*Sigh* what would you do?

[Klearli]

Are you sure he's all yours OP? No lingering ex's or other girls?

Anywho, I say this because if y'all have only been together for a short time, and y'all had an important outing planned, maybe he was passive agressively trying to get out of it. Maybe he has unfinished past business.

I ask if he's all yours because why would he risk losing you by not talking to you for 3 days. 3 days is like...a really long time. Don't coddle him by calling him...he's being a baby. You need a grown man, not a baby man. He hasn't been with you long enough to deserve any babying. He should still be trying to make a good impression and win you for real. In my eyes he's still chasing you after only a month. Please please please OP don't set up standards you'll eventually resent the whole relationship (always being the peacemaker or the one who calls and fixes things after fights).

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2

 

[mallysmommy]

You don't need to call him. If he's condescending towards you this early on, and not even recognizing it, that is a red flag. That's the kind of thing you tell yourself is not that big of a deal, but when the newness of the relationship wears off you're going to be left with a condescending jerk. His reaction to you voicing your concern is another red flag. I'm a fan of noticing these things early on and moving on, versus allowing things to progress and then having to go through a painful breakup later, but that's just me.

Sent from my HTC Evo

No you all of you guys are making perfect sense. This is my first relationship in a looooooooong lachen time so i am little fuzzy at this stuff.

After church today i got a text message from him asking me to come over because he had cooked......erplexed
I told him no thank you maybe some other time.
A few hours later he called....basically in a nut shell he reasoning was:
"i was just giving you some space since i knew that you were going to be busy"
I was but thats besides the point and thats never kept him from calling before...
He also said "two days is nothing to get worried about, if i didn't want you around, you would be the first to know about it."
Then i asked if we were okay
He said "why wouldn't we be?"



i soooo don't understand men. i know that he was upset. stevie wonder could've saw that. he obviously needed some space, why couldn't have said that is beyond me.

 

[mallysmommy]

Well damn... LMAO


IDK what you argued about OP but it seems weird he would just stop talking to you for 3 days over that. I also don't like the way he speaks to you (if you say he is condescending)

How else does he treat you OP? He seems like a bit of a jerk...
Sorry to say that, IDK him but, like, seriously? WTH


I've never been in a relationship so many my perception is skewed

The past month has been awesome. i don't have a problem with him besides some of things that he has been saying......
i don't want to get too specific on everything that he has said but what tipped off the events on Thursday was so stupid and petty...
i am a huge basketball fan, we were watching ESPN when i told him i couldnt wait for the season to start.
he says "Whatever i bet you don't even know anything about basketball let alone the players. you probably just go for whoever is cutest"....Now this after weeks of him making similar comments. so i simply said and asked
"wow! Man if i take everything that you have said about me so far i sound like a pretty crappy person...makes me wonder why you are with me...do you have anything positive to say about me?"

and thats when he shut down....he didnt say too much of anything, until i got ready to leave and asked if we were still on for saturday and he said that he'll call me.

 

[firecracker]

OP from what you stated most recently about the subject/incident it seems he needed to be told about his comments/assumptions. I guess he needed sometime to absorb the info/the truth about his small slights. You know alot of times we don't want to hear the truth nor do we realize what we say is hurtful. Communication is important. He was dead wrong for leaving you hanging/standing you up but I guess his lil feelings were hurt. I hope everything works out for the best. It early, ya'll don't know each other yet and some of these kneegrows need to be trained. LOL

 

[hopeful]

The past month has been awesome. i don't have a problem with him besides some of things that he has been saying......
i don't want to get too specific on everything that he has said but what tipped off the events on Thursday was so stupid and petty...
i am a huge basketball fan, we were watching ESPN when i told him i couldnt wait for the season to start.
he says "Whatever i bet you don't even know anything about basketball let alone the players. you probably just go for whoever is cutest"....Now this after weeks of him making similar comments. so i simply said and asked
"wow! Man if i take everything that you have said about me so far i sound like a pretty crappy person...makes me wonder why you are with me...do you have anything positive to say about me?"

and thats when he shut down....he didnt say too much of anything, until i got ready to leave and asked if we were still on for saturday and he said that he'll call me.

The bolded is ridiculous and insulting. He must have been really sweet otherwise for you to overlook his constant putdowns. I'm so glad he texted you first and that you turned him down when he invited you over. Good job. Good luck with however you decide to proceed. If he continues with the putdowns and continues to play dumb I would KIM because that crap will start to hurt you emotionally and you don't deserve that.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

The past month has been awesome. i don't have a problem with him besides some of things that he has been saying......
i don't want to get too specific on everything that he has said but what tipped off the events on Thursday was so stupid and petty...
i am a huge basketball fan, we were watching ESPN when i told him i couldnt wait for the season to start.
he says "Whatever i bet you don't even know anything about basketball let alone the players. you probably just go for whoever is cutest"....Now this after weeks of him making similar comments. so i simply said and asked
"wow! Man if i take everything that you have said about me so far i sound like a pretty crappy person...makes me wonder why you are with me...do you have anything positive to say about me?"

and thats when he shut down....he didnt say too much of anything, until i got ready to leave and asked if we were still on for saturday and he said that he'll call me.

Speaking from experience, it gets worse not better. Like I said before, after the newness wears off, you get to a point where all you see is the negativity and it does take a toll on you. My advice would be to not be exclusive with him at this point. Don't put all your eggs in one basket with him. The more you get caught up in a relationship with him, the harder it will be to walk away. Either he will show you that he's making an effort to mature and treat you right, or someone better will come along. One month in and he's already disrespecting you, don't let things continue the way they are. And just talking to him about it is not enough, you need to slow the relationship down and put him back in the "friend zone" for now.

Sent from my HTC Evo

 

[mallysmommy]

Speaking from experience, it gets worse not better. Like I said before, after the newness wears off, you get to a point where all you see is the negativity and it does take a toll on you. My advice would be to not be exclusive with him at this point. Don't put all your eggs in one basket with him. The more you get caught up in a relationship with him, the harder it will be to walk away. Either he will show you that he's making an effort to mature and treat you right, or someone better will come along. One month in and he's already disrespecting you, don't let things continue the way they are. And just talking to him about it is not enough, you need to slow the relationship down and put him back in the "friend zone" for now.

Sent from my HTC Evo

I definately agree. besides the things that he says (often) he really has been awesome...but i do feel that i need to pump the breaks. last weekend left me feeling pretty bad, i mean i was in the slumps and one month is too early to be feeling like that because of a man

lol so i get it

and i want to thank you all sooooooo very much for your replies. They truly helped!

 

[Keshieshimmer]

;14821573] Now that I am older I realize it would have been best to just accept him for who he was, let him be, and wait for someone more compatible, my life and his would have been much easier. But I loved him so much that I was willing to "work" with him and he loved me so much that he was willing to "work" also. And so things worked out for us.

hopeful
wow. This makes me feel infinitely better about finding a mate. I think sometimes I caught up in the one mate only thing. Then I give guys who are alright but not exactly what I am looking for because I think " suppose this is my ONE mate!"

 

[mallysmommy]

Oh my smh. Thanks yall again for all of the help.
i am beginning to learn how to cook and i sent him a picture of what i made today, with the caption of "im getting there"
and he replied with "looks good except for the brocolli"
yeah hes going on the backburner (no pun intended) for awhile...how rude

 

[tinkat]

Oh my smh. Thanks yall again for all of the help.
i am beginning to learn how to cook and i sent him a picture of what i made today, with the caption of "im getting there"
and he replied with "looks good except for the brocolli"
yeah hes going on the backburner (no pun intended) for awhile...how rude

He seems like a smart ***. That **** would get on my nerve. He seems shady and the type that will test to see where your insecurities are and play on them. Then the next thing you know he just start saying disrespectful **** for no reason which causes an argument and then he will give you space again. Maybe I'm going off tangent but I've experienced some of this before. Date others.

 

[C@ssandr@]

This dude is giving me flash backs of my emotionally abusive ex . The signs were little, but there were so many! That's how he got me. I'm writing all of that to say that whatever vibes and feelings you get about...him please take heed.

 

[tinkat]

This dude is giving me flash backs of my emotionally abusive ex . The signs were little, but there were so many! That's how he got me. I'm writing all of that to say that whatever vibes and feelings you get about...him please take heed.

I would thanks a million times If I could bc that was what I picked up on too. First it is light weight then straight up disrespectful.

 

[hopeful]

Oh my smh. Thanks yall again for all of the help.
i am beginning to learn how to cook and i sent him a picture of what i made today, with the caption of "im getting there"
and he replied with "looks good except for the brocolli"
yeah hes going on the backburner (no pun intended) for awhile...how rude

What a jack as*. Next time do me a favor and say something along the lines of "Doesn't this look great? I am so proud of myself." And see what he says. He seems to pick up on your insecurities and then runs with it. I don't like him.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

mallysmommy

Not to connect the dots, but is this the same guy you were talking to in the Online Dating thread? The one who wanted you to come over so he could cook for you?

 

[mallysmommy]

@mallysmommy

Not to connect the dots, but is this the same guy you were talking to in the Online Dating thread? The one who wanted you to come over so he could cook for you?

yep

 

[hopeful]

yep

Guess he wants to be "the cook". I have a friend who has been married 10 years and her husband still picks at her cooking. She is a really good cook but he is always checking up on her to make sure she doesn't make a mistake. She doesn't have the confidence she used to have about her cooking skills anymore because of his picking at her.

 

[Evolving78]

i totally disagree with the make other plans. don't be petty. that's your man. how would you feel if he did that to you, because you needed some time to cool off? this is not Two Can Play That Game. if you have to go that route, how about don't call him anymore and leave him alone period?....

OP, i don't know the full story, but if this is a man that makes you feel some kind of way, you need to drop him asap. that sounds like control to me all day along. i don't like when folks play mind games with people. don't ever be with someone that will make you second guess, or doubt yourself.

yeah don't call him.. leave him alone....you need some time to think.

 

[NaturalRed]

Oh my smh. Thanks yall again for all of the help.
i am beginning to learn how to cook and i sent him a picture of what i made today, with the caption of "im getting there"
and he replied with "looks good except for the brocolli"
yeah hes going on the backburner (no pun intended) for awhile...how rude

Maybe he just doesn't like broccoli.

 

[Fine 4s]

Maybe he just doesn't like broccoli.

Woooooooooow. So simple but such a good perspective!

 

[mallysmommy]

Maybe he just doesn't like broccoli.

lmbo we've moved on from this situation but i did ask him about that and he said that he didn't mean to sound offensive but in fact he doesnt like broccoli or any green vegetable.
i think we are going to be okay. its the beginning of the relationship and we are still figuring each other out. he told me that as far as he is concern he isn't going anywhere and if he does he will let me know

 

[Crystal22]

Ok......good luck to you.

 

[msdeevee]

" He will let you Know!!" .....just to pipe in my 2pennies. This dude is taking full control of this relationship from jump. He is condescending and he is showing you what he is but you are saying "no , he's not really like that.


Like Oprah used to say "when a person shows you who they are , believe them".

You said that you haven't been in a relationship for a while make sure that you are not so anxious to be in one that you are excusing things that are really unacceptable. Some times we women do that. Been there done that.

One month into a new relationship should be the honeymoon period where a man is trying to do everything to please and woo the woman he wants . I'm not saying he should lie but his actions have been abrasive. I think someone said upthread if a man really wants you he will show you. Seems to me that this one is controlling and maybe a bit emotionally abusive. The things that we find cute in a new partner can soon be major deal breakers as the relationship goes on and we are in deeper and deeper .

You've made up your mind to continue but be careful and keep your eyes open and guard your heart.

 

[PopLife]

" He will let you Know!!" .....just to pipe in my 2pennies. This dude is taking full control of this relationship from jump. He is condescending and he is showing you what he is but you are saying "no , he's not really like that.


Like Oprah used to say "when a person shows you who they are , believe them".

You said that you haven't been in a relationship for a while make sure that you are not so anxious to be in one that you are excusing things that are really unacceptable. Some times we women do that. Been there done that.

One month into a new relationship should be the honeymoon period where a man is trying to do everything to please and woo the woman he wants . I'm not saying he should lie but his actions have been abrasive. I think someone said upthread if a man really wants you he will show you. Seems to me that this one is controlling and maybe a bit emotionally abusive. The things that we find cute in a new partner can soon be major deal breakers as the relationship goes on and we are in deeper and deeper .

You've made up your mind to continue but be careful and keep your eyes open and guard your heart.

That last line stood out to me as well...it spoke volumes about the way he thinks. OP we all have been there and it's usually the most subtle things that a person says that are huge red flags in the beginning. I really hope this is not the case and that he is oblivious to what he is saying, but for now I would def. keep my guards up.

 

[DayStar]

hmmm....I guess you got it all figured out. I hope no more advice is needed on this topic.

 

[deltadreamland]

That last line stood out to me as well...it spoke volumes about the way he thinks. OP we all have been there and it's usually the most subtle things that a person says that are huge red flags in the beginning. I really hope this is not the case and that he is oblivious to what he is saying, but for now I would def. keep my guards up.

The last line stood out to me as well. As if to say "I decide if we are going to be together or not, and when this no longer works for me or someone better comes along, I will let you know."

 

[NYAmicas]

Im not feeling dude at all through your posts OP. i feel like you are aware and being mindful so good luck and I hope Im wrong.

 

[chocolat79]

BTW, OP, you won't be the first to know That's a line guys use to make you think they wouldn't waste your time. You'll be the LAST to know. Men would rather saw their arm off with a rusty knife than actually tell you to kick rocks. There are plenty examples here and elsewhere.

Just be careful and like others said, pump your brakes on dude. IF this is to work, IMO, you need to make him work a little harder for it. He seems to know that you like him A LOT, so maybe you need to emotionally distance yourself, just a little. Just my $.02.

 

[Lenee925]

Don't put the pen0r on a pedestal OP


He sounds like a passive aggressive d*ckhead, but good luck and keep us posted

 

[NOEChic]

The whole I will let you know doesn't bother me. I would rather him let me know, then he not happy and don't let me know and he cheats. I take it as if she does something he don't like i.e not returning calls, talking to h crazy etc he will let her know he don't like it instead of just taking it and resenting her.

Y'all be reading between the lines when there is nothing there but space lol.

 

[song_of_serenity]

If there weren't any red flags in this relationship that OP herself brought to the table, we wouldn't be "reading between any lines." Good luck, OP. The quiet after the storms are what make us forget.