So, do we base our hair decisions on men? *triple spinoff*

[Bublnbrnsuga]

I know women who tussle with the idea of going natural, admitting that they fear they may be seen as less attractive if they did. I've also seen natural women who decide to go back to the relaxer for several reasons, but the reason that sticks out is to be more attractive to the opposite sex. I know, I know, we make decisions to please us, but seriously, I think being attractive to the opposite sex sometimes outweigh what pleases us. Do they define some of us? What if tomorrow they felt that women with closely shaved heads were the shiznick, would we follow suit?

 

[Dannygirl]

OHHH NOO! won't catch me cutting it all off.. I love my hair and its agaist my relgion anyways.. (even though i did the BC but only to get my hair heathly again)

I've felt it before but honesty was because of oppoins of other people but I knew i had to be comfortable with MYSELF with all my nappy and short glory.. so i knew i had to do what I got to do! and I'm happy with the cut and I'm finding so much out about my natrual hair texture and how beautiful it is... only thinng ive wanted was length but other then that I love my natrual hair if it wasn;t for my desire for length i dout id even perm it!

 

[so1913]

Nope.....but that may be why I'm as single as the come (and have been that way for a loooooong time, lol)


There were plenty of times during my college years where I'd grow my hair long, cut it to a medium chin length bob and guys would be in shock "why'd you cut your hair???" It always looked good, but for some reason I was "known" for my hair. Even after those "minor" cuts, I went to the extreme and cut it all off to a cropped/shaved and tapered in the back cut (which I knew would cause a big stir) why? Because I wanted to. I knew when I did it I'd get comments from everyone, especially my male friends about the change, but my decision wasn't based on what they prefer. I wanted to try a short do, I had never had one. I still rocked it! And guys liked it, BUT like ya'll said, guys have a facination with long hair. I may do it again one day, some of these twa's I've been seeing (especially one of my friends who recently went natural and did a BC) got me feenin' a short do!

 

[Cheleigh]

I'm guessing that we do, just like men "used" to do a generation or two ago. Now a lot of black men adorn themselves to please themselves, and the women are totally on board with it, I guess, so whatever. erplexed

I admit though, that I thought nothing about what men would think about me once I'd gone natural. I was concerned about knowing how to style my short natural hair, but not about how I would appeal to men. It wasn't until I joined hair boards that I discovered that I was supposed to be concerned about it. I honestly went natural because it was what I wanted to do for myself.

Ironically, it was a man I was casually dating who really lit the fire under me to transition. He was a part of the black bourgeois (artsy type), and he'd mentioned to me that I was the first permie (yes he used permie) that he'd dated since the late 80s. I was already toying with transitioning, but he gave me the extra push I needed to move forward.

 

[PaperClip]

I know women who tussle with the idea of going natural, admitting that they fear they may be seen as less attractive if they did. I've also seen natural women who decide to go back to the relaxer for several reasons, but the reason that sticks out is to be more attractive to the opposite sex. I know, I know, we make decisions to please us, but seriously, I think being attractive to the opposite sex sometimes outweigh what pleases us. Do they define some of us? What if tomorrow they felt that women with closely shaved heads were the shiznick, would we follow suit?

Short answer is a resounding YES!

Out of ALL the things that a woman wants (regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, class, religion, educational attainment, etc.), a woman wants ATTENTION! ATTENTION! Every single female (adult) on this planet has done SOMETHING to get a man's attention. Some of these things have been unhealthy, un/subsconscious, but nonetheless, actions specifically designed to attract a man's attention. If I had been in a relationship when I decided to return to my natural hair texture, I might not have done it because my husband's attitude, perceptions, and likes/dislikes would matter to me (I'm still waiting for this part of my life to begin).

It has crossed my mind that since I am now wearing my hair natural, maybe I have further reduced my opportunities to attract the opposite sex (Sigh). I know a lot of this angst is connected to my own confidence and self-esteem.

 

[Radianthealth]

YES

Men.... and society. I'd love to shave my head bald on a daily basis, but I know how much femininity and finding a good mate has to do with how you look, and your hair has to do with how you look.

Unfortunately I don't make society's beauty standard...but I have to live in society so I am affected to some extent.

 

[cmw45]

Nope.....but that may be why I'm as single as the come


There were plenty of times during my college years where I'd grow my hair long, cut it to a medium chin length bob and guys would be in shock "why'd you cut your hair???" It always looked good, but for some reason I was "known" for my hair. Even after those "minor" cuts, I went to the extreme and cut it all off to a cropped/shaved and tapered in the back cut (which I knew would cause a big stir) why?. Because I wanted to. I knew when I did it I'd get comments from everyone, especially my male friends about the change, but my decision wasn't based on what they prefer. I wanted to try a short do, I had never had one. I still rocked it! I may do it again one day, some of these twa's I've been seeing (especially one of my friends who recently went natural and did a BC) got me feenin' a short do!

ITA. As a side note...I've also kinda always felt that if a brotha (or whoever) is really only stepping to you because of what your hair looks like, than I really don't need to be with him anyway. I mean really, God forbid I get cancer and survive without my hair. What, I won't be your woman anymore. Pluhease. I really am really too young and too smart to be wasting time on a man who can not get on my level.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Nope.....but that may be why I'm as single as the come


There were plenty of times during my college years where I'd grow my hair long, cut it to a medium chin length bob and guys would be in shock "why'd you cut your hair???" It always looked good, but for some reason I was "known" for my hair. Even after those "minor" cuts, I went to the extreme and cut it all off to a cropped/shaved and tapered in the back cut (which I knew would cause a big stir) why? Because I wanted to. I knew when I did it I'd get comments from everyone, especially my male friends about the change, but my decision wasn't based on what they prefer. I wanted to try a short do, I had never had one. I still rocked it! And guys liked it, BUT like ya'll said, guys have a facination with long hair. I may do it again one day, some of these twa's I've been seeing (especially one of my friends who recently went natural and did a BC) got me feenin' a short do!

I'm coming to you like a mamma. Babygirl, there's nothing wrong with being single! I think you are a fierce, hot thang (you are not a thang, but you know where I am coming from) and if you won't assimilate to get a man, SO BE IT!!! You know, if you hadn't mentioned your singlehood before, I would've thought you were in a relationship, just dating, or playing the field.

 

[Radianthealth]

I think it is extremely sad that some Black men have an issue with natural hair...I had a friend of mine whose Husband said that he wouldn't "let" her go natural...WTH

I think a lot of men also want to go after the "mainstream" beauty because they want their friends to be impressed by the fact that they have a mate that looks like someone from a music video or fashion magazine.

 

[so1913]

I'm coming to you like a mamma. Babygirl, there's nothing wrong with being single! I think you are a fierce, hot thang (you are not a thang, but you know where I am coming from) and if you won't assimilate to get a man, SO BE IT!!! You know, if you hadn't mentioned your singlehood before, I would've thought you were in a relationship, just dating, or playing the field.

Hahahah, I'm overly independent and strong minded, and have VERY low tolerence and patience for BS. That's not working out to well for me, LOL!

Back on topic....

 

[so1913]

I think it is extremely sad that some Black men have an issue with natural hair...I had a friend of mine whose Husband said that he wouldn't "let" her go natural...WTH

I think a lot of men also want to go after the "mainstream" beauty because they want their friends to be impressed by the fact that they have a mate that looks like someone from a music video or fashion magazine.

HELLO?!?! And I will NOT be that chick!!! Why would a woman want a man like that in their life? Playing the roll of a trophy??? That's not cool...I had a guy make the comment "I can't wait to bring you to this party so all my boys can see you on my arm.." Uhhhhh, No. Ask me if I went? We sacrifice way to much of ourselves to please men.

 

[Aveena]

Short answer... YES. I've done it.

 

[dlewis]

I belive in most cases YES. It matters to me what my husband thinks, and while I know he prefers me with shorter hair, I find that the longer my hair gets he always telling me how beautiful I am and other people are constantly telling me "Your husband told me you were growing your hair long", so i know he likes it.

I recently bought a phony pony and he mentioned that he hated that false hair so I returned it, because I do want to be attractive to him. Also, I know he wants to get a tatoo, I hate tatoos, and I know he will not get one because of how I feel.

 

[Radianthealth]

So1913

I think I saw you in a video the otha night...You are soo pretty with or without a relaxer...There are tons of crazy men out there and you probably just don't settle

 

[so1913]

So1913

I think I saw you in a video the otha night...You are soo pretty with or without a relaxer...There are tons of crazy men out there and you probably just don't settle

LOL, was that a joke or are you serious?

 

[MzOptimistic]

No, I would not cut my hair off...I personally love long hair....and I really don't try to keep up with the jones...I do me...that's it and that's all folx...

 

[Dannygirl]

LOL, was that a joke or are you serious?

.. and then it comes out...:-o

 

[Radianthealth]

LOL, was that a joke or are you serious?

I jus kidding!

But I bet I could find a picture of some fashion model that looks like you

 

[breezy]

I belive in most cases YES. It matters to me what my husband thinks, and while I know he prefers me with shorter hair, I find that the longer my hair gets he always telling me how beautiful I am and other people are constantly telling me "Your husband told me you were growing your hair long", so i know he likes it.

I recently bought a phony pony and he mentioned that he hated that false hair so I returned it, because I do want to be attractive to him. Also, I know he wants to get a tatoo, I hate tatoos, and I know he will not get one because of how I feel.

This is how it is for me. DH rarely comments on anything I do w/ my hair, but he hates weaves, phony ponies, and anything fake. I would love to get a swe in to help grow my hair out, but I know he'd hate it so I don't even bother. That's the one way I've let him influence my hair decision. He doesn't care, short or long, relaxed or natural, it's just gotta be real

 

[so1913]

I jus kidding!

But I bet I could find a picture of some fashion model that looks like you

Oh please! I thought you were talking about some random video recording somebody got me in the streets or something *wipes sweat from forehead* I'm out and about so much, some one could be filming me acting a fool and me not know it!!!

And fashion model??? you REALLY may have some trouble with that one.

 

[so1913]

So lady's that do change their appearance for a man's sake, are you usually happy with the change for yourself as well, or is it something you "suck up" to please him?

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

I know women who tussle with the idea of going natural, admitting that they fear they may be seen as less attractive if they did. I've also seen natural women who decide to go back to the relaxer for several reasons, but the reason that sticks out is to be more attractive to the opposite sex. I know, I know, we make decisions to please us, but seriously, I think being attractive to the opposite sex sometimes outweigh what pleases us. Do they define some of us? What if tomorrow they felt that women with closely shaved heads were the shiznick, would we follow suit?

If you're going to call out one thing, then you might as well call it all out

Have you ever lost weight for just yourself, or have you also done it to please your mate/lover?

Do u apply make up only to please yourself?

Do you style your hair, whether it be natural, culy perm, locks, relaxed only to please yourself?

Do you wear nice clothing to work, to the club, to social events, only to please yourself?

And last but not least, do you really think that you would go through all of the trouble to look good if you were the only human being on earth?

Nope, I seriously doubt it.

My point is, we live in a world where we care about others opinions. People might throw out the "Man, I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look" ra-ra all they want, but that's bulls**t to me. You care about how look to your man/husband, whatever. Who doesn't want to look attractive for their SO? Shoot, people like to look "attractive" period. Isn't that why most of us are here?

I don't think there is not one woman on this board who has not done something beauty wise to themselves to attract the opposite (or even the same) sex at some point in their lives

 

[so1913]

If you're going to call out one thing, then you might as well call it all out

Have you ever lost weight for just yourself, or have you also done it to please your mate/lover?

Do u apply make up only to please yourself?

Do you style your hair, whether it be natural, culy perm, locks, relaxed only to please yourself?

Do you wear nice clothing to work, to the club, to social events, only to please yourself?

And last but not least, do you really think that you would go through all of the trouble to look good if you were the only human being on earth?

Nope, I seriously doubt it.

My point is, we live in a world where we care about others opinions. People might throw out the "Man, I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look" ra-ra all they want, but that's bulls**t to me. You care about how look to your man/husband, whatever. Who doesn't want to look attractive for their SO? Shoot, people like to look "attractive" period. Isn't that why most of us are here?

I don't think there is not one woman on this board who has not done something beauty wise to themselves to attract the opposite (or even the same) sex at some point in their lives

I think looking attractive and carrying yourself well, and feeling good about how you look is different than making a CHANGE SPECIFICALLY to please a man, especially when it's something you DON'T REALLY want to do for yourself.

I WON'T do anything to myself that I won't be happy about when I look into the mirror. That's just me. If a man told me he'd prefer my hair straight, or wanted me to have bigger boobs, or likes size 2's, there is NO WAY IN HELL l will I make that change to please him.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

If you're going to call out one thing, then you might as well call it all out

Have you ever lost weight for just yourself, or have you also done it to please your mate/lover?

Do u apply make up only to please yourself?

Do you style your hair, whether it be natural, culy perm, locks, relaxed only to please yourself?

Do you wear nice clothing to work, to the club, to social events, only to please yourself?

And last but not least, do you really think that you would go through all of the trouble to look good if you were the only human being on earth?

Nope, I seriously doubt it.

My point is, we live in a world where we care about others opinions. People might throw out the "Man, I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look" ra-ra all they want, but that's bulls**t to me. You care about how look to your man/husband, whatever. Who doesn't want to look attractive for their SO? Shoot, people like to look "attractive" period. Isn't that why most of us are here?

I don't think there is not one woman on this board who has not done something beauty wise to themselves to attract the opposite (or even the same) sex at some point in their lives

Okay, but this topic is based on HAIR decisions made to please the opposite sex. If someone says that they don't care about others opinions, who am I say they are lying simply because the majority do seem to care?
I am pretty sure you had a point, but the way you came off was abrasive.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

Okay, but this topic is based on hair decisions made to please the opposite sex. If someone says that they don't care about others opinions, who am I say they are lying simply because the majority do seem to care?
I am pretty sure you had a point, but the way you came off was abrasive.

Too me it's just all one in the same. Hair, skin, nails, teeth, clothes... no matter which way you cut it, it all deals with your overall appearence.

 

[dlewis]

So lady's that do change their appearance for a man's sake, are you usually happy with the change for yourself as well, or is it something you "suck up" to please him?

I wouldn't call it sucking up, I only change things I'm willing and feel comfortable with changing. My husband would love for me to lose weight, I don't think that gonna happen any time soon.

 

[Miss_Jetsetter]

I think looking attractive and carrying yourself well, and feeling good about how you look is different than making a CHANGE SPECIFICALLY to please a man, especially when it's something you DON'T REALLY want to do for yourself.

I WON'T do anything to myself that I won't be happy about when I look into the mirror. That's just me. If a man told me he'd prefer my hair straight, or wanted me to have bigger boobs, or likes size 2's, there is NO WAY IN HELL l will I make that change to please him.

No, I would never expect you to do something so drastic.

But say you like to wear your hair in three styles. In a high ponytail, in a side ponytail and a low ponytail. If your SO was like "Babe, I really love when you wear your hair in that side ponytail...you look soo beautiful!"

With me, although I love wearing all 3 hairstyles, I'm probably more likely to wear the side ponytail since my sweetie says that's what he likes.

 

[JustKiya]

Ya know, I really don't think it matters.

I've been natural all my life (except for a brief period in college - and that was when I actually got the LEAST attention from men) as WELL as overweight all my life, and I have NEVER had any complaints about the amount of interest I get from the opposite sex.

If a man ignores my intelligence, my kindness, my spirit and the grace with which I carry myself because I'm packing a couple of extra pounds or have short/no hair - he ain't worthy of none of THIS anyhow.

I KNOW my self worth, and it ain't based on my hair, my weight, my clothes, or whether I'm wearing makeup or not - that's just the surface stuff. And anyone who cannot see, appreciate, and acknowledge that, ain't worth ME fretting myself over - I'm sure they'll find somebody as shallow as they are to kick it with.

Do I respect what my husband thinks of my looks? Sometimes - it depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm rocking an outfit that I feel FIRE in, and he gives me the 'look' - I'll reconsider it, but unless I'm going out WITH him, 9 out of 10 times, I'mma walk out the door with just what I have on. Does he care if I cut my hair off?? *LOL* Actually, we made a deal long long ago that my hair would never be shorter than his, so that's out by word of honor. Otherwise - he appreciates ME enough to be able to accept the outlandish temporary stuff I do to myself (like go blond!!)

 

[Aveena]

So lady's that do change their appearance for a man's sake, are you usually happy with the change for yourself as well, or is it something you "suck up" to please him?

I originally went natural to rediscover myself. I actually didn't have a problem with my hair at the time other than my ex-SO telling me not to cut it off all the time. But, I did always wanted to see what it was like to have short natural hair so AFTER we broke up I did it.

Then I discovered that I liked my hair longer better. It just so happens that men like it too. ?? I don't think I'm sucking up. I just like the look. I wouldn't CUT my hair for anyone!!! but I would wear different things (heels, dresses if requested) I LIKE wearing that stuff... it's not to much to wear the red dress as opposed to the black..? That's how I look at it. I'm not changing my personality or anything. . .

 

[B_Phlyy]

I do think that some women base their hair decisions on men, but I don't. I will admit that when I first cut my hair, it was to please my mom, but I kept it short because I wanted to. Right now, I'm transitioning and the decision was based on what I want to do with my hair right now.