Rejection of( some Friends) after Marriage??

[Choclatcotton]

Has anyone experince this? I am apart of a close community of friends, which was especially close when we were all single. Then I get married and am a bit sad to be having some cold shoulders obvious ignoring when I come around.erplexed I know we can be kinda catty but wow! we used to have lunch, shopping, phone conversations and etc. but now nothing. SO sad.

 

[cheryl26]

That is weird. Maybe ask them what's going on? Are they older and single? I guess they might feel odd hanging with you at your house with ur husband around but going out, no idea why. I stopped hanging with most of my single friends when I got married just b/c they were always with some random guys, like to party, etc and my husband didn't approve of all that.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Has anyone experince this? I am apart of a close community of friends, which was especially close when we were all single. Then I get married and am a bit sad to be having some cold shoulders obvious ignoring when I come around.erplexed I know we can be kinda catty but wow! we used to have lunch, shopping, phone conversations and etc. but now nothing. SO sad.

It could either be two things:

1. They assume that now that you're married you don't have "time" for them.

2. They are "jealous" that you are married thus, giving you the cold shoulder.

 

[Choclatcotton]

Yes Cheryl26, they are a little older in my age bracket, and maybe feeling left out. I never wanted to be one of those ones that dissed their single friends after M, but some just seem to assume you no longer want to be communicate. A bit hesistant to confront because feel like it will stir up the pot.

 

[MD_Lady]

Has anyone experince this? I am apart of a close community of friends, which was especially close when we were all single. Then I get married and am a bit sad to be having some cold shoulders obvious ignoring when I come around.erplexed I know we can be kinda catty but wow! we used to have lunch, shopping, phone conversations and etc. but now nothing. SO sad.

How much has the amount of time you spend with them changed? I'm a strong believer in married women valuing the friendships they had before marriage (which it sounds like you do), but if someone is truly a friend, they will realize and respect that a marriage doesn't come without lifestyle changes.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Wow, that is COLD. I detect jealousy . . . .

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I had that happen and I'm just engaged. Some of my more secure friends are happy, and some who are younger and/or (not necessarily younber but) aren't thinking about (or concerned with) marriage yet are happy. But there are a few that are cold and/or dropped off the face of the earth.

And that was from the announcement. It was like they did a 180 (so I didn't have time to alienate them, etc) from the time I called them on the phone.

Exactly
Me: Guess what?

Them: What? what's going on? You sound sooooo excited!

Me: Yes. I am...engaged.
(dead silence)
Me: Hello?

(dead silence)
Me: okaaaay.

Them: That's...great. Oh girl look at the time. I'll call you but I'm have to go. I am so happy for you!

(hang up and haven't called back in months. And I didn't call them either because I think that's ridiculous. I mean I'm their biggest cheerleader when they have good news so I decided that it's better that they move out of my life if they don't want to be happy for me. The convo I mentioned above, This one friend always wanted to get married. She was obsessed with it and constantly saying time was ticking as she was older than me, etc. But while my fiance and I were a couple, she was fine. She talked about how it was wonderful that there was so much love between us, and that we were best friends, and she could tell he adored me, etc. Until I announced I was engaged. And pretty much that's how the convo went and now she's awol).

So I believe it's possible once someone is about to be married, or married. It's not necessarily always that you've alienated a friend, or did anything wrong. It could be that they're going through something

 

[luckiestdestiny]

And I'd like to add it is sad. I mean I just knew she was going be be a bridesmaid, as she's one of my closest friends. And we'd talk every other day at least, and get lunch, shop, go to plays, etc.

It is such a shame that some act this way (and unfortunate).

 

[Glib Gurl]

luckiestdestiny


If this friend were to reach out to you and apologize, would you resume the friendship with her?

Even though she's totally wrong, I'm just imagining her crying herself to sleep at night, feeling sorry for herself . . . because really, that's the issue. She's sad for herself . . . I know I've been there . . . I reacted similarly to a close friend announcing she was "in love" (with someone I'd never even MET ) and just not being in a head space to handle it. I acted the fool, then pulled myself together, apologized and we went from there. I was in her wedding last summer

 

[luckiestdestiny]

@luckiestdestiny


If this friend were to reach out to you and apologize, would you resume the friendship with her?

Even though she's totally wrong, I'm just imagining her crying herself to sleep at night, feeling sorry for herself . . . because really, that's the issue. She's sad for herself . . . I know I've been there . . . I reacted similarly to a close friend announcing she was "in love" (with someone I'd never even MET ) and just not being in a head space to handle it. I acted the fool, then pulled myself together, apologized and we went from there. I was in her wedding last summer

Of course if she were truly sorry. Only because she hasn't been rotten to me prior (or else I'd KIM). I'd love if she'd get it together because really it broke my heart that she acted in this manner.

 

[EmeRaldPrinXess]

How about friends who get married, then ignore you?...... I say hi to them whenever I see them and She (and her husband) don't say a word to me, they barely even look @ me. They fold their hands and avoid eye contact. They speak to mutual friends that are near/with me, but they don't say a word to me

...... Im actually dealing with this now and I'm racking my brain trying to figure out what I might have done to them. It's happened two weeks in a row now, and I'm not sure whether I should confront this couple or KIM and Just delete them from my social life i.e. Be cordial and civil when I see them etc but nothing more than that.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Okay here is a personal situation... I am the way you describe with a recently married ex-friend... As I don't consider her a true friend, maybe associate at most...

She is/was very self centered when it came to our friendship... Like every time she calls it is something about her, it was never like a give and take friendship, she always called me not to catch up, well she would start off that way, but within 15 mins of call it is her asking for a favor or wanting to go out or something... ya know when not with man or "other"friends...

When I would be like lets do something, she ALWAYS I mean always claimed broke, ok I understand that but don't tell me that when it is a FREE freaking event...

Like how you go to Superbowl and don't tell a friend... "Hey girl, what you doing February 4th weekend, ohh just going out to Dallas" I had to put two and two together... Like she is a football fan, knows peps in Dallas... erplexed... I know far-fetched right, NOOO, that Monday she posts on Facebook... that her husband got her tixs to superbowl...

This year I just was like F that I am not interested in being around fair-weather people...

 

[diadall]

I am so happy when my friends are in relationships, engaged or married.

I actually am the one giving space once my friends are involved with someone. They should spend more time with their SO's and DH than me. I know I would if I were them.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Okay here is a personal situation... I am the way you describe with a recently married ex-friend... As I don't consider her a true friend, maybe associate at most...

She is/was very self centered when it came to our friendship... Like every time she calls it is something about her, it was never like a give and take friendship, she always called me not to catch up,well she would start off that way, but within 15 mins of call it is her asking for a favor or wanting to go out or something... ya know when not with man or "other"friends...

When I would be like lets do something, she ALWAYS I mean always claimed broke, ok I understand that but don't tell me that when it is a FREE freaking event...

Like how you go to Superbowl and don't tell a friend... "Hey girl, what you doing February 4th weekend, ohh just going out to Dallas" I had to put two and two together... Like she is a football fan, knows peps in Dallas... erplexed... I know far-fetched right, NOOO, that Monday she posts on Facebook... that her husband got her tixs to superbowl...

This year I just was like F that I am not interested in being around fair-weather people...

See this is different that's why I say it depends. Like if someone is just a sucky friend, it's time to go. The fair weather person is a no no.

BUT if it's a wonderful friend who acted stupid for 2 seconds...and realized, made amends and never did it again, that's different.

But people who are all about them

 

[BrownBetty]

If they are you friends ask them what is going on. You maybe surprised by what you find out.
My gf got married, we would make plans and she would be a no show or would call at the last minute to cancel. I would call her to say hi and she would blow me off. This happened 1 too many times and I left her alone (I can take a hint).
A couple of weeks later she contacted me and asked why I was acting funny. I told her I couldn't depend on her to follow through with plans, she didn't return phone calls, she'd become flaky etc... I also mentioned that friendships had to be cultivated and being married wasn't an excuse to treat your friends like ish. She was huffy but had to admit that she was acting an arse. We got passed it and now we are thick as thieves 10 years later.

 

[aribell]

I think that, in part, the newly married woman has to set the tone for the new relationship. I have a friend who recently married, and while we live far away and aren't always on the phone, it took me forever to call her to catch up because I was always trying to be mindful of her new family life, trying not to call at inconvenient times. I was and am incredibly happy and hopeful for her, but I basically have to wait to see how she's going to navigate this.

A friend who married a couple of years ago made it clear that she didn't want anything to change in her friendships, and I felt very comfortable continuing to e-mail and visit like we would have done before. But again, she had to set the tone--I wouldn't have known what the new rules were if she hadn't gone out of her way to show that nothing would change.

But it seems like you're genuinely open to those friendships. Maybe just reaching out to let them know you miss them will help them (or at least some) come around.

 

[Bmack]

You know what, I know someone said that lifestyle does not change or does not mean change once you ar married, but it does. However, friendships should not.

I think both friends need to contribute to the friendship...if one person falls back it appears that they no longer want the friendship-period!

Now in OP's case they sound like haters to me. Why would your friends start acting funny otherwise. If they feel like she may have changed, why can't they bring this up? Yeah I thought so...

What does her wanting to be married and OP getting married first have to do with being a supportive friend. Even if she is experiencing feelings of envy- you suck it up and support your friend. WTF, I am not with coddling grown women.

I had a similar experience. I called my "Best Friend" and told her I was engaged, and you would have thought I said, I just bought a gallon of milk.

I still invested in the friendship, and when it was her turn I showed mega support despite her lackluster response to my big news-because that is what "true" friends do!