Relaxing the children.

[msa]

Even though I am relaxed I do agree with you.

I think the point people are trying to make is that it is a decision that girls need to come to on their own. You have a whole generation of black girls that do not know what their natural hair looks like or what natural hair can look like. That is an issue.

That always gets me. I can't understand how that even feels. I've been natural my whole life so I've had a couple of decades to get to know my hair. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to not know what your real hair looks like and then have to find out in your 20's or 30's or 40's. I can see why so many people who transition to natural only stay natural for a year (or less) and then relax again.

I would never want to put my child through that.

 

[MA2010]

A lot of valid points are being made.

My daughter (when/ if I have a daughter) will decided when she is old enough what she wants to do with her hair. I won't relax it because it will be her decision to make.

My mom let me decide what I wanted to do when I was 15 or 16 years old. I decided to get a relaxer. I saw a beautician on a regular basis and my relaxed hair was healthy until I decided to stop seeing the beautician (cause I had better things to do with my 15 year old time ) and started to do all kinds of jacked up stuff to my hair. Hair care was not as important to me back then as it is now.

My psyche is just fine IMO. My hair, whether relaxed or natural, will not make me prettier, richer, nicer, funnier, or happier. It just wont.

I love all the beautiful heads of relaxed and natural hair I see here and in real life. I know what my natural hair is like and someday I just may go back to it. But that is my decision to make no matter who thinks I have issues with my 4b hair, psyche, or whatever.

 

[gymfreak336]

I think, dear Gym you have uncovered another lovely "something to think about".

How this generation (girls who do not know what their hair can or could look like sans chemicals) came to be is not a matter of style.
I think sheer ignorance may be part of the problem (and I mean in taking care of our hair types only, I DO NOT mean that those who relax are all ignorant -FAR from the truth). However, there is something social (and partially economic) happening here.

I dislike how relaxers came to be. I am not anti-relaxer however, though it is important to understand the messages they have been sending and continue to send.

Or rather, not the messages relaxers, the inanimate objects they be, send, but the messages that are sent through them among the Black community and all the emotional baggage that comes with them.

Bingo.....

 

[RedVelvet310]

I think this is a very common belief in the natural hair community. They are all Neo's who took the red pill and now their eyes are open.
~~~~~~~

I'd keep the kiddies natural for as long as possible. With 'little girl' styles I don't see any point to relaxing. An older girl who may want to wear her hair out/straight on a regular basis...maybe, if the amount of heat required to preserve straight hair is doing more harm than good.

I think that black American girls have more self esteem issues from having short hair than issues of texture.

But is it not true that one of the biggest reasons we have this short hair pandemic within the black community is because we misuse relaxers?

I'm also against relaxing of children, and it's also intresting to see how much hair relaxing is so... weaved into the black community and black culture. I mean, we compare WW perming their hair to BW relaxing?! Are you crazy? That's apple and oranges. How many times will a mother with a kinky haired child hear "so are you going to relax her hair yet?/When are you going to relax her hair?/Her hair would look so nice relaxed", consider what type of psyche that is coming from and how we (LHCF) have labeled that THE NORM in our community. Now think about how often a WW will hear those same lines in reference to perming her daughters hair and how abnormal those statements would be. You just can't compare the two

 

[BostonMaria]

That always gets me. I can't understand how that even feels. I've been natural my whole life so I've had a couple of decades to get to know my hair. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to not know what your real hair looks like and then have to find out in your 20's or 30's or 40's. I can see why so many people who transition to natural only stay natural for a year (or less) and then relax again.

I would never want to put my child through that.

Its been very frustrating, to say the least. I enjoy doing my hair so its not something that's driving me crazy but re-learning my hair in my late 30's has tested my patience level.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I will NEVER relax my future daughter's hair. I will teach her how versatile and manageable her natural hair texture can be by just learning how to take care of it. If she wants to see how her hair looks like straighten I'll press it, but that's it.

 

[Hairsofab]

I don't have any kids. But if I did, I would not relax their hair. More importantly, I would try to not talk negatively about black hair.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

But is it not true that one of the biggest reasons we have this short hair pandemic within the black community is because we misuse relaxers?

Yes, I will concede that there are alot of jacked up heads because of incorrect use/application of relaxers. Absolutely.

But before you even get to relaxers, most black women outside of hair boards believe that frequent hair washing is damaging and that petroleum based hair grease is moisturizing.

So even at the most basic level, black hair care is steeped in misconception and superstition and when you have a weak foundation, everything you put on top of it is going to be wobbly.

 

[imaccami]

I think that under 8/9 is too young to relax. And relaxing on a regular schedule like an adult would is excessive imo. I probably had like 6-7 relaxers my entire childhood, so I know my natural hair very well. I'd probably be natural today if I could style my hair and have it stay that way all day.

I still struggle with the thought that nappy hair is ugly and unacceptable.

I'm really shocked to read this because whenever you post a new siggy pic I always fantasize that I have your hair.

I think this is a very common belief in the natural hair community. They are all Neo's who took the red pill and now their eyes are open.

So true. I think that the popularity of BKT proves that a lot of naturals aren't as against chemicals as they may have claimed to be. I think it shows that some (not all) naturals never mastered the relaxer, were forced to go natural, and would relax if they could. So, it's not so black and white that all relaxed women have issues and all naturals are issue free.

I think that black American girls have more self esteem issues from having short hair than issues of texture.

ITA. Sometimes it feels like it's illegal to be younger than 30 and have short hair.

 

[msa]

So true. I think that the popularity of BKT proves that a lot of naturals aren't as against chemicals as they may have claimed to be. I think it shows that some (not all) naturals never mastered the relaxer, were forced to go natural, and would relax if they could. So, it's not so black and white that all relaxed women have issues and all naturals are issue free.

Say that again!

That's some truth right there.

 

[WorkInProgress88]

.yet another "to relax or not to relax" discussion
.am i the only one who gets tired of these?

 

[Southernbella.]

I'm really shocked to read this because whenever you post a new siggy pic I always fantasize that I have your hair.

Awww, thank you! I do have moments sometimes, though. It's not even that I think natural hair is ugly, because I think it's beautiful. It's that I get concerned that others will think my hair is ugly or unkempt or unacceptable, which makes me feel the need to fix it up just right so that it's not too "out there".

People get all butthurt over the word "damaged" when describing our mindset, but I'm not sure how else to describe what has happened to bw wrt our hair and how we feel about it. It's not normal. At least, it shouldn't be normal.

 

[Southernbella.]

Say that again!

That's some truth right there.

ITA. I'll leave it at that.

 

[Miamori]

So true. I think that the popularity of BKT proves that a lot of naturals aren't as against chemicals as they may have claimed to be. I think it shows that some (not all) naturals never mastered the relaxer, were forced to go natural, and would relax if they could. So, it's not so black and white that all relaxed women have issues and all naturals are issue free.

Trying to decide if I could take the heat if I put this in my siggy. So on point.

The unquestioning open-armed welcome of BKT was eye opening.

 

[msa]

Trying to decide if I could take the heat if I put this in my siggy. So on point.

The unquestioning open-armed welcome of BKT was eye opening.

I might just put it in mine.

Sad part is when naturals said the same thing in the BKT threads they got jumped on something serious.

It's obvious folks still have issues, whether they want to acknowledge it or not.

 

[Neith]

I personally wouldn't relax my own child's hair.

However, some parents choose to do it. As long as the child's hair and scalp are healthy and well taken care of, it doesn't make me mad.

I can't tell anyone how they should be taking care of THEIR child as long as the child is healthy, happy and well cared for.

 

[JayAnn0513]

I can't speak for anyone else's kids but I will not be relaxing my daughter's hair. When she's old enough to ask for it I will explain to her why she doesnt get relaxers. Right now I have a hard time even imaging putting heat in her hair, but she's not even 2 yet. All of my reasons have been previously listed so I won't go into the details.

It is however going to be a struggle. I've been getting comments from female relatives since she was born about her "needing a perm". Not to mention my own husband who thinks cornrows and natural styles are generally "unprofessional". Comments like that just make me more determined to go natural myself and keep my daughter natural for as long as possible.

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

Nay (thankfully I have sons). But, who in the heck voted for "my child has a weave"?

 

[simplie_lovable]

The one thing that I hate the most is seeing a child in pre-k with a relaxer. I am not against relaxing children hair but at least let them have a choice. I got my first relaxer when I was 13 and my hair never looked like those pictures (i am not trying to be mean). My best friend got a relaxer when she was 5 sometimes I jokingly tell her no wonder you are so dumb they fried you brain at an early age.

 

[mswoman]

I agree, I have a 5 year old, there was a new girl that just started class. She has pink and black braids down to her butt. I was like where are ya'll from. Then I saw the mother and well... we'll just say they had the same hair style. I am praying that she doesn't have a relaxer under those braids. Maybe seeing my daughters hair will encourage her to keep it natural. But they are the only 2 black girls in the class.

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

I think you should let you child have a choice i was 12 going on 13 when i got my hair relaxed and my mother was like "are you sure?" for two weeks.

Sometimes some mothers/aunties/or whoever may not not the proper way of relaxing hair and end up jacking the kids hair up I saw a little girl with no hairline she was relaxed and had a long wet and wavy phony pony on with blonde highlights, she was maybe 5

I'm not judging because the woman may not have been her mother. (I read many post on here about a mother leaving hair child with a relative and coming back to find their child's hair all jacked up.)

 

[DivaD04]

........deleted.....

 

[LyCall]

I was just looking at this thread before I went out to lunch. Just as I was walking to get my lunch, I saw a young girl about 4 years old, with a relaxed head and full weave! I couldnt believe it! I wish I could have taken a picture to show you all.

 

[fyb87]

I am very against children having relaxers. If I would have had a little girl instead of my son that would have never been an option. I feel we do things like that because it makes things easier. Not because it is a must. Don't get me wrong I've had a relaxer before. My mom took me at 13 years old to get one. I had been combing, washing and styling my own hair since I was 7 yrs old because my mom didn't know how to deal with it as it was very different from hers. So at 13 I was ready. I have a little more patience than my mom and if I would have had a daughter her hair would not have been different from mine either!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I can't even begin to describe how wrong I think it is to relax any child before puberty. They're delicate and still developing, why would you put caustic chemicals on their heads at such a tender age? Any mild little thing can have an impact on them......its just ridiculous to me that its so common in the Black community

 

[aegis]

not at all. my children will not be allowed to relax until they leave my home. i am not relaxed so why should they be?

 

[carib_n_curly]

Children should never have relaxers.

if my future children want a relaxer not under my roof. no sir never.
relaxing after 12 is ok but i still don't like the idea of putting such a harsh chemical anywhere near anybody so young.

sometimes i think it should be illegal to relax or put any chemical near anyones scalp under 12( even with proper care) especially when i see missing edges and scalp burns which are a sad sight but on a child, my heart breaks

 

[Daughter]

This is something I feel VERY strongly about. No child NEEDS a relaxer and I think it doesn't bode well for a young girl's self esteem to be told or shown that her hair has to be managed by caustic chemicals. My own mother worked full time, long shifts and looked after my hair without chemicals or even heat, so I know I can do the same with my daughter.

In any case, most children that I see that have relaxed/pressed hair wear it braided or tied up anyway, it's not like the hair even has more versatility.