shud i even pursue this any longer?...

[LadyCee]

Ive been having this so called issue or dilemma for a lil while now and wanted to your thoughts on this ladies.

I met a guy through a family friend late last year and at first things really hit off well. He was nice and very into me I can say he basically pursued me and I liked the feeling because I was recently out of a relationship. I wasn't making it too apparent but at first I didn't care for it as much as I found my self later liking him. He lives a few hours away from me and is in a college town so I was a little hesitant abt that but didn't stress it bc we were just "hangin" out . when we were talking he asked me what I was looking for and I didn't want to be to forward and say I was looking for a relationship which I was bc he seemed like a good guy and so i said whatever happens happens im not necessarily looking for anything at the moment. so he basically gave the same answer. I sorta think that was a no no??

so he kept in touch when he went back home and I saw him as a pretty decent dude. well a little after he started to act different and stop calling/ texting as much and I guess I got a little puzzled. And everytime I would ask him abt his sudden disappereance he would say he was either busy or everyone tells him that he disappears for a while even his family. so I said okay sure and gave him the benefit of he doubt.

He has done this in several occasions and I haven't talked to him in weeks and just a few days ago he texted me if I'm still breathing and me being frustrated I don't repsond and the next day he texts me hey and I want to answer buy at the same time
I don't want to go through that again bc I obviously did and possibly still do like him.

I wanted to know how is textin and calling the same to men. I always taught calling wAs a better way of being mor personal and showing a person more interest rather than a text which context can be takin in the wrong way sometimes. what gives shud I respond or just forget it to not go through that hectic series of emotions again. it wud be so much simplier if he called rather than text but idk ?? am i wasting my time...i probably know the answer but the input is always helpful. thnxerplexed

 

[JinaRicci]

IDK about all the texting- I think maybe it would have been much simpler if you had told him yes, you are interested and now he might be trying to back off and give you space. But the whole disappearing thing- that doesn't sound right. And his family says that he does that- like a habit? That to me is what should be looked into before you even think to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

[tocktick]

It seems like he wasn't willing to continue speaking to you without knowing where you guys actually stood. Clearly, you are not strictly friends yet you are not his girlfriend either. Maybe he thought he wasn't getting anywhere with his calls, so he decided to cut his losses and move on. Imo, men who are interested don't just drop off even if they do that with family. I don't think you should have kept calling him up after he went M.I.A each time. He doesn't owe you regular contact. I think you gave him (and yourself) mixed signals about where you guys stood by calling instead of simply moving on.

If I were you, I'd move on because you guys met last year and your relationship appears to have not progressed. I do not believe there would be much of a point of telling him now that you do want (or did want) a relationship because his own interest in you seems to have waned. Plus, never at any point during your communication did he outright say that he wanted more.

 

[LadyCee]

yeah thats true and i realize tat he never said or implied of anyting more so i know what best in this case. it is def. becoming a habit bc it wasnt the first time. i already took his number and all out my fone its just that i already know his number so it doesnt make much of a difference.
but i just dont get why he continues to text me even after the fact im sure he knows what he is doing but i just dont get it.

 

[tocktick]

^^ If it doesn't make sense and you're not in a relationship, there is nothing to figure out. There is just no point trying to play Sherlock or trying to overcomplicate what isn't even there. Move on.

 

[brownbeauty196]

It honestly does not seem worth the effort for you to pursue but on the other hand if he starts showing some real interest then maybe you want to give him a chance.

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't think he's that into you. I think there's something else going on in his town. He may have interest....but if he has changed his mind and really wants a relationship with you, trust me, he would come after you until he won your over. We read to much into them. They are not that complicated. Men pursue and hunt. You act coy and uncertain, he'll convince you why he's the one. That's how it works. So, if you don't see him showing up in your life with verve and clear signals and actions...then, that's your answer.

 

[LadyCee]

yeah so I'll just try not to overanalyze things anymore bit I guess it's so natural and it is true if he cares or is interested I guess he'll come around I'm juss my having good experiences lol thnx ladies !

 

[Ivonnovi]

....
I wanted to know how is textin and calling the same to men. I always taught calling wAs a better way of being mor personal and showing a person more interest rather than a text which context can be takin in the wrong way sometimes. what gives shud I respond or just forget it to not go through that hectic series of emotions again. it wud be so much simplier if he called rather than text but idk ?? am i wasting my time...i probably know the answer but the input is always helpful. thnxerplexed

I'll not start off with "my" personal opinon. But will suggest that you respond to him with bolded and maybe the italic text /\ /\.

Now as for my opinion.....I've learned the hard way that if a man is "really" interested in (a relationship with) you, he will persue you. Now....regading the way he "is" acting....be cordial, don't take it personnaly just process it as a "not right now" type of situation. Save your feelings for an "I want a relationship with you now" guy.

 

[LadyCee]

yeah so I'll just try not to overanalyze things anymore bit I guess it's so natural and it is true if he cares or is interested I guess he'll come around I'm juss my having good experiences lol thnx ladies !

 

[Ivonnovi]

yeah so I'll just try not to overanalyze things anymore bit I guess it's so natural and it is true if he cares or is interested I guess he'll come around I'm juss my having good experiences lol thnx ladies !

Glad to share, heck I dealt with a similar situation this weekend.

 

[Farida]

I think he may have been looking for a relationship and you weren't and he was embarrassed to say so at the time.

When it comes to where you want your relationship to stand, you can never be too forward - lesson learned.

You weren't a friend, you weren't a gf, he probably just wanted the relationship to drop off quietly.

I say move on.

 

[MissJ]

He's not really interested, just trying to keep you on the backburner just in case. You shouldn't give him the time of day.

 

[MissJ]

Men pursue and hunt. You act coy and uncertain, he'll convince you why he's the one.

That is so true! If he had been looking for a relationship with you in the first place, and you said you just wanted to see what happened, he would have tried to make a relationship happen. He would have tried to win you over if he really wanted you in that way. Clearly, he was not looking for a relationship.

 

[LadyCee]

yep, you all are right. im seeing it clearer and clearer by the encounters im having w him wheter its via text or phone call. hes making so little effort. like yesterday he invited me to a get togher at his place and i declined bc i was not in town, he told me to let him know when i get back and touc base. so of course i again go ahead and do so and he doesnt respond. hmmp. what a jerk. i dont get why i have the tendency to keep questioning something that wasnt there in the first place.

 

[LadyCee]

That is so true! If he had been looking for a relationship with you in the first place, and you said you just wanted to see what happened, he would have tried to make a relationship happen. He would have tried to win you over if he really wanted you in that way. Clearly, he was not looking for a relationship.

i never thought or look at it in that way but thats the truth!! im justgoing to pray about it bc i dont want or need this stress or negativity in my life and i wanna get over thinkin abt it constantly

 

[MissJ]

Good luck!

 

[misstobz]

I say move on for sure. I remember when I told my SO that I wasn’t looking for a relationship and was happy being single meeting people. OMG he was so persistent.. he would not let it go until I was his woman. That said maybe some guys are not as assertive I dont know...but the fact that you kept talking to him and hanging out with him, if he really wanted a relationship he would keep trying. This disappearing act is unacceptable. Why should you work on his schedule. He can’t come in and out whenever he feels like it. That is ridiculous. Dont make excuses for his behavior if it upsets you. You deserve better ;-) And next time if a relationship is what you are looking for then dont be afraid to say so, the right man will love that answer and pursue you!