Should I start showing more skin?

[IONENABILLION]

Forgive me for bringing up old threads, but didn't you post a while back about a ski trip you were about to take with a man who flat-out said he wanted some p----

And then you said that all the men that you dated had criminal records? And that you currently were not in school (a place to meet decent guys)?

What you're saying now doesn't add up, if you are the same person.

Yeah, that was me. As I stated, in that thread I never went on that ski trip with my ex and that was last time I talked to him. And I that was the one and only guy I ever dated that had a criminal record. Yes, he was the one that was locked up.

 

[Bunny77]

Yeah, that was me. As I stated, in that thread I never went on that ski trip with my ex and that was last time I talked to him. And I that was the one and only guy I ever dated that had a criminal record. Yes, he was the one that was locked up.

Okay, thanks.

Well, knowing this, I think you're missing the bigger picture here. You've picked two bad apples, and luckily, you learned from that.

But my question is, what attracted you to that type of man in the first place? And why would you possibly think that dressing in those god-awful butt-ugly pieces of fabric would get you a BETTER man than the ex-con and the ski-trip fool you got by dressing like a tomboy?

If I were you, I'd be wondering why I'm not in situations in which I could encounter more positive men, and what I need to be doing to get myself there.

 

[Bunny77]

1) I don't want to look desperate
2) I would want a relationship to be something natural and not forced.

And dressing like a whore DOESN'T make you look desperate?

And dressing like a whore DOESN'T look like you're forcing something?

 

[IONENABILLION]

Okay, thanks.

Well, knowing this, I think you're missing the bigger picture here. You've picked two bad apples, and luckily, you learned from that.

But my question is, what attracted you to that type of man in the first place? And why would you possibly think that dressing in those god-awful butt-ugly pieces of fabric would get you a BETTER man than the ex-con and the ski-trip fool you got by dressing like a tomboy?

If I were you, I'd be wondering why I'm not in situations in which I could encounter more positive men, and what I need to be doing to get myself there.

No, I think you misunderstood me. The felon and the ski trip guy are THE SAME PERSON. That was the only "serious" reklationship I ever been in. Now, to answer your question, what attracted me to him was the fact that I was young and dumb. And I really didn't have any standards in terms of what I wanted in a man when we first melt. Which is my fault.

And why would you possibly think that dressing in those god-awful butt-ugly pieces of fabric would get you a BETTER man than the ex-con and the ski-trip fool you got by dressing like a tomboy?

Because, for two reasons:

1) I might not be a single mom, had an abortion, or a STD. But, what does that mean if your lonely? Who am I being goody goody for? Myself? That doesn't make any sense.

2) Also, I feel like stayed in the last relationship (felon/ski trip guy) WAYYY longer then I should have, mainly because I felt like I didn't have any other options with men. And I'm still dealing with that now. I have been single since I stopped dealing with him. So, I don't want to get with somebody and feel like I have to put up with their crap because nobody else wants me. Options=Power. You feel me?

Also, dressing scantily clad may not get me a better man but what I been doing hasn't been working in favor all this time. So, I figure I don't have anything to lose.

 

[TamedTresses]

1) I might not be a single mom, had an abortion, or a STD. But, what does that mean if your lonely? Who am I being goody goody for? Myself? That doesn't make any sense.

2) Also, I feel like stayed in the last relationship (felon/ski trip guy) WAYYY longer then I should have, mainly because I felt like I didn't have any other options with men. And I'm still dealing with that now. I have been single since I stopped dealing with him. So, I don't want to get with somebody and feel like I have to put up with their crap because nobody else wants me. Options=Power. You feel me?

Also, dressing scantily clad may not get me a better man but what I been doing hasn't been working in favor all this time. So, I figure I don't have anything to lose.

Being goody goody for yourself is not that bad. You may want to do some reflecting and truly understand why you are feeling this way. Do you feel like having a man will validate you? It may not seem that way to you now, but being single right now may be a good thing.

You said that you stayed with your ex because you didn't have "options". Technically, you had the option to leave, but you chose to stay. Don't try to be in a relationship with just anybody for the sake of saying you are in a relationship. You don't want to lose yourself in the process.

 

[IONENABILLION]

And dressing like a whore DOESN'T make you look desperate?

And dressing like a whore DOESN'T look like you're forcing something?

And dressing like a whore DOESN'T make you look desperate?

Possibly, yes. But guys don't care as long as you look good. I look at the comments on Youtube & other forums and there will be a beautiful woman and guys will be like "I'll wife her" just off the girl looks alone. And I see this in real life. Yes, I know some of the guys may not be that appealing themselves but I'm not talking about the undesirable ones.


And dressing like a whore DOESN'T look like you're forcing something?

Yeah, but it's either that or I keep doing what I'm doing and I'll keep getting what I'm getting.

 

[DrC]

those clothes up there you posted are cute if you're a:
Streetwalker
Stripper
Going to a REALLY wild club

Come out the house looking like trash ^^ and Garbage will come pick you up.
You want something cute and sexy but not slutty. Here are a few outfits I think are pretty cute and sexy. They show a small amount of skin, but they dont overexpose.

As far as looking for a respectable nice man, well it takes more than clothing (appearance) to find one. Why do you feel you should change your appearance to draw in a man? The right man will love you the way you are..... sweatpants, baggy shirts, and all

 

[IONENABILLION]

Being goody goody for yourself is not that bad. You may want to do some reflecting and truly understand why you are feeling this way. Do you feel like having a man will validate you? It may not seem that way to you now, but being single right now may be a good thing.

You said that you stayed with your ex because you didn't have "options". Technically, you had the option to leave, but you chose to stay. Don't try to be in a relationship with just anybody for the sake of saying you are in a relationship. You don't want to lose yourself in the process.

Let me clarify what I mean when I say I didn't have options. I wasn't trying to say that I was forced to stay in relationship with him because I wasn't. No one held me captive and I chose to stay which is my own fault. But when I refer to "options", what I'm saying is you got women out here who could break with their boyfriend and be in a relationship a month later. Because they have options. If they break up with a guy, there's a 100 (exaggeration) other guys waiting to be with them because they are the type of female that guys want. Now, I'm not saying that I want to be a whore or bounce from relationship to relationship. But, I like to know if things don't work out with this particular guy there someone else out there who is going to want to be with me. Which I think will raise my confidence and put me in a position where I'm less likely to tolerate BS because I wouldn't have to.

 

[TamedTresses]

Let me clarify what I mean when I say I didn't have options. I wasn't trying to say that I was forced to stay in relationship with him because I wasn't. No one held me captive and I chose to stay which is my own fault. But when I refer to "options", what I'm saying is you got women out here who could break with their boyfriend and be in a relationship a month later. Because they have options. If they break up with a guy, there's a 100 (exaggeration) other guys waiting to be with them because they are the type of female that guys want. Now, I'm not saying that I want to be a whore or bounce from relationship to relationship. But, I like to know if things don't work out with this particular guy there someone else out there who is going to want to be with me. Which I think will raise my confidence and put me in a position where I'm less likely to tolerate BS because I wouldn't have to.

I understand what you meant. I just want you to understand that your confidence should come from within. If you work on that regardless of if you have a man or not it will remain. You DON'T have to tolerate BS. I think you may want to work on your confidence. Good luck, OP!

 

[Natural Redhead]

Ok, this was me. “I can‘t wait to lose my virginity“. I lost my virginity at 24 to my now husband. Everyone was always talking about what great sex they had last night and all I could think was “well, it must be great to be you. Do you feel proud?” Jealousy, I know. I was always the friend or the "you my cuz" type girl even though I am pretty girly. Nails, hair, cleavage. Not that I wore extremely low cut shirts, just reg. V necks, but I have a small frame and huge breasts that don't match. They show no matter what. I would try to flirt and i guess it made people uncomfortable. The people i wanted to talk to never approached me and the ones i couldn't stand chased me.

Being a virgin was diff. it was like everyone wanted to take it, but no one made the cut. No one approached me in the right way. Some of it was probably my fault. I started every date with "i'm a virgin, thanks for inviting me to dinner" or something similar. Really. I just wanted to get that out of the way, so if they decided to leave we wouldn't waste each others time. I wasn't just going to give my oldest and most important gift to just anyone.
I had an older friend who was an exotic dancer and she told me something I still repeat til this day. "Virgins are like leprechauns, they are hard to find, but people will chase them to the end of the world."

It wasn't the most profound thing anyone has ever said to me but hey, it stuck with me. I left that conversation like "damn right, ain't nobody gonna take my pot of gold". I know its not what you wanna hear, but stop trying to give it away and it will happen naturally. If you dress like that you may get too much of what you are asking for.

 

[HoneyA]

No. I really do not think that has anything to do with it. And there is a big difference between dressing sexy and slutty. I think you want sexy. But even if you dress sexy and you don't have the self-confidence to just strut your stuff, looked relaxed and chilled out, you still won't be approached.

 

[krikit96]

Hello ion! I don't think showing skin will attract the right attention. Especially if you are not used to dressing like that you will make yourself uncomfortable. I think you need to focus on pleasing yourself first How do you feel inside? Are you contented? Are you happy with your physical appearance? Do you have good posture? an inviting smile? These are just some things that men are more receptive to on a subconscious level than skimpy clothes. Find yourself attractive first and the masses will follow. Try and build your confidence and I think you will find that there is a whole other world out there waiting for you that doesn't put limits on your dating life span and where men just wanting to "f" you is a good thing

Maybe you should update your style of dress to be more feminine but this in no way means you have to be naked. Do your hair, put on a little mascara, lip gloss where something feminine that's classy and sexy. Something that makes YOU feel good about YOURSELF! and when you feel sexy and confident it will show and men will flock to you.

Good Luck Angel! Don't be so hard on yourself! Here is the link to a nice blog that may help you: http://www.attraction-control.com/list/attractive-vs-good-looking//

You are going to make yourself uncomfortable is all. I was a tomboy and my best friend looked at me like a "project". She was (and still is) a beautiful girl but she dressed me up in all these clothes and all the attention I got was soperplexederplexed to me in the beginning. But she eventually helped me find my sense of style, and I took it from there.

I was a tomboy too. I was a V until 22. She changed my style of dress for me at 18. If we could see what you are dressing like/ looking like, we could prolly give you better feedback...

 

[*CherryPie*]

You insinuated that you are desperate for a date/man, but you also said that the only reason you've never had sex is because nobody wants to f**k you.

Then you come out with all of these stripper-like outfits.

OKAY. I put 2 and 2 together and this is what I came up with. What else should I be getting from this?

Anyway, For whatever reason, Don't get those clothes! You'll be walking around looking like a fool in that mess.

Thanks for responding but I never said I wanted to attract men for sex. I have issues with not getting approached by men period.

 

[MzLady78]

I agree, but like I said in my original post, in the past, I have had guys that came at me that just wanted sex when I was fully clothed. So, if that's all a man wants that it won't matter what you have on. And just because they want it, that doesn't mean you have to give it to them.

Sooo, wouldn't common sense dictate that it would be 10X worse if you started dressing like that?

I said in a thread in ENT that you can be sexy without being trashy and the stuff you posted is definitely the latter. Guys may approach you but they're not going to take you seriously or respect you.

 

[ambergirl]

Okay, thanks.

Well, knowing this, I think you're missing the bigger picture here. You've picked two bad apples, and luckily, you learned from that.

But my question is, what attracted you to that type of man in the first place? And why would you possibly think that dressing in those god-awful butt-ugly pieces of fabric would get you a BETTER man than the ex-con and the ski-trip fool you got by dressing like a tomboy?

If I were you, I'd be wondering why I'm not in situations in which I could encounter more positive men, and what I need to be doing to get myself there.

PPPPFffftttt........wiping coffee off the screen. Laughing at Bunny77 breaking it down, not your situation.

If those are the outfits you're thinking of pulling off I think it's safe to assume you have a nice figure....if that's the case, I'm with Bunny77 I think you have an environmental problem not a fashion problem. Men like women who show their figures, not their skin. Lots of women get approached wearing tees and jeans, it all depends on how you're rocking them and the rest of your look (hair, makeup, accessories, etc)...AND your attitude. Dressing like a ho is like asking to be treated like a side piece.

Being lonely sucks but being with someone who's only out for the P is MUCH worse. I don't know where you live, but you need to re-evaluate how you are spending your time and with whom. You also might want to look at who you're attracted to and why. A cute 23 year old should not be selling herself so short as to put on hookah wear to attract a man.

 

[IONENABILLION]

Sooo, wouldn't common sense dictate that it would be 10X worse if you started dressing like that?

I said in a thread in ENT that you can be sexy without being trashy and the stuff you posted is definitely the latter. Guys may approach you but they're not going to take you seriously or respect you.

Yes, but that's not my issue because I know guys is gonna want it regardless. Just because a guy is being a "gentleman" doesn't mean he doesn't want to have sex with you. And that wasn't what this thread was about anyway. I repeat, just because they want it doesn't mean you have to give it to them.

 

[Lovelylife]

Well I'm in the same situation as Ionenabillion. Men apparently think that I'm cute or attractive but for some reason I get put in the friendship category. I present myself very classy, introverted and I am views as a good two shoes yet the only men that try to get with me(on the very few occasions that is happens) are disgusting. I don't understand why, I'm not loud or dumb acting.
Atleast she's being proactive. I've pretty much just given up. Why have I given up??
Because most of the guys that I see are dogs anyway. I can't stand them. Most of the girls that I see with guys are being used for sex or their looks. I feel soooo disappointed. I expected so much more. Perhaps some wholesome guys like myself looking for marriage. But they seemed to have disappeared. I doubt that I will ever wear anything sexy because I am afraid of attracting every more womanizers. The catch is that I'm atheist(Christian background) and most wholesome guys would be Christians anyway.

 

[ambergirl]

Well I'm in the same situation as Ionenabillion. Men apparently think that I'm cute or attractive but for some reason I get put in the friendship category. I present myself very classy, introverted and I am views as a good two shoes yet the only men that try to get with me(on the very few occasions that is happens) are disgusting. I don't understand why, I'm not loud or dumb acting.
Atleast she's being proactive. I've pretty much just given up. Why have I given up??
Because most of the guys that I see are dogs anyway. I can't stand them. Most of the girls that I see with guys are being used for sex or their looks. I feel soooo disappointed. I expected so much more. Perhaps some wholesome guys like myself looking for marriage. But they seemed to have disappeared. I doubt that I will ever wear anything sexy because I am afraid of attracting every more womanizers. The catch is that I'm atheist(Christian background) and most wholesome guys would be Christians anyway.

On the first bolded....there are plenty of good guys out there no doubt....BUT there are more good women....in fact The Atlantic just had a really good cover article that talked about the fact that women of all races are outperforming men and that has huge societal implications. Check it out here http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135/

On the second bolded....now if you're looking for a good brother THAT will be an issue. I'm not a Christian either, even though I do have very strong spiritual beliefs, and even then I have plenty of brothers giving me the side eye because I'm not a Christian.

 

[Lovelylife]

On the first bolded....there are plenty of good guys out there no doubt....BUT there are more good women....in fact The Atlantic just had a really good cover article that talked about the fact that women of all races are outperforming men and that has huge societal implications. Check it out here http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135/

On the second bolded....now if you're looking for a good brother THAT will be an issue. I'm not a Christian either, even though I do have very strong spiritual beliefs, and even then I have plenty of brothers giving me the side eye because I'm not a Christian.

I don't know who raised up these men. I deeply confounded.
I know for a fact that women seem to be of better quality. I have friends of all races that are single. I still can't figure out why they are single. It seems like there just any men that match up with them.
I'm willing to marry a Christian however that is not ideal.
Thanks for the link!

 

[IONENABILLION]

Well I'm in the same situation as Ionenabillion. Men apparently think that I'm cute or attractive but for some reason I get put in the friendship category. I present myself very classy, introverted and I am views as a good two shoes yet the only men that try to get with me(on the very few occasions that is happens) are disgusting. I don't understand why, I'm not loud or dumb acting.
Atleast she's being proactive. I've pretty much just given up. Why have I given up??
Because most of the guys that I see are dogs anyway. I can't stand them. Most of the girls that I see with guys are being used for sex or their looks. I feel soooo disappointed. I expected so much more. Perhaps some wholesome guys like myself looking for marriage. But they seemed to have disappeared. I doubt that I will ever wear anything sexy because I am afraid of attracting every more womanizers. The catch is that I'm atheist(Christian background) and most wholesome guys would be Christians anyway.

That's crazy,our experiences are very similar, because on the rare times that I'm approached it's always the guys who are disgusting like you said. It's never anybody attractive. Not that a guy has to be mouth watering gorgeous (I wouldn't complain though ) but can it at least be a man who is aiiight looking? Dang!!!! LOL.


I wanted to add something else. Most men might say that they want the "classy chick" or whatever. But they don't want the one who isn't giving it up. NOOOOOO!!!! They can't be THAT classy. That's where it ends.

I seen this on the show Hell Date. There were 3 girls and one was the goody two shoe church type and she let the guy know that she was saving herself for marriage and she was the first one eliminated. Now, yes, the girl was a actress and the show is rigged since that's the whole premise but that's what really goes on in real life. And girls like me and Lovelylife get left behind while men run off with the women they CLAIM they didn't want. Yeah, she was supposed to be just a one night stand, right? I think that's why you see like a lot of promiscuous women getting wifed up. I think If most men had to choose: They would rather have a whore (NOT calling women who have sex whores), so to speak, then one who isn't giving it up at all.

 

[Creatividual]

I don't think you should show more skin like the pictures you shared. I think you just have to find your own style and add some more femininity to it so as to highlight your figure, that's all. Check out fashion sites like chictopia.com Tons of ladies share what they're wearing and they all have different styles.

Men like confidence and class in women they see a future with (you can be their skank behind closed doors once you all are an item. ;-) ). If you dress skanky, you will get attention but it won't match up with what you said that you are looking for. Dressing like a hooker isn't going to make a man say, "man, she'd make a GOOD wife, lemme holla at her". They'll want to talk to you and when you don't give it up, they'll label you a tease and drop you anyway.

 

[IONENABILLION]

I don't think you should show more skin like the pictures you shared. I think you just have to find your own style and add some more femininity to it so as to highlight your figure, that's all. Check out fashion sites like chictopia.com Tons of ladies share what they're wearing and they all have different styles.

Men like confidence and class in women they see a future with (you can be their skank behind closed doors once you all are an item. ;-) ). If you dress skanky, you will get attention but it won't match up with what you said that you are looking for. Dressing like a hooker isn't going to make a man say, "man, she'd make a GOOD wife, lemme holla at her". They'll want to talk to you and when you don't give it up, they'll label you a tease and drop you anyway.

Good point!!!!

 

[GeauXavi]

Um... OP... sorry, but I say YES. The third dress is appropriate...you're showing legs, but not too much cleavage. I would say first of all...take a long look in the mirror.

What is your best asset(s)? Ask your male friends if you can't decide. Then, play around with different looks that will accentuate your best feature(s)

The rule of thumb for not looking 'slutty' is...don't show it all at once. Show a little mid-drift...but cover the legs and ta-tas... or show the legs, but keep it conservative up top and play with your hair and make-up

From personal experience...I can say, I ALWAYS get more attention when I'm out and my hair is down, and/or I have on a dress. And I always keep it classy. Men look at dresses/ touchable sexy hair as feminine and flirty. It is what it is:-/

 

[Godyssey]

NO! Please don't wear outfit's like that (if it isn't your taste). I put the last part in parenthesese because I am guilty of wearing such skimpy things, but never in an attempt to get a man. I only dressed like that when I had a man who I knew already loved me for who I was, and I only dress like that in his presence.

I guess my point is, that you should be true to yourself. If a man you don't know see's you in an outfit like you posted, he's going to be focused on your body. You want a man to be interested in YOU just as you are and not because you're wearing some skimpy outfit.

 

[awhyley]

This article is short, but check it out,

http://www.singersroom.com/lifestyle/264/How-To-Be-Sexy-Without-Being-Naked

 

[phynestone]

I think you should just be yourself. Play up your best assets, but don't show all of your skin. There are plenty of nice, conservative outfits that can show off your figure, nice legs, arms (not all at the same time) and still look great and respectful. Why change yourself just b/c others have a problem? Change your environment. I did and it has relaly helped.

 

[brownelovely]

No, so long as your not dressing "old" dress how you're comfortable. Showing too much skin gets you attention from men you probably DON'T want. I can honestly say that I met more guys when I dressed comfortably versus "club gear" on top of the fact they seem more attracted to me being laid back.

Don't try and get attention by dressing slorish

 

[EccentricRed]

I vote no on this one. I understand your pain about wanting to attract men. It is hard out here at times. I am 28 and quite single as well. But there is something that you need to understand about men.

The outfits you showed will give you attention. Negative attention. Even if you look GREAT in those outfits. But not all men want a women that wears those type of clothes. When you wear things like that, you are limiting the men that will approach you. The men that like classy ladies are not going to give you the time of day. You don't want to limit yourself! You have to find a style that makes you feel sexy, but also keeps a level of class as well.

I'm a clotheshorse, and I have spent a lot of time working on my personal style. I attract men, and I don't think I show too much skin! You say you wear a lot of tees, jeans and sweats (and there isn't anything wrong with that at times) maybe you should look at clothes that flatter your figure and are comfortable. it's an important part of keeping confidence, ya dig? And whether we like it or not, men can't be attracted to our personalities just by seeing us in a room. Therefore, clothes, hair, etc, have to reflect that personality!

 

[AlliCat]

No offense OP but those outfits are HORRENDUS. Completely classless. All of them. I wouldnt wear those clothes even if I had their bodies So don't think you have to go to the extreme of sexy!

The single BEST THING to attract men is CONFIDENCE.

I'm also a conservative girl too. I barely party and I'm a good girl, borderline nerd but I still attract men, sometimes unintentional and too often Basically I wear tight/fitted jeans and sometimes I show a little cleavage. But I've been "holla'd" at in sweatpants and a winter jacket. It's just about having the right attitude and confidence!!!

Another thing, pay attention to how your face looks. Seriously. Smile more often. Men will think twice about approaching a woman with a scowl, no matter how sexy she looks

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

1.First thing first work on "SELF LOVE" love yourself...

2. Make a day aside of every week to pamper yourself with getting your nails and toes done, or do it yourself...

3.Maybe a nice clean makeover, still keep your style but spice it up a bit, not in a trashy way;but in a classy way. See theres a way to be sexy without it looking trashy... And you don't have to dress naked.

4. Confidence

I use to be tom boyish in high school,and grew out of it slowly.


Heres examples of outfits that will mix a little of your style with something cute and sexy in a classy way:

A cute sun dress is always in, with a pair of flip flops.

Somthing cute and simple, as you see these pants are kind of baggy "Wide leg", so it still give you that cute tom boyish look but cute.

Sexy in a classy way, but not showing too much. Rumpers/Jumpers dresses or shorts

Kind of baggy jumper,with heels.

Just to give you a ideal of ways to be cute and sexy without showing too much skin. These outfits are from Victoria's Secret website, but you can find these type outfits anywhere now and days.


Hope it's of help sweetie.