Sis in-law + relax my 5yr old hair = update

[syze6]

Hey Ladies,

Thanks for your responses. I am going to let the relaxer grow out. She had the nerve to apply a motions relaxer. I took her to my stylist and she went through her hair. My stylist showed me where she had did a horrible job relaxing it. It is straight at the roots and down the hair shaft to the ends puffy and thick. Some parts are straighter than others. I asked my Kahla if her scalped burned, she said it itched. I don't know if she knows the difference. My daughter's hair sits right below bra strap when pressed out. Yes, my sis in-law has a daughter who stayed with her grandmom for the summer. The grandmom called my sis in-law to ask her if it was ok to texturize her hair. can you believe this 44yr old grandmom even showed enough respect to ask her daughter before she did something to the grandchild's hair. I found this out from her mother.This was before she relaxed my daughter's hair

I was pissed and am still pissed.

Her mom said she don't know what she was thinking! She said she hated I got physical but she understood. She just continued to apologize to me over and over. I realize that violence is not the answer and two wrongs don't make a right. But two wrongs made me feel a whole lot better at the time

To sunday or sundayschild what exactly is GHETTO? I'm sure you would have done the same thing if it were your child. At the time I thought it was right. Black people kill me calling each other GHETTO and you wonder why our community is as it

? Please...Ghetto is calling another ghetto

If Ghetto is as Ghetto does let me asure you when it came to my sis in-law and my daughter's hair. I did it well

 

[sassygirl125]

I'm glad you're okay. You didn't reply and I thought your sil had you arrested! There is no lhcf in the pokey, yanno?

I'm sorry to hear that your daughters hair was jacked up. At least if it were properly processed the growing out would be easier.

I'm sure you'll work it out, though.

 

[bitesized79]

Poor thing! I hope that your little girl's scalp is alright. You did a good thing by taking her to your stylist so that she could check her hair. Did she give you any advice as far as how to take care of it in the mean time while it is growing out (you know, some extra tlc)? It's just a durn shame what happened.

Some people just have to learn the hard way, and unfortunately (even though I personally don't condone violence) that butt kicking you handed out to your sis in-law will definately teach her a lesson. I bet she won't do it again to anybody else's child!

 

[alibi]

[ QUOTE ]
syze6 said:
I realize that violence is not the answer and two wrongs don't make a right. But two wrongs made me feel a whole lot better at the time

[/ QUOTE ]

Girl I would have done the same sh*t. And I bet that ***** will think twice before she even looks in the direction of your daughters hair! That mess was wrong and she knows it! I know you must get pissed every time you look at it!!! And don't worry about being called ghetto, hell sometimes words just aren't enough to express our extreme displeasure at a situation!

Just remember to always have a good criminal defense attorney programmed in your cell. I think I may know of one or two, so PM me if you need to!

 

[pookeylou]

I wanted to know what happened. I am glad you were able to talk to her mother and find out some more details.

My hidden suspicion is that she was dying to see your daughters "real" length. She couldnt control her curiosity. She just used something permanant and dangerous on a baby to see it. She had no right.

Glad you aint in jail girlfriend. I would have started a telethon on three hair forums for you if you did end up there tho.

 

[IrisDaVirus]

I ain't mad at you girl. In fact, I tip my hat to you for sharing your story. I wish it didn't come to violence, but she went out of bounds and THEN SOME. My strongest advice is to seriously think twice about letting your sis-in-law keep your child. If she was stupid enough to something to your daughter's hair without your permission, she's stupid enough to do it again.

ETA - I don't view what you did as being "ghetto". I view what you did as a reminder that doing something to a child without the parent's permission is like swimming in shark-infested waters. When it comes to a child's best interests, the "two wrongs don't make a right" ideology is non-existent to some parents. In other words, if you do something to a child that the parent disapproves of (and without that parent's consent), be prepared for some serious repercussions. I know that can be an ugly way of looking at things for some people, but that's the nature of the beast.

 

[patience]

I'm glad that things worked out for you. I'm not an advocate for violence, but I DO understand the loss of temper...she was straight up wrong for that.

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

Syze6
I am glad that you came back to give us an update. All of us had your back when we read what happened. I am not a fighter but I would have had to throw some blows that day too! I saw SundaysChild post last night and I did not even respond because she obviously hasn't been in a situation where someone has done something to your child. If speaking up for myself and defending my child constitutes Ghetto, then I am one Ghetto chick! As mother's we defend them when they are defenseless.

 

[bocagirl]

So what did your brother say about the whole thing?

 

[Falon]

Hey, if your ghetto than add me to the list of ghetto people because I would have done the same exact thing. I mean it takes a few years to obtain bra-strap length hair and for her to go and ruin it is reason enough to kick her butt. What if all of your daughters hair had fallen out? It could have happened. So, sorry to hear about your babies hair trouble but with a mommy who is up on hair care you will have her hair back into shape in no time.

 

[Tai]

I don't advocate violence either but she was dead wrong. Regardless of the intention, you don't do anything like that to someone's child without permission.
Baby your little girl's scalp and let the relaxer grow out. Everything will be okay in awhile. You know what you're doing and her hair will be back to normal soon.

 

[pookeylou]

I am certainly not for rage and violence either...but I totally understand the reaction.

I wonder if some would be quick to call you "ghetto" if the relaxer had gotten in the babies eyes and burned her eyeball. Or if the relaxer system she got off the shelf at Walmart, which had been sitting there for 6 months caused a reaction to the childs sensitive skin and caused a 2nd or 3rd degree burn. Imagine visiting your baby when you got back from vacation in a hospital! With her head bandaged up and the SIL standing at her side...looking like "I dont know WHY that happened?!?" Dont let her say something like, "I think the baby was scratching her scalp and THATS why the burn was so bad!"...see if that wouldnt cause you to snap then!

"Ghetto" is a term that really needs to be eliminated. It is a classist or eliteist term...similar to "white trash" or "Bama". It is used to set yourself apart as better from members of your own race.

A better way of viewing the situation is that the Mothers rage was justified anger...but there was a better way of expressing it instead of hitting the woman.

Maybe holding her head in a sink and adding a relaxer to her hair and leaving it on there for an hour is a better way of handling it...sorry, couldnt help myself. No a better way would be talk to her firmly. Of course you may not feel as VINDICATED by talking with her...but you have kept your dignity, you've made your point to your SIL and you have set an example for your daughter.

The SIL will reap what she sows...it is hard to wait for that to happen sometimes. But believe me...when the vindication happens in its own due time...it is much, much sweeter.

Your daughters hair will be fine. Keep taking care of it. That to me will be the sweeter revenge...your daughters hair florishing and growing and getting thicker after all the damage is undone...and then seeing your SIL hair...or hairs...well you know how it goes down.

Dont sweat it chica.

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

Don't sweat someone telling you "violence is not the answer" who has obviously not been through the same situation. If the thoughts were there, might as well go ahead and do it.

Did I say that?

Putting chemicals on a young girl's hair - that's potentially life-threatening. No strand test, etc. Come on, now. Living with allergies, having been hospitalized - MY natural reaction is to "kill" the offender because allergies can KILL. It would have taken a supernatural force for me to walk out of the room without planting a few smacks. I'm not ordinarily a violent person, but I see red when someone merely LIES to my child so I am seriously going to have be prayed up if someone physically harmed my child. She didn't know whether the child had been scratching, etc. And any stylist will tell you that it takes 2 applications to do virgin hair. First you do the ends of the hair. THEN you get to the roots. No way you can do a good job with that much hair in one application. If she had done it the proper way, it wouldn't even take that long for it to grow out, but she was just DUMB.

I'm getting worked up again, so I'm going to say it again. Stay away from her for a looooooooong time. Lead yourself not into temptation.

 

[SoniT]

Thanks for the follow-up. She put Motions in your baby's hair?

Violence is not always the best approach, HOWEVER, I definitely understand you!

 

[JenniferMD]

Thanks for coming back with an update. I'm glad you're going to let the relaxer grow out. Everything will be OK now and I think it's fair to say that your SIL has learned her lesson and if you ever leave your daughter with her again she'll be calling you to see if it's alright to put milk in her cereal. LOL!

 

[lsubabiedee]

Thanks for coming back to update us. I too was worried when I saw that you didnt respond yesterday.

Sorry that ur daughter's hair wasnt processed correctly, but it could have been worse.
Now, you take care of her hair AND yourself! No more boxing, aight?!

 

[sundayschild]

"I wonder if some would be quick to call you "ghetto" if the relaxer had gotten in the babies eyes and burned her eyeball. Or if the relaxer system she got off the shelf at Walmart, which had been sitting there for 6 months caused a reaction to the childs sensitive skin and caused a 2nd or 3rd degree burn. Imagine visiting your baby when you got back from vacation in a hospital! With her head bandaged up and the SIL standing at her side...looking like "I dont know WHY that happened?!?" Dont let her say something like, "I think the baby was scratching her scalp and THATS why the burn was so bad!"...see if that wouldnt cause you to snap then"


....but that's not what happened.

yes, the sil over stepped her bounds. but it is incumbent to respond intelligently to even unintelligent behavior. jump on your supervior, your next door neighbor (since this is the way YOU resolve conflict)and your brother, and daughter will be visitng you or trying to bail you out of cook county jail. it amazes me that so many AA's swear they read and live by the bible, praise jesus all day everyday and THEN, THEN when challenged, resort to violence and feel justified.

Chicago,murder captial of the US, no wonder, our 18-35 years old are learning violence is the answer from their parents. I cannot imagine having the teremity to brag about it. Ask YOUR preacher what is the best way to have handled this.

I stand by my earlier comment. it was "GHETTO, low life" behavior. the fact that so many justified it shows why we statistically are so bad off.

 

[Bobbie]

We can set an example by starting with ourselves. I don't think it's right to advocate unity among blacks and yet in the next breath you are insulting her. That's being hypocritical.

 

[bajangal]

'Low life'.

OK. That was a bit uncalled for.

 

[MrsQueeny]

I was just reading your original post and was wondering about an update. I am in the process of growing out my daughters relaxer and you can PM me and I will give you some tips. I am so sorry this happened. Take care and GOD BLESS!!! Q

 

[pookeylou]

[ QUOTE ]
sundayschild said:
"I wonder if some would be quick to call you "ghetto" if the relaxer had gotten in the babies eyes and burned her eyeball. Or if the relaxer system she got off the shelf at Walmart, which had been sitting there for 6 months caused a reaction to the childs sensitive skin and caused a 2nd or 3rd degree burn. Imagine visiting your baby when you got back from vacation in a hospital! With her head bandaged up and the SIL standing at her side...looking like "I dont know WHY that happened?!?" Dont let her say something like, "I think the baby was scratching her scalp and THATS why the burn was so bad!"...see if that wouldnt cause you to snap then"


....but that's not what happened.

yes, the sil over stepped her bounds. but it is incumbent to respond intelligently to even unintelligent behavior. jump on your supervior, your next door neighbor (since this is the way YOU resolve conflict)and your brother, and daughter will be visitng you or trying to bail you out of cook county jail. it amazes me that so many AA's swear they read and live by the bible, praise jesus all day everyday and THEN, THEN when challenged, resort to violence and feel justified.

Chicago,murder captial of the US, no wonder, our 18-35 years old are learning violence is the answer from their parents. I cannot imagine having the teremity to brag about it. Ask YOUR preacher what is the best way to have handled this.

I stand by my earlier comment. it was "GHETTO, low life" behavior. the fact that so many justified it shows why we statistically are so bad off.

[/ QUOTE ]

I stand by my earlier statement as well: "ghetto" is a racist, elitest term. Please dont use it in referring to your sister.

I agree with you that a more intelligent way to respond to the situation is by using intelligent words (that is why I avoid using the word "ghetto"...)

You dont encourage intelligent behavior by calling somebody "stupid".

 

[Bobbie]

[ QUOTE ]
pookeylou said:
I stand by my earlier statement as well: "ghetto" is a racist, elitest term. Please dont use it in referring to your sister.

I agree with you that a more intelligent way to respond to the situation is by using intelligent words (that is why I avoid using the word "ghetto"...)

You dont encourage intelligent behavior by calling somebody "stupid".

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly!

 

[vevster]

Okay let us stop this, cause this discussion is not going anywhere.