She Wants To Have A Baby With Your So

[junipertree]

I have a recently divorced friend who has been dating a guy for a little over a year. Things seem pretty serious, she's finalized her divorce, and more than likely she wants to remarry new guy. She has one child from her marriage (adult child) new guy has never been married and has no kids. She thought this would be a problem since she made it clear that she does not want to have more kids but he made it clear from the beginning of the relationship that he did not want any kids. Perfect, right?

Well, a few weeks ago she called me. Apparently he told her that an old girlfriend of his recently contacted him asked if she could have his baby. She's approaching 40 and doesn't have a SO and her biological clock is ticking.

Before I give my thoughts on this, what do you ladies think about his situation?

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Hell naw.

 

[hopeful]

You assuming she's already pregnant op? If my so told me that I'd assume things were coming to an end. Seems like he's feeling her out.

 

[C@ssandr@]

No.

Even if the rlshp between the three (friend, gf, bf) are good, it could get messy in the end. He could end up having to pay child support, or even having the kid come look for him down the line.

 

[mzpurp]

Are they supposed to color to get her prego? Or by insemination?

 

[junipertree]

You assuming she's already pregnant op? If my so told me that I'd assume things were coming to an end. Seems like he's feeling her out.

No she's not already pregnant. She wants to get pregnant.

 

[junipertree]

Are they supposed to color to get her prego? Or by insemination?

I believe through insemination.

 

[junipertree]

No.

Even if the rlshp between the three (friend, gf, bf) are good, it could get messy in the end. He could end up having to pay child support, or even having the kid come look for him down the line.

She doesn't know the ex.

 

[LiftedUp]

How do you approach you SO with this type of info? So disrespectful.

 

[Cheleigh]

The fact that he brought it up to her should have her spidey senses tingling.

 

[junipertree]

How do you approach you SO with this type of info? So disrespectful.

The way she says he approached her was more like "You won't believe this. My ex, who I haven't spoken to in over a year called me out of the blue and asked me to have her kid. Isn't that wild?"

 

[Browndilocks]

Your friend's relationship is over.

 

[hopeful]

No she's not already pregnant. She wants to get pregnant.

No, I was wondering if you suspected this story may have been fabricated to cover up something.

 

[junipertree]

No, I was wondering if you suspected this story may have been fabricated to cover up something.

No. I don't think it's fabricated.

 

[ladysaraii]

The way she says he approached her was more like "You won't believe this. My ex, who I haven't spoken to in over a year called me out of the blue and asked me to have her kid. Isn't that wild?"

If he's shocked and appalled, then I wouldn't sssume the death of our relationship. If he was considering it, then heck no.

I'm wouldn't tell him he couldn't do it, but I wouldn't stick around.

 

[TayMac]

Not good.
I'm sure his first reaction was...whhaaat.

But after some thought
He may look at this as his one chance at having a bio kid.

 

[junipertree]

Not good.
I'm sure his first reaction was...whhaaat.

But after some thought
He may look at this as his one chance at having a bio kid.

This is what I told her. I also agree with the poster who said it was disrespectful but she said the ex didn't know about her. I felt like she should have asked the question first (are you in a serious relationship?) before asking him to procreate with her. It just seems odd to me.

I definitely don't think it's a good idea for her to stick around if he even thinks about doing it. I don't even care if it's artificially inseminated. It's still a child that will be on this earth and it's not anonymous so there will be involvement. But is she being selfish since she has a kid and he doesn't? I know I couldn't do it.

 

[Mai Tai]

My thoughts? The ex-girlfriend is already pregnant and he made this story up so he has an excuse for when the baby shows up on his doorstep. His "OMG you won't believe what happened..." facade is a way to gauge your friend's reaction. He has been sleeping with this woman all along.

Instead of side-eyeing the ex, your friend needs to open her eyes and ask herself "Why is this woman comfortable enough to approach my SO with this bull$hit?" It's because they still fukcing. Tell your friend to be prepared to chip in on child support should she choose to marry him.

 

[junipertree]

My thoughts? The ex-girlfriend is already pregnant and he made this story up so he has an excuse for when the baby shows up on his doorstep. His "OMG you won't believe what happened..." facade is a way to gauge your friend's reaction. He has been sleeping with this woman all along.

Instead of side-eyeing the ex, your friend needs to open her eyes and ask herself "Why is this woman comfortable enough to approach my SO with this bull$hit?" It's because they still fukcing. Tell your friend to be prepared to chip in on child support should she choose to marry him.

I really don't think the ex is pregnant only because he's saying he is not going to do it. Had he said hey I'm thinking about doing this maybe I would agree. Plus the ex lives in another far away state and my friend and new guy pretty much live together. Not saying it couldn't happen but highly unlikely from what she's told me. I actually never even thought of this as a scenario.

 

[junipertree]

dp

 

[Miss617]

If the ex is talking about artificial insemination, why is a sperm bank not an option? Why try to have a baby with someone you're no longer with? Is she planning to be a single parent or does she expect him to coparent? None of this makes sense to me.

 

[dicapr]

If the ex is talking about artificial insemination, why is a sperm bank not an option? Why try to have a baby with someone you're no longer with? Is she planning to be a single parent or does she expect him to coparent? None of this makes sense to me.

It is disrespectful to ask a man in a relationship to be your sperm donor. However asking an aquaintance to be a know donor isn't that unusual. Some women want to children by a known sperm donor. They have more idea of the donors personality, quirks, ect. It also allows the woman to be able to tell the child something personal about their father. It also has the hope of casual contact for the child or at least the ability to get in contact with the donor if medically necessary.

 

[junipertree]

It is disrespectful to ask a man in a relationship to be your sperm donor. However asking an aquaintance to be a know donor isn't that unusual. Some women want to children by a known sperm donor. They have more idea of the donors personality, quirks, ect. It also allows the woman to be able to tell the child something personal about their father. It also has the hope of casual contact for the child or at least the ability to get in contact with the donor if medically necessary.

I agree with your reasons to have a known donor but even if he were not in a relationship it's a tricky thing. This is like the fourth person I know (or know of) who has been approached with this request. I think it just potentially creates complications in future relationships. It's not the same to me as dating someone who has a child from a past relationship - in this case you are making a conscious decision to have a child knowing that ultimately you are going to settle down with someone else.

 

[Miss617]

It is disrespectful to ask a man in a relationship to be your sperm donor. However asking an aquaintance to be a know donor isn't that unusual. Some women want to children by a known sperm donor. They have more idea of the donors personality, quirks, ect. It also allows the woman to be able to tell the child something personal about their father. It also has the hope of casual contact for the child or at least the ability to get in contact with the donor if medically necessary.

It would have been disrespectful if she knew he was in a relationship when she asked, but the friend said she didn't know about her. If he said he was with someone and she still asked, then yeah, she'd be all the way wrong. So the ex didn't do her due diligence for whatever reason. And I understand your points and they make sense. But (generally speaking) exes are exes for a reason, so it seems a bit odd to me to ask someone whom she's no longer with and hasn't spoken to in however long. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask someone closer to her, not someone whose life she is no longer a part of and knows nothing about?

 

[KimPossibli]

this seems so weird to me.. i don't even know where to start

 

[junipertree]

this seems so weird to me.. i don't even know where to start

I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's really really strange to me.

Apparently she didn't know he was in a relationship but even after he told her she still was like .

I find that disrespectful....and weird.

 

[dicapr]

I agree with your reasons to have a known donor but even if he were not in a relationship it's a tricky thing. This is like the fourth person I know (or know of) who has been approached with this request. I think it just potentially creates complications in future relationships. It's not the same to me as dating someone who has a child from a past relationship - in this case you are making a conscious decision to have a child knowing that ultimately you are going to settle down with someone else.

I agree with you. But I think the reasoning has more to do with how the future child may feel. I was watching a documentary about children conceived with anonymous sperm donors and even though most had a good life they still felt something was missing. They all felt the need to connect somehow to their heratiage through finding half siblings to tracking down the donor just to put a name and face with the man. A known sperm donor privides these things for the child.

 

[junipertree]

I agree with you. But I think the reasoning has more to do with how the future child may feel. I was watching a documentary about children conceived with anonymous sperm donors and even though most had a good life they still felt something was missing. They all felt the need to connect somehow to their heratiage through finding half siblings to tracking down the donor just to put a name and face with the man. A known sperm donor privides these things for the child.

Yeah I get that and it makes sense. I just think when men make these decisions they need to keep their future relationships in mind. It's cool if they are not concerned about that (I.e. Perpetual bachelors). But adding a child to your "package" might just reduce your appeal to some women.

 

[dicapr]

Yeah I get that and it makes sense. I just think when men make these decisions they need to keep their future relationships in mind. It's cool if they are not concerned about that (I.e. Perpetual bachelors). But adding a child to your "package" might just reduce your appeal to some women.

I think men and women making these decisions don't see any productive or meaningful relationship happening anytime soon. They probably aren't in their 20's either. After a certain age having a child isn't that much of a deal breaker. When you get to be in your late 30's early 40's having a child isn't that big a deal. Now if you have 4 with 4 different women that migh be a problem.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Yeah I get that and it makes sense. I just think when men make these decisions they need to keep their future relationships in mind. It's cool if they are not concerned about that (I.e. Perpetual bachelors). But adding a child to your "package" might just reduce your appeal to some women.

I find this comment odd given that your friend already has a child. Even though it's an adult child, she definitely would've been viewed the same when the kid was younger and possibly even now. This works both ways.