Relaxing the children.

[twinkletoes17]

My mom relaxed my hair when I was 4. I didn't have problems until I started doing my own hair when I was 16 or 17 lol. I personally think it depends on who's taking care of the hair. The same measures we take as adults should be taken on children; dc'ing, constant moisturizing, etc. Like anything else, TLC will do the trick imho.

 

[beektx]

If I had a daughter she would not get a realxer before age 12 because that's the some way I was done. I had very long hair when I was young but as soon as I got the relaxer it was downhill from there ... I'm currently back to natural and would not change it.

 

[Southernbella.]

Oh, I don't have a daughter. I am going off of the way that I was raised, and I thank god I didn't have to contend with parents who tried to control and dominate me, based on their beliefs. I remember when I cut off all my hair at age 14, and got an asymmetrical Halle Berry cut that was shaved in the back--the week before our family reunion! My mother almost fainted when she picked me up from the salon, but she respected my decision to do what I pleased with MY hair. I have friends who weren't allowed to cut their hair period, and in my mind that kind of control is just unnecessary.

I know it took a lot of courage for my parents to raise me the way that they did, and they were criticized for it ("sounds like the child is controlling the parent," that type of stuff). But I'm grateful for it, and I would follow their example in raising my own child.

For me, this would be one of the times when I'd say, "It's just hair." It grows back. I'd let my child make their own mistakes, and then I'd be there to help when they needed it. Being relaxed at some point in our lives hasn't hindered any of us from going natural and taking control of our hair.

I don't think refusing to chemically straighten hair that is already perfect is "Controlling" anything. As parents, it is our JOB to do what's best for our children. I regulate how much sugar my kids eat, how much TV they watch, how late they stay up, etc. Am I being controlling? Most parents would say no, because again, it is our JOB to protect our children from things that could harm them. To me, a relaxer is included in that. Scissors are not.

Relaxers may or may not be damaging to the hair, but they are definitely damaging to the psyche. You (general) can holler "It's just hair!" all you want, but I will never believe because evidence suggest otherwise. The vast majority of black women grow up thinking kinky hair, which naturally grows from our scalps, is something to be fixed. Little girls (and some grown women) are running around calling each other "nappy-headed". These things do not exist in a vacuum.

As to the bolded, I strongly disagree, and if you look at some of the polls around here (Will you ever go natural?), you will see how untrue that is.

You will see when you have your kids. There are some things you have to control, because they have the potential to be harmful. What those things are will depend on what your values are. If you don't value cultivating a love for natural hair, you will relax your dd's hair. That's your choice.

 

[imaccami]

Oh, I don't have a daughter. I am going off of the way that I was raised, and I thank god I didn't have to contend with parents who tried to control and dominate me, based on their beliefs. I remember when I cut off all my hair at age 14, and got an asymmetrical Halle Berry cut that was shaved in the back--the week before our family reunion! My mother almost fainted when she picked me up from the salon, but she respected my decision to do what I pleased with MY hair. I have friends who weren't allowed to cut their hair period, and in my mind that kind of control is just unnecessary.

I know it took a lot of courage for my parents to raise me the way that they did, and they were criticized for it ("sounds like the child is controlling the parent," that type of stuff). But I'm grateful for it, and I would follow their example in raising my own child.

For me, this would be one of the times when I'd say, "It's just hair." It grows back. I'd let my child make their own mistakes, and then I'd be there to help when they needed it. Being relaxed at some point in our lives hasn't hindered any of us from going natural and taking control of our hair.

This is a good post and I completely agree. There's definitely more than one way to raise a successful and confident adult. When I was growing up there were the things that I had to do, grades, my behavior, being respectful and hard working and on and on. Everything I had to was for my own good and I was told why it was beneficial for me. I can't tell you how many times I heard the "if I didn't care I would let you do any old thing" speech.

But there were a few things that I could do whatever I wanted within reason. Like when we got new carpet and I wanted electric blue for my room. My dad tried to talk me out of it, but he eventually let me get what I wanted, and I loved it. I know that a lot of people look at their hair as something much more serious than that, but that's just an example.

Fashion didn't fall into the "not as long as you live in this house" category. And I don't think that it should. As long as it's within reason, I don't see any harm in letting a teenager or younger child experiment and try what they want.

Yes. BKT is a chemical that straightens your hair. I really don't think it's all that different from a relaxer.

I'm not anti-straight hair. I'm really not. I'm just against the idea that anyone NEEDS a relaxer. I'm against the fact that relaxers are seen as a rite of passage for young black girls. My dd does not NEED to have chemically straightened hair. There's just not a compelling reason for it. It won't make her grades better, it won't make her more beautiful than she already is, it won't make her healthier, and it won't make her a better person. Instead of asking "Why not?", the question should be "Why should I?"

ETA: I'd sooner do a relaxer on my child than a BKT, which lets you know how I feel about it . There's just not enough info out there about it. Formaldehyde? On my child?

I agree with you that a relaxer shouldn't be a rite of passage in a young girl's life and it wasn't for me. I don't even remember when I got my first relaxer even though I must have been 9 or 10. It wasn't a big deal and I had no idea that it was a big deal for people until I came to this site. But, I don't think that getting a relaxer should be like wearing heels for the first time, getting ears pierced, or wearing makeup.

 

[imaccami]

Relaxers may or may not be damaging to the hair, but they are definitely damaging to the psyche. You (general) can holler "It's just hair!" all you want, but I will never believe because evidence suggest otherwise.

It's really hard to read this and believe that you're not saying that all women with relaxed hair have damaged psyches. I suppose that your psyche was damaged until you went natural and anyone who has been natural and decided to relax was once healthy and is now damaged. If your daughter decides to relax at 18 will her psyche be damaged too? Come on, I think that there's a way to make your point without insulting the people you disagree with.

I don't think refusing to chemically straighten hair that is already perfect is "Controlling" anything.

When she's 17 her lips, eyes, and ears will be perfect. Will that stop you from allowing her to wear lip gloss, eye shadow, and earrings to the prom? Make up may not be permanent but pierced ears are. I know, hair is just so much deeper than any other fashion choice. Except when it comes to hair color, that's ok. And wigs and weaves are ok too. Flat irons are ok. But a relaxer is evil.

 

[MA2010]

It's really hard to read this and believe that you're not saying that all women with relaxed hair have damaged psyches. I suppose that your psyche was damaged until you went natural and anyone who has been natural and decided to relax was once healthy and is now damaged. If your daughter decides to relax at 18 will her psyche be damaged too? Come on, I think that there's a way to make your point without insulting the people you disagree with.

You make a good point !!!

 

[Southernbella.]

It's really hard to read this and believe that you're not saying that all women with relaxed hair have damaged psyches. I suppose that your psyche was damaged until you went natural and anyone who has been natural and decided to relax was once healthy and is now damaged. If your daughter decides to relax at 18 will her psyche be damaged too? Come on, I think that there's a way to make your point without insulting the people you disagree with.

I believe anyone who was relaxed as a child before they had a real choice in the matter was absolutely damaged in some way by it. I don't feel the same way about an older girl/woman who was allowed to make that decision on her own. If you choose to be insulted by that, it's on you, but I will NOT apologize for my opinion. Some of us on this thread were insulted by the idea that not allowing relaxers means we're controlling. I didn't see a big fuss about that though...

Also, I know I was damaged by having my hair relaxed at 2 and never seeing my natural hair or even knowing it was an option. I also don't think I magically got "cured" when I cut my relaxed ends off. I still struggle with the thought that nappy hair is ugly and unacceptable.

When she's 17 her lips, eyes, and ears will be perfect. Will that stop you from allowing her to wear lip gloss, eye shadow, and earrings to the prom? Make up may not be permanent but pierced ears are. I know, hair is just so much deeper than any other fashion choice. Except when it comes to hair color, that's ok. And wigs and weaves are ok too. Flat irons are ok. But a relaxer is evil.

Makeup can be taken off at the end of the night. If she wanted a lip or eyeliner tattoo, then that would also be offlimits. Her ears aren't pierced, but if she wants them pierced when she's older, she can do that.

As far as relaxers being evil...I don't think that. I think the mindset that causes women to relax their young daughters is evil.

Straight hair will be a style choice in my house, not a way of life. If she wants a straight style, she can absolutely get her hair flat ironed. I have no problem with that. If I was truly "controlling", I'd be dead set against straight hair of any kind. I'm simply against permanently altering a child's appearance in any way, unless there is some kind of deformity. Kinky hair doesn't fall into that category. For me, anyway.

 

[Southernbella.]

If your daughter decides to relax at 18 will her psyche be damaged too?

I don't think it's damaging to grow up experiencing your natural hair and being told that your natural hair is beautiful, then making an informed decision to relax as an adult.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Relaxers are banned in this house until the age of 18, by both me and her father. Not going to happen. She will be free as an adult to make the choice of relaxing her hair or not. I dont for once believe that most black women are relaxed as a "styling option", but are motivated by a historical dislike/unacceptance of natural hair. I feel that a child who has had 18 years of positive reinforcement about her natural hair, if she chose to relax, is more likely to be making a styling choice option than women who never had the option nor examined the issues , which makes up about 95% of the population, imho.

 

[taz007]

My mother relaxed my hair at 9 and it was the BEST thing that she could have done for my psyche and our mother/daughter relationship.

I have 4ZZZZZZZZZZ and doing my hair was a NIGHTMARE with the HOURS of hanking, pulling and crying. I was starting to think that she was hurting me on purpose (she was not).

If you have a good family relationship that teaches strong self worth and good values then ...

RELAXERS DO NOT HARM THE PSYCHE.

I eventually went natural and just recently relaxed. I have been natural longer than I have been relaxed as an adult. I see no difference in the way that I feel about myself.

Just my opinion.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Sometimes I wonder do people actually remember that relaxers were born out of a system of direct racism and assault on the appearance of black women?:scratchch

 

[taz007]

^^ I ... don't ... get ... it erplexed

So white women get curly perms because "they hate themselves"???!!

Sigh.

 

[jennboo]

My child will NOT be getting a relaxer.

I sometimes still give my mom the side eye bc she relaxed my hair in the 5th grade, LOL. I look at pics of my natural hair when i was younger and marvel at how lush it was. Had i never gotten a relaxer, i would have had 25 years of growing, strong, LONG, healthy natural hair.

I don't care what anyone says, to relax a child's hair is to inadvertently (or purposely) suggest to them that their natural hair is subpar. Needless to say, children are very impressionable and look to their immediate caregivers (moms, dads, grannies, whomever) for cues on how to navigate the world. I think it sends a terrible message when the most important people in the child's life are spoon feeding (right along with the media) this idea of straighter is better.

Aside from the political standpoint, I refuse to apply (or have someone else apply) a caustic chemical to my growing child's head in the name of vanity and/or manageability.

I honestly think folks do a disservice to their children by not letting them experience their natural hair. This is a great time for them to develop healthy hair habits, sans salons, and get a chance to fall in love with their hair. Who am I to take that away from them?

 

[Bint Yusef]

^^ I ... don't ... get ... it erplexed

So white women get curly perms because "they hate themselves"???!!

Sigh.

Ahh the age old white people do it too line.
3 points...
Curly perms dont have the same context as relaxers, and were not born out of the same cirumstances as relaxers.

nor do the percentage of white women with curly perms even touch the number of black women wtih relaxers. White women also dont tend to have their 3 and 4 years lined up getting curly perms, nor do they do it until they have 2 inches of broken off curly permed hair because its still better than their own hair.

The number of curly haired white ppl also far execeed the number of black women who tend to have naturally straight hair. Curly hair is not rare occurence in the white race, so it can easily be argued they arent trying to look like anyone else.

 

[taz007]

Ahh the age old white people do it too line.
3 points...
Curly perms dont have the same context as relaxers, and were not born out of the same cirumstances as relaxers.

nor do the percentage of white women with curly perms even touch the number of black women wtih relaxers. White women also dont tend to have their 3 and 4 years lined up getting curly perms, nor do they do it until they have 2 inches of broken off curly permed hair because its still better than their own hair.

The number of curly haired white ppl also far execeed the number of black women who tend to have naturally straight hair. Curly hair is not rare occurence in the white race, so it can easily be argued they arent trying to look like anyone else.

3 Responses:

1) Curly perms are just as damaging as relaxers.

2) White women DO have years of perming and bleaching of their hair. I am at a major international airport right now and yup, they have some tore up, thinned out, ragged hair as well.

3) Straight hair is not a rare occurrence with black people either. My sister has naturally straight, waist length hair. I will NOT be perming my children's hair EVER as their hair is straight as well.

I say all of this to say, to each their own. Be happy with the decision that you make for you and yours and be respectful of the decisions of others.

 

[back2relaxed]

I believe anyone who was relaxed as a child before they had a real choice in the matter was absolutely damaged in some way by it. I don't feel the same way about an older girl/woman who was allowed to make that decision on her own. If you choose to be insulted by that, it's on you, but I will NOT apologize for my opinion. Some of us on this thread were insulted by the idea that not allowing relaxers means we're controlling. I didn't see a big fuss about that though...

Also, I know I was damaged by having my hair relaxed at 2 and never seeing my natural hair or even knowing it was an option. I also don't think I magically got "cured" when I cut my relaxed ends off. I still struggle with the thought that nappy hair is ugly and unacceptable.





Makeup can be taken off at the end of the night. If she wanted a lip or eyeliner tattoo, then that would also be offlimits. Her ears aren't pierced, but if she wants them pierced when she's older, she can do that.

As far as relaxers being evil...I don't think that. I think the mindset that causes women to relax their young daughters is evil.

Straight hair will be a style choice in my house, not a way of life. If she wants a straight style, she can absolutely get her hair flat ironed. I have no problem with that. If I was truly "controlling", I'd be dead set against straight hair of any kind. I'm simply against permanently altering a child's appearance in any way, unless there is some kind of deformity. Kinky hair doesn't fall into that category. For me, anyway.

I was relaxed in the 4th grade, but never felt "damaged" by it...I was curious as I grew up as to what my hair would look like natural, and was natural for a time. But although I am relaxed, and don't agree that a 2 yr old should be. I also understand why parents do it, when they feel ready to do so. We do lots of things that have nothing to do w/"deformity" to permanently alter our children...for example circumcision. Its a parent's personal or religious choice to do so, but again it is a common practice. Although I hope that I wouldn't have to relax my dd's hair before her teenage years, I can't say that I would not consider it. I don't know what type of lifestyle she may want to lead, and she may prefer to wear a straight style more of the time, for manageability. That was the reason I went back to a relaxer.

I feel it is a parent's perogative, until they begin to allow their children to choose. To each his/her own, as long as the children are being taken care of.

 

[Bint Yusef]

3 Responses:

1) Curly perms are just as damaging as relaxers.

2) White women DO have years of perming and bleaching of their hair. I am at a major international airport right now and yup, they have some tore up, thinned out, ragged hair as well.

3) Straight hair is not a rare occurrence with black people either. My sister has naturally straight, waist length hair. I will NOT be perming my children's hair EVER as their hair is straight as well.

I say all of this to say, to each their own. Be happy with the decision that you make for you and yours and be respectful of the decisions of others.

Your sister having naturally straight hair doesnt nor you being in the airport doesnt disprove my point. Its all about numbers. If relaxing were just a choice the number of naturals to relaxed would hover more around the 50-50 range and not the lopsidedness we see today. Also if you were happy with your decision you wouldnt feel indicted by my or any other posts.

 

[jennboo]

3 Responses:

1) Curly perms are just as damaging as relaxers.

2) White women DO have years of perming and bleaching of their hair. I am at a major international airport right now and yup, they have some tore up, thinned out, ragged hair as well.

3) Straight hair is not a rare occurrence with black people either. My sister has naturally straight, waist length hair. I will NOT be perming my children's hair EVER as their hair is straight as well.

I say all of this to say, to each their own. Be happy with the decision that you make for you and yours and be respectful of the decisions of others.

1) So you agree that relaxers are damaging.

2) White women perming and bleaching their hair is irrelevant.

3) Naturally straight hair IS a rare occurrence with black people (I might get stoned for this one )

 

[taz007]

Sigh... another waste of precious time and brain cells.

Forever outta this thread.

 

[Southernbella.]

I was relaxed in the 4th grade, but never felt "damaged" by it...I was curious as I grew up as to what my hair would look like natural, and was natural for a time. But although I am relaxed, and don't agree that a 2 yr old should be. I also understand why parents do it, when they feel ready to do so. We do lots of things that have nothing to do w/"deformity" to permanently alter our children...for example circumcision. Its a parent's personal or religious choice to do so, but again it is a common practice. Although I hope that I wouldn't have to relax my dd's hair before her teenage years, I can't say that I would not consider it. I don't know what type of lifestyle she may want to lead, and she may prefer to wear a straight style more of the time, for manageability. That was the reason I went back to a relaxer.

I feel it is a parent's perogative, until they begin to allow their children to choose. To each his/her own, as long as the children are being taken care of.

"We" don't do anything, because my son is uncircumcised. Like relaxers, there was not a good enough reason for me to have it done. Also like relaxers, many parents have it done because they don't know any other way. Every other male they know is, so why go against the grain?

For others, it is cultural or religious, and for some, it is an issue of cleanliness. None of that is as superficial as relaxing a child, so I can't really say the comparison is valid.

 

[MonPetite]

I have no children, I say that as a disclaimer. However, it doesn't invalidate my opinion. Why? Experience. Mine are no different than many with and without children. We ALL know the "Trick Bag" that growing up with afro-textured (Whatever That Means To You) hair can be.

I remember crying as my thick, luscious hair was brushed and combed to death with Pink lotion.

I remember young girls, Asian and White making fun of my waves and coils.

I remember getting a perm (around 10 or so) and black girls being vicious because I "had long hair so she don't care".

My hair thrived despite the abuse it received natural or relaxed as my mother didn't have the information I do and did the best she could. Why? It's just that tough. No other reason. Genetics. Grows fast + dense + thick strands.

It "thrived" (IE: stayed on my head and was shiny).

I however, emotionally, did not.

I was made to feel like a freak when natural by non-blacks and like a freak-of-a-freak by my Black female counterparts as my hair was relaxed and kept length (thick, jet-black and around APL, that doesn't seem long to me, but did to them apparently).

The message I needed, was that whatever I "was", relaxed or natural, there was nothing wrong with ME.

I will choose to instill that in my future daughter by showing her that her hair, as God made it, is BEAUTIFUL.

If however, she feels like changing things up as a matter of style, with the same mindset one of us has when picking out a new lipstick, with the intention of going back and forth as the wind blows (like I do about my mani/pedi polish colors) -that I will support.

If she wants straight hair to "fix" something, I will find out why and work to counter act it. Straightening with THAT mindset, is NOT ACCEPTABLE in my future household.

I know full well with the media, OUR PEOPLE'S MINDSET and the particular brand of cruelty only found in children that is a FULL TIME JOB.

In the end, I may not succeed totally in this, as her mother.

However, I will try.

Rexlaxed or natural, I as her mother will be pleased, so long as I know, that she knows...SHE is beautiful because of WHO she is.

NOT what's on her head.

 

[jennboo]

I have no children, I say that as a disclaimer. However, it doesn't invalidate my opinion. Why? Experience. Mine are no different than many with and without children. We ALL know the "Trick Bag" that growing up with afro-textured (Whatever That Means To You) hair can be.

I remember crying as my thick, luscious hair was brushed and combed to death with Pink lotion.

I remember young girls, Asian and White making fun of my waves and coils.

I remember getting a perm (around 10 or so) and black girls being vicious because I "had long hair so she don't care".

My hair thrived despite the abuse it received natural or relaxed as my mother didn't have the information I do and did the best she could. Why? It's just that tough. No other reason. Genetics. Grows fast + dense + thick strands.

It "thrived" (IE: stayed on my head and was shiny).

I however, emotionally, did not.

I was made to feel like a freak when natural by non-blacks and like a freak-of-a-freak by my Black female counterparts as my hair was relaxed and kept length (thick, jet-black and around APL, that doesn't seem long to me, but did to them apparently).

The message I needed, was that whatever I "was", relaxed or natural, there was nothing wrong with ME.

I will choose to instill that in my future daughter by showing her that her hair, as God made it, is BEAUTIFUL.

If however, she feels like changing things up as a matter of style, with the same mindset one of us has when picking out a new lipstick, with the intention of going back and forth as the wind blows (like I do about my mani/pedi polish colors) -that I will support.

If she wants straight hair to "fix" something, I will find out why and work to counter act it. Straightening with THAT mindset, is NOT ACCEPTABLE in my future household.

I know full well with the media, OUR PEOPLE'S MINDSET and the particular brand of cruelty only found in children that is a FULL TIME JOB.

In the end, I may not succeed totally in this, as her mother.

However, I will try.

Rexlaxed or natural, I as her mother will be pleased, so long as I know, that she knows...SHE is beautiful because of WHO she is.

NOT what's on her head.

To the bolded: How are we supposed to instill in our daughters a sense of pride in the way that they are naturally, god-given, if we continuously impose upon them the idea that you must chemically alter yourself in order to be acceptable, approachable, pretty, etc. etc. etc.?

I don't get it.

 

[BostonMaria]

...BTW, I see a lot of people saying they wouldn't relax their DD's hair. I wonder though, if you've never had a little girl and you aren't natural how would you know how to take care of natural hair? I know I wouldn't. I would have to learn how to do that, just as I learned how to take care of relaxed hair. Learning something new is a process.

My daughters were born waaaaay before I decided to transition to natural. My youngest is almost 11 and I've been natural less than 2 years. I guess it was a learning process, but I knew the basics of hair care even though I didn't have natural hair myself. My mom was big on protective styles when I was a kid so I did the same to them. Since my oldest DD has always been natural she just figured out how to do the curly look after she was 10. My DD now has a baby girl of her own (she's the one in my avatar) and I help her take care of my granddaughter's hair.

Its a learning process, but definitely something you can pass down to other generations if you really take the time to teach them.

 

[mstar]

Relaxers are banned in this house until the age of 18, by both me and her father. Not going to happen. She will be free as an adult to make the choice of relaxing her hair or not. I dont for once believe that most black women are relaxed as a "styling option", but are motivated by a historical dislike/unacceptance of natural hair. I feel that a child who has had 18 years of positive reinforcement about her natural hair, if she chose to relax, is more likely to be making a styling choice option than women who never had the option nor examined the issues , which makes up about 95% of the population, imho.

I assume that you are not married, because marriage was once used to oppress women? Or that you don't believe in Christianity, because it was one of the main tools used by slave masters and colonialists to control black people?

As a modern, autonomous woman, my decisions are not always informed by what may have been done to people of my kind in the past. I think we're seeing a divide here between women who feel liberated from that mindset, and women who still feel restrained by it. What's interesting to me is that the women who wouldn't necessarily ban relaxers in their house are perfectly accepting of both relaxed AND natural hair, while the other group is kind of rigid in insisting that only one way is right.

 

[HollyGolightly1982]

I think I will let her decide once she goes to high school. I will try my best to give her all the knowledge that I have and try to make sure she doesn't end up jacklaxed.

 

[gymfreak336]

To the bolded: How are we supposed to instill in our daughters a sense of pride in the way that they are naturally, god-given, if we continuously impose upon them the idea that you must chemically alter yourself in order to be acceptable, approachable, pretty, etc. etc. etc.?

I don't get it.

Even though I am relaxed I do agree with you.

I think the point people are trying to make is that it is a decision that girls need to come to on their own. You have a whole generation of black girls that do not know what their natural hair looks like or what natural hair can look like. That is an issue.

 

[gymfreak336]

1) So you agree that relaxers are damaging.

2) White women perming and bleaching their hair is irrelevant.

3) Naturally straight hair IS a rare occurrence with black people (I might get stoned for this one )

If it were not, we wouldn't have all of the relaxers and hot combs

 

[MonPetite]

To the bolded: How are we supposed to instill in our daughters a sense of pride in the way that they are naturally, god-given, if we continuously impose upon them the idea that you must chemically alter yourself in order to be acceptable, approachable, pretty, etc. etc. etc.?

I don't get it.

I don't recall saying one should impose upon out children the idea they must chemically alter their hair, in my post, but I'll bite.

You said: "Impose". I would assume that to mean you choose to relax your child's hair before they are aware of all the social, racial and economic complexities that surround Black Hair.

Considering I took a good bit of time to note in my post that ONLY if my daughter saw straightening her hair (and I note "to go back and forth" with many would assume to be NON-chemical, though one can BC often if they like) as I see picking out a new lip-gloss (we seem to agree make-up, as it can be washed off is less detrimental to someone emotionally, as a Black woman in particular, than the damage of the "good hair vs. bad hair debate") I'm not sure why you've made the comment you have in reference to my post.

I'm also not sure who "we" is. If by "we" you are including future-me-with-a-daughter, I must ask you to redefine your "we".

If you mean "we" as a people, regardless of where we fall on the relaxer v. natural debate....

I ABSOLUTELY understand what you are getting at!

If this is the vein you are coming from, in response to my post, I can understand how this can seem as an insurmountable task (I not saying you're implying that, just being a bit melodramatic) due to our community's mindset about Black Beauty.

However, as I noted...I may fail, it will be a full time job, but I will fight for her to be as emotionally sound as possible.

To do that, I PERSONALLY, would NOT relax my daughter until she is old enough to understand the aforementioned complexities and has her own sense of self.

I am transitioning to natural for the second time, I might add, for those who may wonder how my hair's current state may be shaping my response.

I expect that to be any where from 19-23 years of age.

By then, she would begin moving to fully take care of herself financially (like my parents, I believe in helping to usher children into adulthood beyond the legal 18 years of age).

Thus...she can buy her own relaxer and pay for her own internet service to join LHCF and read mommy's 50-11 hair product reviews!!

I'd also like to add, dear, that I don't want you to take this post as an "attack".

I know text is emotionally-ambiguous and my posts have been called "passionate" before. I'm honestly writing this, quite non-plussed, with rapidly drying nails and peach tea at my side.

You ask a very important question.

It requires the thoughtful discussion we are currently having in this thread to answer.

Which, I might add, has gone on intelligently and has proven a fantastic read.

Thank you ladies of LHCF.

 

[MonPetite]

Even though I am relaxed I do agree with you.

I think the point people are trying to make is that it is a decision that girls need to come to on their own. You have a whole generation of black girls that do not know what their natural hair looks like or what natural hair can look like. That is an issue.

I think, dear Gym you have uncovered another lovely "something to think about".

How this generation (girls who do not know what their hair can or could look like sans chemicals) came to be is not a matter of style.

I think sheer ignorance may be part of the problem (and I mean in taking care of our hair types only, I DO NOT mean that those who relax are all ignorant -FAR from the truth). However, there is something social (and partially economic) happening here.

I dislike how relaxers came to be. I am not anti-relaxer however, though it is important to understand the messages they have been sending and continue to send.

Or rather, not the messages relaxers, the inanimate objects they be, send, but the messages that are sent through them among the Black community and all the emotional baggage that comes with them.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I suppose that your psyche was damaged until you went natural and anyone who has been natural and decided to relax was once healthy and is now damaged.

I think this is a very common belief in the natural hair community. They are all Neo's who took the red pill and now their eyes are open.
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I'd keep the kiddies natural for as long as possible. With 'little girl' styles I don't see any point to relaxing. An older girl who may want to wear her hair out/straight on a regular basis...maybe, if the amount of heat required to preserve straight hair is doing more harm than good.

I think that black American girls have more self esteem issues from having short hair than issues of texture.