Relaxing the children.

[Nsslovely]

My five year old wears a style similar to this but not as tight the ends of her braids are curly spiral curls and the front portion is either in one or two ponytails with a ribbon or bow, it is a very convenient style especially for the summer months

 

[BklynHeart]

I don't think I spend as more time on my hair than I would if I was natural, but that's just me. Even when I was relaxed as a kid, I had braids, plaits, cornrows, extentions, all of those things. Again, maybe it was me.

Anyway, I'm not saying that a parent SHOULD relax their daughter's hair, but I also don't think they should be chastised if they do. My point is either you are going to care for your child's hair or you're not. IF you choose to relax a child's hair, you will have to care for it the way it should be cared for. Whether that entails more or less care can be debated. So, if you choose to relax your child, you know what you need to do. On the flip side, if you choose to not relax, then you still need to care for her hair. It's not like natural hair automatically cares for itself.

Exactly! My mom knew how to do some hair! But when I was about 9 she decided to put a relaxer in. And my hair was fine! She didn't leave it in long, and on wash day it was shampoo, conditioner and two ponytails and air dried. And she still cornrowed my hair as well. My hair was healthy when my mom did it until I got 'grown' in the 10th grade and wanted to do my own hair.

 

[Nightingale]

I got my first relaxer on my 12th birthday. I didn't know anything else, that I had options. All the other girls my age had already done it, my family, everyone i knew really. I started my transition a month after my 19th birthday. I don't blame my mother, but I think it is important to teach kids that they have other choices. My hair had been pressed for a long time and was mostly straight and frizzy anyway (from damage). I wish someone had told me how to take care of my hair. If kids AND parents are informed they can make better decisions.

 

[Anew]

I'm against relaxing my daughters hair out of sheer laziness. Her hair is easy to take care of, wash and gos, little moisturizer and she's off. I swear I don't feel like being worried about two textures for two heads, lol...

Now I have seen some little girls with beautiful relaxed heads...

 

[mzsophisticated26]

I made a mistake and used the JFM texture softner on my 5 yr old daughters hair a few mths back( don't stone me). I thought that it would only loosen the pattern a bit. needless to say I will never put anymore chemicals in her hair. I am trying to grow that out now and the back looks awful it broke off so bad it is now only about 2inches long in the back. I am trying to use single braids and kinky twist as a protective style.

 

[keepithealthy]

I don't have any children but if I did I am not going to allow them to relax there hair untill they are 18. We can say that a relaxer is not damagaing but where I live 98% of the kids I see have badly damaged broken off relaxed hair. A relaxer is a chemical and most adult woman don't apply and care for there hair properly with a relaxer let alone a childs hair.

I have a younger cousin who had mbl hair 4a 4z hair that her grandmother rarely took care (washed once or twice a month and greased with petrolium) of when it was natuaral but it still looked very nice and she got compliments on how thick and long it was. Now that she has relaxed, it has gone from mbl to chin lenght. She actually had a bald spot in the back of her head the last time I saw her. I feel so bad for her. I have her coming to my house once a week so that I can teach her to care for her hair. I work a lot with children and I see this happen all the time.

Also I think that many parents don't put the effort in to caring for the childs natural hair. I say that because my mother was a single working parent with 4 girls. Yet I remember every Sunday morning or Saturday night she would wash all of our hair and briad it up or press it when we were older or it was a special occassion. She would put a pair of underwear on our head to keep it in place and lent free. lol. (we didn't have a lot of money) I still have aunts that do that now. lol

sorry this is so long

 

[unalteredone]

If i ever had kids, I wouldn't relax my daughter's hair. My mom relaxed mine early (definitely before age 12 but i dont remember when) And i had APL hair for as long as she was taking care of it (plaits every week, she was really bad at hair styling). But once i got to Jr high school, those kiddie-looking plaits were NOT ok with me so i started wearing ponytails all the time and "taking care" of my own hair...broke off ever since to SL or NL.

I have been telling her that i wish she had never relaxed my hair because I have NO memory of what it is like, and I wish i could be natural now WITHOUT having to go through a transition or BC. I want to have long hair again, so I'm not cutting it for nothing! I would want to give my daughter that choice too.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

If the parents don't take care of the childs hair I think they will be in trouble, relaxed or natural...personally I would wait until they are at least mid to late teens and let them make the decision because they are going to have to end up taking care of it anyway.

 

[growwithme]

I am against it. Speaking from personal experience. My mother has bone straight hair (not sure of the type, 2A?) and she had no idea of how to care for my hair so she thought relaxing would help. I am now 100% natural for the first time in my life since I was 6. I see too many little girls running around with broken off hair and edges. It's not that serious. As a little girl, there are so many ways to do natural hair that I don't see the point in using all those chemicals. As adults, we don't wear big huge twists and pony tails all over our heads (well most of us anyway) but little girls can. Why do they need to have thier hair bone straight?

 

[Jessofpal]

Now that I know the information I do, when I have kids I will not be perming their hair. I think 13-14 (high school) age is old enough for the discussion to be had, but I will be sure to do my best to present all options, pros and cons. As many of us know its not an irreversible decision, but you are stuck with the results for awhile.

 

[Dominican09]

I voted NO! Because there is no need to perm a child's hair due to the chemicals that can cause burns in their heads. Also, a child is a child their hair should not be a priority to them. I don't have babies yet but when I have them, I will not not perm it; instead, I will teach her how to take care of her natural hair with the hopes that during her adult life she would continue to keep her natural hair.

My aunt permed my hair when I was 9...and didn't even asked my mom for permission. I think those "just for me" commercial persuaded her to perm my hair...at the time I was happy cause I looked like the little girls on the commercial!!! When she permed my hair I think it was APL and that same day she cut it to SL!!!!!!!!! All I remember about my natural hair is that I had a humongous afro and everytime my aunt Silvia (R.I.P.) would come over trying to comb my hair...I will take off and hide under the bed!; I also remember saturday mornings when my cousin would wash my hair (cold *ss water), put a billion bantu knots in my head and I would go about ma' business :flyingwit then in the afternoon five or six pig tails and my cute outfits!! oooohhh the simple days!!!

Needless to say, I was not given the choice. Like others have stated, it is a good time to bond with the child while getting your head pulled!!

 

[LadyEuphoria007]

I didn't vote because that's a parents decision. My daughter? No because I can manage her hair just fine as a natural. I really just depends on the person that is caring for the childs hair.

 

[msa]

I believe relaxing a child's hair is child abuse .

 

[nucienuce1]

I texlax my daughters hair every 6-8 months and I was and deep condition her hair every week and her hair is going strong (almost BSL- She is very tall for her age). I feel if you can't care for your childs hair yourself then you shouldn't tex or relax her hair.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

nope. i would prefer my children have natural hair. its so pretty and versatile, and its not so hard to take care of that a relaxer is 'necessary'. if a person can learn to take care of relaxed hair, they can learn to take care of natural hair.​

 

[SweetSpirit86]

Views of what is "pretty" aside, I don't feel like a child should be relaxed. Like many of the others have said, once they're 18...can buy their own and do for themselves, that is THEIR decision, though I will say I hope my daughter will continue to love and care for her natural hair as much as I do. I see people "arguing" the relaxed view...that sometimes a child's hair is just so unmanageable, yadda, yadda....So you're sending the message to this child that you "can't" do their hair, when in reality it's often "I'm too lazy to deal with it." or "I just don't know how." Which is fine..but if you don't know, what are we taught our entire lives to do? FIND OUT.

My mom relaxed my hair when I was 8 years old I believe. Until then, I had natural hair that she would use Wave Nouveau products on to help her manage it. 8 years old isn't very old people. I have no memory whatsoever of what my actual hair looked like, nor do I have any real memories of how to take care of it. I was never given the chance to learn. There is also the unspoken view that straight hair is more acceptable. We live in a Euro-influenced society where caucasians are the majority, and anything else is a minority. There are some white people with some kinky a$$ hair lol, but they are few and far inbetween, and they often straighten their hair to look like their counterparts. We are teaching our daughters when we relax their hair at an early age that what they look like in their natural form is unacceptable.

My daughter has BEAUTIFUL hair. I think it's a 3c/4a/4z lol she's got some of it all in there. Thick, soft, and down to her butt. Sometimes I put it in a poof because she likes to wear a "ponytail" other times I go back to basics and braid/twist and throw some barettes in it Either way, my child looks presentable. We lived in a rural town up until about a year ago, and she started school there. This town was out in the boonies..black population: Us and two other families lol. There was one black girl in my daughter's entire school.

Her hair was relaxed. Mind you, my daughter was in kindergarten then and they were in the same class.

The little white girls and their momma's loved her hair and would always compliment her or myself on it. One day she comes home from school and says to me, "Mama...I want long blonde hair that's straight. The other girl that looks like me has straight hair." I think I almost had a heart attack. Straight is one thing...but she said BLONDE I asked her where she got the idea from. She tells me the other black girl said if her hair isn't straight it's nappy and doesn't look good. That in itself broke my heart for the other little girl and the poison her family has put in her head that how she is is just wrong. I don't care how many relaxed heads (no disrespect; it's your opinion and you have the right to have it) come in here and say that they turned out fine, or that if you just take care of it, it will be okay. Yes - if you "take care of it" it will LOOK okay...but check out http://www.pg.com/science/haircare/hair_twh_77.htm and look at some of those pictures and tell me if you still feel the same way. Not to mention...even if the hair was restored and was lustrous and beautiful, etc, etc...it doesn't change the fact that you are putting harsh chemicals on a child's undeveloped scalp. Kiddie perms are a facade. They are the same strength as an "adult" perm. They just make the box look all pretty. The burn from the PCJ I had as a kid was no different than the burn I got from the various other relaxers I tried as an adult.

I could go on and on forever about how much I am against this, but not only would it be preaching to the choir, but I know someone's going to get annoyed by my rambling if they haven't already. So I'll shut up now. I just feel that as grown, strong, African-American - or whatever other nationality you may be - women, we need to stand up and stop making excuses for denying who we are. There's no excuse for hurting our babies just because we "didn't know" on this one.

EDIT: Thought I'd throw the pics in j.i.c. ppl had issues with the site.

 

[nucienuce1]

My daughter is 11y/o and she asked for a relaxer this year (for the 1st time) because she is going into junior high, her hair is no where near straight just slightly relaxed. I am not lazy nor do I feel like I don't want to do her hair ( I actually love it, we bond) but I want what she wants. I am not upset just voicing my opinion on the subject. It is not child abuse, that's way too harsh and kinda hypocritical. be blessed

 

[msa]

It is not child abuse, that's way too harsh and kinda hypocritical.

It may be harsh, but I don't see how it's hypocritical.

 

[nucienuce1]

Hypocritical means deceitful.

 

[msa]

Hypocritical means deceitful.

1. The definition of hypocrite is:

1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion 2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

2. Even if hypocritical meant deceitful, how exactly is hypocritical/deceitful to hold the opinion that relaxing=child abuse. That's what I wasn't understanding.

 

[Jessofpal]

SweetSpirit86 that type of damage also comes from heat and to much manipulation. I agree about the potential scalp issues although I myself never experienced any issues and I was relaxed early. My issues stemmed from lack of education about proper hair care which is a huge part of the puzzle, not from chemical burns or damage. I just feel that the "perms are evil!!" attitude is a bit misleading. Anything done to your hair has the potential for damage and I can't think of any chemical process that doesn't damage the hair in some way.

 

[nucienuce1]

Look it up on:
www.thesaurus.com
anyway to be deceitful means dishonest.
Your opinion is that YOUR opinion. I am not here to press my beliefs or wishes on other people. I've seen you in other forums and I am not here to argue or prove who's smarter then who I just know what works for me. You should say things like "child abuse" when it is not necessary. you stay bless this is the last I will be indulging you with.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

SweetSpirit86 that type of damage also comes from heat and to much manipulation. I agree about the potential scalp issues although I myself never experienced any issues and I was relaxed early. My issues stemmed from lack of education about proper hair care which is a huge part of the puzzle, not from chemical burns or damage. I just feel that the "perms are evil!!" attitude is a bit misleading. Anything done to your hair has the potential for damage and I can't think of any chemical process that doesn't damage the hair in some way.

Were you able to look at the site? There are other pictures there of the heat damaged hair, and it's just as bad if not worse, but the issue here isn't heat. I don't feel "perms are evil" as you say, but I don't believe they belong on a child's head. Yes, other things have potential damage as well, but potential is a big difference from guaranteed. I've had relaxers most of my life so I'm not speaking from the P.O.V. of someone who just wants to jump on a soapbox and fuss. Like I said, this is my opinion, other people are entitled to theirs.

And Nucie, yes..deceitful means dishonest. However, hypocritical means to be a hypocrite..or to judge people for something you are guilty of yourself. I think this is what Msa is referring to when she says she doesn't understand how she can be hypocrite if she's not going around relaxing children's hair. Then again, that probably wasn't completely directed to her.

 

[nucienuce1]

It wasnt. She is an intelligent person with lots of views and opinions but I come here with an open mind and heart and I feel like what she said struck a nerve. SORRY MSA!

 

[msa]

Look it up on:
www.thesaurus.com
anyway to be deceitful means dishonest.
Your opinion is that YOUR opinion. I am not here to press my beliefs or wishes on other people. I've seen you in other forums and I am not here to argue or prove who's smarter then who I just know what works for me. You should say things like "child abuse" when it is not necessary. you stay bless this is the last I will be indulging you with.

And Nucie, yes..deceitful means dishonest. However, hypocritical means to be a hypocrite..or to judge people for something you are guilty of yourself. I think this is what Msa is referring to when she says she doesn't understand how she can be hypocrite if she's not going around relaxing children's hair. Then again, that probably wasn't completely directed to her.

It wasnt. She is an intelligent person with lots of views and opinions but I come here with an open mind and heart and I feel like what she said struck a nerve. SORRY MSA!

I'm sure it did strike a nerve...I usually do. Yeah, I was just confused about the hypocritical/deceitful/dishonest part that's all. No big deal.

 

[nucienuce1]

I do like the banter though. being home with kids i dont get much of this lol sorry!!!

 

[pinkgreenmommie]

I think that it is interesting that most of the people who responded no stated that they do not have children. Doing my daughter's natural hair takes a lot of time and patience. I tried to work with her natural hair, but it would take hours for me to wash and cornrow it. I would have to reserve my entire Sunday just for her hair. She hated it and so did I. Once I texlaxed it it made a difference. We can now get her hair done in about an hour without any arguments or tears. I don't think I am a sorry or lazy mother and I would not consider what I have done as child abuse. I think making her sit for hours and endure the pain of my detangling her hair is far closer to child abuse. I respect everyone's right to make their own decisions and realize that not everyone thinks the same way and if we did it would be a boring world.

On a different note parents who say their children have asked for relaxers but you refuse, I am a middle school teacher and I know that kids can be mean. I don't think that your children have to conform, but no matter how much we love them at home and teach them to love themselves they need and want friends. Kids don't like to be teased. If your daughers hair is broken off and natural its not better just because it is natural. I have seen students come to school with damaged natural hair that they tried to press because the mother would not let them relax it. I teach my kids to think for themselves just because I love natural hair (yes, im relaxed) doesnt mean that they will. As kids get older I believe we should talk to them and explain what a relaxer can do to the hair, how to take care of relaxed and natural hair and help them make the best decision for them. Our decision may not be theirs. Whatever decision they make should be theirs and we should support them. Most of us have damaged heads due to not taking care of relaxed hair not because we got a relaxer too young.

Just my opinion.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

As kids get older I believe we should talk to them and explain what a relaxer can do to the hair, how to take care of relaxed and natural hair and help them make the best decision for them. Our decision may not be theirs. Whatever decision they make should be theirs and we should support them.

This I agree with.

 

[msa]

I think that it is interesting that most of the people who responded no stated that they do not have children.

It is interesting. I don't have kids and I won't be relaxing them when I do.
1. I think it's child abuse lachen:I have to laugh at myself when I say that but it really is how I feel).
2. I've never had a relaxer so I'm definitely not going to put one in my child's head.

I think it's too simple to say a parent is lazy...it's more complex than that. I think it really depends on the parents motivations and what they are willing to do. Some parents are willing care for natural hair and some aren't.

As kids get older I believe we should talk to them and explain what a relaxer can do to the hair, how to take care of relaxed and natural hair and help them make the best decision for them.

I never knew what a relaxer actually was until I got into high school and one of my friends had one. My mom never put a relaxer in my or my sister's hair (and she didn't relax hers). She didn't talk about them either.

I agree that we should inform our kids about relaxers and I know I'll do that with mine because I don't want them to be ignorant of the dangers. But, children in my household won't be allowed to get relaxers period end of story. Once they move out they can do whatever they want to do.

Natural hair is going to be loved, cared for, and encouraged in my home to the point of brainwashing. The only decision they'll be making is whether they want cornrows or twists.

 

[Southernbella.]

My dd will never be allowed to get a relaxer. Once she's 18, she'll be grown, so I'd have to tolerate it. hopefully she won't want to.

ETA: My dd has thick 4ab hair like mine, but for some reason, her hair is harder to do than mine is. I haven't mastered her hair yet, but I will. Still, I've never had the desire to relax it.