Skiggle
Well-Known Member
I was just thinking the same thing!
Its sad knowing that he cheated, but if he gave me an STI
or worse, all HELL would have been broken loose.
Should I tell Him?
- Thread starter BeeYoung1
- Start date
I was just thinking the same thing!
Its sad knowing that he cheated, but if he gave me an STI
or worse, all HELL would have been broken loose.
Lovelylife
New Member
I think when women are done with an affair, they are done. Men want it all, they'll keep a wife and mistress for years if you let them. I'm just generalizing but there's the difference.
I don't know whether you should tel or not. He probably already suspects it anyway.
I don't know whether you should tel or not. He probably already suspects it anyway.
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
This thread is interesting.
I have question for anyone to answer. How would you all feel if your husband had this same "don't ask, don't tell" outlook? Is it ok if he cheats once and never tells you because you never found out?
I'd say tell him. I'm all about honesty in a relationship. But I'm not an older member of the board
I dont think cheating is ever ok, but if my husband cheated once and it would never happen again, I wouldnt want to know. Ever. b/c then I can't guarentee I could stay with him or that the trust would ever be rebuilt.
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
I agree with Lucie. A secret like this should not be kept. If DH cheated on me once I would like to know. Keeping this from him is doubly selfish. Not only were you unfaithful but you are not deciding to take away his opportunity to decide whether he wants to be with you or not. As someone who knows the consequences of being too honest, I can tell you in the long run, it worked out for the best.
Honestly OP, it seemed like your relationship started on a sour note. You married a man who cheated on your with a relative
His moral compass is extremely questionable...
Honestly OP, it seemed like your relationship started on a sour note. You married a man who cheated on your with a relative
His moral compass is extremely questionable...
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Let me perfectly clear.... NO! You just got to learn to live with yourself. You will open Pandora's box with your confession out of the blue.
If for "some" reason the both of you decide have a honesty conversation....I wouldn't lie but until then put it out of your mind.
signed,
Married - 34 years.
If for "some" reason the both of you decide have a honesty conversation....I wouldn't lie but until then put it out of your mind.
signed,
Married - 34 years.
Did you actually tell your husband what happened when it happened, or did he find out by himself later, or did you tell him but only later? Which of those three options do you think would have made it easier for your husband to deal with things? I, too, am curious about whether it is better for couples that the cheating half tells or keeps quiet.
pattyr5
Well-Known Member
My two cents....no, you should not tell him unless your intent was to hurt him and if that was, then you would have told him right after it happened.
The reason why men are unforgiving of their women who cheat is plain and simple. Men can operate from a purely physical standpoint....have sex without an emotional connection. They don't forgive women because we typically surrender ourselves emotionally or somehow let that person in. When a woman has an affair it is not usually about sex but about feelings and a man can't stand you giving away something that he thought was only his. Just observe the behavior of a man with a woman who was raped and you we see a gentle, protective and understanding man...because that woman didn't "give it up" and she certainly didn't feel for the attacker. To men, that's just the way it is.
That man who married you sees you as above the rest and someone highly valued....that's why he married you....so that nobody else can have you. Telling you of this affair will diminish you in his eyes and make him feel like a fool amongst his peers. Men are too competitive and egotistical to deal with that public shame. And are you willing to be looked at differently?...like one of those common women that he would not give his name to?
The reason why men are unforgiving of their women who cheat is plain and simple. Men can operate from a purely physical standpoint....have sex without an emotional connection. They don't forgive women because we typically surrender ourselves emotionally or somehow let that person in. When a woman has an affair it is not usually about sex but about feelings and a man can't stand you giving away something that he thought was only his. Just observe the behavior of a man with a woman who was raped and you we see a gentle, protective and understanding man...because that woman didn't "give it up" and she certainly didn't feel for the attacker. To men, that's just the way it is.
That man who married you sees you as above the rest and someone highly valued....that's why he married you....so that nobody else can have you. Telling you of this affair will diminish you in his eyes and make him feel like a fool amongst his peers. Men are too competitive and egotistical to deal with that public shame. And are you willing to be looked at differently?...like one of those common women that he would not give his name to?
TayMac
Well-Known Member
If all is well in the marriage now, I see no reason to cause a new upset. Agree with previous post that men aren't as forgiving as women.
I could see it being a HUGE issue if you reveal all now and he won't even care about what you "think" happened of that occurrence with your so-called family.
Take my opinion with a grain of salt as I'm not married nor old.
I could see it being a HUGE issue if you reveal all now and he won't even care about what you "think" happened of that occurrence with your so-called family.
Take my opinion with a grain of salt as I'm not married nor old.
natural2008
Well-Known Member
If have never cheated nor do I plan to but take it to the grave girl. Take it to the grave.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
There's a forum for you it's all survivinginfidelity.com
Triniwegian
New Member
You joined just to say that???
Anyway, i would tell. I couldn't live with the lie. When you cheated you already decided that he was worth losing, so why not just get it off your chest?
Anyway, i would tell. I couldn't live with the lie. When you cheated you already decided that he was worth losing, so why not just get it off your chest?
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
jdvzmommy
Well-Known Member
That's a very good point.
msdeevee
Well-Known Member
You have to let your conscience be your guide but let me tell you something I know for sure.
A woman can forgive a man for cheating if he changes his ways but most men can never forgive his wife cheating no matter what her reasoning is.
If you tell him be very prepared to lose your marriage or if he stays he will throw it up in your face every chance he gets and may use your confession as an excuse to cheat again.
I am not saying yes or no because only you can make that decision and only you have to live with the consequences.
Married 22 years . I've never cheated and this is one of the reasons why, I wanna stay married.
ETA:Someone wrote in tonight and asked this exact question "should I tell?" On Oprahs all stars tonight on her channel... Dr Phil did not give a yes or no answer. He said if you're doing it to purge yourself and make yourself feel better then go ahead. He asked the audience's opinion and they were split to as to whether they wanted to know or not.
Bottom line your personal call pray about it if you believe in that.
A woman can forgive a man for cheating if he changes his ways but most men can never forgive his wife cheating no matter what her reasoning is.
If you tell him be very prepared to lose your marriage or if he stays he will throw it up in your face every chance he gets and may use your confession as an excuse to cheat again.
I am not saying yes or no because only you can make that decision and only you have to live with the consequences.
Married 22 years . I've never cheated and this is one of the reasons why, I wanna stay married.
ETA:Someone wrote in tonight and asked this exact question "should I tell?" On Oprahs all stars tonight on her channel... Dr Phil did not give a yes or no answer. He said if you're doing it to purge yourself and make yourself feel better then go ahead. He asked the audience's opinion and they were split to as to whether they wanted to know or not.
Bottom line your personal call pray about it if you believe in that.
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TexturedTresses
Well-Known Member
You really need to take that to the grave. Even if I found out he cheated on me first, I still would not tell him. Men are not like women and cannot take like they give. He will NOT react well.
So now be doubly selfish, 1st you cheat because of your wants, 2nd you tell so that YOU can feel better. So in both cases it is all about you, not your mate. I always disagree on the "tell all".
Guitarhero
New Member
I would want to know because I'd want to know where I am exactly in a relationship.
