Should I start showing more skin?

DaDragonPrincess said:
1.First thing first work on "SELF LOVE" love yourself...

2. Make a day aside of every week to pamper yourself with getting your nails and toes done, or do it yourself...

3.Maybe a nice clean makeover, still keep your style but spice it up a bit, not in a trashy way;but in a classy way. See theres a way to be sexy without it looking trashy... And you don't have to dress naked.

4. Confidence

I use to be tom boyish in high school,and grew out of it slowly.


Heres examples of outfits that will mix a little of your style with something cute and sexy in a classy way:

A cute sun dress is always in, with a pair of flip flops.
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Somthing cute and simple, as you see these pants are kind of baggy "Wide leg", so it still give you that cute tom boyish look but cute.

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Sexy in a classy way, but not showing too much. Rumpers/Jumpers dresses or shorts

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Kind of baggy jumper,with heels.


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Just to give you a ideal of ways to be cute and sexy without showing too much skin.


:drunk: Hope it's of help sweetie.
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:kewlpics: Yesssssssssss! *Mo'Nique Voice* I own the first 3 fits in some form! Comfy & Sexy!
 
IONENABILLION said:
I am in my early 20's and it upsets me that I can't attract men to save my life. I would describe myself as borderline tomboy but not complete butch. But even when I am dressed classy, guys still don't approach me.

I always hear guys say that they just use women who dress slutty or show skin for sex but to me that seems like a bunch of BS. It's like as long as the girl is beautiful and she treats the guy good, they don't care. I see girls who are FAR from classy or virginal and still get men to marry them. Kendra Wilkinson, anyone? And, she's not the only one. There are countless others just liker her. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not hating on,judging, or trying to come off like I'm better then women like Kendra because I'm not.

But I keep wondering what's the point of trying to keep up my goody two shoes image (not that I'm faking it b/c I'm naturally shy and introverted) when I have yet to gain anything from it?

I think I'm on par with how guys getting tired of being the “nice guy” because you see the “bad boys” having all the fun. You play by the so called “rules” and you still lose. As I was saying.......

I'm 23 and still a virgin . And some people might say that's good thing until they find out your only a virgin because nobody wants to f**k you.

I can count on one hand how many times I have been approached within the last 5 years.

And I'm tired of being flat out ignored by guys or treated like a female relative/friend. Kinda how guys complain about being in the “friend zone”

So, why should I keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? (Yes, the definition of Insanity).

So I was thinking. Should I start wearing outfits like:

aFE00d
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Now this outfit could be cool, it remind me of the "Aaliyah tom boyish Style" street but sweet, short top and jeans.
 
IONENABILLION said:
What about these? Do y'all think they fit under the realm of classy and sexy?

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I think that that is all up to your taste, what you like and the appropriateness of where you are wearing the item. I also think it depends upon your build as well. There are some things that I can't really wear. I used to run track and I have shapely thighs&behind, and some mini dresses I can't wear or I'll be mooning the club all night. I have friends who can put a mini on and look appropriate and fantastic...
 
IMO those new outfits (minus the first one) are just a couple notches above what you first posted.

Also as stated, if you are used to wearing jeans/tshirts/sweats and nothing fitted..you should start small and progress...don't bring it all out at once.

What's the social scene like in your location? Sometimes you have to put yourself out there to meet people. You have to go places. Smile. Make eye contact. Think positive.

Being a virgin for whatever anyone's reason is lovely but it's not the most important thing about you and it shouldn't define you.
 
OP, I think you knew the answer to your question before you even posted it.

I agree it would be nice to see some pics of how you currently dress.

Also, what do your friends have to say about your situation? Your real friends? I'm sure they would have some insight and advice for you seeing as though they know you better than we do.

And this is not to be offensive, but I find your posts confusing because you keep saying "it doesn't matter how you dress...men will want the sex anyway". Well, if that's true, why even consider those outfits in your first post? Just continue dressing how you're dressing...

I see your original post as more of a "vent" for the situation you're in, rather than a real question about whether you should change the way you dress. You came out of a relationship that didn't work and you don't see yourself getting into another one soon for "lack of options". In other words, you seem a little hurt/frustrated. How long has it been since that relationship? Sometimes we need time in between things to learn from them and sort them all out...the right way.
 
zzirvingj said:
Also, what do your friends have to say about your situation? Your real friends? I'm sure they would have some insight and advice for you seeing as though they know you better than we do.
Click to expand...

To be honest, I don't really have any real friends. I talk to some people at work and they're cool and all but I wouldn't really consider them friends because I only see/talk to them when I'm at work. So, I just consider them "associates". In plus, I'm not really a people person and I'm not really good at making friends.


zzirvingj said:
And this is not to be offensive, but I find your posts confusing because you keep saying "it doesn't matter how you dress...men will want the sex anyway". Well, if that's true, why even consider those outfits in your first post? Just continue dressing how you're dressing...
Click to expand...

The reason why I said that was because people kept on bringing up "Oh, if you dress like that guys is just gone want you for sex". And what I was saying is if that's all they want then if won't matter what you have on. But that has nothing to do with men not approaching me which is what my original post was about. And, no, I'm not saying I just want guys to just approach me for sex.

zzirvingj said:
How long has it been since that relationship?
Click to expand...

The last time I talked to my ex was October 2008. But I had broken up with him a few months prior while he was still incarcerated. And I haven't had a relationship with anybody else since October 2008.
 
IONEINABILLION, thanks for clarifying things. Honestly, I am seeing a certain picture here. If you say you are not good at maintaining friendships, then how good could you be at maintaining a relationship?

I am not saying you aren't deserving of a good relationship because you stated you don't have friends. Rather, I am saying that alot of the qualities we seek in friends we also seek in a mate (honesty, loyalty, trust, etc.). Honestly, and I say this from the heart....maybe some of the reasons you haven't attracted the kind of boyfriend you want in your life are the same reasons you haven't attracted many platonic friends in your life (male or female).

I am not saying you have to have a huge circle of friends to be happy, but a true friend will listen to you and be there for you and offer you their sound advice during situations such as these. And I hate to be cliche, but guys come and go...a true friend can often last a lifetime.

I think it would benefit you if you had a few close platonic friends you could talk to, hang out with, have fun with and just be yourself around...that way you're not looking for a man to be "everything" to you. This is just my opinion, but I think a good man is going to want you to have your own friends aside from him and his circle of people, anyway.

My two cents: focus on developing your confidence levels, self worth and socializing skills. They are all important in attracting good people in your life, whether they are girlfriends, "guy friends", or boyfriends. At least that's been my experience. And good luck to you while on that journey ;) You deserve the best ;) :yep::drunk:
 
The first thing that you need to do is work on yourself confidence. You have to be able to love yourself before you have a man love you.

Your intentions might be to get a man to talk to you, but it is not going to end up that way. The wrong boy is going to say the right things and it will cause you to head down a path you don't want to be on. Men want a women with confidence and class. Your personality, your spirit, your love for him, etc. will keep a man drawn to you. If this wasn't true that means any women wearing the same things that you want to wear can take him or any other man away from you.
 
SqrpioQutie said:
personally, no.... i'm somewhat conservative though so take that for what it's worth....

exactly where do you plan to go in outfits like these?
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Well, besides going to work, I don't really don't go out alot. I'm not really into the club scene. I only been once. So, I was just talking about wearing stuff like that when I'm out and about like at the supermarket or the movies.
 
IONENABILLION said:
Well, besides going to work, I don't really don't go out alot. I'm not really into the club scene. I only been once. So, I was just talking about wearing stuff like that when I'm out and about like at the supermarket or the movies.
Click to expand...

i'm going to be really honest and probably show some of my "mean girl" but wearing outfits like that out and about running errands at the market is ridiculous IMO.... please don't play yourself like that... the movies aren't much better...
 
You want to go from tomboy/butch to sluttishness. How about a middle ground?

You're in your 20s, that's the age when women get approached the most. Don't just go to work and home. Go out and have fun, live life. Make friends with people (men and women) that have similar or compatible interests and hang out with them. Engage life!!!

What do you like to do for fun? Make a list of that and start doing them. You'll meet people doing that. Again, engage life!!!

And since the tomboy-butch outfits are not working for you, ditch that. Embrace your own femininity and you'll naturally find a style that works for you.

Embrace your big legs and wear dresses and skirts. Many men looove a woman with big calves. You insist on hiding them and then you complain that you get no play. Get out of your own way!!!!
 
thats only going to attract a dollar bill... honestly.... you sound like a direct upfront person... so here goes...
something about you needs to change on the inside... A girl can be in her most unflattering state and a dude will still be on it.... there are thread about this....
people are attracted to confidence, happiness, talent and just positivity, it exudes from you to help with that thang we call beauty. if you need to make a change to you outside to help with your man snagging, work on your art of feminity. Feminity is exuded through business suits, stripper clothes, and grey sweats. A chick in that get up osted above could still have the feminity of teri crews and will still not bag a dude, ya know...
get ya eyebrows done, wax your peach fuzz, pedicure, manicure, moisturize and style your mop, keep your skin healthy and glowy, keep ya body right, make your lip gloss pop) and you can be dress like a firfighter and dude will want to bone you...
You want dudes to bone you huh....
be careful what you ask for...
YOu are asking for dudes to f!K you and PH*CK you they will darling
 
IONENABILLION said:
To be honest, I don't really have any real friends. I talk to some people at work and they're cool and all but I wouldn't really consider them friends because I only see/talk to them when I'm at work. So, I just consider them "associates". In plus, I'm not really a people person and I'm not really good at making friends.




The reason why I said that was because people kept on bringing up "Oh, if you dress like that guys is just gone want you for sex". And what I was saying is if that's all they want then if won't matter what you have on. But that has nothing to do with men not approaching me which is what my original post was about. And, no, I'm not saying I just want guys to just approach me for sex.



The last time I talked to my ex was October 2008. But I had broken up with him a few months prior while he was still incarcerated. And I haven't had a relationship with anybody else since October 2008.
Click to expand...


You are living my life at 23.... I feel ya... should PM me if you would like
 
IONENABILLION said:
What kind of guys are you looking for?
I'm looking for guys in my age group who are attractive, loyal, and honest. Also, someone will treat me with dignity and respect. I'm seeking a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage, so nothing on the jumpoff tip.
Click to expand...
those outfits will not get you someone who will treat your with dignity and respect - you will look like a "know the way of the world" girl and get treated as such.

IONENABILLION said:
Where do you socialize and come across eligible men?
To, be honest I pretty much go to work and back home so I rarely, if ever, socialize.
Click to expand...
THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON! THIS IS WHAT WILL BRING YOU FRIEND FIRST AND THEN A RELATIONSHIP SECOND

IONENABILLION said:
Have you tried asking like-minded friends and family to introduce you to single guys in your age range?
No, for two reasons.
1) I don't want to look desperate
2) I would want a relationship to be something natural and not forced.
Click to expand...
Dressing like that just smacks of trying too hard IMO.


zzirvingj said:
IONEINABILLION, thanks for clarifying things. Honestly, I am seeing a certain picture here. If you say you are not good at maintaining friendships, then how good could you be at maintaining a relationship?

I am not saying you aren't deserving of a good relationship because you stated you don't have friends. Rather, I am saying that alot of the qualities we seek in friends we also seek in a mate (honesty, loyalty, trust, etc.). Honestly, and I say this from the heart....maybe some of the reasons you haven't attracted the kind of boyfriend you want in your life are the same reasons you haven't attracted many platonic friends in your life (male or female).

I am not saying you have to have a huge circle of friends to be happy, but a true friend will listen to you and be there for you and offer you their sound advice during situations such as these. And I hate to be cliche, but guys come and go...a true friend can often last a lifetime.

I think it would benefit you if you had a few close platonic friends you could talk to, hang out with, have fun with and just be yourself around...that way you're not looking for a man to be "everything" to you. This is just my opinion, but I think a good man is going to want you to have your own friends aside from him and his circle of people, anyway.

My two cents: focus on developing your confidence levels, self worth and socializing skills. They are all important in attracting good people in your life, whether they are girlfriends, "guy friends", or boyfriends. At least that's been my experience. And good luck to you while on that journey ;) You deserve the best ;) :yep::drunk:
Click to expand...

First address your ability to make and maintain friends because no man will want to be your everything for ever. I mean DH and I are close but I don't depend on him to be all my friends - he is my best friend but not my only one. There is a difference. Also, depending solely on a man for socialization opens you up for exploitation emotionally and physically.

Strangefruittree said:
thats only going to attract a dollar bill... honestly.... you sound like a direct upfront person... so here goes...
something about you needs to change on the inside... A girl can be in her most unflattering state and a dude will still be on it.... there are thread about this....
people are attracted to confidence, happiness, talent and just positivity, it exudes from you to help with that thang we call beauty. if you need to make a change to you outside to help with your man snagging, work on your art of feminity. Feminity is exuded through business suits, stripper clothes, and grey sweats. A chick in that get up osted above could still have the feminity of teri crews and will still not bag a dude, ya know...
get ya eyebrows done, wax your peach fuzz, pedicure, manicure, moisturize and style your mop, keep your skin healthy and glowy, keep ya body right, make your lip gloss pop) and you can be dress like a firfighter and dude will want to bone you...
You want dudes to bone you huh....
be careful what you ask for...
YOu are asking for dudes to f!K you and PH*CK you they will darling
Click to expand...
Amen to this.

Why don't you get out more? Join a meet up group of like-minded individuals. Do wine tasting events. The supermarket on a Saturday is a great place to meet singles. The local library has events. There are things to do and no excuses to just go to work and home. Use Meet up to find people to meet up and do things with.

For example a google search with the terms "things to do in nyc"
http://newyork.timeout.com/
http://www.nycgo.com/
 
to me it seems like a matter of lack of confidence in your case. Now I'm not saying all it takes is to be the epitome of confidence and then guys will flock to you. But I am saying is even if you look like a slut walking naked on the street and you don't have confidence you're still not going to be girl guys flock to. When it comes to confidence I say fake it til you make it. Little things like body language make a huge difference when it comes to guys hitting on you. Stand tall, make eye contact with people, and even turn your body towards people so that your naval is in their direction, and SMILE (various smiles work from the broad showing all the pearly white smile, to the subtle sexy smirk). These are time tested flirting tricks that have an evolutionary basis for why they work, and they can work from across the room!

that being said looks do matter. How you dress does matter especially when it comes to the visual beast that are men. I would say though looking classy always beats looking like a 2 dolla h* if you want to attract a higher caliber of men that don't just want you for sex. And trust me, I don't dress like a nun, but I also wouldn't wear anything I would be too afraid to walk past my father in.

I for one know the bare legs and stilettos work wonders in getting the attention of the opposite sex. But if I have on something short I tend to not to wear something that shows too much cleavage, especially during day. (I have different rules for when I go out to a club :look: that's one night I may go a lil over the top with the skin bearing, but in clubs in Atlanta I still look like a nun compared to how some of these girls go out). And cleavage is also good, but I mean have at least 75% of your breast covered up- that includes areolae and nipples. Also baring ones shoulders and collar bone and even back helps a lot in terms of sex appeal.

And with make up... the less caked on it looks the better. Blend Blend Blend.

But ALL of this is just surface and won't mean a gosh darn thing unless you believe that you look good and that you are worth something. And dressing like a slut isn't going help with your confidence. If anything it will probably make you feel uncomfortable, so the best rule is to be comfortable in what you wear.


Anyway... surface surface surface.....

I am 21. I have lost my virginity, but one thing I have not lost is my self respect. I would NEVER accept just being someone's sexual play thing. Casual sex is okay for some, but to me I feel it is a major blow to ones self esteem and would make me feel cheap and insult me. I don't think when it comes to sex quantity is better than quality. Cultivate a relationship with a man before you give it away. Make him work for it. Believe it or not men do like the thrill of the chase and its good for you if you make a guy earn your trust and your respect. A guy will treat you as a lady if you present yourself as a lady and accept nothing less. A guy will treat you like a wh*re if you present yourself as such and allow it to happen.

Please OP, have more self worth and don't compromise who you are just to have some thug or frat boy look your way. You are worth so much more than than.
 
Last edited:
i know this is mad late but I wanted to point out something you've been saying thru-out this thread.

"all guys want sex eventually, so why does it matter".
lemme make something clear. There are
A) guys who want sex from u and nothing more
b) guys who want sex eventually, but want to learn more about you first

You're grouping them into one category as if they're all good men who want sex. If all u want is a sex buddy, then i would say go ahead and dress that way. But you're looking for a relationship and a guy who wants to get to know the person inside. Dressing like that & walking around as something you're not is mostly gonna get you letter A type guys. For sure! Which is what you don't want.
 
Life can be challenging when you are an introvert in an extrovert's world (trust me, I know...). I don't think dressing in a "provocative" way (didn't want to say slutty but, uhm, yeah...) is the answer.

Do you have any interests? Take a painting class or something at a community college over the summer. Such classes usually meet one-two days a week in the evening. Usually, they force "group work" on you. This may make it easier for you to meet like minded folks both male and female. You may find folks you click with and can go from there.

If you are willing to step outside of your comfort zone to dress like that, I think you would be equally as interested (and better benefited) by stepping outside of your comfort zone and involving yourself in some extracurricular activities and putting yourself out there to meet folks.

Volunteering is also good. You can search this site for volunteer opportunities that match your interests http://www.volunteermatch.org/. You are helping others, which makes you feel good, and you are also able to meet other giving folks and again, you may click with some of them. Best Wishes!
 
you can wear that to the club but not anywhere else keep it classy but fly. . rock skinny jeans they will change your life around
 
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