Relaxed Ladies Hair Regrets and Revelations

[Christa438]

Relaxed Ladies, Do tell about your mistakes, setbacks, and insights. Although Im not a newbie, Im still curious and always learning something new.

This is a spinny thread off of "Hair Regrets" and "Naturals Worst Mistakes." {I searched for a thread such as this within the last few years but couldn't find it. If I overlooked the thread, please let me know and/or post link. }

 

[Nix08]

No setbacks but I've learned that my relaxed hair:
-enjoys being co washed
-is happiest when I finger comb/detangle
-loves to be steamed and DC'd
-does not need heat to be styled - this was the greatest shocker!

 

[kupenda]

Regrets: not fully straightening during the self relaxing process

Revelations: cowashing is fun! DCing is addictive. Mineral oil, petroleum, etc hates my hair and makes it dull, dry, and frizzy. I don't always have to comb, I can use my fingers. Salons aren't the savior to my hair, they were the Antichrist lol. And that it's ok to detangle every other day if it's gonna keep this hair on my head cuz if I go two or three days without detangling the more highly texturized areas, they will get excited and start matting

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[bellebebe]

I learned protein and protective styling is necessary for length retention.

Mobile phones are sexy too. <3 IPad ain't got chiz on me.

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

Regrets: not stressing to my stylist to NEVER switch relaxers without my permission prior to the service. Sounds obvious but clearly...some don't know the obvious. :-/ Also...long term stretching does more harm than good for me.

Revelations: Hemp oil is the ultimate pre-poo oil! The occasional sew in is my best protective style for retention.

Sent from my DROID3 using DROID3

 

[InBloom]

Regrets

Not finding LHCF earlier
Protein overloading myself out of desperation to stop breakage
Only recently discovering LYE relaxers vs. No lye
Thinking I had to have stick straight hair

 

[Solitude]

Regrets: ...that I ever started self-relaxing and that I tried to go a long time without trimming my hair.

Revelations: Rollersets are the bomb.com for my hair. While mineral oil is not the devil for my hair, my hair does not like moisturizers with mineral oil or petroleum by-products. My hair loves Dominican DCs and oils. They are just so pricey and hard to get. Not all products made for naturals work well on (my) relaxed hair. Sealing is great for protective-styling. Pre-poos are often worth the time/effort.

 

[sunnieb]

Great Thread!

Regrets:

*Trying to go long periods of time without trimming.
*Thinking I could skip cowashing and just put straight conditioner on my ends, bun, and go to bed. I lost up to 1 inch in some areas the next morning.
*Getting lazy with my haircare last Fall. I have high maintenance hair. Period. End of Story.
*Same thing as another poster - not paying attention when my stylist switched relaxer. This was the last straw when I went to my stylist last December. She switched to Affirm without telling me. I became a self-relaxer after that.
*I searched the internet for everything, but didn't think to search for haircare info until the end of 2008! Ugh! I could've been WL by now!


Revelations:

*I can cowash almost daily and my hair loves it (high maintenance).
*I can relax my own hair better than any stylist.
*I can trim my own hair better than any stylist.
*I can go over 3 months without a relaxer and my hair still looks good.
*I can use products with mineral oil as long and the product is not a leave-in.
*Just because I can't style worth a crap, doesn't mean I have to walk around looking crazy. LHCF has taught me how to do simple styles that give the illusion I know how to style.
*Even though my hair is healthy, I have to moisturize 2x a day, everyday (high maintenance again).
*I don't have to seal daily.
*Protective styles are way more than just boring buns.
*I CAN have long hair!

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Regrets: Using too much protein. I use Duo Tex a week before I relax and aphogee 2minute sporadically and I am good.

Insights: Porosity Control is the best, I use it as my mid protein step during my relaxer and my hair has been thriving.

 

[Dposh167]

BIG FAT REGRET:

not understandin the power of having two textures when you're stretching for a long time. The middle of my head broke off so bad, I have a huge patch of just 4" hair, and the rest of my hair is between SL and APL now.

REVELATION:

if i'm going to stretch long...like 5 months. I'm going to have to keep up my protein. I lacked it when my hair broke off.

 

[LaidBak]

Uh oh...I never cared (or asked) about what kind of relaxer was used on my hair. Am I doing that much damage by not knowing what the stylist is using?

 

[MuslimahTresses]

I'm loving this thread OP!

Setbacks: Left off using a light protein conditioner before my touch ups, relaxing my nape first and not deep conditioning with heat regularly.

Mistakes: Not researching how to use henna before trying it

Insights: Adding oils to my conditioners, pre pooing and sealing are so important to me now. My hair is making a big turn around by doing these things regularly.

 

[disgtgyal]

Setbacks/ Mistakes: BKT, although my hair looked great after application it thinned and broke my hair badly, and it took me 4 applications to figure it out (yes I'm very slow, or rather didn't wanna admit it was the BKT). I went from almost apl to neck length. I regret not cutting all the damage off at once. Back to see- through ends in a small patch. Below is what my hair looks like now.

Insights: My hair unlike me, doesn't like new things, it likes what it likes. My biggest problem is consistancy and persistance.


Sent from my LG-P925 using LG-P925

 

[Solitude]

disgtgyal

Wow, BKT took your hair from APL to neck length?! That sucks...it looks healthy now, though. Very shiny.


Sent from my iPhone 4 using LHCF app

 

[mssoconfused]

What is BKT?

 

[MsLi@512]

Mistakes: using cones, petroleum and hidden proteins. This stuff coated my hair and made it hard, crunchy, dry and impossible to moisturize. Instead I put the cones where they belong- with heat for protection!
Direct heat: sucks moisture right out my strands and made my hair thin. The less direct heat the better. Besides I just discovered that roller sets even on 11 week post hair is the absolute best thing in the world. So shiny, straight and bouncy!
Setbacks: Cutting my healthy but uneven ends- then I learned about lead hairs and my hair is thriving and caught up. I sacrificed so much length for nothing.
Insights: My hair loves natural products. The closer to natural the better.
I don't need to comb my hair all the time, only to detangle every week to every two weeks. And I prefer a pick to a comb. Something about the physics of it gets the sheds out but keeps the hair from breaking. kept a lotta hair on my head this way.
Revelation (hallelujah moment): texlaxing and moisture and gentle handling = a head full of thick long hair for me!

 

[MsDee14]

Regrets
Relying on a stylist the first 2 years I was relaxed (starting in 2007)
Getting Dominican Blow-outs every 2 weeks the first year of my journey (starting June 2009)
Self Relaxing after a long stretch (4 and 5 months)- I ended up with straight roots and underprocessed middle both times
Buying too many d*mn products- I should have just stuck with what worked

Insights
I can detangle once a week- Lost less hair this way
My relaxed hair loves Henna- Makes it so much stronger
Protective styles such as braids, twists and cornrows give me maximum retention
Stetching Makes my hair stronger and I can manage going 4 months without a relaxer (as long as I don't do it myself..lol)
I don't need a stylist for healthy/strong/long relaxed hair...I can do it my d*mn self!

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

Uh oh...I never cared (or asked) about what kind of relaxer was used on my hair. Am I doing that much damage by not knowing what the stylist is using?

Well, I used to always "know" what brand of relaxer my stylist used but I've never paid attention to lye vs. no lye. In my case my stylist went from using a no-lye relaxer to lye...and I don't think my hair handled it well at all. I say, just pay attention to be on the safe side because if I hadn't realized what she did I would trying to figure out what the problem was and doing all kinds of things to correct it...all the while still getting the relaxer my hair doesn't like. So its better to at least know than not know.

What is BKT?

Brazilian Keratin Treatment. Lots of info on this board about it.

 

[prospurr4]

My Regrets:

- Not finding LHCF sooner
- Not Texlaxing (underprocessing) my hair from the beginning instead of relaxing straight
- Ever putting any kind of direct heat on my hair
- Using products that contain alcohol, like wrap foam
- Being heavy-handed, in the beginning, with products and oils...no wonder my curls would droop or hair would look limp

But, on a positive note, I thank God I know these things now!

My Revelations:

- My hair CAN be thick and long.
- I know more about healthy haircare (e.g. keeping hair on my head) than the stylists I know.
- I don't need a "good" hair type to have beautiful hair.
- I don't need to spend an arm and a leg on hair products.
- I don't need to spend hours on my hair for it to look great.

 

[hothair]

I regret that I did not relax sooner once I'd picked up healthy hair practices on here years ago. I would probably be at my goal of WL by now rather than BSB.

 

[GraceV]

Greatest Regret of ALL TIME: I usually wash my hair standing with my head tilted back in the shower. One blessed day of immense laziness and sheer stupidity, I decided it would be a great idea to wash my 3 months post-relaxer, 'undetangled' hair, head bent forward-- after all I would be doing a protein treatment, and the hair would be stronger so manipulation shouldn't be a big deal right? WRONG! Combing it back when I was done was a very sad experience. I don't think I have ever seen so much hair in my comb, on the floor and everywhere in between. I lost so much hair! NEVER again.

Insights: LHCF has changed my life. No seriously. It's changed the way I see my hair, and helped me gain control of my hair care. I know how to take care of it, and how to bounce back from setbacks. I love the ladies of LHCF!

I love my texlaxed hair! I just love the in-between texture, the best of both worlds I tell you. Even when I straighten, I start counting down to wash day so I can have my zig-zaggy texture back

My hair loves to be pampered! I could DC every day and my hair would just drink it up. Unfortunately, I don't have time for all that.

Protein is my hair's sweet heart. My hair LOVES proteins, and I can usually tell when I've been slacking cos it just doesn't feel right.

I need to stop experimenting with products. My hair has found its staples and I need to lay off the PJism.

No stylist will ever touch my head with a relaxer. Self-Relaxer for life!

ETA: Oh and one more thing. Stretching is NOT for me. Anything beyond 12 weeks is trouble waiting to happen.

 

[sunnieb]

Bump bump

Sent from my Comet

 

[Mische]

Great thread Christa438

Regrets:
-Not detangling properly before a relaxer 4 years ago which resulted in a setback of epic proportions. I still shudder when I think about it.
-Staying with my stylist for as long as I did. I really let her do a number on my hair and I want all of those strands back.
-Buying products I didn't really need. While my product "graveyard" isn't too extensive, I still wasted a couple hundred bucks on stuff I'll never use again.
-Not switching to products with natural ingredients sooner. They have really made a difference for me.
-Being scared to trim. I had to take off way too much when I finally did.


Revelations:
-Protein is not the enemy. I avoided it for so long for fear of an overload. I've found that weekly doses of light/medium protein is perfect for me. My retention improved immensely when I started incorporating protein.
-I don't need to protective style to retain length.
-Detangling on lubricated dry hair results in much less breakage.
-Using a medium tooth comb in very small sections rather than a wide tooth comb also results in less breakage when detangling wet hair. My strands are very fine and when wet they just like...fuse together. When I try to detangle with a wide tooth comb I end up going over it much more than necessary because most of it will pass through the comb undetangled.
-I can't do long stretches either. After 12 weeks and I'm just asking for a setback. I went 15 weeks this summer and I'm still feeling it.

 

[Britt]

Regrets:

Relaxing every 8-10 wks, especially using a no-lye, resulted in thinner hair.

Too much airdrying in a wet pony/bun.

Revelations:

My hair doesn't like cones

Does better with more natural like products

Protein def is needed and can be used frequently, specifically Nexuss Emergencee.

I also *think* it's better for my hair to be washed and conditioned once a week b/c it really is a lot of manipulation and I think it's better for my hair to be mostly dried on the inside and dried in a smooth state. Wet bunning and airdrying or airdrying with too much wetness and dampness on the inside I think wears on the health of my strands. It's hard b/c I love the feeling of a clean head.

Most of the healthy, full hair relaxed heads I know irl and some on the board are from low manipulation and washing and rollersetting about 1x/week.

My hair doesn't need heavy moisturizing, I try to get plenty from a good deep conditioning session, and I have to make sure to keep my edges and nape moist and use a light moisturizer on my hair/ends.

 

[Lynnerie]

Regrets:Not being patient with my relaxed hair the first time around. I thought I HAD to go natural to get faster results and I was wrong. So I did the BC when I should've just been more patient stepped away from the blowdryer.

Revelations:
Texlaxing has been good so far because I can still wash and go. It works for me.

I love playing in my hair but I need to practice low manipulation if I want more retention.

Protein is my friend. The blow dryer is not.

ETA: Too much protein is not good. I just experienced a terrible detangling session due to too much protein. So finding a balance between moisture and protein is extremely important. If you are experiencing breakage it could be because of too many products on your hair. Clarify first then do a deep conditioning treatment. Protein isn't always the answer.

 

[Poranges]

Regrets:

-Not self relaxing & trimming sooner.

-Going more than 2 days without combing, NO NO NO. I oil my hair and comb it and all is well.

-Stretching more than 10 weeks

-Being afraid of heat.

-Having 'lazy' periods, they usually screw my hair up. I have to stay on my game 24/7.

-Buying TONS of products in the beginning, wasted too much damn $ w/ all those bandwagons.

-Not examining what worked for ME but rather just copying the regimens of pretty haired people.

_______________

Revelations:

-I am a 100% DIY and it works exceptionally well.

-Relaxer btw 8-10 weeks keep my hair happy.

-My hair loves protein I use a reconstructor 3x monthly, henna 1x monthly.

-I use heat 2x monthly w/ great success. Air Dry+Flat Iron. When I'm not I'll rollerset or bun.

-Using natural products keeps my hair soft and luscious.

-What works for some may not work for me.

 

[divachyk]

Regrets:
Stretching beyond 10 weeks is not a wise move for me.
*16 week stretch was an epic fail and resulted in major breakage.

Not fully detangling before washing.
*Had to chop a lock of hair due to a matted knot at the line of demarcation.

Avoid Bandwagons
*Protein overloaded as a result and experienced breakage.

Revelations
Don't make the same mistake twice.

 

[Solitude]

I'm going to add another regret for the sake of newbies. I regret not transitioning when I first found LHCF. That was three years ago and I could have had at least APL-length natural hair by now.

 

[MsSanz92]

Regrets - Wearing Sew ins too often, being a PJ, becoming scissor happy, using Super relaxers (THE DEVIL!)

Revelations - My hair isn't sensitive to MO/Petrolatum/Cones/Sulfates as long as I don't overuse them and clarify often, it thrives on Co-Washing, going back to what works for me and sticking to a few product lines , using heat only 2x/month

 

[AceH]

I've been on this board since 2003, and I have learned so much. I have also had 2-3 really big setbacks. I have been everything from texlaxed, relaxed, and natural - Here are my revelations:

1) Keep it simple. If you think you are doing too much - then you are. Growing and retaining hair length is extremely simple and we tend to over complicate it.

2) Don't under estimate the potential effects of indirect and direct heat. I've learned the hard way that heat does damage the hair and all it takes is one bad episode and you could be faced with a big setback - no matter how much time and effort you put into having healthy hair. For this, I'm very leery about how and when I use heat.

3) For me, the recipe is so simple that it involves a clean, healthy scalp and hair shaft. As long as the scalp and hair are well moisturized, I will retain more length. That's it