Proper Punishment (for misbehaving man)

[Bunny77]

Wow, my original post was more than a year and a half ago.

I still agree with some of it, and disagree a little with what I originally said.

Two months isn't necessarily fast (depending on the age of the people involved), but if she pushed the relationship forward more than he did, I can see how he's starting to get a little gun shy. Of course, he didn't have to go along with her rapid forward motion either... so he doesn't need to complain now that things are moving too fast.

I do stick with what I said though about dudes not having problems with moving fast with sex, but then they want to "slow things down" when it comes to being exclusively BF/GF... yeah, okay we'll take it slow... no more cookie then!

Also, I'm more anti-texting now than I was back then, so the fact that he canceled by TEXT (and with no real explanation besides "resting") should be a wake-up call to ole girl that he might be in the midst of the dismissal process... she needs to step waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back and start reconsidering her options.

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[princessnad]

This guy is just asking to be dumped!

Give him his wish

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.

Problem: You plan a really cute date to a museum with gorgeous gardens over a weekend, and give your man advance notice via loving email and phone. You let him know you plan to give him a gift and it's clear you're feeling really loving towards him. He responds to neither the email nor the voicemail nor texts until the night before the day you were supposed to go, at which point he writes via text: "Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

How do you feel and what do you do?

.

Per the bolded, it's not enough time nor serious enough to have exchanged any true "I love you's" and that is the reason he's bailed. She's in love (puppy love?), he is not. Let it go. But wait, somebody mentioned 'sex.' Oh boy. He said "I love you" just to get some and she made a connection physically and emotionally while he just released his sexual tension. Same old story written a gazillion times throughout history. This is what gives men the "dog" status. We as women simply shouldn't be enabling them.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

I wouldn't want to be taken for granted and I think that's what he did...no urgency to be with her. But men get cold feet. I would most definitely show my displeasure and tell him why.

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

He is obviously NOT on the same page as your girlfriend. She needs to except that and either keep it casual or move on.

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

Per the bolded, it's not enough time nor serious enough to have exchanged any true "I love you's" and that is the reason he's bailed. She's in love (puppy love?), he is not. Let it go. But wait, somebody mentioned 'sex.' Oh boy. He said "I love you" just to get some and she made a connection physically and emotionally while he just released his sexual tension. Same old story written a gazillion times throughout history. This is what gives men the "dog" status. We as women simply shouldn't be enabling them.

I think you've hit the penis on its head
I mean nail on the head.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

A few months ago I would say give him the benefits of the blah blah blah...

Now, men will act up and act out if you let them, drop him fast.

 

[knt1229]

It seems to me that this guy is not interested in getting serious with this young lady. He may have said I love you but actions speak much louder than words. If they were serious he would have responded to her when she brought up the date. The fact that he didn't mention it til the day before the actual date speaks volumes about this guy's intentions. She should cut her loses now and move on because he's just not that into her.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

Please tell her to keep it moving. I don't things are as simple as they appear...I feel that he may have had another reason for ignoring her and choosing to skip the date.

FYI: I'm a woman scorned. Can you tell? jk

 

[mswoman]

He should have said no.. A woman shouldn't be the one planning things and giving a man gifts. This is his responsibility for real!!! He probably said no because she is trying to be the man in the relationship... Giving him a present??? For what was it his birthday? She really needs to back off and let him guide the relationship. But he probably is just hanging on to her until someone else comes along.

 

[ANUBIS]

dump him

 

[inspiration150]

"Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

This whole comment right there breathes insensitivity. No reason no nothing. Quite frankly, I'm like WTH DO U MEAN U DON"T WANT TO GO! hello ! in my head. No explanation to why. Not Im really tired or w/e. Or whatever might have come up. Not to mention he told her last min. after she made all the arrangements. Anyone who "loves" me would never brush off a romantic evening that I took my time and effort to plan so nonchalantly. "Think I'll skip tomorrow" like it was something he wasn't looking forward to. I say dump him. granted, she is coming along too strong with all the messages and gifts and stuff. She needs to cool it. Guys don't like it when they can have a woman too easy. But if you guys are in an "I love you" stage than you guys should be on a closer level of expressing feelings. Which IMHO two months is way too early to be doing. No one should be saying I love you in an unsecure relationship. This is why woman get their hearts broken now and left with all this extra baggage. She is obviously rushing into something and he is feeling it. If she and he are not looking for the same things, than I say dump him. If she wants to see how things goes give him some space and ignore him for a while. Then move slower in the relationship. If he wants to continuing the nonsense than dump him.

P.S I didn't read the whole thread.

 

[JinaRicci]

I don't like replying to old threads but... romantic date in the gardens, gift for him, ILY was said but he feels like it's moving too fast... are you kidding? he probably heard violins & all, thought she was about to propose. LOL! Seriously, they were not on the same page- he was her priority & she just an option. Hope she is doing way better now.

 

[skegeesmb]

Durn I wish this was a new thread. I would dump him....oops I meant not call him answer his texts, not answer his emails. Hopefully by the time he made up his mind I wasn't dating someone else.

I do wonder how the scenario ended though.

 

[Jade Feria]

mswoman said it best!

I voted to wait for him to call and calmly explain, but I'm between that and the option that he did nothing wrong.

This is a classic case of the woman being the pursuer in the relationship and then getting hurt because of it. If you really pay attention, he never agreed to go, so what is she mad about? Granted it would have been more considerate if he responded earlier, but still, she was the one who got her own expectations up expecting him to go along with the whole thing. She never got a confirmation from him, so why did she get her hopes up? She probably figured since she told him she had a gift, that would entice him to go. But like JinaRicci said, he probably thought she was going to propose or something!

She needs to let him chase her...she is taking all the fun out for him. It's too soon for her to be doing all this planning of romantic dates, buying gifts and such.

There's no reason to really be mad at him...this can either be taken as a lesson to slow down and fall back, or just keep other options open until she finds someone who is better for her.

ETA:

I would slam on the brakes, hard as well.

Take 3 steps back. He wants space? I'd give him plenty of space while I was going out with the other fellows I was interested in. If he's interested, he'll be up in my space again, soon enough. If he's not - well, good to know.

Two months ain't really enough time to be exclusive, much less to be telling someone I love you.

He's trying to gently let her know that he's not feeling her like that (right now), and she either needs to accept that and be willing to wait for him to feel her like that - or, she needs to move on to someone who will feel her like that.

Dang. Brothers be speaking their mind and sisters still ain't hearing them.

Exactly!!!

I read some of the responses and I must say that I really agree with what firecracker said in terms of her feeling some type of way about him declining the date. Here it is: She extended an invitation. Even if he didn't accept it then she hasn't been wronged. IF he waited until the day before the schedule event to give a response the the invitation why would anyone assume that the response the invitation would be a yes? You make it a priority to secure things your interested in. Unless it it beyond one's control to do so. Can I just reiterate that if he never accepted the date she didn't have one. The scenario didn't describe her directly asking him face to face or in an actual phone conversation. It was by email and voicemails. Means that don't really require an immediate response. If she wanted an immediate response she should have asked him directly. If he did brush her off last minute and that just was left out in the scenario described then it's pretty simple: don't go out of your way for someone unappreciative because there is nothing to win or loose there.

Exactly!! She didn't even ask him out face to face....it was through emails and texts! So no one should be upset that he turned the invitation down via text.

 

[CurliDiva]

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.

Problem: You plan a really cute date to a museum with gorgeous gardens over a weekend, and give your man advance notice via loving email and phone. You let him know you plan to give him a gift and it's clear you're feeling really loving towards him. He responds to neither the email nor the voicemail nor texts until the night before the day you were supposed to go, at which point he writes via text: "Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

How do you feel and what do you do?

Now, someone presented me with this scenario, asking for advice. However, I have been told time and again that I am too harsh with men, so I am presenting this scenario to you lovely ladies for your consideration before I give my advice. Mind you, this guy has told her that he's scared about how fast things are going, so that makes me think that there's something more going on than him just "resting up" rolleyes this weekend.

I didn't read thru all the other responses but why is the WOMAN in this scenario doing all of the heavy lifting in this NEW relationship?

I know the line is overworked but....HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU!

Within two months of "dating" the GUY should still be trying to win the GIRL, not the other way around.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.

Problem: You plan a really cute date to a museum with gorgeous gardens over a weekend, and give your man advance notice via loving email and phone. You let him know you plan to give him a gift and it's clear you're feeling really loving towards him. He responds to neither the email nor the voicemail nor texts until the night before the day you were supposed to go, at which point he writes via text: "Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

How do you feel and what do you do?

Now, someone presented me with this scenario, asking for advice. However, I have been told time and again that I am too harsh with men, so I am presenting this scenario to you lovely ladies for your consideration before I give my advice. Mind you, this guy has told her that he's scared about how fast things are going, so that makes me think that there's something more going on than him just "resting up" rolleyes this weekend.

Oh please! He'd be sooo toast!!

Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. NOW days, the guy is going to have to be darn near be chasing me to death in order for me to "give in". I've been through too much of that pursuing the guy or doing most of the work in the relationship. I don't need that anymore.

I say play it cool, dont even give him the satisfaction that you are hurting, play his game and blow it off, act like ok. Invite someone else and when you reverse the physchology, it will drive him crazy and he will be on it like white on rice. You will be back in the drivers seat.

On the other hand, I like this idea too. I'd back off...back WAAAAY off and see what he does. She could just be moving a little too fast for him, you know what I mean?

So, I'd back off for a while, and then guage his response. But if he "blows things off" with me again, or cancels out on another date that he has planned for the two of us, then he is definitely TOAST!


The problem isn't so much that he wanted to "rest up" or whatever....even though that was kind of suspect. The REAL problem here was his insensitivity towards the girl. A guy who is stressed out or feeling down but INTO a girl may cancel a date, but he'll be really apologetic, he'll CALL, and he'll try to RE-schedule something again soon. AND he'll give a valid excuse. But the fact that he did neither lets me know that he's just not really feeling her "like that", or she's scaring him away.

 

[chiprecious]

I voted dump his behind and keep it moving.
1st...two months is waaayyyy to soon IMO to say love since really...you don't know that person enough and if they loved you back, you would have gotten some kind of response.

2nd...he obviously felt things were moving to fast or moving in a direction he didn't want.

Either way, get out before you can get hurt. The man that truly loves you is going to hurt you one day, but if this is going on after 2 months, what's a year going to look like?

 

[Bachelorette]

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.

Problem: You plan a really cute date to a museum with gorgeous gardens over a weekend, and give your man advance notice via loving email and phone. You let him know you plan to give him a gift and it's clear you're feeling really loving towards him. He responds to neither the email nor the voicemail nor texts until the night before the day you were supposed to go, at which point he writes via text: "Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

I swear on my life. Upon reading this, I let out a Yelp.

 

[SHEANITPRO]

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.

Problem: You plan a really cute date to a museum with gorgeous gardens over a weekend, and give your man advance notice via loving email and phone. You let him know you plan to give him a gift and it's clear you're feeling really loving towards him. He responds to neither the email nor the voicemail nor texts until the night before the day you were supposed to go, at which point he writes via text: "Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

How do you feel and what do you do?

Now, someone presented me with this scenario, asking for advice. However, I have been told time and again that I am too harsh with men, so I am presenting this scenario to you lovely ladies for your consideration before I give my advice. Mind you, this guy has told her that he's scared about how fast things are going, so that makes me think that there's something more going on than him just "resting up" rolleyes this weekend.

Dump him! He's not interested in your girl. Regardless of whether anyone else is in the picture, his behavior is not acceptable.