Ok ladies I need some advice...Met this guy off Myspace...he seemed really cool so after a few phone convos we meet up...it went really well or atleast I thought...he told me to make sure I stay in touch with him...he left and called me when he got in but I missed the call so I texted him Thursday...he didn't reply but he did tell me he didn't text...yesterday I sent him a message on myspace but see today that we aren't friends on there anymore...he said his cousin has access to his account also if that means anything...so I'm stuck should I take it as a brush off and leave it alone or should I atleast call and see what's up?
Should I call?
- Thread starter MzShay
- Start date
missty1029
New Member
Technology has a way of messing things up. I would call and see the vibe you get. If his cousin has access to the account you sure you met him and not the cuz??
Cincysweetie
Well-Known Member
I would call him. If you don't, you'll always wonder what happened. I would want to "hear" him give me the brush-off, know what I mean? Not leave it up to text or the internet. If he sounds standoff-ish on the phone then I'd leave him be.
I was thinking the same thing if I don't call I'll always wonder why...like when a relationship just ends with no explaination, I can't rest til I know why...Good question of if it was "him" or the cuz...I can't say but it was the guy who's pictures are on the page...he said his cousin is not that cute and has met females who ended up cursing him out for using someone elses pics...but this was surely the guy in the pics.
Cincysweetie
Well-Known Member
Seems to me that if he didn't want to have contact with you any longer on MySpace he would have 'blocked' you instead of 'unfriending' you...if that's even a word, ha ha.
Good luck! And if for some reason he acts funny, don't stress about it, pick up and move on! NEXT!!!!!
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
...um...I wouldn't call. He knows your number. If he is feeling you, he will call again. Men don't just give up because you missed one call from them, and, while he may not text, he DOES read AND knows how to contact you via call or email. When a man is interested, one form of technology (the disappearing Friend status) is NOT gonna keep him away.
And I also wouldn't own the "WHY" of his being nonresponsive. It could be any number of things keeping him from being inspired to reach out right now. Men make happen what they wanna make happen WHEN they wanna make it happen. Just be your wonderful charming self and WHEN he does call again don't mention it.
And I also wouldn't own the "WHY" of his being nonresponsive. It could be any number of things keeping him from being inspired to reach out right now. Men make happen what they wanna make happen WHEN they wanna make it happen. Just be your wonderful charming self and WHEN he does call again don't mention it.
CandiceC
.
Yes! Thanks for saying what I was thinking.
MzTami
Hellerrrr
I agree...let him do the calling. If he doesn't call then move on, he wasn't interested.
I made the call just to get it over with and start this week off fresh...it went to vm and so left a msg and just as I hung up and deleted his number he was calling me back...I didn't mention the myspace thing but he acknowledged my msg(i'd asked about a cd he was making me) and I left it that...he made a comment about coming to see me and I was like its no big deal if u do u do if not its whatever...and that is how I feel...its whatever...I agree if he's into me he knows how to reach me and its on him...I made my one call and deleted him from the phone so its whatever.
CurliDiva
Well-Known Member
If he was truly interested he would call!
I hate the idea that each communication needs to be a tic for tac - meaning I called last, so now its your turn.
He told YOU to "stay in touch" wich is not the same as him wanting to develop something. IMO, technolgy makes it easier for people to juggle and carry on "pseudo" realtionships.
I hate the idea that each communication needs to be a tic for tac - meaning I called last, so now its your turn.
He told YOU to "stay in touch" wich is not the same as him wanting to develop something. IMO, technolgy makes it easier for people to juggle and carry on "pseudo" realtionships.
MissJ
Well-Known Member
Cincysweetie
Well-Known Member
The bigger point is that clearly YOU wanted to call him. I'm all for doing what you want and getting whatever closure you need to move on. I think you did a good thing calling so there are no 'what-ifs' out there b/c you would have always wondered. Sure it's easy to say that if he's interested he'll call and yes, that's true...it makes plenty of sense to the mind...but that's not always the case with the heart. From here forward, if you don't hear from him then you know what the deal is...but at least you can say YOU didn't leave any loose ends. DON'T feel down for contacting him...especially since you already did it and you can't take it back anyway.
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
From here on out, if he pursues you, wonderful. If he does not, well, that is okay too. The laid back approach that you have now is definitely the best approach to have. If something beautiful is to blossom, it will. You should never have to wonder if a man is feeling you...if he is crazy about you, you will KNOW it and won't have to wonder. But definitely let HIM pursue you...it's what they do...and that's okay.
As for closure, well, I get what Cincy is saying and it's understandable to want to know the deal. But, again, I guess I still believe if his signals are mixed, then that is message enough. Men aren't children...they know exactly how to express themselves and they know how to go for what they know. Just go with the flow as long as YOU are enjoying yourself. And if it is meant to grow, it will.
As for closure, well, I get what Cincy is saying and it's understandable to want to know the deal. But, again, I guess I still believe if his signals are mixed, then that is message enough. Men aren't children...they know exactly how to express themselves and they know how to go for what they know. Just go with the flow as long as YOU are enjoying yourself. And if it is meant to grow, it will.
That's exactly IT cincy...I got the "what-ifs" out the way which is always my issue with everything...If I don't reach out on my end it's always a what-if dangling in my ear... I'm still dealing with "what-ifs" from past relationships, from when my ex best friend had a falling out, I still think "what-if I'd been the mature one and made the first step to apologize" I carry that in my mind all the time and like to know that when its all said and done atleast I made an attempt. Wow after thinking about it I now realize my issue isn't even if he's brushing me off (it was nowhere near that important) but moreso about me and my issues of leaving lose ends...
meia
New Member
I wouldn't call... but being honest with you, i've been through that myself when Myspace first, first, came out. Some men will meet you and just be complete pigs- realize you've actually got morals and won't give it up quickly and run HUMPING in the other direction because of it. I think he might be giving you too many positive and negative signals. Weigh them against each other and your mind will steer you correct.
Thats what happened to me a few times. Most people nowadays (unfortunately) use these networking sites to hook up for free, unattached, ass. I'll be blunt (because I wish someone had been with me) I think he "un-friended" you because he was being selfish, cruel, and inconsiderate. I think Cincy is correct. He knew what he was doing when he did it (& why does he share a page with his cousin anyway? does he really?!) Honestly I think he's putting up a lot of smoke and mirrors- be very careful with your heart.
I learned it the hard way several times. There I was sweet and gentle me, thinking that no one would ever scam me in a situation like that- that people didn't have anything to lie about because the internet is so vast
(I really was naive back then) and I got my heart broken countless times (i've also dealt with the ex-best friend *for 7 years* drama- tore me up inside). I completely understand everything that you feel. Some people on that site are just cruel and heartless for no reason. Just be careful my friend, and keep as unattached as possible- or maybe give him a few weeks and feel him out. If his demeanor has changed, then you know whats real about him. There's always better waiting for you at every turn even if the world does everything to tell us there isn't.
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
DISCLAIMER: I know we all can agree to disagree and what works for one may not work for another. I am just sharing another perspective and this isn't a slight to the OP or other perspectives...
...ok...and, ladies, if someone "hear" me, then holla...cause, maybe it's just my own warped sense of reality but...chasing after closure and answers to "what-if" in romantic relationships is really sticky...sometimes you gotta read the signs because in romance, people CHOOSE not to say things that they know will hurt another....they don't tell the tough truths. Also, if someone is feeling you out on their own schedule....trying to mull over how they feel but you are calling talking about, "why didn't you answer?" or "I just wanna know what's up?" then you could quite possibly run them off before anything could blossom. Men and women are the same in that regard...any man calling me wanting to know why I haven't reached out yet would have been terminated from prospect immediately...some folks do not like to be questioned about the manner they choose to express themselves in...it's unattractive and off-putting. Some expectations are understandable, but some, can be alienating. If you aren't feeling how he is responding over time, then give him less time...at that point, he'll either step up his game or disappear and you will know exactly what you need to know....that he adores you or that he's moving on. Truth be told, that's all we need to know...we don't need to know "WHY" someone doesn't like us cause that someone might be a crazy, delusional fool whose assessment of you is sorely lacking.
BK Bombshell
Well-Known Member
DISCLAIMER: I know we all can agree to disagree and what works for one may not work for another. I am just sharing another perspective and this isn't a slight to the OP or other perspectives...
...ok...and, ladies, if someone "hear" me, then holla...cause, maybe it's just my own warped sense of reality but...chasing after closure and answers to "what-if" in romantic relationships is really sticky...sometimes you gotta read the signs because in romance, people CHOOSE not to say things that they know will hurt another....they don't tell the tough truths. Also, if someone is feeling you out on their own schedule....trying to mull over how they feel but you are calling talking about, "why didn't you answer?" or "I just wanna know what's up?" then you could quite possibly run them off before anything could blossom. Men and women are the same in that regard...any man calling me wanting to know why I haven't reached out yet would have been terminated from prospect immediately...some folks do not like to be questioned about the manner they choose to express themselves in...it's unattractive and off-putting. Some expectations are understandable, but some, can be alienating. If you aren't feeling how he is responding over time, then give him less time...at that point, he'll either step up his game or disappear and you will know exactly what you need to know....that he adores you or that he's moving on. Truth be told, that's all we need to know...we don't need to know "WHY" someone doesn't like us cause that someone might be a crazy, delusional fool whose assessment of you is sorely lacking.
ITA. I think closure is overrated sometimes. If it's not what you want to hear, there will never be a "good enough answer" as to why someone doesn't want to be with you. When you break up with someone, do you always tell the unvarnished truth? I don't unless I know it won't do unnecessary damage. I tell enough that they know I don't want to be with them anymore and then I'm finished. Also, sometimes people use "needing closure" as a reason to keep holding on. If someone doesn't recognize how lucky they are to have you, move on to someone else who will. I wasted a lot of time wondering why. Now I just say to myself "Why ask why? It won't change the outcome." Like CBC said, there's no man alive that gave up on someone he wanted because the woman missed a phone call.In this case, I think you've gone above and beyond to let him know where you stand. He sounds immature and a bit shady so if he doesn't reach out with something concrete right away, I say let it go. You deserve someone who's crazy about you, not someone who's content spending so much time "weighing his options".
CBC: Why weren't you around when I was younger?!?
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
In this case, I think you've gone above and beyond to let him know where you stand. He sounds immature and a bit shady so if he doesn't reach out with something concrete right away, I say let it go. You deserve someone who's crazy about you, not someone who's content spending so much time "weighing his options".
CBC: Why weren't you around when I was younger?!?
ITA! Listen to BK...he's sounding suspect....NEXT!
And, BK, I was bumping my head and learning my lessons with you girl
...I wish I knew just 20% of what I know now when I was in my 20's! 
Cincysweetie
Well-Known Member
I'm wondering...what is the sake of still responding that you wouldn't call or would not have called? She already did call...it's a little too late that advice...
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
poetist
New Member
I totally understand what you are saying I used to get 50-11 pieces of advice from friends about what I should do in certain situations dealing with guys. I am and was sooooo analytical about relationships that I felt like, maybe I should call or email or text just to see where his head is, before I call it quits.
But, I realized that when a man REALLY wants you, there will be NO questions about it. I am now married and never once did I wait on a phone call, text, email, birthday card, date invitation from my husband. He was always 1 step ahead of me and made is real clear that he wanted me....no games...no "well I called her last" or "I meant to call but I was busy hangin with my boys." My DH is one of the few guys that I never had to get advice from friends about, because there was no questions about his feelings or intent. It was strange because I was so used to calling friends like "OK, so he did this or said that...what do you think he means?" With DH, there was no need for that.
meia
New Member
Ouch, Cincy...lol well you got me there.
I don't think I realized that she already called until after I replied.
I don't think I realized the thread until today...
but even still the advice could certainly help others in the same situation so I think it was definitely purposeful.
foxxymami
Well-Known Member
Hi Cincy 
, I'm not sure if you're responding in regards to me or not. Either way, I'll respond since I know I gave my opinion on what I would do.
This board has 20,000+ members and at any given moment someone could be reading this thread today or even 2 years from now. Although MzShay has already made a decision, maybe some other woman will come along who's in this same predicament. Maybe this thread will help that particular woman make a decision, maybe it won't. I treat every thread I post in on lhcf this same way. You never know who's reading and could be helped now or in the future.
I hope that brought some clarity to you
, I'm not sure if you're responding in regards to me or not. Either way, I'll respond since I know I gave my opinion on what I would do.This board has 20,000+ members and at any given moment someone could be reading this thread today or even 2 years from now. Although MzShay has already made a decision, maybe some other woman will come along who's in this same predicament. Maybe this thread will help that particular woman make a decision, maybe it won't. I treat every thread I post in on lhcf this same way. You never know who's reading and could be helped now or in the future.
I hope that brought some clarity to you
foxxymami
Well-Known Member
Ouch, Cincy...lol well you got me there.
I don't think I realized that she already called until after I replied.
I don't think I realized the thread until today...
but even still the advice could certainly help others in the same situation so I think it was definitely purposeful.
Exactly
meia
New Member
Exactly
I do agree that some of the best advice is old advice, lol, that isn't directed at you...Especially if there are some ladies on here that might be a bit bashful to ask up front (hello lurkers! lol j/k
) but share in a similar situation....I know thats how I used to be!
Thanks for the replies ladies! I had totally forgot about this post (I tell ya when I'm done I'm done) and truthfully after I made the call I was done...I just don't like loose ends on anything...I got my closure, actually realized he wasn't about what I'm about (Meia said it best) I was simply looking to meet a cool person to kick it, nothing more nothing less and he showed that he was looking for a piece (when he called my phone at dark30 in the morning talking about coming to visit)...
CBC, I'm the total opposite of you...I want to hear the "tough truths" I am overanalytical and need to know why and thats with anything be it romantic, friendship, work, whatever...I need to know then I can move on... Thats just part of my nature, I want that in your face bluntness because that is what I hand out when its needed so thats what I want.
)...CBC, I'm the total opposite of you...I want to hear the "tough truths" I am overanalytical and need to know why and thats with anything be it romantic, friendship, work, whatever...I need to know then I can move on... Thats just part of my nature, I want that in your face bluntness because that is what I hand out when its needed so thats what I want.
Leslie_C
Well-Known Member
I think good advice was given here and it doesnt really matter whether the OP already made the call because you never know who else might be going through the same thing.
I know that many of us wish we knew what we know now when we were younger but we live and we learn! You all are soooo on point in what youve been saying here.
OP, Im sure he wasnt worth your time and did you a favor...because I personally would prefer knowing a guy isnt about anything from the beginning before I waste my time on him. No love lost there, especially since he didnt get to use you like he probably intended to...he wouldve dropped off the planet after he got what he wanted anyway.
On the other hand, when you meet a genuine one, he is easy to spot
And he will definitely let you know he is genuine by his actions and how he treats you.
I know that many of us wish we knew what we know now when we were younger but we live and we learn! You all are soooo on point in what youve been saying here.
OP, Im sure he wasnt worth your time and did you a favor...because I personally would prefer knowing a guy isnt about anything from the beginning before I waste my time on him. No love lost there, especially since he didnt get to use you like he probably intended to...he wouldve dropped off the planet after he got what he wanted anyway.
On the other hand, when you meet a genuine one, he is easy to spot
And he will definitely let you know he is genuine by his actions and how he treats you.This is why I hate MySpace and things like it. Do you know how many times I've had to talk my friends down because they went on some man's page and found they were no longer in his "top 8"??
Why are you texting someone?? Why are you sending him MySpace messages??
PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HIM!!!!
GRRRRR!!! I hate MySpace!!
::
ld emotions from talking my girls through MySpace text message nonsense is coming back to me:::
