*Sigh* what would you do?

What would you do?

  • Call him tonight and squash it

    Votes: 9 19.1%

  • Give him his space and wait for him to call

    Votes: 30 63.8%

  • Forget about it and move on to the next

    Votes: 6 12.8%

  • Call him tomorrow or another time

    Votes: 5 10.6%
  • Total voters
    47
mallysmommy

mallysmommy

Well-Known Member
Long story short my SO and I planned an outing for tomorrow. Well yesterday at his place we had a disagreement (very small and petty) that left us both upset, and he completely shut down on me. Before leaving i asked if we were still going on the outing and he simply replied with "I will call you"
Now the way he said it and how i interpreted it was that he most likely will not call and i should probably leave him alone for awhile. Its Friday and i have yet to hear from him still. The stubborn side of me wants to say "***" it and chunk him the dueces. But the stronger part of me that still cares wants to stick around and try again.:nono:

I am wondering what would you guys do?:perplexed
 
Make plans yo go by yourself or do something on your own. He'll call you but he should know better than to put you off because y'all fell out.

When he calls just mention that you have plans and don't act upset. He may even call you after the appointed time...if he does that, that says a lot about him. And how you react says a lit about what you'll put up with.

But he will call you. Don't call him.
 
I agree. Whatever you do, do not call him and make other plans. He'll think the next time you have a little disagreement.:yep:
 
^^^^Both the above posts. Also, very important, like SelahOco said, DO NOT act upset. You might have to fake it, but just be very pleasant or at least like he didn't piss you off. It'll throw him off, but definitely make plans or say you have them.
 
I don't know what yall fought about, but guys shut down completely like that when they're raging mad. Give him "space", don't call, and definitely make other plans. He's definitely gonna call...and when he does, please keep your composure....that's very important. If the argument really was something petty, just let it go...If he sees that you are not gonna nag and drag petty arguments out, he'll be less likely to shut down completely in the future.
 
I agree with the above posters. It would be tough for me to pretend I'm not upset which is why when we cool off I'd have to let him know I was upset. If I plan on being with someone long term, I let them know if I don't agree with their behavior.
 
Yes. Don't call him and make other plans. He needs to realize that being unhappy with you isn't a reason to keep you waiting in limbo about your plans. Its rude, because he could simply have said no if he changed his mind.
Couples disagree over petty things all the time but you two need to learn how to let the petty stuff go and move on especially him, (If he is going to let a petty disagreement disrupt your outing.).
 
thanks you all so much. im kind of over it and him right about now. I didn't hear from him at all yesterday (which is unlike him) and I usually get "goodmorning texts" from him when i wake up and i have yet to hear from him at all today. if he is willing to end it all over something so minor then we probably aren't meant to be together in the first place. My father always told me that if a man want a woman she would never have to question it, because he is there. Oh wells. Thanks again for the insight
 
It's hard to answer the poll because we don't know the nature of the argument. You say it was minor but who knows, if you told us what the argument was about, we might completely disagree. Dh often thinks things are minor that I think are a big deal. But with that said, assuming it was minor and you did not do or say something awful, it seems to me that you guys could have still gone out and squashed the problem. I think the problem is that so early into the relationship he does not want to deal with any drama, he wants things to be smooth and easy. It also could be what ladies talk about on here all the time: guys breaking up with them right before Christmas, Valentine's Day, their birthday, etc. to avoid giving gifts etc. Finally, you want a guy who is not so quick to run and a little less emotional. Whatever the case I think it is best to leave him alone for now. If you call first, you will always be the first to call when there is a disagreement, and you don't want that. I am sorry this happened, I know it is disappointing.
 
hopeful said:
It's hard to answer the poll because we don't know the nature of the argument. You say it was minor but who knows, if you told us what the argument was about, we might completely disagree. Dh often thinks things are minor that I think are a big deal. But with that said, assuming it was minor and you did not do or say something awful, it seems to me that you guys could have still gone out and squashed the problem. I think the problem is that so early into the relationship he does not want to deal with any drama, he wants things to be smooth and easy. It also could be what ladies talk about on here all the time: guys breaking up with them right before Christmas, Valentine's Day, their birthday, etc. to avoid giving gifts etc. Finally, you want a guy who is not so quick to run and a little less emotional. Whatever the case I think it is best to leave him alone for now. If you call first, you will always be the first to call when there is a disagreement, and you don't want that. I am sorry this happened, I know it is disappointing.
Click to expand...

Hey thanks for your reply. We are at the very beginning of our relationship. So I am still trying to figure him out and understand what makes him tick and what not. He has a habit of talking to me in a condescending way in which I don't think he realizes that he does. I never said anything about until Thursday. I didn't raise my voice, I wasn't rude. I just asked him what was up, and he shut down on me. Its day 3 and I have yet to hear from him still. I plan to call him after church today...this is silly
 
why call him today after he left you hanging....for him to continue being condescending? You resisted calling up till now, why not just leave him alone. the last time you were together he said he would call, wait for his call. Better said than done, I have been there, I did call him ..but we ended up breaking up over 'a minor' disagreement, it wasn't the argument as much as not being able to stay with a man who doesn't fight fair. You should set your boundaries early in a relationship, he'll know what you won't accept, men usually react by getting lost or staying and behaving themselves.
distract yourself and enjoy your week, wait for him to call
 
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mallysmommy said:
Hey thanks for your reply. We are at the very beginning of our relationship. So I am still trying to figure him out and understand what makes him tick and what not. He has a habit of talking to me in a condescending way in which I don't think he realizes that he does. I never said anything about until Thursday. I didn't raise my voice, I wasn't rude. I just asked him what was up, and he shut down on me. Its day 3 and I have yet to hear from him still. I plan to call him after church today...this is silly
Click to expand...

You don't need to call him. If he's condescending towards you this early on, and not even recognizing it, that is a red flag. That's the kind of thing you tell yourself is not that big of a deal, but when the newness of the relationship wears off you're going to be left with a condescending jerk. His reaction to you voicing your concern is another red flag. I'm a fan of noticing these things early on and moving on, versus allowing things to progress and then having to go through a painful breakup later, but that's just me.

Sent from my HTC Evo
 
I wouldn't call. Take it from someone who has called because I though it was silly. If he still doesn't have pleasant things to say, is done with the relationship, or doesn't pick up (ever again) - it may make you feel worse.

I had to take on the attitude of - it's your loss (probably my gain).


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF app
 
tolly said:
why call him today after he left you hanging....for him to continue being condescending? You resisted calling up till now, why not just leave him alone. the last time you were together he said he would call, wait for his call. Better said than done, I have been there, I did call him ..but we ended up breaking up over 'a minor' disagreement, it wasn't the argument as much as not being able to stay with a man who doesn't fight fair. You should set your boundaries early in a relationship, he'll know what you won't accept, men usually react by getting lost or staying and behaving themselves.
distract yourself and enjoy your week, wait for him to call
Click to expand...

This! is very important.

He left you hanging for 3 days? Let him know this is unacceptable by moving on mentally. I know i'd be mad he disrespected me, but if there's any chance for fixing it, he needs to do his part and he needs to do it first.
 
I know I'm going against the grain but I would actially say call him. Be the bigger adult and call him. I have been in a similar situation, I was dating a guy for about two months and he stood me up after an arguement and I had to call him out on it because regardless of what it is about, as your SO and frankly just to be polite, if you are cancelling the plans just let me know. I am a big girl, I can take it. I've never been one to let things slide, especially with men, so I would call him simply to say that I dont appreciate being stood up over a minor disagreement. Everyone is entitled to their opinions no matter what you argued about so it shouldn't have shook him up that badly unless he has an issue accepting someone's differences, or you said something about his mother lol. So, I would hit him up to check on him, tell him that it is unacceptable to do that, and his response will determine the fate of the relationship. It's only been a month yall have been dating I understand, but I consider the short relationships practice for the permanent one, and in a long lasting relationship, you gotta be able to communicate with your SO even after an arguement.

No Matter Of You're Relaxed, Natural, or Texturized We Are All Beautiful Black Women...And It Doesn't Get Any Better Than That!
 
shockolate said:
I would start going on dates with other people. It's over.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, I agree with shockolate. I think it is over too. The reason I knew my dh was the one was because whenever I complained about his behavior he would make an effort to change because he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't want to lose me. Now that I am older I realize it would have been best to just accept him for who he was, let him be, and wait for someone more compatible, my life and his would have been much easier. But I loved him so much that I was willing to "work" with him and he loved me so much that he was willing to "work" also. And so things worked out for us. But it really is easier to just avoid condescending men, period. And nowadays most men with "issues" are not willing to be improving themselves for you unless he is indeed the love of your life. It is silly but calling him will only prolong the inevitable. But I do understand, sometimes you just have to call, hear their voice, and attempt to gain clarity and closure if necessary. Good luck and please keep us updated. I can't believe he has gone three days without calling :perplexed.
 
shockolate said:
I would start going on dates with other people. It's over.
Click to expand...

Well damn... LMAO


IDK what you argued about OP but it seems weird he would just stop talking to you for 3 days over that. I also don't like the way he speaks to you (if you say he is condescending)

How else does he treat you OP? He seems like a bit of a jerk...
Sorry to say that, IDK him but, like, seriously? WTH


I've never been in a relationship so many my perception is skewed
 
ProfectivGirl said:
I know I'm going against the grain but I would actially say call him. Be the bigger adult and call him. I have been in a similar situation, I was dating a guy for about two months and he stood me up after an arguement and I had to call him out on it because regardless of what it is about, as your SO and frankly just to be polite, if you are cancelling the plans just let me know. I am a big girl, I can take it. I've never been one to let things slide, especially with men, so I would call him simply to say that I dont appreciate being stood up over a minor disagreement. Everyone is entitled to their opinions no matter what you argued about so it shouldn't have shook him up that badly unless he has an issue accepting someone's differences, or you said something about his mother lol. So, I would hit him up to check on him, tell him that it is unacceptable to do that, and his response will determine the fate of the relationship. It's only been a month yall have been dating I understand, but I consider the short relationships practice for the permanent one, and in a long lasting relationship, you gotta be able to communicate with your SO even after an arguement.

No Matter Of You're Relaxed, Natural, or Texturized We Are All Beautiful Black Women...And It Doesn't Get Any Better Than That!
Click to expand...

I definitely agree with you to a certain extent. My issue is that he said that he'd call her. Men are not like women, they say what they mean, while we'd say that and would mean the opposite :look:.
Now he knows damned well that she's waiting on his call. That's just mean! She gave him his space and now he doesn't want to meet her half way (this is a simple assumption of course). I might text him at this point like "are you still upset with me?" and take it from there, but come on, that's his girl, where's his olive branch? :nono:

hopeful said:
Unfortunately, I agree with shockolate. I think it is over too. The reason I knew my dh was the one was because whenever I complained about his behavior he would make an effort to change because he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't want to lose me. Now that I am older I realize it would have been best to just accept him for who he was, let him be, and wait for someone more compatible, my life and his would have been much easier. But I loved him so much that I was willing to "work" with him and he loved me so much that he was willing to "work" also. And so things worked out for us. But it really is easier to just avoid condescending men, period. And nowadays most men with "issues" are not willing to be improving themselves for you unless he is indeed the love of your life. It is silly but calling him will only prolong the inevitable. But I do understand, sometimes you just have to call, hear their voice, and attempt to gain clarity and closure if necessary. Good luck and please keep us updated. I can't believe he has gone three days without calling :perplexed.
Click to expand...

Yes!!! My ex was condescending. He just could not own up to his wrong doings...most importantly he was not growing as a person. OP, this is supposed to be new, exciting and fresh, if this is what he's giving you now....and you're not on the same wave length...I don't tell people what to do :look: Please keep these things in mind though.
 
intergalacticartist said:
Well damn... LMAO


IDK what you argued about OP but it seems weird he would just stop talking to you for 3 days over that. I also don't like the way he speaks to you (if you say he is condescending)

How else does he treat you OP? He seems like a bit of a jerk...
Sorry to say that, IDK him but, like, seriously? WTH


I've never been in a relationship so many my perception is skewed
Click to expand...

Agreed.

Sorry about all of the posts, lol. It's Sunday and I'm sick. Plenty-o-time on my hands :grin:
 
I would call and give him a piece of my mind. I've gotten to the point where I am over pretending not to care to earn brownie points, seem like the cool detatched girl or whatever. He is a grown man, he knew that ish was foul when he did it. If he doesn't answer, he would be politely instructed not to call my number anymore.

Sent from my HTC_A510c using HTC_A510c
 
He has a condescending attitude towards you and then DOESN'T CALL YOU FOR 3 DAYS. :nono:

OP, I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but from what you've told us I can tell you now he's a JERK. Save yourself the heartache and move on.

One day you'll meet a guy who actually cares for you!!! Clearly, this guy doesn't. He's probs one of those guys who acts like a jerk but will say something nice once a blue moon to pull your heart strings.

Realize your worth and set some boundaries/rules. You're better than this and DESERVE better.
 
hopeful said:
Unfortunately, I agree with shockolate. I think it is over too. The reason I knew my dh was the one was because whenever I complained about his behavior he would make an effort to change because he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't want to lose me. Now that I am older I realize it would have been best to just accept him for who he was, let him be, and wait for someone more compatible, my life and his would have been much easier. But I loved him so much that I was willing to "work" with him and he loved me so much that he was willing to "work" also. And so things worked out for us. But it really is easier to just avoid condescending men, period. And nowadays most men with "issues" are not willing to be improving themselves for you unless he is indeed the love of your life. It is silly but calling him will only prolong the inevitable. But I do understand, sometimes you just have to call, hear their voice, and attempt to gain clarity and closure if necessary. Good luck and please keep us updated. I can't believe he has gone three days without calling :perplexed.
Click to expand...

Your post is the absolute truth! I don't think dude is right for her.
 
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