Real Life Advice Needed

[Ms Red]

Classycrimson, you are right. The timing is bad. It was bad almost 8 years ago and it's bad now.

The issue is that his ass wrote some checks he wasn't prepared to cash! (Can I say arse on here? ) When this was strictly phone/e-mail, he was bold and aggressive with the whole wanting to be in a relationship/marriage/kids thing... Then when I called his bluff, poof, nicca-be-gone

Thanks for your advce, girl.

I live in the DC/MD/VA area...and his M.O. is very common here. This area is full of bright young men who behave as kids in candy stores. Many of them don't want to define anything or bestow titles...cuz in this neck of the woods, they aren't necessary for them to have their fun. I know MANY MANY MANY MANY men like that here...great jobs, great education, great income, no kids, not-so great at courting women.
But most of these guys come on very strong when they know what they want....and they have short attn spans. I'm not sure about your friend...but typically they dont change unless they really really want to. Initially when he was coming on strong would have been a great time to initiaite something with him...It just seems like the timing is off between you two.

 

[Ms Red]

Girl, yes. And I have some dates lined up for a month straight so I'm gooood. Thank you so much for chiming in... There seems to be a consensus...

I agree with Classy and others on this thread. Living in the DC area, where the ration for men to women is like a mil to one. It's hard out here, dating wise. Also, he's 31. Men like him and in general usually don't dummy up until their 40. Let him get it outta his system now. Hopefully when you meet him again, you either a) won't want him because you have moved on or b) see a. That is what I see happening. Clearly, he's not relationship material for you right now. And maybe that is a good thing. Hell, from what I understand, there are some fine brothers in Houston....

 

[Ms Red]

Erokawa-

It is *that* simple. I am not wasting my time trying to change him... He's grown and I'm going to get tired. Both of us will be resentful.

Thanks for your input!

It seems simple to me. You're a homebody and he's a social guy. You can't really complain if you're going after your complete opposite type in the first place. I mean if you live far away, but you have a problem with him going out a lot, what sense does that make? Is he supposed to sit at home doing nothing to prove a point to you?

Maybe it's just me, because I'm really social as well - but he just seems like a guy who likes to do a lot with his days and be around people, and you prefer to keep to yourself at be at home - so it's obviously not going to work out. Either accept him, or move on, those are your only two choices.

 

[Ms Red]

Hey SqrpioQutie- Thanks for your input. About changing- if he isn't willing to, then enough said.

if you have to question yourself this much, then i think you know that for whatever reason, this just isn't for you... he's not going to change until he wants to change and it doesn't sound like he wants to... you have this idea about what you want and he's not measuring up to that list... to continue would be to invite more frustration...

 

[Ms Red]

Hey girl,

You hit the nail on the head... ESPECIALLY about his lack of commitment. We talked today and he is just not ready. His words say one thing, his actions, a whole other thing. And NO I am not willing to wait around. By the time we meet again, I plan to have moved on.... It is what it is.

OT- How is your little man doing?

We receive so many mixed signals about what single life and what our 30's are about. On one hand you have the religious group stating settling down and on the other hand the worldly view of going out and enjoy life until 40. His life seems more of the worldly view. I really don't feel he is READY to be settled down and staying in the house just yet. You never know what can happen over a matter of 4 years, but are you willing to wait and sacrifice your happiness for his By him not wanting to give a title of your relationship, is proof that he likes freedom.