Silly, but I need a second opinion on this...

[Glitter]

So this friend of mine had been chatting me up for close to a year before I admitted to myself that I liked him. I called him up and arranged to go see him. We live in different states now but we hung out late September for a weekend and left it as "let's get together again sometime when our schedules permit it".

So we went back and forth on emails for about 3 weeks and he basically said that due to his workload schedule (he's getting a PhD) he would have a hard time seeing me but he'd check his schedule, call me mid to late January and let me know if he'd have time to come see me. I think he sent that final email in early December.

Okay, cool.

So mid January comes...and goes...and he hasn't said boo to me. I also found out that he's made plans to go visit some people next weekend. Now, I don't know the specifics because they've been friends much longer than we have but this means he's looked at his calendar.

I don't know, I'm feeling like I played this wrong.erplexed I didn't want to seem too into this guy because he's the dude that every girl likes. Girls will just throw themselves at him and it goes to his head.

But I never responded to his last email where he basically laid out his train of thought on visiting me. I also wasn't really receptive to all of his advances because I assumed it was all part of "his game". He'd play with my toes (I would do nothing), sit with his head in my lap (I would again, do nothing) or watch a movie (we actually watched like six hours of movies, side by side. Again, more of me doing nothing). Plus, he's also a student so maybe he is really busy - maybe I should make a move and send him an email, call him, or something.

However, after reading a few threads on this board, it seems that the general opinion is that if a guy wants you, he'll pursue you and show you. I set up our last meeting and sent the first email to initiate our (pending) next meeting. If I contact him again, won't that look desperate? Almost like I'm obsessed with him, can't let him go, and can't find men around here? I don't want to be made a fool.

Thoughts? I'm sorry if this doesn't make total sense.

 

[ThickHair]

He is just not into you.

 

[Ivy_Butter]

I think it depends on what you really want/expect out of this esp since you live in different states. Is someone planning on moving in the near future? For me I try not to play games with guys anymore. Its like you making him make the first move and he's waiting on you to make the first move. Somebody's gotta do it. So, I'd call or text and see whats up. This happened to me. A guy from work invited me out after weeks of flirting, but that particular night I couldn't so I asked for a raincheck and he never said anything to me. When I finally mentioned it he was like "I thought you were suppose to call me" So you never know what he's thinking, but since you guys are good friends you don't have to make it awkward. Just call like you saying hey and checking up with him.

 

[seeminglysweet]

So this friend of mine had been chatting me up for close to a year before I admitted to myself that I liked him. I called him up and arranged to go see him. We live in different states now but we hung out late September for a weekend and left it as "let's get together again sometime when our schedules permit it".

So we went back and forth on emails for about 3 weeks and he basically said that due to his workload schedule (he's getting a PhD) he would have a hard time seeing me but he'd check his schedule, call me mid to late January and let me know if he'd have time to come see me. I think he sent that final email in early December.

Okay, cool.

So mid January comes...and goes...and he hasn't said boo to me. I also found out that he's made plans to go visit some people next weekend. Now, I don't know the specifics because they've been friends much longer than we have but this means he's looked at his calendar.

I don't know, I'm feeling like I played this wrong.erplexed I didn't want to seem too into this guy because he's the dude that every girl likes. Girls will just throw themselves at him and it goes to his head.

But I never responded to his last email where he basically laid out his train of thought on visiting me. I also wasn't really receptive to all of his advances because I assumed it was all part of "his game". He'd play with my toes (I would do nothing), sit with his head in my lap (I would again, do nothing) or watch a movie (we actually watched like six hours of movies, side by side. Again, more of me doing nothing). Plus, he's also a student so maybe he is really busy - maybe I should make a move and send him an email, call him, or something.

However, after reading a few threads on this board, it seems that the general opinion is that if a guy wants you, he'll pursue you and show you. I set up our last meeting and sent the first email to initiate our (pending) next meeting. If I contact him again, won't that look desperate? Almost like I'm obsessed with him, can't let him go, and can't find men around here? I don't want to be made a fool.

Thoughts? I'm sorry if this doesn't make total sense.

You went to see him? Not to be too intrusive but, was this a booty call?

I have to agree that he's just not into you right now and if he is, he'll come around when he's ready. I would go on with my life and see him if the opportunity presented itself but not through anymore of my efforts.

 

[Esq.2B]

Maybe he was put off by you not being "receptive" to his advances. Perhaps he's thinking you're not interested therefore he doesn't want to waste his time. He might think you only want to be friends and view him as a playtoy.
And question...why weren't you receptive? Did you at least flirt back when he was playing with your toes, watching movies with you, and laying his head in your lap. Or were you sitting there "playing hard to get?"

I'd be a bit put off if someone traveled (sp?) to a different state to come visit me then played hard to get.

 

[Glitter]

Maybe he was put off by you not being "receptive" to his advances. Perhaps he's thinking you're not interested therefore he doesn't want to waste his time. He might think you only want to be friends and view him as a playtoy.
And question...why weren't you receptive? Did you at least flirt back when he was playing with your toes, watching movies with you, and laying his head in your lap. Or were you sitting there "playing hard to get?"

I'd be a bit put off if someone traveled (sp?) to a different state to come visit me then played hard to get.

This will sound silly, but I wasn't receptive because I didn't realize what was up --I just came out of a 4 year, long term relationship about two months before I went to see him and I forgot how to flirt and what that was all about. I seriously just sat there, like a bump on a log. I didn't realize what was up until I went home and told my friend about it... she just looked at me like I was 14 karat crazy.

 

[Glitter]

You went to see him? Not to be too intrusive but, was this a booty call?

I have to agree that he's just not into you right now and if he is, he'll come around when he's ready. I would go on with my life and see him if the opportunity presented itself but not through anymore of my efforts.

Hahahaha...well, there was booty involved. I don't know if that was the sole reason on his part because he had been trying to get me to see him for about 9 months. I'll be honest, I went down there mainly to get some but it was after I left that I realized that I liked him.

 

[Glitter]

I think it depends on what you really want/expect out of this esp since you live in different states. Is someone planning on moving in the near future? For me I try not to play games with guys anymore. Its like you making him make the first move and he's waiting on you to make the first move. Somebody's gotta do it. So, I'd call or text and see whats up. This happened to me. A guy from work invited me out after weeks of flirting, but that particular night I couldn't so I asked for a raincheck and he never said anything to me. When I finally mentioned it he was like "I thought you were suppose to call me" So you never know what he's thinking, but since you guys are good friends you don't have to make it awkward. Just call like you saying hey and checking up with him.

Yeah, you could be right. I think he's planning on doing some research out by me during the summer, when he's out of school. The more I think about it, the more I think that I should say something because I don't want to wonder "what if" - may as well see what's up.

 

[Glitter]

He is just not into you.

Hahaha, dang you just put it out there. If I reach out to him and get no response, I'm going to come straight back to you to get some straight talk on how to pick yourself up after you fall on your face like that.

 

[ThickHair]

Hahaha, dang you just put it out there. If I reach out to him and get no response, I'm going to come straight back to you to get some straight talk on how to pick yourself up after you fall on your face like that.

Little pearls straight from the book "He's Just Not That Into You" Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

*The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.

* One hundred percent of men polled said they've never been too busy to call a women they were really into. As one fine man said, "A man has got to have his priorites".

*You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you.

*If he is not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind.

*If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you he will.

 

[PRpride]

I hate to say it but this guy isn't into you. When guys like you they call you, text you, email you, etc. Think of all the guys who like you/have liked you. They don't go months without contacting you simply because they can't resist. Guys are simple that way. Even the most nervous/shy guy can't resist calling a girl he likes just for the simple fact that she's on his mind. I would say go for someone who actually likes you enough to not let a month go by without talking with you. I mean you actually hooked up with this guy and he still didn't pursue you afterwords. He's just not that interested. He would have called you within a few weeks at the latest to at least check in with you and probably set up another play date if he liked you at all beyond wanting to get some.

Don't waste time on this guy - he just saw an opportunity to hook up. Go for someone who really wants you.