Letting my emotions flow....

[snugglez41685]

If you weren't sleeping with him, do you think he'd still be giving you money?

You know what Miss J I don't know but that is something to think about.

 

[snugglez41685]

And thank you ladies for all your good advice and thoughts. I feel glad that I'm not the only one that has been through or is going though this.

 

[Sugar Brown]

What Bunny said.

Choose to love yourself.

 

[Raspberry]

pro athletes are ruled by their egos....if you know how to play and target their ego you will have them wrapped around your finger...however if you want to target the heart of man, going thru and appeasing the ego is the long way and sometimes you get lost trying to get to it and never see it....lots of women are satisfied having the ego of a man...if a woman comes along and captures his heart he's outta there or a woman who can play the "ego" game better,..when his heart takes over the reigns you are dealing with a whole new man

Good stuff Tiara, something to really think about... So true that many women are satisfied with having the ego of a man instead of the heart. And I've always wondered if men who primarily go for ego strokers or trophies long for something deeper at times. I'm after the heart relationship, anything else is second best.

 

[snugglez41685]

Well here is an update. I've took a lot of advice given here but I think I'm failing at it. Today him and I had an argument, actually we've been arguing quite often. Only about 3 arguments but this is compared to the fact that we don't argue at all. He basically told me today that he doesn't want a relationship at all and doesn't like the way it is going and that what ever feelings I have for him I need to change it. He said that and that's when he told me he didn't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship now. He mentioned that this was more than just friends when I mentioned about how I've been trying to be a friend to him because that's whats most important. And that's when he starting talking about if it was going back and forth between friendship and more than friends it would be different. I really do love him and I think I let that weakness overcome me today. When we were on the phone I started crying and getting hysterical. I haven't done that in a long time. I just feel like i want him in my life but I don't want to hurt.So i guess he might be right about me needing to change my feelings. I just feel so overwhelmed and confused. Sometimes I just feel like I need to cut off my feelings now and in the future to avoid getting hurt. But every time I say this I fall back in that love trap. I'm going to pray and re read all the advice here again.

 

[Bunny77]

You need to do no-contact.

Easier said than done, I know, but that's what you need to figure out how to do right now.

This is unfolding exactly as I expected.

 

[hurricane]

I have gone through the same thing. Right now I'm really liking this guy. He told me up front he was not ready for a relationship. So I told him " NO Couchie ". We still talk and it hurts but at least I did not allow him to use my body for his purposes. Sorry if I am being explicit. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Try something different.

 

[Bunny77]

Hey ladies, I have a legit question.

I'm hearing a lot of you saying that the men are telling you up front that they don't want a relationship. I'm wondering how the topic came up in the first place -- that to me, could be the real issue right there.

I know in the past, I'd already gotten semi-close to a guy (not necessarily sleeping with the guy) and then I'd bring up the topic. Then he'd say, "I'm not ready for a relationship."

I think the problem was doing so much in the first place to catch feelings for a man where I'm wanting him to ask about a relationship. It should be that HE'S caught feelings enough so that HE brings up the topic, not moi.

What say y'all?

 

[hurricane]

Hey ladies, I have a legit question.

I'm hearing a lot of you saying that the men are telling you up front that they don't want a relationship. I'm wondering how the topic came up in the first place -- that to me, could be the real issue right there.

I know in the past, I'd already gotten semi-close to a guy (not necessarily sleeping with the guy) and then I'd bring up the topic. Then he'd say, "I'm not ready for a relationship."

I think the problem was doing so much in the first place to catch feelings for a man where I'm wanting him to ask about a relationship. It should be that HE'S caught feelings enough so that HE brings up the topic, not moi.

What say y'all?

___________________________________________________________

Things where getting heated and I asked him, what am I to you a friend or more. He told me friends. Later in e-mails he stated that he did not want a relationship. I think the problem is we have men who want their cake and eat it too. This is clearly " why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". They move on and you end up with a busted heart.

 

[Bunny77]

^^^Thanks Hurricane.

In my current dating life, I am trying to avoid "heated" situations. But if one happens, I think the best thing to do is say, "You know, this is cool and I'm really attracted to you, but I'm not gonna get physical like that unless I'm in a relationship."

(Even if we're just talking heavy makeout sessions, that's when things should be said if you don't want it to end up progressing farther...)

Then if he goes, "I'm not ready for a relationship," I'd say, "Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. I'm looking for a relationship, so I guess this really won't work out for us, will it? Well, good luck!"

And CUT IT OFF. No debate, no sorta being friends, NOTHING.

Now, he might decide after a while that he really likes you and then wants to be in a relationship. That's cool, but let him earn his way into being your boyfriend.

Other than that, I say cut things quick and move on. We need to control this and cut **** off before it starts.

Just my thoughts.

 

[snugglez41685]

You need to do no-contact.

Easier said than done, I know, but that's what you need to figure out how to do right now.

This is unfolding exactly as I expected.

I will definitely pursue the no contact the best way I can. And when u say exactly as you expected what do you mean. Just curious Bunny 77.

 

[snugglez41685]

^^^Thanks Hurricane.

In my current dating life, I am trying to avoid "heated" situations. But if one happens, I think the best thing to do is say, "You know, this is cool and I'm really attracted to you, but I'm not gonna get physical like that unless I'm in a relationship."

(Even if we're just talking heavy makeout sessions, that's when things should be said if you don't want it to end up progressing farther...)

Then if he goes, "I'm not ready for a relationship," I'd say, "Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. I'm looking for a relationship, so I guess this really won't work out for us, will it? Well, good luck!"

And CUT IT OFF. No debate, no sorta being friends, NOTHING.

Now, he might decide after a while that he really likes you and then wants to be in a relationship. That's cool, but let him earn his way into being your boyfriend.

Other than that, I say cut things quick and move on. We need to control this and cut **** off before it starts.

Just my thoughts.

I will definitely practice this in the future. You are truly good at this type of advice! Now I need to take it.

 

[Bunny77]

I will definitely pursue the no contact the best way I can. And when u say exactly as you expected what do you mean. Just curious Bunny 77.

Hey... I didn't mean that as an insult, so I hope it didn't come off that way.

What I mean is that I'm not surprised that he's becoming colder and colder and backing off more and more. In these situations, the woman usually wants to talk things out and figure it out, but it's a lost cause because dude made up his mind a LONG time ago.

So the woman ends up crying and being hysterical, and then dude can say, "See, she crazy. I done TOLD her from jump that I didn't want a relationship. Why she trippin'?"

And usually, he hasn't put in 1/4 of the emotion -- heck, 1/8, 1/16, 1/24, whatever -- into the withdrawal that you have, so the woman feels even more hurt because he seems so chill about it and she's crying her eyes out.

I will definitely practice this in the future. You are truly good at this type of advice! Now I need to take it.

You live, you learn!

Trust me, life is so much less complicated this way. And the funny thing is, even though I haven't gotten THE one yet, I'm drawing a better quality of guy to me... so I figure that the right one is around the corner!

Good luck, and stop this cycle now before you get more and more frustrated and hurt!

 

[hurricane]

^^^Thanks Hurricane.

In my current dating life, I am trying to avoid "heated" situations. But if one happens, I think the best thing to do is say, "You know, this is cool and I'm really attracted to you, but I'm not gonna get physical like that unless I'm in a relationship."

(Even if we're just talking heavy makeout sessions, that's when things should be said if you don't want it to end up progressing farther...)

Then if he goes, "I'm not ready for a relationship," I'd say, "Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. I'm looking for a relationship, so I guess this really won't work out for us, will it? Well, good luck!"

And CUT IT OFF. No debate, no sorta being friends, NOTHING.

Now, he might decide after a while that he really likes you and then wants to be in a relationship. That's cool, but let him earn his way into being your boyfriend.

Other than that, I say cut things quick and move on. We need to control this and cut **** off before it starts.

Just my thoughts.

____________________________________________________________

You are so right. I need to move on from this friendship mess because it is not what I want. Thanks.