Should I take advantage of our non-monogamous relationship

[GetHappy2014]

I have been dating this guy (single father of two) for about 3 months. Yes, we have done the deed. I tried to hold out longer until I got to know him better but the pressure was intense. Needless to say he has "player" running through his veins. I tried to stay away from his type...cause usually I do and I am usually successful. However, he said his player days are over, which can partly be attributed to the reason why he is now a single father. Girl (his ex) flipped the script. Okay so my dilemma is that we are dating... and just today I really pushed the topic of discussion...MONOGAMY. So far I feel that he has not strayed...probably cause things are still new. However, he just doesn't seem to interested in making that commitment of monogamy. So currently, I have the opportunity to take advantage of this non-monogamy he is purporting (no sex for me, maybe a date or 2) with my ex who had been trying desperately to reconnect. I have been tuning him (my ex) out esp. since I have been seeing my new boo...the one who won't agree to being monogamous.

Any suggestions on what to do?

The relationship with the ex did not end badly...I slowly drifted away...I felt he needed to see...how much of a good thing he had with me... I think he has learned his lesson.



By the way...username was created for anonymity.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

So were you looking for fun after breaking up with ex or did you want an actual relationship from player but since it's not an option, you're doubling back to ex? I just want to be clear before I give an opinion.

 

[GetHappy2014]

BEAUTYU2U
I was seriously looking for a committed relationship. I did not date for about 9 mos after ex. Just trying to get my head right. Even when new boo came along unexpectedly I pleaded with him...to keep it moving if u are looking for games...cause I am enjoying my single hood. Although I get mixed messages from him...I think he is a good guy...he talks a good game of future for us and his family...but I can't figure out if he is leading me on...

Thanks for responding.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Well then, you seem very sure of what you want. Monogamy. Please stick to it or else you'll probably regret it later. Dump the player. How is there a future without commitment? I don't like his mixed messages.

Maybe date ex but not monogamously until you're certain you want him back. Sometimes when the new option isn't great, the old option looks better than it really is. You must of had a reason to leave him in the first place.

 

[BonBon]

You want monogamy. This guy doesn't. What good can come of this lol?

 

[MzLady78]

Always go with actions vs. words, especially when you're getting mixed messages.

Just because he's singing "I don't wanna be a playa no more" doesn't necessarily you're the one he wants to settle down with.

 

[ladysaraii]

Are you two in an exclusive relationship or not? B/c if you aren't, then you are free to date who you please. And should probably have some other options that you are exploring.

If he's beating around the bush, then you aren't.

 

[GetHappy2014]

Well part of his mixed messages....is that he doesn't want me seeing other people. He knows a little about my ex and his "presence" in my life (because he ask for details). It even went as far as..I hope no children are in the room...he could not even get it up ... Until I swore to him on my child that I was not seeing anyone else...then it worked like a charm.

 

[MzLady78]

^^^ well, he needs to either s**t or get off the pot, then. You're not gonna tell me you don't want me seeing anyone else but not commit to a relationship, that's crazy.

 

[ladysaraii]

I think that's game. He doesn't want you seeing anyone else, but he doesn't want to have to make the same commitment to you. This way if he screws around he can say 'well we weren't in a relationship' while knowing you are nice and safe at home.

If he's not willing or able to give you what you want, then keep seeing other people. his erect!on be d@mned.

 

[GetHappy2014]

his erect!on be d@mned.

 

[kaykari]

OP, why would you be monogamous with someone who wont commit? Get up, as soon as you read this, and go to dinner with the first person who asks. How dare your new boo demand exclusivity with out reciprocating? ?? Does he think youre some kind of hoodrat? whaaaaaat?

 

[Sosoothing]

Does he want to be exclusive with you or not? Simple yes or no answer that you should get from him as soon as you can and move on from there.

There is no reason for you to be exerting all this emotional energy trying to decipher what he wants since you already know what you want. Don't pay attention to the mixed messages because they mean nothing in the grand scheme of things and are merely toying with your mind.

 

[kaykari]

what if you get pregnant OP?

 

[BrownSkin2]

I would dump player, he doesn't want monogamy.There's no committed relationship there. I would keep my options open and date, date and date til you find what you're looking for. As for ex, I'd go out and see what he's talking about all the while keeping my options open and dating others.

 

[GetHappy2014]

what if you get pregnant OP?

:210::210::210::gunner7::gunner7::gunner7:
:gunner7:
:gunner7::gunner7::gunner7:

 

[shortycocoa]

^^^ well, he needs to either s**t or get off the pot, then. You're not gonna tell me you don't want me seeing anyone else but not commit to a relationship, that's crazy.

Co-signing. ... been there, done that! Leave him now if you want someone who will commit. Obviously this guy is not it.

I think that's game. He doesn't want you seeing anyone else, but he doesn't want to have to make the same commitment to you. This way if he screws around he can say 'well we weren't in a relationship' while knowing you are nice and safe at home.

If he's not willing or able to give you what you want, then keep seeing other people. his erect!on be d@mned.

LMAO @ that last sentence. ...

 

[LiftedUp]

He's a player. A player with children. A player with children who doesn't want to be monogomous (which I guess feeds back into the player trait).

Maybe you're in it for the thrill but I do not see the allure.

Secondly, you only want to be with your ex so that he would see what he's missing out on?

As LHCF would say, "Girl get yo life".

 

[GetHappy2014]

He's a player. A player with children. A player with children who doesn't want to be monogomous (which I guess feeds back into the player trait).

Maybe you're in it for the thrill but I do not see the allure.

Secondly, you only want to be with your ex so that he would see what he's missing out on?

As LHCF would say, "Girl get yo life".

Well in true player form...he was a completely different person when we first started dating. We talked on the phone constantly for hours, if not talking we texted. He changed up on me...I guess he has perfected his game over the years. I hear you all ( posters)... I am backing up slowly but surely... Although I tried to pace myself. I'll admit... I fell quickly

 

[Mai Tai]

Well part of his mixed messages....is that he doesn't want me seeing other people. He knows a little about my ex and his "presence" in my life (because he ask for details). It even went as far as..I hope no children are in the room...he could not even get it up ... Until I swore to him on my child that I was not seeing anyone else...then it worked like a charm.

Girl...you are giving out waaaaay too much information to a man that ain't ya man.

As long as you are being safe, who you spend your time with outside of him is really none of his business.

I find it crazy that you are not questioning the fact that you dating someone else only affects his sex drive and not his motivation to take you off the market. This is very telling to me and should tell you a lot about what he truly wants from you.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

:210::210::210::gunner7::gunner7::gunner7:
:gunner7:
:gunner7::gunner7::gunner7:

This so called reformed player is willing to lay down with you but won't commit to you - its a valid question. The only thing that is 100% is no contact at all so what do you think would happen if you popped up pregnant for an alleged reformed player with kids? You only know his version of what happened with the kids mother. Trust and verify. Its been 3 months, you have no idea who else he has on his bench or who he is waiting for the chance give what he is refusing to do with you. This is how women end up dealing with dudes for years then act all surprised and hurt when he gives to the next one in a short time what you waited for.

Get you some toys- dump them both and start over.

As a rule, until you are in a relationship, take the edge off before you go out on a date.

If you want monogamy then that's a discussion you have before you start sleeping together. Otherwise you'll stay on here with anonymous names looking for people to co-sign all the red flags you are choosing to ignore.

 

[MzLady78]

Well in true player form...he was a completely different person when we first started dating. We talked on the phone constantly for hours, if not talking we texted. He changed up on me...I guess he has perfected his game over the years. I hear you all ( posters)... I am backing up slowly but surely... Although I tried to pace myself. I'll admit... I fell quickly

It happens. But you have to look at who he is NOW, not who he WAS.

 

[RocStar]

Always go with actions vs. words, especially when you're getting mixed messages.

Just because he's singing "I don't wanna be a playa no more" doesn't necessarily you're the one he wants to settle down with.

Yup, he is singing, "I'm not a player I just frick a lot."

 

[Petal26]

Run. Fast.

 

[DayStar]

He is being honest with you. He already told you who he is. Its up to you to sit and wonder. It's pretty obvious he isnt into you like that.

 

[ThickHair]

Keepin it real, do the player and don't get knocked up. Go out with the ex and don't do him. After the fun, post cuffing seasom, dump them both. This is pre-cuffing season, line up ya boos girl.