Remaining Friends with an Ex

[mscurly]

Me and my boyfriend broke up a few months ago. We decided to remain friends plus we still have business together so he agreed to still help me with that vice versa.

Now we broke up because he has personal issues he needs to address and I felt he should. But lately I've been feeling like I'm not sure if I want to remain friends with him anymore. It's too hard because I'm honestly not over him. Plus when I break up with a guy I usually never speak to him again regardless of the situation. I don't have any kids so for me it's usually no point in talking to the dude again. But me and him were different plus he wasn't a bad man to me he treated me like a Queen so I won't dog him out or bad mouth him.

Me and my current ex aren't mad at each other and when we do talk we laugh and joke as usual, talk about family, other stuff. But for me it's getting hard because when we don't speak I'm cool and starting to move on then when we do speak and have great conversation I start missing him again.

I feel like maybe he's just fine with the way things are. It's weird because when we were together we discussed marriage but he has so much to work on..............

Forgive me yall I'm just venting.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think that this friendship usually benefits the guy and to make him feel good/better about the situation.

Needless to say I don't remain friends, and in each circumstance it was the guy pushing this friendship that I didn't want.

 

[MzLady78]

I think it's possible to be friends with an ex, I have 2 that I speak to on a fairly regular basis. But we were only able to do so after a lot of time had passed and we were very far removed from having any romantic feelings.

I also think it depends on WHY you broke up. If someone cheated or treated the other really badly, I don't see the point. With me and one of my exes, I was going through some personal things and needed to focus on that at the time. After that was no longer an issue, we just never wanted to be in a relationship again at the same time, so we let that go and became close friends.

 

[BonBon]

You need a break from him. Perhaps you can be friends, but you need a proper break.

I am friends with my exes, but I was the one that broke up with them and I had no more romantic feelings upon break up. One of them blocked me out for 5 months and then he was OK and we were friendly.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Yes you can be friends with an ex but only if you have removed or recovered emotionally from the break up. Until then you need your space to get over any feelings you have for him on a relationship level or it won't work.

 

[mscurly]

I think I do need some space and time to get over it.

When we first started this whole friend thing I told him we can just talk strictly business which he was okay with because in his mind it was better than nothing

He text me this morning and I still haven't responded because I don't know what to say to him.

I don't know how to tell him I need space without looking all thirsty or like I'm still hung up on him.

 

[MzLady78]

I think I do need some space and time to get over it.

When we first started this whole friend thing I told him we can just talk strictly business which he was okay with because in his mind it was better than nothing

He text me this morning and I still haven't responded because I don't know what to say to him.

I don't know how to tell him I need space without looking all thirsty or like I'm still hung up on him.

Who cares what he thinks? It's not about him, it's about what's best for you.

Believe me when I tell you, if you're not ready, don't do it to yourself.

 

[Allandra]

I'm cordial with everyone, but I don't consider any of my exes friends (ex for a reason).

 

[BonBon]

Keep it short and sweet. You need time to focus on yourself. You'll be in contact when/if you're ready to be friends.

I don't know how you will manage the business side if its shared though? I have a feeling he would use it as a way to talk to you about unrelated things.

 

[Mad Scientist]

I think exes can be friends but only if both parties are over each other. So a proper break would be a good idea. I mean *only* talking to him about business. And if you have hopes that after he handles his personal business, he will come back...please let those go.

I was friends with a guy for 10+ years and we dated for 3. We tried to go straight back to being friends but I wasn't over it. Friendship was ruined, but could've been salvaged if I gave myself proper time to heal.

 

[Rocky91]

NO. just NO.

 

[Mortons]

I think it's possible to be friends with an ex, I have 2 that I speak to on a fairly regular basis. But we were only able to do so after a lot of time had passed and we were very far removed from having any romantic feelings. I also think it depends on WHY you broke up. If someone cheated or treated the other really badly, I don't see the point. With me and one of my exes, I was going through some personal things and needed to focus on that at the time. After that was no longer an issue, we just never wanted to be in a relationship again at the same time, so we let that go and became close friends.

The why came down to for me. After trying it truth is it just doesn't work with folk who played dirty. Can never trust you.

 

[Oasis]

while i'm sure it's possible, i've never done so successfully.

 

[Holla]

I agree with an earlier poster who stated that if the breakup was due to lack of trust, etc. then a true friendship will be HARD to ever have because trust is essential to any friendship, romantic or not. But if the breakup was mutual/friendly, then I think one person will always have feelings for the other. Not necessarily hot and heavy feelings...but def feelings deeper than that of an ordinary friend.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

I'm trying this for the first time, we dated when I was 18 and I used to love me some him! As an adult I've been able to step back and look at with different eyes, it's nice to reconnect with people from your past but ONLY if you're over it.

 

[kupenda]

I agree with an earlier poster who stated that if the breakup was due to lack of trust, etc. then a true friendship will be HARD to ever have because trust is essential to any friendship, romantic or not. But if the breakup was mutual/friendly, then I think one person will always have feelings for the other. Not necessarily hot and heavy feelings...but def feelings deeper than that of an ordinary friend.

One of my break ups was negative and due to infidelity on his part. Being friends became messy. Even now, ive tried but I dont trust him at all. So everything is tainted. He isn't date worthy, he isn't satisfied with judt being my friend. So he's pretty much got no place in my life. I think you really need to have very special circumstances in order for a friendship to work after a break up. Take some time to gather all of you and your emotions, and deal with him as business. Don't be lured back in

 

[mscurly]

This situation is different because we didn't break up over infidelity lying or anything like that. Plus we still have a business together.

It's hard cause I do miss him, the way it used to be

But I am getting used to it.