Should I be worried?...

[clarity2008]

Yesterday I went to my little niece's 1st birthday party after work. I really wanted my SO to come with me but he did not get off until 6:30 and by then the party would have been over so I went by myself beacause my niece was in from out of town and I didn't want to miss her. So he calls me at 7:30 to say hi and I hear a bunch of noise in the background so I ask him where he is and he says he is on his way home. But he had gotten off an hour ago (we live 6 miles frome his job)so I was a little confused but I didn't say anything. So he went on to say that the traffic was bad and such. So whatever, I brushed it off and continued to mingle with my family. I say bye and go home. I get home and my SO and I are talking about our day and what not. He was sitting on the couch so I go sit next to him and we start making out (sorry if that's TMI) and I notice his breath smells like beer. And so I ask him why he tastes like beer...He kinda paused and gave a quick nervous smile and said "Oh because I stopped and had a Heiniken (sp?) at the bar next to the office."

I guess it threw me off because he doesn't really go to bars...at allerplexed. He RARELY drinks. In fact, if I wanna chill on the weekend and get a little tipsy w/ him he almost always rejects and let's me do all the drinking...Oh and the fact that he paused didn't reassure me either. So I was weirded out and got up and got on the computer. He could tell my mood changed and asked if I was mad that he went out for a beer. I told him no but I guess I'm not really good at hiding my emotions. So then he gets all frustrated and defensive and says my attitude sucks.


Am I trippin? Should I be worried?

I don't care if he goes and has a few beers after work at all. But it's just not like him. So I'm just wondering if he went with someone else and doesn't want to tell me.

He is always talking about this chick he works with named Jane. He's always saying how Jane is so funny and cool and blah blah blah....

Should I let this go?
Am I being extra?

 

[clarity2008]

bumping...Ladies chime in pleeeease!

 

[ThickHair]

Simple answer, he didn't want to go to a kiddie party and did something else. Let it go.

BTW why was the party so late for a 1 year old? Was this a party that started off as a kiddie party that turned into an adult party? You don't have to answer if you don't want too.

 

[clarity2008]

 

[SelahOco]

No you're not being extra. I think your gut is telling you to ask questions. You should probably just be honest and say that you're not upset about the drink after work. You should let him know that you suspect that he went out with someone else, and you feel like he was hesitant to tell you the truth.

He did call you from the place and he didn't brush his teeth. So it wasn't trying to hide the whole thing. But he may have done something border-line wrong and is defensive about it. You won't know until you ask him though. If your gut tells you he's not being 100% honest, you're probably right.

The gut almost never lies. Your feelings are based on your logical reasoning of him and his patterns.

 

[clarity2008]

Simple answer, he didn't want to go to a kiddie party and did something else. Let it go.

BTW why was the party so late for a 1 year old? Was this a party that started off as a kiddie party that turned into an adult party? You don't have to answer if you don't want too.

i don't really care if he didn't want to go or not I'm just concerned about him hiding something because this was out of character for him. the party was late because my niece and cousins were here from out of town and everyone was having a hard time saying goodbye because its been so long since we've seen each other.

No you're not being extra. I think your gut is telling you to ask questions. You should probably just be honest and say that you're not upset about the drink after work. You should let him know that you suspect that he went out with someone else, and you feel like he was hesitant to tell you the truth.

He did call you from the place and he didn't brush his teeth. So it wasn't trying to hide the whole thing. But he may have done something border-line wrong and is defensive about it. You won't know until you ask him though. If your gut tells you he's not being 100% honest, you're probably right.

The gut almost never lies. Your feelings are based on your logical reasoning of him and his patterns.

thanks girl! i'll probably talk to him tonight...anyone else feel free to chime on in

oh and he didn't call me from the bar he called from the car...does that matter??

 

[ScarletPhoenix]

No you're not being extra. I think your gut is telling you to ask questions. You should probably just be honest and say that you're not upset about the drink after work. You should let him know that you suspect that he went out with someone else, and you feel like he was hesitant to tell you the truth.

He did call you from the place and he didn't brush his teeth. So it wasn't trying to hide the whole thing. But he may have done something border-line wrong and is defensive about it. You won't know until you ask him though. If your gut tells you he's not being 100% honest, you're probably right.

The gut almost never lies. Your feelings are based on your logical reasoning of him and his patterns.

Agree.....

 

[treybaby2005]

Yesterday I went to my little niece's 1st birthday party after work. I really wanted my SO to come with me but he did not get off until 6:30 and by then the party would have been over so I went by myself beacause my niece was in from out of town and I didn't want to miss her. So he calls me at 7:30 to say hi and I hear a bunch of noise in the background so I ask him where he is and he says he is on his way home. But he had gotten off an hour ago (we live 6 miles frome his job)so I was a little confused but I didn't say anything. So he went on to say that the traffic was bad and such. So whatever, I brushed it off and continued to mingle with my family. I say bye and go home. I get home and my SO and I are talking about our day and what not. He was sitting on the couch so I go sit next to him and we start making out (sorry if that's TMI) and I notice his breath smells like beer. And so I ask him why he tastes like beer...He kinda paused and gave a quick nervous smile and said "Oh because I stopped and had a Heiniken (sp?) at the bar next to the office."

I guess it threw me off because he doesn't really go to bars...at allerplexed. He RARELY drinks. In fact, if I wanna chill on the weekend and get a little tipsy w/ him he almost always rejects and let's me do all the drinking...Oh and the fact that he paused didn't reassure me either. So I was weirded out and got up and got on the computer. He could tell my mood changed and asked if I was mad that he went out for a beer. I told him no but I guess I'm not really good at hiding my emotions. So then he gets all frustrated and defensive and says my attitude sucks.


Am I trippin? Should I be worried?

I don't care if he goes and has a few beers after work at all. But it's just not like him. So I'm just wondering if he went with someone else and doesn't want to tell me.

He is always talking about this chick he works with named Jane. He's always saying how Jane is so funny and cool and blah blah blah....

Should I let this go?
Am I being extra?

He probably didn't want to go to the party with you but to the bolded,I would just say keep that Jane chick within arms reach if possible.Once men start talking about another woman,it can sometimes not end to well.And who cares if she is taken it makes it even better for them.Because as soon as they add that part without you asking,it raises all types of red flags for me.Oh and the she is ugly or fat one too.

 

[didirose]

If he was at the bar, why couldn't he just say so?

Let him know that when you called he said he was driving home, so if he just went for a drink why not say just that. I believe in keeping communication in my relationship as straightforward as possible. When I was first dating my DH, anytime I felt weird about anything he said or did we would have a "keep it real" session and I would tell him how the scenario could be taken in the wrong way. If he didn't understand than I would put him in my place and it usually became clear.

If you truely think he's hiding something bad, it's best to know it now then regret waisting time with him later. If not, this would be a good opportunity to improve how you communicate with each other which will only lead to more respect, empathy, and a deeper relationship. Good luck!

 

[clarity2008]

If he was at the bar, why couldn't he just say so?

Let him know that when you called he said he was driving home, so if he just went for a drink why not say just that. I believe in keeping communication in my relationship as straightforward as possible. When I was first dating my DH, anytime I felt weird about anything he said or did we would have a "keep it real" session and I would tell him how the scenario could be taken in the wrong way. If he didn't understand than I would put him in my place and it usually became clear.

If you truely think he's hiding something bad, it's best to know it now then regret waisting time with him later. If not, this would be a good opportunity to improve how you communicate with each other which will only lead to more respect, empathy, and a deeper relationship. Good luck!

that's what got me worried in the first place...anyways, i do want to talk to him because i want to move on but how can i bring it up without him saying i'm trippin? according to him "i'm trippin" when i bring up anything i'm concerned about...

 

[didirose]

that's what got me worried in the first place...anyways, i do want to talk to him because i want to move on but how can i bring it up without him saying i'm trippin? according to him "i'm trippin" when i bring up anything i'm concerned about...

You (and I) both know you're not trippin, instead it sounds like you care about your relationship and want to feel secure in it. You have the right to be concerned anytime you open your heart up to anybody. I feel like he's trying to divert the attention from the real question, which is why he felt the need to lie. In fact, I think you "tripped" him up because you caught him in a lie. Keep the conversation real smooth and calm, no need to yell or assume he did something like cheat, just zero in on the real problem which is the lie, I'm sure he knows good and well how lies can tear relationships apart. So if he has a choice next time just tell him to be bluntly honest (man up) with how he wants to spend his time, and in turn even if you don't like it you will have to respect his decision.

 

[NYAmicas]

I'd watch him closely and be wary of Jane.

 

[clarity2008]

I spoke with him last night guys. He really broke it down to me. He said that he had a really good day at work and he usually goes to this bar after work to go to the atm he he grabs a juice but that day he said he had a really good day at work and wanted to have a beer and there was a football game on tv that he wanted to watch so he sat down and had a beer and watched part of the game. i believe that only becase he is a sport FANATIC! He said he didn't think that it was big deal so that's why he didn't mention it. As far as the Jane thing... I brought that up and he said that Jane one of the people that makes his job tolerable because his boss is the biggest ***** ever (I know because she threatened to fire him when left work early to take me to the hospital because I was really sick, she's horrible) and she's funny and cracks jokes w/ her korean accent and it cracks him up.

So he has a good track record so I will give him the benefit of the doubt...we shall see. Thanks ladies for all your helpful responses