was relaxed it never occurred to me that someone WOULDNT like my hair. Men liked however I wore it, and I loved to have it played in. Going natural and reading others experiences, it made me worry, but I went through with it anyway. I've written before, folx werent happy with my decision. I would like to think had I a SO at the time I still would have done it, but I'm not so sure. Especially at the odd lengths, before I could pull it back into a pony tail. I was still somewhat unsure, so if I had had a SO who didnt like it I probably would have caved and gotten a relaxer again. I cant say that I will never relax again, I've toyed with the idea, but now that my hair is becoming a good friend again, if I were to, it would be my decision based on what I wanted. Now that I have had several good experiences with my hair and I know more what it can and cant do, I would be able to confidently stand my ground. I'm still style challenged, but that will come in time. Besides, at this point, if I meet someone, I'm already natural and I assume if the whole package wasnt attractive they wouldnt have approached in the first place.

Glad to see someone does Enchantment...

If you guys want to take my comment on the topic LITERALLY, then feel free to do so. If you want to quote it, answer all the questions and state that you're grown... hey knock yourself out. I was merely attempting to make a point that was obviously missed.

No where in this thread did I ever say that I or anyone else should change who they are and what they represent to please a man.

All I was saying was LET'S KEEP IT REAL and acknowledge the fact that some (not all) of the decisions that we've made AT SOME POINT IN OUR LIVES have been based on how we thought others may have percieved us.

It doesn't make you a bad person, ya know.


Anyway, a shout out to all the confident and PERFECT individuals who've always done everything in their lives for themselves and never gave a damn about what anyone else had to say.

And a shout out to Kanye West who said "We're all self concious--I'm just the first to admit it" on his song 'When it all falls down"

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Like Lauryn said earlier, if he likes what you love it's a bonus, right?

Right which is what I also stated in my post. I wear things for me and if men likeit too than that is a plus...but it's about me first.

Back to the topic....

But if he likes it and ordinarily the woman doesn't but she does is it JUST to GET a man or PLEASE her and and SHE doesn't love it/like it...then she is changing for a man.

 

[glamazon386]

Glad to see someone does Enchantment...

If you guys want to take my comment on the topic LITERALLY, then feel free to do so. If you want to quote it, answer all the questions and state that you're grown... hey knock yourself out. I was merely attempting to make a point that was obviously missed.

No where in this thread did I ever say that I or anyone else should change who they are and what they represent to please a man.

All I was saying was LET'S KEEP IT REAL and acknowledge the fact that some (not all) of the decisions that we've made AT SOME POINT IN OUR LIVES have been based on how we thought others may have percieved us.

It doesn't make you a bad person, ya know.


Anyway, a shout out to all the confident and PERFECT individuals who've always done everything in their lives for themselves and never gave a damn about what anyone else had to say.

And a shout out to Kanye West who said "We're all self concious--I'm just the first to admit it" on his song 'When it all falls down"

It's okay MissJettSetter, I got your point. And I'll admit that I'm on the market for a man and I do dress up when I go out for the sake of the male population. Now of course I wear what I like and feel comfortable in, but I do keep in mind that I never know who I meet while I'm out and about and I need to look my best. But on days when I go to work, please believe I go bare faced in a shirt, jeans and flip flops and keep it moving. I have to leave too early in the morning to try to be cute. That and I work in a warehouse and it aint no men in there to be trying to impress anyway. Nobody even realizes I'm back there in the computer room all day.

 

[Poohbear]

...I thought nothing about what men would think about me once I'd gone natural. I was concerned about knowing how to style my short natural hair, but not about how I would appeal to men... I honestly went natural because it was what I wanted to do for myself...

Same here!!!!!!

 

[mkstar826]

i base my decisions on how i feel only. i'm lucky enough to have had relationships with men who weren't really that concerned with my hair to the point of telling me what styles they don't like. seems like when my hair is looking the craziest, my SO tells me it looks cute and i look at him like he's on crack i guess i have just never had to deal with it, but for the sake of the conversation, if a guy did have a problem with a certain style or it being natural, he'd have to get over it because it's my hair, my decisions. to me things like hair and personal style aren't someone else's business like that.

 

[Poohbear]

I think looking attractive and carrying yourself well, and feeling good about how you look is different than making a CHANGE SPECIFICALLY to please a man, especially when it's something you DON'T REALLY want to do for yourself.

I WON'T do anything to myself that I won't be happy about when I look into the mirror. That's just me. If a man told me he'd prefer my hair straight, or wanted me to have bigger boobs, or likes size 2's, there is NO WAY IN HELL l will I make that change to please him.

I agree with so1913!!!

Me personally, I've never TRIED to look good or attractive to any man. I realize that men like different things, they all don't like the same thing: Some like short hair, some like long hair, some like straight hair, some like nappy hair, some like thin women, some like thick women, some like makeup, some like no makeup...and some like other men! LOL!

So it is naive to say that people who don't care what others think about their appearance are bull***ting. Who are you to say that just because it's contrary to your opinion? And it doesn't mean they're in denial and it doesn't mean they're perfect, it's just life. All women are different and all women think differently and all women feel differently and have different preferences...we are not the same.

 

[mkstar826]

I agree with so1913!!!

Me personally, I've never TRIED to look good or attractive to any man. I realize that men like different things, they all don't like the same thing: Some like short hair, some like long hair, some like straight hair, some like nappy hair, some like thin women, some like thick women, some like makeup, some like no makeup...and some like other men! LOL!

So it is naive to say that people who don't care what others think about their appearance are bull***ting. Who are you to say that just because it's contrary to your opinion? And it doesn't mean they're in denial and it doesn't mean they're perfect, it's just life. All women are different and all women think differently and all women feel differently and have different preferences...we are not the same.

ITA w/ both of you.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

I agree with so1913!!!

Me personally, I've never TRIED to look good or attractive to any man. I realize that men like different things, they all don't like the same thing: Some like short hair, some like long hair, some like straight hair, some like nappy hair, some like thin women, some like thick women, some like makeup, some like no makeup...and some like other men! LOL!

So it is naive to say that people who don't care what others think about their appearance are bull***ting. Who are you to say that just because it's contrary to your opinion? And it doesn't mean they're in denial and it doesn't mean they're perfect, it's just life. All women are different and all women think differently and all women feel differently and have different preferences...we are not the same.

And most men are bald!!!

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

I agree with so1913!!!

Me personally, I've never TRIED to look good or attractive to any man. I realize that men like different things, they all don't like the same thing: Some like short hair, some like long hair, some like straight hair, some like nappy hair, some like thin women, some like thick women, some like makeup, some like no makeup...and some like other men! LOL!

So it is naive to say that people who don't care what others think about their appearance are bull***ting. Who are you to say that just because it's contrary to your opinion? And it doesn't mean they're in denial and it doesn't mean they're perfect, it's just life. All women are different and all women think differently and all women feel differently and have different preferences...we are not the same.

Whoa Trigga!

It's just my opinion!

And yet, although I have CLEARLY STATED this in my previous posts, my comment was not to be taken literal, but just food for thought.

And it's so ironic for you to tell me "Who are you to say that just because it's contrary to your opinion?" When all I am doing is stating just that-- AN OPINION.

I swear... a chick can't avoid getting the sideways comments just because I don't roll with the crowd based on opinions... Interesting

...but that's one of the main reasons that even though I've been on this board going on 3 years, I SELDOM say too much of anything because of that very reason :\

 

[MizaniMami]

Whoa Trigga!

It's just my opinion!

And yet, although I have CLEARLY STATED this in my previous posts, my comment was not to be taken literal, but just food for thought.

And it's so ironic for you to tell me "Who are you to say that just because it's contrary to your opinion?" When all I am doing is stating just that-- AN OPINION.

I swear... a chick can't avoid getting the sideways comments just because I don't roll with the crowd based on opinions... Interesting

...but that's one of the main reasons that even though I've been on this board going on 3 years, I SELDOM say too much of anything because of that very reason :\

I honestly get your point. I honestly do. There is a guy named Frued who came up with the who idea that man's ultimate goal in life is to achieve an orgasm. Which means that everything that a man/woman do in life is to achieve sex. Now if you really think about it some of this can go along this line. I don't agree no disagree with him, but i find his whole theory intersting.

But for ME personally, I want to be attractive to men. I am young, no kids, and I still have yet to get married. I am "out on the market." If it were up to me, I will let my mustache grow out, never shave, and wear tshirts and sweats with holes in them just cause I don't care and I am lazy. BUT since I am VERY interested in attracting the opposite sex, I do what I gotta do (shave, etc...) Just keepin it real...

So in a sense, YES, I do base my decisions on men. I damn shole don't get dressed all sexual and cute at the club for no females. So why should hair be any different.


**Disclaimer, this is my opinion, I am not speaking for anyone else BUT me.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

I honestly get your point. I honestly do. There is a guy named Frued who came up with the who idea that man's ultimate goal in life is to achieve an orgasm. Which means that everything that a man/woman do in life is to achieve sex. Now if you really think about it some of this can go along this line. I don't agree no disagree with him, but i find his whole theory intersting.

But for ME personally, I want to be attractive to men. I am young, no kids, and I still have yet to get married. I am "out on the market." If it were up to me, I will let my mustache grow out, never shave, and wear tshirts and sweats with holes in them just cause I don't care and I am lazy. BUT since I am VERY interested in attracting the opposite sex, I do what I gotta do (shave, etc...) Just keepin it real...

So in a sense, YES, I do base my decisions on men. I damn shole don't get dressed all sexual and cute at the club for no females. So why should hair be any different.


**Disclaimer, this is my opinion, I am not speaking for anyone else BUT me.

Where the tomatoes at? Duck Mizani!

I know someones going to come up in here and call her shallow, right?

 

[MizaniMami]

Where the tomatoes at? Duck Mizani!

I know someones going to come up in here and call her shallow, right?

And you know call me shallow/dumb/young whatever, but it's my opinion. And like you stated there ain't NAN women is this board that hasn't done something to attract a man-whether it be makeup, weight, shoes, something!