should i give him another chance or move on?

What should I do?

  • Move on

    Votes: 80 97.6%

  • work it out

    Votes: 2 2.4%
  • Total voters
    82
  • Poll closed .
IMFOCSD

IMFOCSD

Well-Known Member
Hi ladieis, this is very long, please forgive me.

I am going to start from the beginning. Me and my ex met july of 2000 and we just broke up a couple weeks ago. When we first got together it was cool but eventually things changed for the bad. He became mean and emotionally abusive. He also brought other women into our relationship some I found out about, some I did not. I kept forgiving him and stayed around and eventually things between us got better and better. We still had our problems but nothing serious. About a year and a half ago we moved out of our bad neighbor hood into a house with his mom. I had just had my 3rd child and his mom told me we could move in with her while I went to school so I would not have to worry about catching so many different buses getting to work and getting the baby to daycare. I immediately started school. The situations between us got bad again, i mean the worst for the whole time we were there. I t was not all bad but the bad outweighed the good. I was about my business and he was not. I was so stressed out that I began to lose weight. I mean I was basically on "his terf" and had no support from no one but my 3kids. his family and friends all had his back but I am a strong woman so i stuck it in for as long as i could. I finally moved with my mom and transfered my kids to different schools thinking that we needed space for things to get better.....WRONG. He just got more comfortable and more relaxed. we were always on bad terms, not speaking for days to weeks at a time for nothing. he has a bad attitude and gets upset about the smallest things. about a couple weeks ago he told me he had a friend who he sees/talks to from time to time but told me it wasnt serious. he also told me he had been going to see her but they and other people he knew would always end up at the bar. He told me they had only been knowing eachother for a couple weeks but iwas told by one of my and his friends that it has been since march.

When we had our own place there was a guy who used to sell things to my ex but they were never friends, it was all busuness. Every few months I would see this person and he would go out of his way to speak to me and he is vey nice. A couple days after myn ex told me about the girl i ran into the guy and he asked me how i was doing and asked my about my relationship and I told him we broke so we exchanged numbers which was a great thing. We have been talking for a couple weeks and he is very nice, caring, understanding, he has a jib and his own place. He also has 2 daughters of his own. I really like him and he really likes me. he evenbtold me he prayed for me and that he felt I was a blessing from God. My ex called me a few days after he told me about the girl crying, and he's sorry, he's gonna change, and do this and that and shortly after his mom had a heart attack and open heart surgery. I look at his family as my family but I wann give things a chance with my new SO. Me and my ex has alot of history (8yrs worth), we have 3 kids who has always seen us together.
Should i take him back or move on?

I know this wa long and I appreciate you all fro reading this and am looking forward to your comments
 
I'm just copying my reply from the other thread.

:nono:

*blink*

Are you really asking this question, here?

IMFOCSD said:
Hi ladieis, this is very long, please forgive me.

I am going to start from the beginning. Me and my ex met july of 2000 and we just broke up a couple weeks ago. When we first got together it was cool but eventually things changed for the bad. He became mean and emotionally abusive. He also brought other women into our relationship some I found out about, some I did not. I kept forgiving him and stayed around and eventually things between us got better and better. We still had our problems but nothing serious. About a year and a half ago we moved out of our bad neighbor hood into a house with his mom. I had just had my 3rd child and his mom told me we could move in with her while I went to school so I would not have to worry about catching so many different buses getting to work and getting the baby to daycare. I immediately started school. The situations between us got bad again, i mean the worst for the whole time we were there. I t was not all bad but the bad outweighed the good. I was about my business and he was not. I was so stressed out that I began to lose weight. I mean I was basically on "his terf" and had no support from no one but my 3kids. his family and friends all had his back but I am a strong woman so i stuck it in for as long as i could. I finally moved with my mom and transfered my kids to different schools thinking that we needed space for things to get better.....WRONG. He just got more comfortable and more relaxed. we were always on bad terms, not speaking for days to weeks at a time for nothing. he has a bad attitude and gets upset about the smallest things. about a couple weeks ago he told me he had a friend who he sees/talks to from time to time but told me it wasnt serious. he also told me he had been going to see her but they and other people he knew would always end up at the bar. He told me they had only been knowing eachother for a couple weeks but iwas told by one of my and his friends that it has been since march.

When we had our own place there was a guy who used to sell things to my ex but they were never friends, it was all busuness. Every few months I would see this person and he would go out of his way to speak to me and he is vey nice. A couple days after myn ex told me about the girl i ran into the guy and he asked me how i was doing and asked my about my relationship and I told him we broke so we exchanged numbers which was a great thing. We have been talking for a couple weeks and he is very nice, caring, understanding, he has a jib and his own place. He also has 2 daughters of his own. I really like him and he really likes me. he evenbtold me he prayed for me and that he felt I was a blessing from God. My ex called me a few days after he told me about the girl crying, and he's sorry, he's gonna change, and do this and that and shortly after his mom had a heart attack and open heart surgery. I look at his family as my family but I wann give things a chance with my new SO. Me and my ex has alot of history (8yrs worth), we have 3 kids who has always seen us together.
Should i take him back or move on?

I know this wa long and I appreciate you all fro reading this and am looking forward to your comments
Click to expand...



*blink*

Girl, I don't even know where to start - can't fix the past, so lets look to the future.

Personally, if I were you, I wouldn't date ANYONE, and spend my time focusing on my three children and the employment opportunities I will need to maintain them.

Your childrens father is already done with you - and his children - based on what you've written here.

And you are jumping into another relationship before you've even broken up good?

Sweetie, just, no.

Stay single, for a while. And move on from your 'ex', as well.
 
Last edited:
I voted move on. But, maybe you need to take time to work on you. Jumping right into another relationship might not be the best idea. You definitely don't need to be with your ex though.
 
I don't understand what you are trying to go back to ...:perplexed:
Why would you want to go back?
The man is a cheater, abusive, and a liar?
Do you love yourself OP?
 
I'd definitely say move on as well. If this man has caused so much heartache and pain in your life before, I highly doubt he'll ever change. I know your concern is for your children, but being with a man that's emotionally abusive is not what's best for them, because it's not what's best for you. How can you give your children your all if you're emotionally drained by this man?
 
I'm going with negativo. Hell no jose is my 2nd choice.

It seems you've given him several chances with increasingly worse and worse results. The results will only be the same if you go down the same path. Insanity is when you do the same thing repeatedly and expect different results.

For the sake of your children and yourself I would not go back. You have three children and therefore you need to be very focused and deliberate in the choices that you make. Your mind needs to be on securing your future and by extension theirs. He will only serve as a distraction.
Additionally you have to set an example for how your children should go on to treat other people (esp. if they are boys) and what they should accept in return (esp. if they are girls). You are their first and primary example.
 
Your relationship with the father of your children sounds destructive.

Not healthy for you or your precious children.

The father of your children is displaying the typical characteristics of a woman abuser--abuse, says I'm sorry, be nice for a little while, abuse again, says I'm sorry again while crying, is nice for a little while--and the cycle continues.

You have to know that you have to move on--do it for your children.
 
Work what out? He already let you know where he stands...out of sight out of mind. You moved out and he moved on...probably before you were gone. Not for nothing, he probably heard you found someone else and cannot stand the idea of you being with someone else, much less happy.

Ole boy only has 1 thing on his mind, himself. Also keep in mind that crisis' (sometimes) bring out the best in people and once things stablize/get better, they are back to their old tricks. He needs someone to hold his hand through the situation with his mum, and his hosebag was only there for the good times.

ETA: If he is really ready to get right, he would do it, not announce it to you in hopes that you come around and walk him through it. Just like you need to focus on you and your children, he needs to focus on him. He needs to live the life he is professing he is going to live for himself not for you. You cannot change him and he canno/will not change for you.
 
Last edited:
I remember that you are the poster that bought the 9000 dollar car from the shady dealership because you had no transportation and had to take three buses to work. Where was your man, the father of your three children, during all of this?
 
like i said in the other thread - i stopped reading at emotionally abusive.

sigh.

this thread is actually very sad.

if you have to ask this, you already know the answer.
 
I also think the fact that you're wondering if you should (whether you ever posted it or not) is problematic. Your mind should not even be considering that.
 
Last edited:
Hello! I'm not going to go into my "If you don't love God how can you love yourself?" mantra. I promise.

I think that you should focus on yourself and your children before dating this new SO again. Don't you think you deserve better? Once you understand that you deserve better, you'll start treating yourself better and command respect instead of demanding it. We love you here. We might give you some harsh responses but we want you to love yourself enough to know when to remove yourself from toxic relationships.
 
x's are x's with good reason.
Hopefully you are a new person after leaving him.
The new you should not even consider him a viable
candidate.
 
The only relationship you need to concern yourself with is the dysfunctional one you have with yourself. Do not go back to the loser, do not strike up something new with someone else. Work on you, finish school, and mind your children.
 
Bunny77 said:
I remember that you are the poster that bought the 9000 dollar car from the shady dealership because you had no transportation and had to take three buses to work. Where was your man, the father of your three children, during all of this?
Click to expand...

i remember that thread, :nono:.
 
I can't believe this is actually a poll question. As if OP thought anyone would vote for her to stay :look:. I would not wish this situation on any woman. I remember the car thread :ohwell:
I am not trying to be mean, but OP your thought process is just Wow.........
 
You do not need to be starting a relationship with some guy who sells DVDs, oil, or scented car trees.

Leave both of him alone. stay with your mom and finish school. File for child support.
 
Last edited:
Girl, you really should leave him alone. You are probably thinking that he will change every time you take him back and the reality is that until he sees something wrong with his behavior, he will NEVER change....not for you or anyone else.

I've been there, done that......
 
Leave him alone, take care of yourself and your children and most importantly STAY IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!!

This man will only drag you down. You have 3 kids to worry about and if I were you thats all I would be worried about at this point and not another man with his own set of children.
 
Oh God. I was shaking my head the whole time reading your post OP. Your kids’ father sounds just like my ex, my son’s father. Please run, don’t stay. Are things worse that what you are typing...I mean ask yourself this question. I think so b/c I’ve been there. He does not love you. Please run… and spend some time alone. HE WILL NOT CHANGE…please get that out of your mind. You will be in so much pain if you continue to go through this. Don’t take your kids through this…it isn’t fair. Don’t give it another chance. He was crying b/c he thinks he is about to loose you but once he gets you back, he will be the same man…
 
:nono::nono::nono::nono::nono::nono:

Do you have daughters? Would you want her tolerating this in her life? 8 years together and all you have to show for it is bad times. My answer is no.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

B
Should i give this man a chance? - advice please
Replies
15
Views
382
unique4lyfe33
unique4lyfe33
R
Leave him alone or stay
2
Replies
58
Views
2K
Fine 4s
Fine 4s
monie20032007
Very long post, enter with caution!
Replies
10
Views
228
Danene5
Danene5
Ayesha81
Should I make ammends with him
Replies
8
Views
174
ThickHair
T
caribeandiva
So now my parents know that i like him
Replies
3
Views
123
gone_fishing
G
Back
Top