Relaxed As A Child and Regrets

[Sugar]

This thread reminds me of my 11 year old niece. she has 3a/3b...perhaps some 3c hair. Dense...dense..dense...between waist and hip length last time I saw her.

She also has a relaxer. She used to hate getting anything done to her hair...and it took forever and a day to do it. Now it takes maybe 5 days short of forever..LOL. She's happy and her mom's happy.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

I know what you mean OP. I got my hair relaxed at age 4, so I had no say in it, and just kept on asking for relaxers right through my teens as that's all I knew. Sometimes I wish my parents had given me the chance to have natural hair, but can you blame them really, they just know nothing about hair practically. I just had to learn myself. It wasn't till I found LHCF and all the other hair sites and youtube videos that I finally decided, at age 18, that I want to go natural for once. And it's been a rather turbulent journey, but I can't wait to have my big arse afro

I do feel a bit sad seeing little black girls with relaxed hair that's usually all dry and thin and raggedy ended. Mine was always like that too . At least I know now that when I have children, I will not be putting relaxers in their hair at an age when they have no choice. I will let them to natural at least for the most part of their childhood, so at least they get to experience it, then if they themselves choose to have a relaxer, like in their teens when they're actually old enough to make the decision, then I'd be more than happy to let them

 

[blessedandlucky]

Its just hair people...we're not working on something important like curing cancer.

i love this - it's so true!!!!

 

[La Reina]

I know EXACTLY what you mean! I didn't have regrets, until I started my HHJ last year, but now I feel robbed of the option, since I was relaxed as a child with no "say-so" in the matter! LOL! Going natural now is still an option, but more than a notion, it's not like you can just stop getting relaxers, and BOOM, you're natural, and since I embarked on this journey to grow my hair, I do not wish to chop it all off and start completely over. But I will, however, not relax my daughters' hair and it will be up to them, when they become adults. Hopefully, after being given YEARS & YEARS of hair care advice, tips, instructions, & etc, they can make an informed decision, if there is even a decision to be made at that point! But I can relate to what you're saying, wholeheartedly!

Hello LHCF, I became relaxed when I was a little girl, my mom relaxed my hair,not sure why... But to the relaxed ladies that has been relaxed since child hood, do you have any regrets and feel robbed of the right to decide rather you wanted to be relaxed or stay natural???

Me myself, I do have some regrets sometimes, not being able to ever know what it's like being natural and to make the decision to go relax on my own.

I do wonder what it would be like being natural, I always liked natural and relaxed hair.

I'm sure some of you ladies out here feel the same, I hate when a parent relax a childs hair at such a young age...then they grow up with regrets and feeling robbed of the rights to pick rather they want to be natural or relaxed.

I remember I use to hate getting relaxers done when I was little, I was scared.

Any regrets...???​

 

[EccentricRed]

No regrets.

My mother was doing what she was taught to do. She thought that is the was the best thing for my hair. I believed it, too, until my hair couldn't handle relaxers anymore.

I am natural now, and my mother is transitioning.

 

[BostonMaria]

Hello LHCF, I became relaxed when I was a little girl, my mom relaxed my hair,not sure why... But to the relaxed ladies that has been relaxed since child hood, do you have any regrets and feel robbed of the right to decide rather you wanted to be relaxed or stay natural???

Me myself, I do have some regrets sometimes, not being able to ever know what it's like being natural and to make the decision to go relax on my own.

I do wonder what it would be like being natural, I always liked natural and relaxed hair.

I'm sure some of you ladies out here feel the same, I hate when a parent relax a childs hair at such a young age...then they grow up with regrets and feeling robbed of the rights to pick rather they want to be natural or relaxed.

I remember I use to hate getting relaxers done when I was little, I was scared.

Any regrets...???​

Yes I had regrets for MANY years. My mom relaxed my hair when I was only 10 years old and I hated every touch-up. My problem was that I had no idea how to "get rid of" the relaxer. I was holding on to my length, which was only SL but to me that was long back then, plus I didn't have any idea how to transition. Finally in 2007 I figured it out by going to naturallycurly.com and 10 months later I BC'd. That was almost 3 years ago and I'm so happy with my natural hair.

Don't feel hopeless about your relaxer. There are tons of transitioning threads on here. You don't have to do the BC if you don't want to.

 

[EccentricRed]

Oddly enough, I just came across this video on YT. It's 3 parts called "How to do a Kids Just For Me Relaxer, Perm in Hair" I'm not judging the mother, because if she's anything like my family, this is what she learned to do with her childs hair. But as I watched it I couldn't help but shut my eyes, and shake my head...it was bananas!

My father (I'm his only) always felt bad for me, and he would go buy me my favorite snack from the store afterward.

 

[LittleLuxe]

Hello LHCF, I became relaxed when I was a little girl, my mom relaxed my hair,not sure why... But to the relaxed ladies that has been relaxed since child hood, do you have any regrets and feel robbed of the right to decide rather you wanted to be relaxed or stay natural???

Me myself, I do have some regrets sometimes, not being able to ever know what it's like being natural and to make the decision to go relax on my own.

I do wonder what it would be like being natural, I always liked natural and relaxed hair.

I'm sure some of you ladies out here feel the same, I hate when a parent relax a childs hair at such a young age...then they grow up with regrets and feeling robbed of the rights to pick rather they want to be natural or relaxed.

I remember I use to hate getting relaxers done when I was little, I was scared.

Any regrets...???​

Not at all.

My mother relaxed me at a young age but I have 0 regrets.

She treated my hair with love, tenderly saw to it's care, never let it get scraggly or damaged and generally was wonderful to it. I never had a reason to dislike my relaxed hair and my mother never had a negative word to say about natural hair. My mom was natural for a big part of her life and is currently natural so she's been on both sides of the debate.

My mom also pierced my ears when I was younger so I had no say about that, but I don't regret it either. Same with not having much say in clothes or shoes as a small child, lol. It's not like it's the end of the world.

You sound conflicted so why not give going natural a shot and see if you prefer it? I don't think you should act as if you're helpless, you're a big girl and a strong woman I think if you're unhappy with having no choice as a child then make a choice now as an adult

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

Not at all.

My mother relaxed me at a young age but I have 0 regrets.

She treated my hair with love, tenderly saw to it's care, never let it get scraggly or damaged and generally was wonderful to it. I never had a reason to dislike my relaxed hair and my mother never had a negative word to say about natural hair. My mom was natural for a big part of her life and is currently natural so she's been on both sides of the debate.

My mom also pierced my ears when I was younger so I had no say about that, but I don't regret it either. Same with not having much say in clothes or shoes as a small child, lol. It's not like it's the end of the world.

You sound conflicted so why not give going natural a shot and see if you prefer it? I don't think you should act as if you're helpless, you're a big girl and a strong woman I think if you're unhappy with having no choice as a child then make a choice now as an adult

Thats so true.. don't get me wrong my mom took good care of my hair, I stop letting her tend to my hair when I got in high school,then thats when I had setbacks...Till this day now, I let my mom help me with my relaxer and do my trims...aint that something???



It really amaze me how women transition, its inspirational for me, if I ever decide to go natural.

 

[LittleLuxe]

Till this day now, I let my mom help me with my relaxer and do my trims...aint that something???



It really amaze me how women transition, its inspirational for me, if I ever decide to go natural.

Lol, not at all. My mom still does my hair and for right now she's the only person I trust in my hair.

I say take some time, think it over, search your soul a little bit and at the end of the day remember "It's just hair". That might be an unpopular opinion on these boards but hair is incidental. There are so many amazing things about you that no one else can come close to matching. Your spirit, soul, integrity, passion, intelligence and heart - if all those things stay as powerful as they are now then you can't really think a few strands of dead follicles will make or break you.

Try going natural, if it doesn't work relax, it really is just hair and hairstyles. Whatever you choose you'll still be beautiful right?

 

[chasturner84]

I don't regret getting relaxed. I got it when I was 10, I wish I had more resources to care for it properly.

ITA. I don't regret getting a relaxer at 14/15 because I begged my Mom for it because my hair barely has a curl pattern and looks like cotton. I love my straight hair but I didn't know how to properly care for it so it never got longer than SL until now. I'm sure that I will be natural in the future but right now my relaxed hair is perfect for me.