Serious relationship advice needed, ASAP!

M

MBriggs

New Member
Hello all,

I need some serious relationship advice.

I have found myself in a crazy living situation that I’m not sure how to get out of it without completely damaging my relationship. To make a long story short “Summer 09” was life changing. I graduated from grad-school, moved out my mom’s crib, and even found myself a man, younger but a man. Anyways, the problem is he’s un-established (meaning no house or car) and currently unemployed. Don’t get me wrong and goals and ambition he got, just no money in the bank to execute them out currently. Okay, so besides all of this I just mentioned he has also found a way to make my new place a permanent residence!! Believe me when I tell you, it all happened so fast and before I knew it he was sleeping, eating, and brushing his teeth at my place every night! I know… I know I should have put a stop to this foolishness in beginning before I started catching feelings, but honestly I really enjoyed and needed his company at the time. But, now the script has changed... I still love him, but I really need my space, so he’s got to go! I have giving him a deadline for the end of the month, but honestly I don’t think he even knows what his next move is….

So I guess my question is… do you think it’s possible to get him out of my place easily without breaking-up and cutting all ties with him completely and having him hate me forever? Someone help… let me know what you think or if you have ever been in this type of situation, and what was the outcome?
 
Oh Ms. Briggs it is time to take a break sit back take a deep breath and get a grip on the situation and you REALLY need for the both of you to sit down and see where this is going. I hope he has good intentions. But right now since he is not established sounds like hes got the comb and Toothbrush syndrome. You know dudes that get with a lady that is already established and just comb with his comb and toothbrush

I know this may be hard to do but hold back on catching the feelings so fast and really see where he is coming from. I happened so fast because my Spidey sense is telling me he was working it that way. WHY not you got yourself together he needed a place to stay. Where was he living before he just upped and moved in with you. He can go back there and get himself together. more on this later
 
You can not have your cake and eat it too. Put on your big girl panties, you had them on when you let him move in, now put on your big girl panties, give him 30 days and tell him he has to go. You might be able to keep the relationship or you might lose it.

What do you want more, this dude or your space?

Come on now lady. You knew what it was when he extended his stays. Please don't say you didn't let him move in and he sorta start staying. BULLCRAP. Regular nookie let him set up shop on you.

Sorry to be so harsh, but it is what it is right now.
 
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This will make or break your relationship. If your relationship is meant to be then it will survive this. If he leaves you because of this then nothing would have changed and he would have continued to smooch off you- so you would then be better off without him.
 
Where was he living before he moved his toothbrush and comb into your place? Does he have a key to your house?

:look:

Wow.

Okay, I've written and rewritten this about 50-11 times. :lachen:

Tell him he cannot live with you, and you weren't expecting - nor desiring - a live-in boyfriend at the time.
Let him know that you acknowledge that it takes a while to find another place to live, and give him his 30 days.
On day 31, take his keys. Let him know he's welcome to still be your boyfriend.

:look: I assume you are driving him around, too? Or is he more of a homebody?

I'm - kinda - baffled with the whole situation. How - why? When you knew he didn't have a place to live, where did you expect him to live?
 
I don't think I would give him 30 days, unless he's been living there non-stop for months, then it would only be fair to give him some time.

Make sure you change the locks (re key) when he does leave, it only costs a few dollars to have a copy made, he could have extras.

Just explain to him that you had/have no intentions of taking care of a grown man full-time, it's been fun, but you've come too far to carry dead weight (him).

Awkward situation, no matter how he takes it. Good luck.
 
JustKiya said:
I'm - kinda - baffled with the whole situation. How - why? When you knew he didn't have a place to live, where did you expect him to live?
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We are >-< with each other. It is completely baffling to me, I do not understand that situation one bit.
 
evsbaby said:
This will make or break your relationship. If your relationship is meant to be then it will survive this. If he leaves you because of this then nothing would have changed and he would have continued to smooch off you- so you would then be better off without him.
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I agree with this.
It sounds like you have worked to hard to be with a man that is going to take advantage of you. If he loves you he needs to step his game up and handle his business. He's truly not on your level so if he leaves you because of this, it just leaves the door open for the right Man to come into your life.
 
Girl, how in the world? And, where's the "Thanks" button? :look:

How does one just wake up one day with a new roommate? Wasn't there a discussion that took place about him bringing over clothes, doing laundry, getting a key, never going anywhere else but your crib? Was it because he can't drive himself home at night or in the morning after visiting you? And, since he's not working, he's just kicked back in the cut while you go to work....and ready to serve you when you get home?

Anyway, I wouldn't give him 30 days. He can simply pack up his duffle and move it back to where he was staying before and hand in the key. I guess you'll be driving him home. Either way, explain that, while you tremendously enjoy the relationship, you do not desire to have a live-in situation and never did. I don't think that's an unreasonable request and I don't think it should be detrimental to the relationship unless he's a loser. In which case, you don't need it.
 
THANKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkk

YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU




Smuckie_Slick said:
Girl, how in the world? And, where's the "Thanks" button? :look:

How does one just wake up one day with a new roommate? Wasn't there a discussion that took place about him bringing over clothes, doing laundry, getting a key, never going anywhere else but your crib? Was it because he can't drive himself home at night or in the morning after visiting you? And, since he's not working, he's just kicked back in the cut while you go to work....and ready to serve you when you get home?

Anyway, I wouldn't give him 30 days. He can simply pack up his duffle and move it back to where he was staying before and hand in the key. I guess you'll be driving him home. Either way, explain that, while you tremendously enjoy the relationship, you do not desire to have a live-in situation and never did. I don't think that's an unreasonable request and I don't think it should be detrimental to the relationship unless he's a loser. In which case, you don't need it.
Click to expand...
 
And most importantly, be careful. Sometime, the "loving" boyfriend can turn into a "maniac" when you switch up on them. It happened to me quite a years ago in an almost similar situation and dude pulled a knife on me. :nono:
 
I do not like the sound of this. See, the problem is a women could never do this ish to a man, but we are :nono: I agree with the other ladies, break it gently to him that you need space. It sounds almost to me like homeboy slithered his way in on the sly.... no money :look: I am not shallow, but unless you are my husband that has been holding it down and had bad luck.

I hope it works out.
 
I don't think it was on the sly at all. He doesn't have a car...and apparently lives with his mama. That means the only place they could get some "alone time" would be HER place. And, since dude has no car....she has to pick him up. At the end of the night, or in the morning....since dude has no car, she would have to take him home. But, because she has a job...she goes on to work....and because he does not....he sits right there at the house.

I don't think he slithered his way into anything. I think OP has all the power in this situation. She's the one setting the tone and the pace for the entire relationship. His job has been to sit and wait for her. Wait on her to pick him up. Wait on her to say, "it's ok, go back to sleep...I'll see you when I get off work at 4:30". Wait on her to ignore that extra duffel back in the corner of her bedroom. Wait on her to bring home bacon for the both of them. Wait on her to get used to him being there so much that the question, "when do you want me to take you home?" never even comes up.

OP has all the power in this situation. I guarantee you, he's not going to dump you for kicking him out OP. He will rolll with whatever scenario you throw his way. Try it.
 
Smuckie_Slick said:
I don't think it was on the sly at all. He doesn't have a car...and apparently lives with his mama. That means the only place they could get some "alone time" would be HER place. And, since dude has no car....she has to pick him up. At the end of the night, or in the morning....since dude has no car, she would have to take him home. But, because she has a job...she goes on to work....and because he does not....he sits right there at the house.

I don't think he slithered his way into anything. I think OP has all the power in this situation. She's the one setting the tone and the pace for the entire relationship. His job has been to sit and wait for her. Wait on her to pick him up. Wait on her to say, "it's ok, go back to sleep...I'll see you when I get off work at 4:30". Wait on her to ignore that extra duffel back in the corner of her bedroom. Wait on her to bring home bacon for the both of them. Wait on her to get used to him being there so much that the question, "when do you want me to take you home?" never even comes up.

OP has all the power in this situation. I guarantee you, he's not going to dump you for kicking him out OP. He will rolll with whatever scenario you throw his way. Try it.
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You know your right. You can't do something to/with/on someone they don't want you to do.:lachen:
 
Smuckie Slick is preaching up in here!:yep: Really, really missing the thank you button. I wonder if op is coming back, would love to hear her response to the advice she has been given.
 
tell son son he gots to go tis all. he weezled his way into your home now shove him out oh yeah prepare for your relationship to be over because he is not going to take it lightly

think of it he has no money so he cant help u with a bill, he eating your food and he cant buy you no groceries. yes he might have ambitions and goals everyone has goals though but what is he doing to reach those goals no sah son son got a free ride now his train has finally stopped.
Dick dont pay the bills yes you might love him and blazay but that ish dont pay no bills a man is suppose to help uplift you and you up lift him but all thats going on is you upgrading him and him downgrading you
 
Smuckie_Slick said:
I don't think it was on the sly at all. He doesn't have a car...and apparently lives with his mama. That means the only place they could get some "alone time" would be HER place. And, since dude has no car....she has to pick him up. At the end of the night, or in the morning....since dude has no car, she would have to take him home. But, because she has a job...she goes on to work....and because he does not....he sits right there at the house.

I don't think he slithered his way into anything. I think OP has all the power in this situation. She's the one setting the tone and the pace for the entire relationship. His job has been to sit and wait for her. Wait on her to pick him up. Wait on her to say, "it's ok, go back to sleep...I'll see you when I get off work at 4:30". Wait on her to ignore that extra duffel back in the corner of her bedroom. Wait on her to bring home bacon for the both of them. Wait on her to get used to him being there so much that the question, "when do you want me to take you home?" never even comes up.

OP has all the power in this situation. I guarantee you, he's not going to dump you for kicking him out OP. He will rolll with whatever scenario you throw his way. Try it.
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And let the church say AAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN
 
january noir said:
And most importantly, be careful. Sometime, the "loving" boyfriend can turn into a "maniac" when you switch up on them. It happened to me quite a years ago in an almost similar situation and dude pulled a knife on me. :nono:
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Ditto!

Does the 30-day residency rule apply in your state, OP? He might try and refuse to leave after 30 days based on the claim that he is now a resident.
 
Like some of these threads I would change the locks and kick him out if he can't handle it then you know he was fooling you anyway Smuckie is right That was on YOU men can only do what you let them
 
He will find another place to stay and another car to ride in.

Trust....He knows what his next move is because he knows how to play the game.
 
His drive and ambition are nice, but he needs to find something to do in the meanwhile. The problem I have is ... he's not your husband, and he's NOT doing anything... ANYTHING to get himself on grown man status. If he were building sites from scratch or trying to do a little something, then I'd probably re-evaluate my feelings but I think you're being shafted.

You're a prize and he needs to earn his keep through life- be your equal and challenge you and vice versa- not relax on his haunches while you're getting established.
 
I know it doesn't help now but my grandfather gave me sound advice early on. He said never let a man leave anything at your house if he is spending the night. He will leave a sock today and his pants tomorrow and the next thing you know he has moved on in. this is so true so I made sure that everything was packed back in your bag when you left my house. You will leave nothing at my house.
 
LOL, I know you're situation isn't funny, but at least you're smart enough to realize he needs to go. I almost thought you were my sister writing this as her situation is EXACTLY the same, except she let this bum live with her AND her two elementary aged girls. Not only all of this crap, but she tells me a couple of weeks ago that she's now engaged to this poor excuse of a man, with no job, no car and no self respect to live off of a single mother. Oh, and yeah all of this happend in less than a year!!

Summer of '09 must have been this ish!!!

Give him the "Boo-Bye"...and keep it moving girl. Because he may try to talk you into marrying his sorry behind. He's running game, and be sure you recognize it.
 
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Send him back to his mother, if he is motivated he will make the changes, but while he is with you why should he?

I said this already once today I will say it again. RED FLAGS.

You need to check yourself and really answer why you ALLOWED this to happen and understand what is lacking.

If you care for him as well as yourself you will be doing what is right for both of you. He needs to get established and you need to understand why you did what you did and to take care of that area in your life.

If you both work out your issues and want to be together after that then it is all good. Right now too many excuses and other things are in the way for this to be right.

I truly wish you the best. You know the ladies here are going to keep it real with you. :yep:
 
Thanks for all the advice ladies; I appreciate the feedback and words of wisdom…

To answer some of y’all questions, before he starting staying with me he was living with some friends he went to school with, but they moved and couldn't go with them... go figure! Just so everyone doesn’t think I’m a complete fool; no he doesn’t have a key to my door, and his 30-day notice was giving Feb, 1st, so he already knows it's about time to roll.

Thanks again, for all the support and advice…. I guess I already knew what I needed to do, I just needed confirmation.
 
Wow! He just took advantage. I wouldn't give him 30 days but if u want to be all nice about it give him 30 then change the locks! He could have a copy. U never know.
 
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