Post Divorce Dating Game

[ThickHair]

Ladies when you first meet a man and in the getting to know you stage (first 1-3 weeks) what do you hold back?

This has been on my mind for a few days. I decided that I am not going to let him know my living situation freely. I live alone, I own my house and I am not going to give out that info. I figured I am just going to say I live with a roommate. Technically I do, my brother who spends about 1 night per month at my home, other than that he is at his girlfriends. Plus I may not let him pick me up at my home for at least 1 - 2 months. The last 2 guys I dated, I met them through others and I let them pick me up at home on the first date. BUT I did give my sister all the vitals, name, DOB, home address, type of car, occupation and where they worked and how I met them and gave her the courtesy 10pm, "I'm ok call".

I am not trying to lie or play games but I have heard from woman, that some men are not on the up and up may try to get cozy real quick or may see me as the type they can move in on. Hell, to the nall, I have only lived with one man, my ex. We dated for 6 years and I did not let him move in til 4 months before the wedding. He spent the night once a week, no mail sent to my home, no phone calls and none of his boys showing up. I didn't play that.

Just details about me, ex and I had been seperated since 05, he finally agreed to the divorce in 07. I have dated all of two men in the last year, briefly.

Help ladies, BTW I am in my late 30's.

 

[drasgrl]

Why start off with lies? That's not a good way to start things. If you expect people to be honest with you then you need to do the same. How would you feel if your dates started out lying from the start even if it seems likes it's not that bad.

I don't think I'd be able to trust anything they had to say later. You could say you stay with your brother. If he does stay with you occasionally then I can see saying that. But I don't see the necessity of lying. If they are out to use you for what you have you can tell anyway.

 

[Butterfly08]

I don't think you need to spill all your vitals on the first date. You may not ever want to see him again so why spill your guts? However, I would not lie. Steer the conversation towards topics you feel comfortable discussing, and actually I would focus most on LISTENING. You learn a whole lot more about a guy that way by just letting him talk.

If after a few dates you see things may progress, you can gradually share more details about yourself and your assets. Some guys may see an established woman and let that sway whether they decide to stick around or not and IMO a guy you're casually dating is not entitled to know all of your financial history.

 

[klb120475]

I don't think you need to spill all your vitals on the first date. You may not ever want to see him again so why spill your guts? However, I would not lie. Steer the conversation towards topics you feel comfortable discussing, and actually I would focus most on LISTENING. You learn a whole lot more about a guy that way by just letting him talk.

If after a few dates you see things may progress, you can gradually share more details about yourself and your assets. Some guys may see an established woman and let that sway whether they decide to stick around or not and IMO a guy you're casually dating is not entitled to know all of your financial history.

That's exactly what I do. And if he asks a question I don't wanna answer I say: I don't feel comfortable answering that question at this time...but if you wanna tell me about you I'm listening.

 

[MissScarlett]

Ladies when you first meet a man and in the getting to know you stage (first 1-3 weeks) what do you hold back?

This has been on my mind for a few days. I decided that I am not going to let him know my living situation freely. I live alone, I own my house and I am not going to give out that info. I figured I am just going to say I live with a roommate. Technically I do, my brother who spends about 1 night per month at my home, other than that he is at his girlfriends. Plus I may not let him pick me up at my home for at least 1 - 2 months. The last 2 guys I dated, I met them through others and I let them pick me up at home on the first date. BUT I did give my sister all the vitals, name, DOB, home address, type of car, occupation and where they worked and how I met them and gave her the courtesy 10pm, "I'm ok call".

I am not trying to lie or play games but I have heard from woman, that some men are not on the up and up may try to get cozy real quick or may see me as the type they can move in on. Hell, to the nall, I have only lived with one man, my ex. We dated for 6 years and I did not let him move in til 4 months before the wedding. He spent the night once a week, no mail sent to my home, no phone calls and none of his boys showing up. I didn't play that.

Just details about me, ex and I had been seperated since 05, he finally agreed to the divorce in 07. I have dated all of two men in the last year, briefly.

Help ladies, BTW I am in my late 30's.

I have no advice. I was just going to say good luck, I don't know if I could handle dating after being out of the game for 10 years. I hear craz things about men now. I just say keep your standards high ( it seems that you obviously have that part down) and just keep it 'light' not too serious and don't give out too much info too soon. Good luck though!

WOW, been divorced two years, were y'all trying to reconcile? Just curious. I always thought if I got separated, I would just like go and get a divorce right away

 

[klb120475]

I have no advice. I was just going to say good luck, I don't know if I could handle dating after being out of the game for 10 years. I hear craz things about men now. I just say keep your standards high ( it seems that you obviously have that part down) and just keep it 'light' not too serious and don't give out too much info too soon. Good luck though!

WOW, been divorced two years, were y'all trying to reconcile? Just curious. I always thought if I got separated, I would just like go and get a divorce right away

I'm still struggling with the know hows of dating.

There can be several factors on how long the divorce process can last:

If dude gotta good attorney and he fighting for stupid stuff it can drag on and on.

Depends on what state you're in too. Here if the couple doesn't have kids they can get divorce in 30 days. If you do have kids you gotta wait 90 days.

If I remember correctly for the state of NY you have to be separated and live apart for 1 year before you can file for divorce.

Then there's the issue of cost. Some divorces can be costly and if the woman ain't got the monies that can prolong it too.

 

[ThickHair]

WOW, been divorced two years, were y'all trying to reconcile? Just curious. I always thought if I got separated, I would just like go and get a divorce right away

I filed for divorce 6 months after we seperated, he wouldn't\didn't sign, just because he was being a donkey. In PA you have to be seperated for 2 years before a no fault (cheapie) divorce can be granted. Guess when he signed? 10 days before the 2 year point. We had no kids nor property together, my house was my house, free and clear.

I also made sure not to do the sex with the ex deal because that could start the timer again. We weren't having sex 6 months before the seperation any way.

It's not that easy to just say, "Oh, I want a divorce" and then tomorrow be divorced.

 

[kandake]

I'm kinda in a similar situation. I've been separated from my DH ("D" meaning d@mn or darn) for almost a year and a half. I'm going to file the papers next week actually.

But to address your question, I don't think you should lie. If you don't want them to know where you live simply meet them at the date location until you feel comfortable. As for letting him know you own a home and live alone I think the suggestion of steering the convo to other topics is a good idea or saying that you don't feel comfortable discussing it. However, if someone was telling me a story about their date not wanting to discuss homeownership I would think the woman was a little weird. Please note that I'm in no way trying to offend you.

At any rate, I can sympathize with what you're going through. I was with my husband for 5 years and I haven't dated at all since the separation and I don't plan to date until the divorce is final. To be honest I'm really not looking forward to it.