Should I start showing more skin?

[IONENABILLION]

I am in my early 20's and it upsets me that I can't attract men to save my life. I would describe myself as borderline tomboy but not complete butch. But even when I am dressed classy, guys still don't approach me.

I always hear guys say that they just use women who dress slutty or show skin for sex but to me that seems like a bunch of BS. It's like as long as the girl is beautiful and she treats the guy good, they don't care. I see girls who are FAR from classy or virginal and still get men to marry them. Kendra Wilkinson, anyone? And, she's not the only one. There are countless others just liker her. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not hating on,judging, or trying to come off like I'm better then women like Kendra because I'm not.

But I keep wondering what's the point of trying to keep up my goody two shoes image (not that I'm faking it b/c I'm naturally shy and introverted) when I have yet to gain anything from it?

I think I'm on par with how guys getting tired of being the “nice guy” because you see the “bad boys” having all the fun. You play by the so called “rules” and you still lose. As I was saying.......

I'm 23 and still a virgin . And some people might say that's good thing until they find out your only a virgin because nobody wants to f**k you.

I can count on one hand how many times I have been approached within the last 5 years.

And I'm tired of being flat out ignored by guys or treated like a female relative/friend. Kinda how guys complain about being in the “friend zone”

So, why should I keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? (Yes, the definition of Insanity).

So I was thinking. Should I start wearing outfits like:

And, yes, I'm well aware of the fact that I could be putting myself out there to just attract guys who want sex. But, the way I look at it is most men are gonna want sex eventually. Rather it's Day 1 or Day 100. In plus, it's not like I never had guys approach me in the past who just wanted sex when I was just wearing regular clothes. I concluded from my experiences, if that's all a guys wants then it won't matter what you have on. And it would be better then not attracting men at all because then I'll be right back at square one. And not to offend any older women here but I don't want to be 30+ and still single. I know I'm young now. But, I also know I'm not going to be young forever and as a woman I do have a shorter dating shelf life than a man. So, I don't have time to waste. It's not fair but it is what it is. So, I don't want to hear no “You have your whole life to get married”. That's bull. All over the internet Men talk about how they value youth and beauty in a woman.

It might seem like I'm trying to take the easy way out. But, what other options do I have besides waiting it out? If that hasn't worked for the last 5 years, why would it work now?

So, back to my original question.

Should I start showing more skin in order to attract men?

 

[MissYocairis]

NO. (now, I'm off to read your post)

 

[remedios]

Hello ion! I don't think showing skin will attract the right attention. Especially if you are not used to dressing like that you will make yourself uncomfortable. I think you need to focus on pleasing yourself first How do you feel inside? Are you contented? Are you happy with your physical appearance? Do you have good posture? an inviting smile? These are just some things that men are more receptive to on a subconscious level than skimpy clothes. Find yourself attractive first and the masses will follow. Try and build your confidence and I think you will find that there is a whole other world out there waiting for you that doesn't put limits on your dating life span and where men just wanting to "f" you is a good thing

Maybe you should update your style of dress to be more feminine but this in no way means you have to be naked. Do your hair, put on a little mascara, lip gloss where something feminine that's classy and sexy. Something that makes YOU feel good about YOURSELF! and when you feel sexy and confident it will show and men will flock to you.

Good Luck Angel! Don't be so hard on yourself! Here is the link to a nice blog that may help you: http://www.attraction-control.com/list/attractive-vs-good-looking//

 

[Nasdaq_Diva]

No! Continue to carry yourself in the light that you want to be projected. You look like trash, the garbage man will be there to pick you up.

Now, you may not get a whole group of men beating down your door to date you and that's ok. But, I can assure you that it's not related to how you dress.

You may be projecting the wrong body language. Check out SuperFlirt by Tracey Cox. Try to refrain yourself from comparing yourself with other women. No, you didn't write that you do in so many words..but I feel like you are under the assumption that showing more skin = more men in your life.

 

[MissYocairis]

I think your thoughts about going allll the way to the other side are extreme. Have you already worked on personal improvement? Your hair? Is it the best it can be right now? Your nails? Your skin? Your weight/tone? Have you already done all these things and nothing is working and now you want to take it to the extreme? Because the outfits you posted are stripper-inspired and extreme to me. And, they aren't who you really are.

Men are attracted to every woman who is confident and comfortable IN HER OWN SKIN. If you are trying to be someone else to be attractive to men, you may end up getting some play but it will be short-lived and you will be left feeling used and discarded. TRUST ME...you do not want that.

If I were you, I would start with personal improvement to get to feeling like the best IONENABILLION you can be. You are on the PERFECT board (LHCF) for that. Here, you have the hair forum, the skincare/makeup forum, the fitness forum, the fashion forum and you have OT and Chritianity forums for your emotional growth as well.

There's even a series of challenges here called "THAT GIRL" (I believe they are in OT). They teach you how to put your best foot forward and be on point as a rule. These are personal things you can do for YOU that will be their own reward...once you start loving and appreciating how beautiful you are and how much potential you have, then the men will take notice and follow suit.

 

[Natasha009]

I know I'm going to probably get attacked and roasted, but I say yes. Not as much skin as in those pics (except the 3rd dress is nice) but maybe you do need to start dressing differently in general to get more attention. If you dress like a tomboy, why not try some femine but classy clothes. I think getting attention could also force you not to be so shy and introverted since you'll have to actually deal with the attention, which will be good and bad.

I know its not a popular opinion, but I feel like people are superficial and the first step is attraction. After that, they hope the person they are attracted to has a wonderful personality. But what makes them even want to find out about the personality is the attraction.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Wearing those clothes to attract a man for sex is just gonna get your heart broken. Those men are just gonna play witrh your mind , have sex with you, then leave you. Don't try to pretend to be someone you're not, you'll only confuse yourself.

.......and those clothes are UGLY anyway.

 

[SqrpioQutie]

you can dress sexier without wearing clothes like that... imo, if you verge on tomboy now, flipping all the way to clothes like that will scream FAKE!!!!... if you're convinced your problems can be fixed by clothes, start by wearing your clothes more fitted, but not skintight.... showing skin is not surefire way to attract the kind of attention you want... but dressing more confidently and genuinely feeling good in the clothing that you choose will go a long way toward getting you to your goal.

 

[IONENABILLION]

Wearing those clothes to attract a man for sex is just gonna get your heart broken. Those men are just gonna play witrh your mind , have sex with you, then leave you. Don't try to pretend to be someone you're not, you'll only confuse yourself.

.......and those clothes are UGLY anyway.

Thanks for responding but I never said I wanted to attract men for sex. I have issues with not getting approached by men period.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Thanks for responding but I never said I wanted to attract men for sex. I have issues with not getting approached by men period.

Dressing like that will definitely attract men that want sex.

Now, you need to come up with a different game plan.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I'm not going to lie, I used to feel the same way you did. Thinking I should just dress half-naked to get a man to approach but then I realized that it's not my personality and style. I would be so uncomfortable that he and others would notice. So, no I don't think you should dress like that but maybe wear some outfits that complement your shape.

 

[IONENABILLION]

Dressing like that will definitely attract men that want sex.

Now, you need to come up with a different game plan.

I agree, but like I said in my original post, in the past, I have had guys that came at me that just wanted sex when I was fully clothed. So, if that's all a man wants that it won't matter what you have on. And just because they want it, that doesn't mean you have to give it to them.

 

[zenith]

Answers in blue.

I am in my early 20's and it upsets me that I can't attract men to save my life. I would describe myself as borderline tomboy but not complete butch. But even when I am dressed classy, guys still don't approach me.

I always hear guys say that they just use women who dress slutty or show skin for sex but to me that seems like a bunch of BS. This is true, That's why men magazines have scantily clad women. Easy to rub off one when there's plenty of skin showing. It's like as long as the girl is beautiful and she treats the guy good, they don't care. I see girls who are FAR from classy or virginal and still get men to marry them. Kendra Wilkinson, anyone? Please do not use someone like Kendra who was sleeping with an old man in 3somes like she won a trophy. Don't believe what you see on glossy, airbrushed magazine. And, she's not the only one. There are countless others just liker her. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not hating on,judging, or trying to come off like I'm better then women like Kendra because I'm not.
Yes you are better than her. She has a sex tape online showing her and with multiple sex partners. That's not something you can stand up in public and brag about.
But I keep wondering what's the point of trying to keep up my goody two shoes image (not that I'm faking it b/c I'm naturally shy and introverted) when I have yet to gain anything from it? How about not having a child out of wedlock, taking meds for some weird std or suffering from mental anguish as a result of having an abortion.

I think I'm on par with how guys getting tired of being the “nice guy” because you see the “bad boys” having all the fun. Getting drunk, throwing up, waking up with a nasty hangover or next to guy you don;t even know his first man or even worse dying from alcohol poisoning is not fun.You play by the so called “rules” and you still lose. What exactly are you losing? dignity? self-worth? virtue? sleep? As I was saying.......

I'm 23 and still a virgin . And some people might say that's good thing until they find out your only a virgin because nobody wants to f**k you. Good cause they are not worth to sleep with in the first place. You may need to read up on the effects of sexual soul-ties before you jump in the sack random men.

I can count on one hand how many times I have been approached within the last 5 years.

And I'm tired of being flat out ignored by guys or treated like a female relative/friend. Kinda how guys complain about being in the “friend zone”

So, why should I keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? (Yes, the definition of Insanity).

And, yes, I'm well aware of the fact that I could be putting myself out there to just attract guys who want sex. But, the way I look at it is most men are gonna want sex eventually. Rather it's Day 1 or Day 100. In plus, it's not like I never had guys approach me in the past who just wanted sex when I was just wearing regular clothes. I concluded from my experiences, if that's all a guys wants then it won't matter what you have on. A real man will want more from you than just 30 minutes of pleasure. So you may wanna check that mentality you have concerning your self worth.And it would be better then not attracting men at all because then I'll be right back at square one. And not to offend any older women here but I don't want to be 30+ and still single. Who said you will be 30 and single? Can you tell your future 7 years from now? Do you even know what will happen to you 2 weeks from today? No, you cannot. Again, you need to re-evaluate your thinking and outlook about your life.I know I'm young now. But, I also know I'm not going to be young forever and as a woman I do have a shorter dating shelf life than a man. And once you expire what happens? When does your shelf life expire? 25? 30? 35? So, I don't have time to waste. So you want to get sexed up in a hurry, cause the clock is ticking? It's not fair but it is what it is. So, I don't want to hear no “You have your whole life to get married”. That's bull. Alrightie then, go ahead sleep with someone end up pregnant, with some std and all alone, fending for your yourself and your baby... All over the internet Men talk about how they value youth and beauty in a woman. Then eat right, exercise and use sunscreen. Good black don't crack.

It might seem like I'm trying to take the easy way out. But, what other options do I have besides waiting it out? Yes you are taking the easy way out but it's not the best way. Proverbs 14:12 "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." If that hasn't worked for the last 5 years, why would it work now? If you think showing skin will bring the right man then you are in for a huge surprise. How about working on yourself. Finish school, get a career instead of just having a job. Save money, take a trip to europe or the islands... you may meet your man there, you never know!

So, back to my original question.

Should I start showing more skin in order to attract men?

Yes, if you are interested in low caliber men, go ahead.

 

[Nasdaq_Diva]

Besides reading SuperFlirt by Tracey Cox, go ahead and get Why Men Love Bi***** by Sherry Argov. I think both are JUST WHAT YOU NEED!

 

[tropical-punch]

Hey girl. I know this is gonna sound cliche but, you don't have to go out of your comfort zone just to get a guy to notice you. Believe me, the time will come when you meet the man who loves you just as you are.

 

[Raspberry]

While I do believe a healthy self-image and self-improvement are very important to focus on, I don't believe the "just focus on yourself" mantra is the end all/be all. The OP also needs to be in in places where she can be approached by the right men.

OP: What kind of guys are you looking for? Where do you socialize and come across eligible men? Have you tried asking like-minded friends and family to introduce you to single guys in your age range?

 

[Raspberry]

Hey girl. I know this is gonna sound cliche but, you don't have to go out of your comfort zone just to get a guy to notice you. Believe me, the time will come when you meet the man who loves you just as you are.

This sounds nice, but I'm not sure if it's practical - we soo need personal matchmaking services in this day and age.

 

[kismettt]

a) *** no. those are ugly.

b) you said you dress classy or tomboy. do you wear clothes that fit you well and show you you have shape? (not t&a, but a nice waist, bust, hips, legs, etc). where do you shop? it also may be the shy/introverted vibe. i think women who are confident & outwardly happy (smile often) attract attention as well.

 

[IONENABILLION]

While I do believe a healthy self-image and self-improvement are very important to focus on, I don't believe the "just focus on yourself" mantra is the end all/be all. The OP also needs to be in in places where she can be approached by the right men.

OP: What kind of guys are you looking for? Where do you socialize and come across eligible men? Have you tried asking like-minded friends and family to introduce you to single guys in your age range?

What kind of guys are you looking for?
I'm looking for guys in my age group who are attractive, loyal, and honest. Also, someone will treat me with dignity and respect. I'm seeking a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage, so nothing on the jumpoff tip.


Where do you socialize and come across eligible men?
To, be honest I pretty much go to work and back home so I rarely, if ever, socialize.

Have you tried asking like-minded friends and family to introduce you to single guys in your age range?
No, for two reasons.
1) I don't want to look desperate
2) I would want a relationship to be something natural and not forced.

 

[IONENABILLION]

a) *** no. those are ugly.

b) you said you dress classy or tomboy. do you wear clothes that fit you well and show you you have shape? (not t&a, but a nice waist, bust, hips, legs, etc). where do you shop? it also may be the shy/introverted vibe. i think women who are confident & outwardly happy (smile often) attract attention as well.

do you wear clothes that fit you well and show you you have shape?

No, I'm pretty much a jeans and t shirt chick. And sweatshirts & sweatpants. But my clothes aren't baggy nor are they skin tight.

where do you shop?
On the rare occasions, Old Navy.

 

[Bb92]

Those outfits probably will bring you more attention, but not the good kind. Guys will treat you like you are easy because of the way you would look if you wore clothing like that. There is a way to look sexy without wearing super small clothing.

 

[kismettt]

No, I'm pretty much a jeans and t shirt chick. And sweatshirts & sweatpants. But my clothes aren't baggy nor are they skin tight.


what type of fit are your jeans? (skinny, straight? tapered?) pictures? have you tried girly things? (dresses? skirts?) not saying you have to wear it everyday, but once in a while to switch it up.

i personally never wear sweats. how often do you wear them?

hair? make up?

On the rare occasions, Old Navy

where else? there are plenty of places with cute clothes that you can shop on a budget

don't compare yourself to other women. men are like women. they are different, they like different things. some women want a slim thug other's want the business man. just because some girl who is like ABC can get a man doesn't mean you need to be like her. nor wonder why she gets a man even though she isn't virginal (implying that virginal is ideal & better than, i know that's not your intention but that's how it comes across).


also, i do believe it is more than your clothes, because men are different. they like different things. some men like the casual/tom boy. so i don't think showing more skin is a solution

 

[WAVES4DAYS]

I say NO! Try working on your confidence level and self-esteem. It even maybe something as simple as your smile, facial expressions, or the vibe that you give off. Please don't sell yourself short just to attract a man.


Sometimes it not about what you wear, it's how you wear it! (CONFIDENCE)

 

[zenith]

While I do believe a healthy self-image and self-improvement are very important to focus on, I don't believe the "just focus on yourself" mantra is the end all/be all. The OP also needs to be in in places where she can be approached by the right men.

It has to be a healthy balance of the two, IMO.

I do believe that an unhealthy/ poor self-image does lead to poor choices in men.

 

[IONENABILLION]

No, I'm pretty much a jeans and t shirt chick. And sweatshirts & sweatpants. But my clothes aren't baggy nor are they skin tight.


what type of fit are your jeans? (skinny, straight? tapered?) pictures? have you tried girly things? (dresses? skirts?) not saying you have to wear it everyday, but once in a while to switch it up.

i personally never wear sweats. how often do you wear them?

hair? make up?

On the rare occasions, Old Navy

where else? there are plenty of places with cute clothes that you can shop on a budget

don't compare yourself to other women. men are like women. they are different, they like different things. some women want a slim thug other's want the business man. just because some girl who is like ABC can get a man doesn't mean you need to be like her. nor wonder why she gets a man even though she isn't virginal (implying that virginal is ideal & better than, i know that's not your intention but that's how it comes across).


also, i do believe it is more than your clothes, because men are different. they like different things. some men like the casual/tom boy. so i don't think showing more skin is a solution

what type of fit are your jeans? (skinny, straight? tapered?) pictures?

Bootcut.

have you tried girly things? (dresses? skirts?)

I try to stay away from skirts and dresses unless I have to because I have huge manly calves. And I know somebody's gonna jump up and say that "some guys like that". Okay, but I don't.

 

[Nasdaq_Diva]

Have you tried asking like-minded friends and family to introduce you to single guys in your age range?
No, for two reasons.
1) I don't want to look desperate
2) I would want a relationship to be something natural and not forced.

You won't! It's 2010, girl get your butt out there and mix and mingle. Introduce yourself.

 

[Makenzie]

Comments in red

What kind of guys are you looking for?
I'm looking for guys in my age group who are attractive, loyal, and honest. Also, someone will treat me with dignity and respect. I'm seeking a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage, so nothing on the jumpoff tip. All you need is one guy. Keep that in mind. In another post you say you rarely shop and when you do its at the Gap. Try Do you wear jeans all the time? Do you wear jewelry, colors, accessories? Do you tend to wear the same thing over and over? Switch up your wardrobe. Learn what looks good on you.


Where do you socialize and come across eligible men?
To, be honest I pretty much go to work and back home so I rarely, if ever, socialize. This is part of the reason you are not approached. Try going different places. Make a plan of places you want to visit. When you do your errands, try going to the stores you frequent in a different neighborhood. Or have get togethers at your house. Get to know different people, have them bring people to your get togethers. Increase your social circle.

Have you tried asking like-minded friends and family to introduce you to single guys in your age range?
No, for two reasons.
1) I don't want to look desperate dressing skanky looks desperate
2) I would want a relationship to be something natural and not forced. dressing skanky doesn't sound like a natural move for you

 

[Raspberry]

What kind of guys are you looking for?
I'm looking for guys in my age group who are attractive, loyal, and honest. Also, someone will treat me with dignity and respect. I'm seeking a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage, so nothing on the jumpoff tip.


Where do you socialize and come across eligible men?
To, be honest I pretty much go to work and back home so I rarely, if ever, socialize.

Ok, so you gotta start socializing! Who are you showing skin for if you're always in the house? Dudes on the street? That's pretty much a crap shoot - 80% of the guys bold enough to approach you in a public place without knowing anything about you aren't gonna be the respectful stable guys you're looking for.

Have you tried asking like-minded friends and family to introduce you to single guys in your age range?
No, for two reasons.
1) I don't want to look desperate
2) I would want a relationship to be something natural and not forced.

It's not desperate to want a man right? So how is it desperate to ask someone else to introduce you to some? I"m not sure why some think dating has to be this solitary struggle. You'll be maximizing the pool of men you have to choose from and increasing potential for new friends and new socializing experiences. You really never know.

Being introduced to a guy does not force a relationship, you can't make a man want you if he doesn't already - maybe it would force a date in some cases but that's not a bad thing, no problem with getting some practice.

 

[Makenzie]

This is a post I saved. It has a lots of good information. The entire thread is a good one.

 

[Bunny77]

Forgive me for bringing up old threads, but didn't you post a while back about a ski trip you were about to take with a man who flat-out said he wanted some p----

And then you said that all the men that you dated had criminal records? And that you currently were not in school (a place to meet decent guys)?

What you're saying now doesn't add up, if you are the same person.