Proper Punishment (for misbehaving man)

[esoterica]

He's planned all their dates for the entire time they've been together. She was trying to take initiative and signal her interest by finally planning something too.

I see. Well, now she knows what happens when she tries to do man's work too early on. I think the fact that she showed up to all the dates clearly showed she was interested. Some women are so worried about reciprocating.

 

[Babydall818]

It's kind of a combo of Dump him by ignoring (calls) him. He unkindly put you on the back burner, I'd to the same and maybe just maybe after he got the hint...I would explain to him my behavior and all so that next time he's with a girl, he won't do that again.

 

[DarkAngell]

I agree. Relationships are strategic chess moves. No man is perfect. You have to learn how to maintain and get him to do what you want and know when and how to choose your battles. You can not and you will not win all of the time and that's not the goal anyway. All men are different. I say stay with the one you have figured out and do what works.

I agree as well. The bolded is something i've only learned within the past couple of years. But you said he's worried about moving too fast. My initial reaction before even reading that statement yet was that he's probably stepping back to take some "space" because it's moving too fast for him.

If it's not that serious for her then he can kick rocks.... but if she really wants it to work i'd tell her back off 100%!!! Don't stress and curse him out and all that just act like you (she) could care less and dont bother calling him and all that. It's seems from being in the same situation( only not as harsh!! ) whenever a guy needed space like that and i backed off and didnt even bother looking for them anymore, they came back with even stronger feelings then they had before.

After they came back from their little stupid break is when i laid it on thick and made them make it up to me.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

To me, it doesnt appear that she is the only one. Dump him.

 

[firecracker]

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.


Uh the bolded is wack. 2 months = LOVE & Professions of LOVE

Your girl seems a bit too eager.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

True.

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.


Uh the bolded is wack. 2 months = LOVE & Professions of LOVE

Your girl seems a bit too eager.

 

[firecracker]

I'm kinda confused as why she should be mad and stop dealing with him simply because he declined a date? Its not like he accepted then stood her up or changed up the plans at the last minuteerplexed. I think she should have asked him about his schedule and hinted she was thinking of planning an excursion for a certain date. Its to early in the game to be mad or assume he is obligated to go with all plans. JMO

ETA: I read where sonce later said he planned all the dates. Is she mad because she thinks he only wants to go where he wants to go and thinks this will be a pattern if they become an item?

 

[misskris816]

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.

Problem: You plan a really cute date to a museum with gorgeous gardens over a weekend, and give your man advance notice via loving email and phone. You let him know you plan to give him a gift and it's clear you're feeling really loving towards him. He responds to neither the email nor the voicemail nor texts until the night before the day you were supposed to go, at which point he writes via text: "Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

How do you feel and what do you do?

Now, someone presented me with this scenario, asking for advice. However, I have been told time and again that I am too harsh with men, so I am presenting this scenario to you lovely ladies for your consideration before I give my advice. Mind you, this guy has told her that he's scared about how fast things are going, so that makes me think that there's something more going on than him just "resting up" rolleyes this weekend.

The way the text was worded seems very insensitive and dismissive. I wouldn't bother calling him back, but that's easier said that done. Do you know what the gift was?

 

[lizjoseph]

I agree. It sounds very dismissive and kinda like he was talking to one of his home boys and not his girl. This was a date that she took time to carefully plan. This was not some basketball game (to which his response might have been perfectly legit if he was tired). And on top of that, wasn't he even curious to see what the gift was? Another thing that bothers me is that, why weren't they in contact or even talking to each other between the time she extended the invite (which you said was well in advance) to the day before the date. I would think that they would talk to each other at least once or maybe twice a day. (I do with my SO...) I don't know...just too many things that I'm not liking about this guy from just that one line. LOL!!!

The way the text was worded seems very insensitive and dismissive. I wouldn't bother calling him back, but that's easier said that done. Do you know what the gift was?

 

[sonce]

Do you know what the gift was?

From him to her or hers to him?

 

[MissYocairis]

Background: You've been with a guy for two months and it's serious enough to have exchanged "I Love You"s but has not yet existed long enough for you to feel really secure in the relationship.

Problem: You plan a really cute date to a museum with gorgeous gardens over a weekend, and give your man advance notice via loving email and phone. You let him know you plan to give him a gift and it's clear you're feeling really loving towards him. He responds to neither the email nor the voicemail nor texts until the night before the day you were supposed to go, at which point he writes via text: "Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

How do you feel and what do you do?

Now, someone presented me with this scenario, asking for advice. However, I have been told time and again that I am too harsh with men, so I am presenting this scenario to you lovely ladies for your consideration before I give my advice. Mind you, this guy has told her that he's scared about how fast things are going, so that makes me think that there's something more going on than him just "resting up" rolleyes this weekend.

Uh....I wouldn't be thinking about a "punishment". He doesn't want her. He's not that into her. She needs to move on. He dissed her. And, couldn't even show her enough respect to diss her in an actual phone call or in person. He dissed her by text, which is about as bad as Carrie getting dissed by a sticky note.

 

[weaveologist]

Sounds like she is moving too fast for him.

 

[ElizaBlue]

I'm learning more and more that I need to be harsh. Many of my friends and family members (even my mother) will always try to make excuses for men or tell me that things aren't always black and white and that I need to tell him how I feel, blah blah blah...

And each time I do that, it turns out to be a freakin' waste of time and I realize I should have cut these fools off back when I wanted to instead of trying to be nice and "give him a chance."

That being said, I picked the second option... but I just suddenly changed my mind (oh well, too late to change the poll). I'd now pick "dump him, no questions asked," simply because he already said that things were moving too fast (sorry, but two months isn't too fast for me) and any time a man talks about wanting to go slow AFTER things have already started moving, it means he's looking for an exit.

If you wanna go slow, then start slow from the beginning. Don't go fast and then say you wanna go slow... and let me guess... she slept with this man too, didn't she? Men have a lot of nerve then deciding that they want to "go slow" after they had no problem going fast to get the booty.

Yeah, dump him. Move on. Life's too short.

Dump him. No follow up questions needed other than I'll be by to get my stuff/bring you your stuff.

I'm with Bunny. Any loss of momentum is cause for caution...but when a train slows down and comes to a complete stop...it's so folk can get on and folk can get off.

I suspect resting might be the last thing he's doing. But at this point it wouldn't even matter. He's wasted two months of someone's time.

 

[JustKiya]

I would slam on the brakes, hard as well.

Take 3 steps back. He wants space? I'd give him plenty of space while I was going out with the other fellows I was interested in. If he's interested, he'll be up in my space again, soon enough. If he's not - well, good to know.

Two months ain't really enough time to be exclusive, much less to be telling someone I love you.

He's trying to gently let her know that he's not feeling her like that (right now), and she either needs to accept that and be willing to wait for him to feel her like that - or, she needs to move on to someone who will feel her like that.

Dang. Brothers be speaking their mind and sisters still ain't hearing them.

 

[Carrie A]

Scared of how fast things are going ....Code phrase: Scared of her moving to fast.
Resting up for the weekend: Code: Dang girl give me some space and let me watch the game...or whatever and there could be some whatever.
Museum flowers and sh**?? vs. NCAA??

 

[MissJ]

Is there another woman involved?

 

[cutiebe2]

I would slam on the brakes, hard as well.

Take 3 steps back. He wants space? I'd give him plenty of space while I was going out with the other fellows I was interested in. If he's interested, he'll be up in my space again, soon enough. If he's not - well, good to know.

Two months ain't really enough time to be exclusive, much less to be telling someone I love you.

He's trying to gently let her know that he's not feeling her like that (right now), and she either needs to accept that and be willing to wait for him to feel her like that - or, she needs to move on to someone who will feel her like that.

Dang. Brothers be speaking their mind and sisters still ain't hearing them.

Sounds like it. Honestly, two months is too fast for me as well so I don't blame him for putting on the slow down breaks. I think different people go at different paces (within reason). I would say things like "I really care about you" but love...not quite yet

 

[CandiceC]

Oh... and I voted no punishment because he did nothing wrong.

I agree.

I think she's moving too fast and trying to make this into something it's not. She shouldn't be planning anything that elaborate that early on. That's his job to woo her.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

Well I think it depends on how much time you consider "advance notice". But for the sake of answering the question I'd call him and explain how I feel ask him why he didn't get around to answering the text, voice or emails and why he feels the need to just "rest up" over the weekend. If he can give me and explanation and offers to hang or chill with me while he's resting up and relaxing then I'd just let it go and try to plan for the special weekend another with more of his input. If he's just giving me vague and unclear answers we'd be done with no second chances.

 

[blue_flower]

I couldn't tell someone I'm dating that I love them after 2 months. The guy has reason to be scared on how fast the relationship is going.

 

[neenzmj]

First off, I agree with Bunny77. It’s amazing how there’s no concern about how fast a relationship is moving when it comes to sex, yet when it comes to actually taking the steps to establishing a committed relationship, speed suddenly becomes a factor.

Second, the exchange of “I love you’s” is not necessarily the best indicator of a relationship’s progress. Anybody can (and will) SAY “I love you,” but love is an action – not just words.

Don’t waste time playing games or considering appropriate “punishments.” Short and sweet: take heed of the red flags. The whole “scared about how fast things are going” statement can probably be best translated as “I’m looking to make my way out of this situation. If he’s scared and needs time – let him have it (on how own.) Who wants to a person who’s “scared” to be in a relationship?

 

[Sosoothing]

Ignore him and move on. Let him work to get you back if he still wants you.

 

[gabulldawg]

I DEFINITELY agree that some of you are too harsh, including you, OP. Are men mindreaders now? Cuz I didn't get that memo. Maybe he doesn't understand how important the day is to you. YOU said it's clear, but was it really clear to HIM??? Guys can be a bit oblivious at times.... I would probably tell him how I feel. Now if he still turns me down AFTER I've explained how I feel to him, then maybe it's time to move on...

Leaving without any explanation will not "teach" him anything. You will probably confuse him even more... erplexed

 

[HoneyDew]

I would not dump him.

I would DOWNGRADE him, if he is worthy.

No more planning dates for him.

But, I WOULD use him for sex if I needed it.

If he is no good at that, he goes is the discard bin.

 

[Samory07]

I dont understand this...How can you really love someone that you dont feel secure with??

O my goodness I was thinking the same! I think that if she already doesn't feel secure then maybe the love wasn't that deep and she needs to just cut her losses and move on. It's not even the fact that he wanted to cancel but it's the fact that he even bother to respond to the email or voicemail. For him to know that you went through a lot of trouble to plan a special day ant then just cancel last minute is in my opinion very selfish and I would explain that to him and if he doesn't care or doesn't even try to understand where she is coming from then he would be cut.

 

[Theo]

I don't think we know enough about the situation to start advising ppl to dump someone. I actually found the OP confusing.

2 months.... they both claim to be in love... she plans a date... he says he's tired... and so now he's dumped? That seems kinda extra to me... I'm just saying.

I voted for the wait til he calls me, and then I'll tell him how I feel. And I think I'm just as "bout it, bout it", and against time-wasting negroes as the best of them. I just recognize the fact that I'm a highly emotional person, so I try not to make rash decisions in the heat of the moment.

 

[lux10023]

"Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

this was his response---that he sent her the day b4 via text

WOW----and she is considering what to do now--? wtf is there to consider-lol

hes not feelin u ma--plain and simple--clear as day---

i see why chicks r gettin played left and right---sad

mickey fickey didnt even call her...what is there to ponder---?

 

[healthynhappy]

"Think I'll skip it tomorrow. Thanks. Just resting up this weekend..."

this was his response---that he sent her the day b4 via text

WOW----and she is considering what to do now--? wtf is there to consider-lol

hes not feelin u ma--plain and simple--clear as day---

i see why chicks r gettin played left and right---sad

mickey fickey didnt even call her...what is there to ponder---?

Okay? NEXT.

Forget all that wait and see, pretend like things are cool, etc... Who has time for those stupid games?

Trust me - when a man wants you, he lets you know. And based on his actions - he clearly doesn't want her.

 

[UmSumayyah]

ok sonce so where is our update? Inquiring minds wanna know.

 

[cheetarah1980]

Did he even agree to go on this date in the first place? Technically, he didn't do anything wrong if he never said yes to begin with. However, he showed his level of interest in her by the way he turned her down. Text is tacky.