Shy Girls. My story

[nappystorm]

I have always been painfully shy. Over the years, I've matured, become more vocal, gained more confidence or whatever. I am still a bit reserved but not it's more of a quiet confidence. Every area of my life improved except my relationships Strange right?

Being shy used to frustrate me because the guys I crushed on never noticed me, while my more aggressive friends snagged their menzerplexed while I had to "take what I could get". But when I think about it, while those friends did get the guys to notice them, they were often treated like crap and never really elevated above jumpoff status. Meanwhile, I still have exes from late teens/early 20s stalking my family trying to find me

Here's my theory:
Due to my shyness, I was unknowingly following The Rules to the letter. I hardly ever called because I simply couldn't get up the nerve. What if somebody eles answers and I have to ask for him (this is before cell phones)? Or worse, what if nobody answers and somebody *69ed me back?Oh, the horror!

Going to visit him? Oh dear, I would have died Every man who wanted me to come to their house had to physically come and pick me up.
Asking him on a date and approaching him? No maam. I still can't do that now

I was more of a mystery then too because I was always scared of putting my foot in my mouth. I never said "I love you" first. I never pressed about "where is this relationship going". I never nagged or tried to change him, I simply threw the dueces if it wasn't working.

Don't get me wrong, due to the fact I was always happy to hear from him, coupled with the sheer relief I was always approachable, smiling, and cheerful.

Men actually had to work to bring my out of my shell so they valued me. Men loved the chase and every little bit I opened up was somewhat of an accomplishment.

Even though I still envy aggressive (not bishy), confident, and assertive women, we can make this shyness work for us.
What do you guys think?

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Good on you. The pretense behind Why Men Love B!tches isn't really about being mean or loud and aggressive, but to have a life of your own, and not hang on a man's every word. It sounds like you have that part covered.
Sounds like you are you an INFP or INTJ? Whatever the case, keep doing what you're doing.
As for connecting with guys you like, maybe you can build up the courage to make eye contact and use that as your way to get a guy to approach you.

 

[Poohbear]

I am a shy girl too, nappystorm, and I can relate to a lot of what you are saying.

 

[Jazala]

Excellent point NS! I had to learn the hard way to tone it down.

 

[awhyley]

This is what I'm talking about *nods*

 

[Duff]

I use to be shy. now I have a happy medium.

 

[ambergirl]

Great post nappystorm and I agree with you....but unfortunately I just don't have a shy bone in my body! Glad you all are making it work for you though.

 

[Jazzmommy]

I feel you Nappystorm.. I will be heading back into the single life soon after being married for 8 years and I am terrified. LoL

I am an INTJ for those Myers Briggs folks.. I have to tell myself: eye contact! Smile!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Nappystorm...I know what you mean!

I used to be REALLY shy when I was in my tweens and early teens. But then I kind of grew out of it.

I'm still kind of "shy" to some degree even now (especially around guys I REALLY like and am attracted to), but I'm getting better with eye contact, and being able to carry on a normal conversation. I do notice however, (like you) that while my more outspoken and aggreessive friends do get guys easier, I notice though that their guys don't really respect them too much. Whereas, I have guys who have liked me for YEARS and I've either not really given them too much time of day, OR I have just kept them as friends.

It's funny how instinctively this is like "The Rules" and "WMLB".

I have done little experiments where I've been out with girlfriends of mine who were more loud and outspoken (trying to attract guy attention), and I've purposely remained just a little quiet in order to let them have the spotlight...and low and behold I find that the guys end up trying to ask more questions about ME and try to draw me out at times! Meanwhile, my girlfriends were asking the guys about themselves and trying to find out more about THEM.

I didn't realize it then, but I guess I was sort of doing "The Rules" by accident because I was creating "mystery" in a guy's mind. I have to admit, that "mysterious" factor HAS to be there for a guy to want to get to know you a little better. He has to start wondering in his head..."Hmm...I wonder what makes her tick?" :scratchch

 

[nappystorm]

Thanks for the input, ladies! I worte this because people treat shyness as a fatal flaw you have to overcome

Anyhoo, I don't know my typology. It changes so much. The only thing that stays consistent is the I.

I'm working on smiling and maintaining eye contact to become more approachable. I still do the sneak and look while he is not looking...OMG, He done caught me looking...act busy...Oh sh!t! walk the other way...Luckily, I'm cute

Now once I'm approached, I'm good. I call. I say what I want to say, I show initiative and it feels good, dammit!! Unfortunately, it's not really working for me and I have to relearn how to maintain my confidence while holding my self back

 

[Duchesse]

I completely understand what you 're saying. I used to be completely terrified of talking to guys that I liked...terror! It's not that bad nowadays, and I'd like to think my shyness has matured into a "graceful reserve" , that adds a hint of mystery and feminine charm I suppose.

I do want to learn how to be more emotionally verbal though. I have to remember that men aren't psychic and that you still need to verbalize your feelings every now and then. Typewise I'm INFP.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Nappystorm, good thread.

 

[CrownCola]

Thanks for posting. I can relate, but had never taken notice of this positive side that I've experienced. This seems to only be the case for me when dealing with guys whose personalities I also admire. Looks alone don't have the same impact, cause I can feign more confidence before I get to know you. That may sound a lil backwards though.


Sent from my T-Mobile G2

 

[lushcoils]

Nice thread. I always wondered how I could make my shyness/reservedness work in the dating scene.

 

[hopeful]

You sound like my daughter. She's only 18. I hope her story turns out like yours. Thank you so much for sharing this.

 

[Imani]

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[PracticallyMe]

I definitely can relate to what you're saying. I've always been shy and never approached a guy ever, although I've had crushes. They were always from afar and if the guy didn't approach, then it was not going to happen for me. I was crushing on my now DH before we got together. Come to find out he was interested, as well, so it worked out. I do think the mystery is a draw. I hate being in the limelight. I am more comfortable in the background, just chilling in the cut.