single women who are getting married in 2014

[CaraWalker]

well.

this is my question to you.

you are single, and you want to be married.

do you decide that this is the year youre getting married, so you find a man, and you marry him?

remember charlotte on season 3 of sex and the city?

im about this close to deciding 2014 is the year im getting married. and not a man in sight.

is this possible? forget theorizing on the longevity of said marriage.

do you think a woman can really do this? because i may be about to try.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

well. this is my question to you. you are single, and you want to be married. do you decide that this is the year youre getting married, so you find a man, and you marry him? remember charlotte on season 3 of sex and the city? im about this close to deciding 2014 is the year im getting married. and not a man in sight. is this possible? forget theorizing on the longevity of said marriage. do you think a woman can really do this? because i may be about to try.

I was just discussing this with my girl. I'm like 2014 we need to get out there! We are both homebodies and it's what has caused us to remain single all these years. Dress up look your best and go to events that will allow you to meet people who have similar interest to you. Ask close friends or family if they know anyone to introduce you to. Use your resources. There's also online dating that I would not do but if you are comfortable go for it.

 

[Lenee925]

Hmm..interesting thread with a lot of potential! Are you anticipating this being your first of a few marriages maybe? hehe


Do you have a general gameplan or just kinda winging it?

 

[CaraWalker]

Hmm..interesting thread with a lot of potential! Are you anticipating this being your first of a few marriages maybe? hehe


Do you have a general gameplan or just kinda winging it?

you know what... ive been winging it the past couple of years and it hasnt turned out too badly. accidentally ended up in relationships when i wasnt even really trying. and i think my last bf was better than the one before that - even the fact that we hate each other now is, to me, evidence of a stronger and/or more significant connection. so everything i learn from the last i improve on in the next... though i dont really know how long that can go on before ive learned enough to identify the "holy grail."

BUT. i do know i also wasted a lot of time by not having a game plan. if i had made some ground rules and stuck to them, i know i could have eliminated a lot of things that didnt go anywhere. and i have noticed how much simpler dating really by the simple expedient of knowing what you want. when i was dating not really knowing what i wanted, it was a disaster. but now i know exactly what im looking for, and it has made dismissing men that dont qualify a lot easier. i dont mean tangible things, i mean about the type of relationship i want.

so. im gonna have to have a game plan in fact, trying to figure out what that plan is is the main thing preventing me from saying with more certainty i could do this.

 

[CaraWalker]

and let me also say that im pretty sure for the majority percentage of men out there, when they decide they are ready to get married, in that year they are gonna go ahead and get married. so i dont see why a woman cant do the same thing.

 

[faithVA]

well.

this is my question to you.

you are single, and you want to be married.

do you decide that this is the year youre getting married, so you find a man, and you marry him?

remember charlotte on season 3 of sex and the city?

im about this close to deciding 2014 is the year im getting married. and not a man in sight.

is this possible? forget theorizing on the longevity of said marriage.

do you think a woman can really do this? because i may be about to try.

You should go for it. You can definitely meet the right guy and marry all in the same year. Planning the wedding may take longer And you don't have to see a way for it to happen.

 

[Lenee925]

you know what... ive been winging it the past couple of years and it hasnt turned out too badly. accidentally ended up in relationships when i wasnt even really trying. and i think my last bf was better than the one before that - even the fact that we hate each other now is, to me, evidence of a stronger and/or more significant connection. so everything i learn from the last i improve on in the next... though i dont really know how long that can go on before ive learned enough to identify the "holy grail."

BUT. i do know i also wasted a lot of time by not having a game plan. if i had made some ground rules and stuck to them, i know i could have eliminated a lot of things that didnt go anywhere. and i have noticed how much simpler dating really by the simple expedient of knowing what you want. when i was dating not really knowing what i wanted, it was a disaster. but now i know exactly what im looking for, and it has made dismissing men that dont qualify a lot easier. i dont mean tangible things, i mean about the type of relationship i want.

so. im gonna have to have a game plan in fact, trying to figure out what that plan is is the main thing preventing me from saying with more certainty i could do this.

Ahh ok gotcha.

Do you have a lot of descriptors for your ideal mate? Are you in a geographic location where you could have more of a possibly meeting him? I think knowing this will help expedite the process.

It's hard for me because my ideal mate is probably 1 out of maybe 300-500. My ideal mate to put it short, would be someone with pretty conservative values when it came to marriage and traditional gender roles (man provides w/ limited financial dependence on the wife) but with a liberal perspective on enjoying life. Weird dichotomy I know. Where I live this is not a popular mindset amongst single men. So...I need to change up what I'm doing somehow. I do meet guys like this but usually when I travel out of state/country

 

[CaraWalker]

Ahh ok gotcha.

Do you have a lot of descriptors for your ideal mate? Are you in a geographic location where you could have more of a possibly meeting him? I think knowing this will help expedite the process.

It's hard for me because my ideal mate is probably 1 out of maybe 300-500. My ideal mate to put it short, would be someone with pretty conservative values when it came to marriage and traditional gender roles (man provides w/ limited financial dependence on the wife) but with a liberal perspective on enjoying life. Weird dichotomy I know. Where I live this is not a popular mindset amongst single men. So...I need to change up what I'm doing somehow. I do meet guys like this but usually when I travel out of state/country

physical descriptors? nah. not really. the only one i really dont want to compromise on is height. and hair. id like a man taller than me with no balding/receding hair issues the hair one can be tricky because it may not be apparent at first but on height, it will just have to be as simple as not dating men who dont match up, unfortuately. luckily, i do live in a big city and dont have a problem meeting men.

so basically what youre saying is you want to be a sahw/m? and thats hard to find? hmmmm. i have to say that is not a specific upfront goal of mine. i would not mind if that came up in the future, but it is not a prerequisite. bf 1 made a little more than me; bf 2 came from money and was in a high paying field, but hadnt graduated yet. so i guess that means bf3/fh has to come from money and already be employed in his high paying field. i have to keep progressing

really i do kind of feel like the most important thing will be finding a physical match. people consider me tall for a girl, even though im only 5'8 (but i do like to wear high heels). and right now im in between but closer to a size 12 than i am to a size 9, and thats the other thing i really want to work on. i feel like i have to know if, when im the best physical person i can be, that will translate into finding the best man i can. (if it don't, i'll figure welp i look good enough must be some other stuff going on here ) but i have to try it first to find out. anyway - most of the guys i like tend to be intellectually inclined. and the guys who would look like they would match me would be jock, athletic, or gymrat types. and i dont find i have much in common with them intellectually.

i think deciding why my last 2 relationships (which were my "adult" relationsips) didnt work out is going to be key, but i cant say for sure why. i think i was too intense for bf1, and bf2 had a whole cavalcade of issues that didnt have anything to do with me. just not the right fit. but what do i contribute to that, and how can i avoid it in future?

what i try the hardest to do is let men come to me. i think my biggest problem is the men i date are not as invested in the potential of things as i can be. i date to see where things could go, and i think most guys are looking to make a snap decision on that. so if i were to eliminate any guys from the options list, it would be that kind. but im not sure how to identify them.

 

[Lenee925]

physical descriptors? nah. not really. the only one i really dont want to compromise on is height. and hair. id like a man taller than me with no balding/receding hair issues the hair one can be tricky because it may not be apparent at first but on height, it will just have to be as simple as not dating men who dont match up, unfortuately. luckily, i do live in a big city and dont have a problem meeting men.

so basically what youre saying is you want to be a sahw/m? and thats hard to find? hmmmm. i have to say that is not a specific upfront goal of mine. i would not mind if that came up in the future, but it is not a prerequisite. bf 1 made a little more than me; bf 2 came from money and was in a high paying field, but hadnt graduated yet. so i guess that means bf3/fh has to come from money and already be employed in his high paying field. i have to keep progressing

really i do kind of feel like the most important thing will be finding a physical match. people consider me tall for a girl, even though im only 5'8 (but i do like to wear high heels). and right now im in between but closer to a size 12 than i am to a size 9, and thats the other thing i really want to work on. i feel like i have to know if, when im the best physical person i can be, that will translate into finding the best man i can. (if it don't, i'll figure welp i look good enough must be some other stuff going on here ) but i have to try it first to find out. anyway - most of the guys i like tend to be intellectually inclined. and the guys who would look like they would match me would be jock, athletic, or gymrat types. and i dont find i have much in common with them intellectually.

i think deciding why my last 2 relationships (which were my "adult" relationsips) didnt work out is going to be key, but i cant say for sure why. i think i was too intense for bf1, and bf2 had a whole cavalcade of issues that didnt have anything to do with me. just not the right fit. but what do i contribute to that, and how can i avoid it in future?

what i try the hardest to do is let men come to me. i think my biggest problem is the men i date are not as invested in the potential of things as i can be. i date to see where things could go, and i think most guys are looking to make a snap decision on that. so if i were to eliminate any guys from the options list, it would be that kind. but im not sure how to identify them.

Noooooo. I don't want to be a SAHM at all. I have worked since I was 17 and have never not held a job. I don't want to rely on a man for his money BUT I want to marry someone who can and feels good being the breadwinner. These days men want sugar mommas, no thanks.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

My good friend did this. She was over 35 and decided she wanted to get married and have kids. She used online dating sites and found a like minded man (dated a few others). I am sure they dated less than 1 year since I recall meeting him in the fall/winter and attending a destination wedding in or around May. They have been married for a while and have 3 kids.

 

[LiftedUp]

Yes it is possible.

 

[CaraWalker]

Lenee925 Noooooo. I don't want to be a SAHM at all. I have worked since I was 17 and have never not held a job. I don't want to rely on a man for his money BUT I want to marry someone who can and feels good being the breadwinner. These days men want sugar mommas, no thanks.

will you be joining me in securing a husband for 2014?

 

[CaraWalker]

naturalmanenyc My good friend did this. She was over 35 and decided she wanted to get married and have kids. She used online dating sites and found a like minded man (dated a few others). I am sure they dated less than 1 year since I recall meeting him in the fall/winter and attending a destination wedding in or around May. They have been married for a while and have 3 kids.

do you think this would work as well for women under 30/mid> 20s?

 

[naturalmanenyc]

bunnycolvin

Online dating seems to work for all ages.

 

[CaraWalker]

i meant marriage minded, not online dating. yall dont have to keep recommending online dating to me

 

[Lymegreen]

I would say that you are very close to getting married and somehow already know it. He is also ready and probably starting to search for you.

This all probably sounds like foolish talk but with your mindset you will quickly dismiss the men who are wrong for you and most likely will be drawn or 'see' better the traits you really want and gravitate toward those men.

Don't discount online dating.... Sounds like you know what you are looking for.

 

[LivingInPeace]

My cousin did this. She sent out her annual Christmas letter to the entire family stating that this was the year she was going to get engaged. She was not seeing anyone at the time. Of course we all laughed and said, "okay, girl" But by the end of the year she had met a man and they were engaged.

So I believe that when you put your wishes out to the universe and start acting on your goals, you can make them happen.

 

[CaraWalker]

My cousin did this. She sent out her annual Christmas letter to the entire family stating that this was the year she was going to get engaged. She was not seeing anyone at the time. Of course we all laughed and said, "okay, girl" But by the end of the year she had met a man and they were engaged.

So I believe that when you put your wishes out to the universe and start acting on your goals, you can make them happen.

I would say that you are very close to getting married and somehow already know it. He is also ready and probably starting to search for you.

This all probably sounds like foolish talk but with your mindset you will quickly dismiss the men who are wrong for you and most likely will be drawn or 'see' better the traits you really want and gravitate toward those men.

Don't discount online dating.... Sounds like you know what you are looking for.

YES! thanks for the vote of confidence. when it comes to online dating i am well versed in its benefits so i meant i didnt need to be sold on it. i use online dating more frequently than irl dating.

the best rule i can think of for myself is to not give anything away - emotionally as well as physically. my relationships have suffered from a lot of ambivalence, and i refuse to date any men that are on the fence about me. good enough to date even monogamously but no reason to think about marriage. ive seen lots of men pull that whole "just seeing how it works out" and "feeling each other out for the long term." which has its merits of course but i think lots of guys just use that as an excuse.

i think the way to tease that out will be a good balance of aloofness. i think this is what i need to center my plan on, with concrete rules.

 

[SincerelyJane]

Yeah I think its possible. I think you should follow your gut. The things you've identified as places to improve upon and develop are probably going to be key for you. After you sort those out things can move really fast so don't be surprised. Make sure you're actually ready to step into that role and everything it calls for too.

 

[Oasis]

im not single but i will be married in 2014. to my current? starting to severely doubt thaterplexed but i will be married

 

[Lenee925]

will you be joining me in securing a husband for 2014?

Sounds like a good idea, why not!

 

[MizAvalon]

I did this. I decided, consciously decided, that I was going to get married. Took me a couple of years to meet the right guy but once I did, it was all systems go because he was on the exact same page.

If you want marriage to a quality man and work for it, you will achieve it. Might not happen right away but it will happen.

 

[kinky curlygenie]

Wow this has been playing on my mind I have been thinking about this for a little while. Next year I will be graduating fingers crossed with high honours and I will have time to look for a husband. Atm my mindset is lending towards finding my mate and marriage but I know that I need to focus on these last 5months before I commit to anyone else. I plan to travel and forfil some personal experiences before I get involved also but I feel this could be the year I meet somebody and I haven't really had that feeling before so maybe it means I'm getting ready lol who knows

 

[hopeful]

I'm glad some people have seen this work out for women. Most of the women I know who did this either never married or they married a jerk. I think putting a very specific timeline might be dangerous. I think it's best to be more specific about the kind of men you will date, how you will behave within a relationship, etc. My cousin's wife said she became very selective and marriage-minded when she met my cousin. But she never mentioned a specific date, like I will be married by the end of the year. She had lost interest in dating for "fun" and became more serious about finding a husband.

 

[ellebelle88]

I don't necessarily have to or want to get married in 2014, but I would love to find a serious-minded mate and date seriously next year. I've been single for over 7 years now, and it sucks. Don't know what to do to change my situation.

 

[wall]

Find a Christian guy who has been celibate for 3 or more years.