Relationships Ending, Letting Go & Healing

[Suri]

I am pretty much at the end of the road with my relationship. He has about 2 months before his papers expire.

When I think back to the time I have spent in monogamous relationships in my life, I have been in serious relationships since my senior year in H.S! That's nearly 10 years of my life that I have spent sharing myself with someone else. erplexed Oh no...

I believe what has made this realization so uneasy for me is that they have all (2) ended pretty badly. They were major relationships in my life and what a blow that is to have them both end and end on bad terms.

My current SO and I met online which I thought was cool and different. We really connected well ( i know...i know) and he was unlike the other men I had met, possessing qualities that I liked but compromised before. So I thought, why not? We got serious and now we're here. I am sooo stressed out these days it's unbelievable. He seems lazy, abrasive, argumentative and I swear he is going to grow into a bitter person. Sometimes we argue and mouth is wretched! I feel like the worst is being brought out of me and that must stop!

I am in a state of shock because now the qualities that he loved about me are a problem. Now I'm too sensitive, when we first met he was so happy that I could express myself. It seems like everything is an arguement. Somedays are good, but other days I want to stab him in his sleep . Ok I don't mean that. He has good qualities, but right now they're not at the forefront. Unfortunately, because of complications we have to remain roommates at least until June. So right now I'm just trying to deal. He thinks that once he moves we can clear our heads and still date...uh not likely.

I am ready for the first time in my life to let go, and heal myself from all of those years of relationships.Ugh, I never got into them on purpose they just seemed to happen and I was so unaware of what I was doing. I feel like I am moving out or going to college, because I will be on my own. Wow, I have to avoid men... , but seriously I just wanted to share this, it's really empowering for me and I have a feeling it's going to be a great time for me.

 

[blueabyss333]

Good for you Suri! Stay strong, and don't go back on your word. You seem to know what's good for you right now, and that's mentally healthy. There are going to be times when you feel like you made the wrong decision, but know that everything happens for a reason. I wish I had more advice to offer you but I'm learning about relationships myself. Be blessed.

 

[firecracker]

Well ok if you say so. It sounds like your ready for new beginnings. Good luck.

 

[Suri]

Thanks you guys for the kind words of encouragement

 

[mzcaramelicious07]

I just want to tell you to stay encouraged and be strong. I have a friend who is going through something similar. Been in relationships since she can remember and is now realizing that she needs to take some time for herself. You can do it! Be blessed.

 

[kisz4tj]

I'm glad you're looking forward to a start of anew.

 

[Kiadodie]

I am pretty much at the end of the road with my relationship. He has about 2 months before his papers expire.

When I think back to the time I have spent in monogamous relationships in my life, I have been in serious relationships since my senior year in H.S! That's nearly 10 years of my life that I have spent sharing myself with someone else. erplexed Oh no...

I believe what has made this realization so uneasy for me is that they have all (2) ended pretty badly. They were major relationships in my life and what a blow that is to have them both end and end on bad terms.

My current SO and I met online which I thought was cool and different. We really connected well ( i know...i know) and he was unlike the other men I had met, possessing qualities that I liked but compromised before. So I thought, why not? We got serious and now we're here. I am sooo stressed out these days it's unbelievable. He seems lazy, abrasive, argumentative and I swear he is going to grow into a bitter person. Sometimes we argue and mouth is wretched! I feel like the worst is being brought out of me and that must stop!

I am in a state of shock because now the qualities that he loved about me are a problem. Now I'm too sensitive, when we first met he was so happy that I could express myself. It seems like everything is an arguement. Somedays are good, but other days I want to stab him in his sleep . Ok I don't mean that. He has good qualities, but right now they're not at the forefront. Unfortunately, because of complications we have to remain roommates at least until June. So right now I'm just trying to deal. He thinks that once he moves we can clear our heads and still date...uh not likely.

I am ready for the first time in my life to let go, and heal myself from all of those years of relationships.Ugh, I never got into them on purpose they just seemed to happen and I was so unaware of what I was doing. I feel like I am moving out or going to college, because I will be on my own. Wow, I have to avoid men... , but seriously I just wanted to share this, it's really empowering for me and I have a feeling it's going to be a great time for me.

I'm like the opposite of you. I am 34 and have NEVER been in love (true love) until now and he's long distance and that's not working out . I'm always scared of relationships and don't understand why everyone around me can jump in and out of relationships and I just can't erplexed . I just don't "click" with all people I meet so I'm not sure how everyone else does???

 

[sunnyjohn]

How do you break up? How do you leave?


~~

 

[MissYocairis]

((((Suri)))))

Don't feel bad about this. Look at this as a positive. All of our relationships serve a purpose and they are all beneficial in some way. Your future is bright. Be grateful that you were wise enough to realize when you did that it is time to try something different. Some of us are not wise enough to listen to our own hearts so you are on the right track and this will all be good. Just play it quiet and low with dude until he's out of the house. You don't want your last two months to be volitale. Best to you.

 

[Bunny77]

I'm like the opposite of you. I am 34 and have NEVER been in love (true love) until now and he's long distance and that's not working out . I'm always scared of relationships and don't understand why everyone around me can jump in and out of relationships and I just can't erplexed . I just don't "click" with all people I meet so I'm not sure how everyone else does???

I'm like you as well Kia. The thing is, I don't think it's a case of what some people "can" do and other's can't. The women I know who jump in and out of relationships seem to be the type that can get infatuated with men pretty quickly or who are unable to be alone for whatever reason. So it might be easier for them to start a relationship and even stay in it for a year or two.

My aunt was like this. She was ALWAYS with some man, and the relationships ALWAYS ended badly. She'd just meet a man at work or school or at a club and three months later, she'd be living with him! They'd be together for 5 years at a time -- with the last four of those five years always going pretty badly -- then she'd break up with that man and within 6 months, the cycle would repeat. The rest of the family could see right through these losers, but she never could because she was so smitten by their initial approach. After all, don't we all fall in love based on early impressions and hang on too long hoping that we'll see a return of the man we met in the beginning??

Looking back at the men I've dated, I probably could always have a BF because I have felt some strong connections with men when I've met them, but I can get turned off REALLY easily. A lot of times, I'll learn something about a man that weeds him out for me on the second date (baby mama drama, for example), while another woman might not be bothered by that -- or just ignore it and pretend it's not that deep -- and end up in a relationship with him.

Don't worry about it Kia... your personality is just different!

 

[sunnyjohn]

So how do you have an amicable break -up?

 

[Suri]

I'm like the opposite of you. I am 34 and have NEVER been in love (true love) until now and he's long distance and that's not working out . I'm always scared of relationships and don't understand why everyone around me can jump in and out of relationships and I just can't erplexed . I just don't "click" with all people I meet so I'm not sure how everyone else does???

Well if it's true love, then do what you have to. And that's why I probably I have been in relationships for so long because I don't click with everyone and when I do, it means a lot to me. This is the one area in life that I am a realist, I believe that almost anyone can make you happy, can they keep you happy is a different story. I am a hopeless romantic...in love with being in love, maybe? None of my relationships...all three of them..lol were fake they were real, made of real love. People change...things happen. Such is life but a new time has come for me and it feels good to be adamant about this change

 

[Suri]

((((Suri)))))

Don't feel bad about this. Look at this as a positive. All of our relationships serve a purpose and they are all beneficial in some way. Your future is bright. Be grateful that you were wise enough to realize when you did that it is time to try something different. Some of us are not wise enough to listen to our own hearts so you are on the right track and this will all be good. Just play it quiet and low with dude until he's out of the house. You don't want your last two months to be volitale. Best to you.

Awww thanks. I truly believe that these last two months will help me to be more civil towards him and end things amicably because lately I am very hostile towards him. Now that I have really accepted letting go the time we have together may actually help me to reduce the stress and start to focus my energy inwards. Thanks again

 

[Suri]

So how do you have an amicable break -up?

I haven't kicked him out in a fit of rage...that's one way. Well when we started having these problems and talked it was pretty much a consensus that there was too much arguing etc, so we agreed. He said he could move by June and I said ok. Although there have been bad days, I am going through the real mental and emotional break-up right now and that will help me to have an amicable break-up.

 

[Lucie]

I am pretty much at the end of the road with my relationship. He has about 2 months before his papers expire.

When I think back to the time I have spent in monogamous relationships in my life, I have been in serious relationships since my senior year in H.S! That's nearly 10 years of my life that I have spent sharing myself with someone else. erplexed Oh no...

I believe what has made this realization so uneasy for me is that they have all (2) ended pretty badly. They were major relationships in my life and what a blow that is to have them both end and end on bad terms.

My current SO and I met online which I thought was cool and different. We really connected well ( i know...i know) and he was unlike the other men I had met, possessing qualities that I liked but compromised before. So I thought, why not? We got serious and now we're here. I am sooo stressed out these days it's unbelievable. He seems lazy, abrasive, argumentative and I swear he is going to grow into a bitter person. Sometimes we argue and mouth is wretched! I feel like the worst is being brought out of me and that must stop!

I am sorry that you are going through this. ((( HUGS ))) I am an optimist by nature but it does not seem that he is going to change. People don't change, it's how we view them that does. I was in a relationship where I was actually happy not to speak to my boyfriend. He was so sarcastic and put my feelings down without fail. A relationship is supposed to enhance who you are. Not detract from it. Is there anything you can think of (not to make excuses for him) that has happened to make him act this way all of a sudden?

I am in a state of shock because now the qualities that he loved about me are a problem. Now I'm too sensitive, when we first met he was so happy that I could express myself. It seems like everything is an arguement.

I think he is the one with the problem. From what you wrote, it seems that he is the one who has the issue. Definitely not you!

Somedays are good, but other days I want to stab him in his sleep . Ok I don't mean that. He has good qualities, but right now they're not at the forefront. Unfortunately, because of complications we have to remain roommates at least until June. So right now I'm just trying to deal. He thinks that once he moves we can clear our heads and still date...uh not likely.

I am ready for the first time in my life to let go, and heal myself from all of those years of relationships.Ugh, I never got into them on purpose they just seemed to happen and I was so unaware of what I was doing. I feel like I am moving out or going to college, because I will be on my own. Wow, I have to avoid men... , but

seriously I just wanted to share this, it's really empowering for me and I have a feeling it's going to be a great time for me.

Good for you Suri. Clear you head and get to know yourself better. Sometimes being a part of a couple you can lose your identity if you don't be careful. I wish you all the best and know this will turn out even better than you expected

 

[Suri]

Good for you Suri. Clear you head and get to know yourself better. Sometimes being a part of a couple you can lose your identity if you don't be careful. I wish you all the best and know this will turn out even better than you expected

Thanks.
The only excuse I have for him is that he's been through a lot, he doesn't have anyone, I mean NO ONE, no real family so I think he may be holding to this and getting upset with me because I have people in my life, family, etc it's confusing. Nevertheless I am a caring person, I will not put him into the street, but I will not continue the relationship with unhappiness either. The other day he mentioned something about me being bothered about something he does & I told him that I was not concerned with what he does and what he does because I am no longer focused on us, that I am focused on me , take that! It feels good already and he's still here! Thanks again for all your kind words ladies!