pornography and relationships

[mxdchiq86]

what are your views on your significant other/husband viewing pornography?

is it just something that men do, even when they're satisfied in their relationship? i honestly can't say i've come across any men that claimed to have never looked at porn...

or is there more to it? it says this in the bible; "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart ''. do you believe pornography is equal to adultery?

 

[JustKiya]

*shrug*

Porn doesn't bother me, and as I'm not Christian, it's not adultery to me, either. I, personally, tend to not watch porn, as it's fake & boring, to me, but I do like the stories and manga and the like - I'm more of a reader, DH is more of a watcher.

As with most things in a relationship, it really depends on the couple. If you view porn as adultery, you need to be sure your man is on the same page. If he's not, you have to decide if you are willing to accept the fact that he will be an adulterer, or make the choice to not marry him.

 

[Kirei]

Porn is a no go over here....

Yes, I do view it as adultry so does DH.

 

[dlewis]

My first SO watched porn and I believe it was unhealthy for us. When I started dating DH I let him know that I couldn't date anyone who was into that.

 

[DragonPearl]

If they both enjoy it, then I don't think it is an issue per se.

If only the man enjoys it and the woman tolerates it for the sake of the marriage/relationship, then later on it will be an issue because it is a signal that their sexual energies are not in sync and the porn will make it worse.

DH and I had to get our sexuality in sync because for a while, it was not, and his porn watching was not helping. Funny enough, as I began to work on my own sexual issues and getting my sexuality in a place where I wanted it to be, his sexuality also began to shift and he began to work on his own issues. Peeling off the ideas that sex is dirty or bad or freaky, and getting more into the idea that sex is natural, wholesome, sacred. No need for porno when one gets into that space. Unless you can find me porno where sex is treated as something sacred. lol.

ETA: By the way, I didn't answer the poll as it didn't have options i resonated with.

 

[Prudent1]

What you see, hear, and speak influence your life. It is usually not obvious in the beginning but they do influence us. Definitely not in the same way but was it worth it? There is so much scientific data to support how porn led to other negative behavior. Of how many women and girls are damaged in the biz and in the home. Lots of ex-porn stars speaking out about the lifestyle.There are also first hand accounts from many men (mostly but women too) like Ted Kaczynski who during his final interview requested Dr James Dobson and told him of how he wanted to warn ppl against the dangers of boys and men viewing porn. Alas, it is big business. It is conservatively estimated to be a $10 billion dollar a year business. Even in the midst of economic hard times ppl have managed to find money for porn, lottery tickets, eating out, and the like. What would happen if ppl poured that kind of money into communities and children?
C'Est la Vie

 

[tiara76]

If they both enjoy it, then I don't think it is an issue per se.

If only the man enjoys it and the woman tolerates it for the sake of the marriage/relationship, then later on it will be an issue because it is a signal that their sexual energies are not in sync and the porn will make it worse.

DH and I had to get our sexuality in sync because for a while, it was not, and his porn watching was not helping. Funny enough, as I began to work on my own sexual issues and getting my sexuality in a place where I wanted it to be, his sexuality also began to shift and he began to work on his own issues. Peeling off the ideas that sex is dirty or bad or freaky, and getting more into the idea that sex is natural, wholesome, sacred. No need for porno when one gets into that space. Unless you can find me porno where sex is treated as something sacred. lol.

ETA: By the way, I didn't answer the poll as it didn't have options i resonated with.

they have it...and when a man watches it he gets a whole different idea on sex when viewing it in a different light...esp the sexual educational videos where there is graphic sex but yet it shows how the act can help release, surrender, open and heal each other.....and it always doesn't have to be watched under the premise to go have sex..me and my friends will watch educational sex videos together....and discuss them afterwards..male and females and it doesn't turn into orgies or anything of the sort lol

when sexual energies are understood and under control and embraced as the spiritual energy it truly is people experience a whole new level of living and the expressions will become healthier and people will move to experience the healthier expressions of it just like people enjoy movies and other forms of entertainment where senses are evoked thru expressions outside the self, people will enjoy erotic expressions as well within a healthy mentality

all of creation is sexual energy, as are we....

 

[Soliel185]

Porn - like everything else - should be enjoyed in moderation. I think it's best if both the man and woman can watch it together, instead of it being some dirty secret that one of them feels obligated to hide. In some relationships it can be a tool - it opens the topic of discussion (and experimenting ) and both parties may feel more open to the idea of telling their partner what they enjoy, or what they'd like to try as part of their sex life. IMO there is a difference btw "porn" and "erotica" - I think everyone's mind goes to the fake boobed, overly made up, over the top moaning bleached blonde etc etc but it's not all like that, and a lot of it like Just Kiya mentioned is not in video form.

 

[Ediese]

I don't mind. Guys that I've dated have been really surprised about that. I really enjoy watching them myself. As a matter of fact, I have my own collection. lol My ex came over once and as soon as he walked in, I handed him a glass of hennessy and had a pretty good porno playing. He swore he was in heaven. lol I saw a thumbnail on my So's computer from redtube, and I had no issue with it. We have an understanding. I actually thanked him for the site. lol

I think I would only have an issue with it if he seemed like he was addicted to it, or needed to watch it in order to get stimulated. I remember watching an episode of Sex and the City where Miranda was dating a guy that always had it playing in the background when they were sexing. He couldn't function without it. That's a bit ridiculous.

 

[MissYocairis]

ITA with Soliel.

I don't have a problem with porn. I don't view it as cheating. But, I do view it. I have never been in a situation where I felt porn was a threat to my relationship. I'm not sure what comes first, the persons' attitude about porn or the relationship ruined by porn. (unless, of course, you are dealing with someone who has an addiction of some sort) Oddly enough, I just don't know too many real-life women who are afraid to watch porn or who freak out that their men want to watch or want them to watch. But, I guess that could be attributed to the fact that I don't have a church home right now.

If a couple enjoys it together, it can only enrich the relationship, IMO. But, if it cannot be enjoyed together, as Soliel says, I think that could be an issue.

 

[gabulldawg]

I don't think it's a big deal, unless it interferes with the relationship. I watch it occasionally myself, so I would be a hypocrit if I tried to say that my SO couldn't watch it! Like others have said, porn can be used as a learning tool. You can learn new moves, new styles, new techniques, etc.

BUT I wouldn't be able to handle being with anyone who had to watch it all of the time or who had to rely on it for sexual gratification. What would be my purpose in our sexual relationship???

In the past I was very anti-porn. But I was young(er) and didn't know much about it. I would get so upset if I even THOUGHT that my ex was looking at porn!!! erplexed It actually made me insecure and made me feel that the only reason a person would watch it was if they weren't being satisfied sexually. I changed my mind about it once I actually started watching it myself and could appreciate it. My new guy watches porn and it doesn't really bother me. I know that he was single for a long time before me and that was something he relied on to get through the drought. But I think he's adjusting well and finding the right place for porn in our relationship and I really appreciate that he's making the effort to make the adjustment.

In terms of the adultery thing, that would be between him and God. I'm not going to even try to judge that.

 

[Ramya]

I don't watch porn and I won't date a man who does.

 

[DragonPearl]

they have it...and when a man watches it he gets a whole different idea on sex when viewing it in a different light...esp the sexual educational videos where there is graphic sex but yet it shows how the act can help release, surrender, open and heal each other.....and it always doesn't have to be watched under the premise to go have sex..me and my friends will watch educational sex videos together....and discuss them afterwards..male and females and it doesn't turn into orgies or anything of the sort lol

when sexual energies are understood and under control and embraced as the spiritual energy it truly is people experience a whole new level of living and the expressions will become healthier and people will move to experience the healthier expressions of it just like people enjoy movies and other forms of entertainment where senses are evoked thru expressions outside the self, people will enjoy erotic expressions as well within a healthy mentality

all of creation is sexual energy, as are we....

um, PM me with some links and recommendations.

Or better yet, share them here. I am sure there are other people who would love to know.

 

[tiara76]

last time i shared links thread went poof lol

 

[Soliel185]

last time i shared links thread went poof lol

Go with the PM's then - add me to the mailing list pleeeeease

 

[JustKiya]

Go with the PM's then - add me to the mailing list pleeeeease

Me, too, please? Thankee.

 

[tiara76]

Im looking for more modern sacred sex videos.....alot of them are really new agey, which i have no problem with, however for alot of people to relate they would probably need to see more of a modern twist on alot of these concepts...and also the people in the videos are "regular" people...

here is one I am thinking of ordering...it has some pretty good reviews...it was made back in 1994

here are some of the amazon reviews

It was really good for us to watch it. Some of the exercises and communications techniques are very helpful. This is an excellent guide for any couple desiring more intimacy, trust and better quality of relationship. Any age! It is best for people who are in a commited relationships. Highly reccomend!

Most of us adults make love to our spouses on a regular basis, but do we ever really take the time to truly enjoy and ourselves and our sexuality?. What I really liked about the video is that it's made up like a documentary and not like a porn movie. There's no close-up shots of your insides, yet it shows many exotic, sensual and arousing positions, with step by step instructions and comments. Most of us would like to think that we're experts in the area of lovemaking, but believe me this video has so much to offer and can be a welcoming eye-opener.It was all wonderful

When I watched this tape I actually cried, it made me realize that I have neve made love to anyone in my life.I have only experienced very crude, base sex-essentially a hit and run event. The way the movie was filmed was explicit, but not pornopgraphic, the couples talked about their levels of discomfort, and the narrartor assisted by making suggestings and comments to help with the "shyness" or lack of control. I have always said "Sex starts as soon as you wake up in the morning." The daily devotion exercise proved that I was right. If more couples would take the time to learn this technique the divorce rate would be a lot lower. If you are looking for pronography this is the wrong video; this video is about love, nuturing and caring for your partner on a spritual/sexual plane.

Watching these real couples share the initimate details of their lives was one of the most beautiful and challenging things I've ever seen. Beautiful ... beautifully presented, sweet, sincere couples who put genuine effort into their partnership and sexuality. They remove shame, secrecy, mystery and fill you with a sense of belonging to the human race. I loved how natural and candid they were. Challenging ... Most of us are not brought up with a sense of freedom and joy surrounding our bodies and sexuality. Because of this, I doubt my capacity to enjoy some of the activities they exhibit yet I thought it was all wonderful. The way the video melds actual sexual positions and activities with discussions makes it much more along the lines of a documentary. This is not at all like watching a hardcore porn movie yet you will see very explict and exciting sex and likely spend most of the time greatly aroused. It is like being given a rare window into someone's home and life to observe some really interesting and lovely ways of interacting with our "beloved," as they so lovingly refer to one another. They reminded me of the importance of honoring myself and my beloved in all things. They reminded me of the importance and necessity of slowing down my life, taking time and making pleasure an absolute priority.

 

[tiara76]

the only thing is i think its vhs....lookin for dvd's lol

edit they do have a dvd version

 

[Taliah]

My first SO watched porn and I believe it was unhealthy for us. When I started dating DH I let him know that I couldn't date anyone who was into that.

I agree. It's counterproductive. Unhealthy. Desensitizing.

 

[chicacanella]

No, knowing what I know about a lot of things and being a Christian pornography is a no-go. Sex is something sacred to me and should be enjoyed between a man and woman in marriage and should also be holy. When you are in the right place with God, as my future husband will be, our marriage bed will be undefiled, holy and pure. I don't have to watch pornography to learn or be aroused or think it'll make our sex life better.

The God I serve will honor the fact that my future husband and I choose to wait and my requests that our marriage be be "off the hook." The Holy Spirit has already been telling me about my future marriage bed anyway and even said, "That man is going to be really in love with you." I know it seems weird that God would say something about sex but he did create it. It's like Adam being ashamed for God to see him in the garden when God created him. God created sex and yeah, I'm excited about my future marriage bed.

 

[Damaged but not out]

last time i shared links thread went poof lol

me three please

 

[ladysaraii]

me three please

And four!!!! I love trading information

As to the OP, like others, I dont have an issue with it as long as its in moderation and not a necessity or a crutch. I think porn is one of those enhancements or something to spice things up, not the bread and butter of our relationship.

Plus a look at a man's collection could be priceless. Let you know what he's into so if it doesnt fit you, you can KIM

 

[DragonPearl]

Im looking for more modern sacred sex videos.....alot of them are really new agey, which i have no problem with, however for alot of people to relate they would probably need to see more of a modern twist on alot of these concepts...and also the people in the videos are "regular" people...

here is one I am thinking of ordering...it has some pretty good reviews...it was made back in 1994

here are some of the amazon reviews

It was really good for us to watch it. Some of the exercises and communications techniques are very helpful. This is an excellent guide for any couple desiring more intimacy, trust and better quality of relationship. Any age! It is best for people who are in a commited relationships. Highly reccomend!

Most of us adults make love to our spouses on a regular basis, but do we ever really take the time to truly enjoy and ourselves and our sexuality?. What I really liked about the video is that it's made up like a documentary and not like a porn movie. There's no close-up shots of your insides, yet it shows many exotic, sensual and arousing positions, with step by step instructions and comments. Most of us would like to think that we're experts in the area of lovemaking, but believe me this video has so much to offer and can be a welcoming eye-opener.It was all wonderful

When I watched this tape I actually cried, it made me realize that I have neve made love to anyone in my life.I have only experienced very crude, base sex-essentially a hit and run event. The way the movie was filmed was explicit, but not pornopgraphic, the couples talked about their levels of discomfort, and the narrartor assisted by making suggestings and comments to help with the "shyness" or lack of control. I have always said "Sex starts as soon as you wake up in the morning." The daily devotion exercise proved that I was right. If more couples would take the time to learn this technique the divorce rate would be a lot lower. If you are looking for pronography this is the wrong video; this video is about love, nuturing and caring for your partner on a spritual/sexual plane.

Watching these real couples share the initimate details of their lives was one of the most beautiful and challenging things I've ever seen. Beautiful ... beautifully presented, sweet, sincere couples who put genuine effort into their partnership and sexuality. They remove shame, secrecy, mystery and fill you with a sense of belonging to the human race. I loved how natural and candid they were. Challenging ... Most of us are not brought up with a sense of freedom and joy surrounding our bodies and sexuality. Because of this, I doubt my capacity to enjoy some of the activities they exhibit yet I thought it was all wonderful. The way the video melds actual sexual positions and activities with discussions makes it much more along the lines of a documentary. This is not at all like watching a hardcore porn movie yet you will see very explict and exciting sex and likely spend most of the time greatly aroused. It is like being given a rare window into someone's home and life to observe some really interesting and lovely ways of interacting with our "beloved," as they so lovingly refer to one another. They reminded me of the importance of honoring myself and my beloved in all things. They reminded me of the importance and necessity of slowing down my life, taking time and making pleasure an absolute priority.

Thanks.

 

[Honey Bee]

This is an interesting thread. I don't know many hardcore Christians personally, so to read your viewpoints is enlightening. I, OTOH, watch porn. I also read erotica. With my SO, and by myself. I don't think my soul is irreparably scarred by watching other people have sex, or reading about it, but I can see how/ why a lot of posters, with a Christian worldview, would. Interesting (not in a bad way, genuinely so).

eta: tiara76, holla atcha girl

 

[deltadreamland]

I have no problems with my man watching porn, but I don't tell him that upfront. I just want to observe and see what his natural inclinations are concerning that through our conversations and his actions. Once he realizes that it's no big deal to me, I can almost hear a sigh of relief resonating through his body.

My SO was an avid porn watcher before I came along, but once he saw that I had no issues with him watching it he naturally eased off of it on his own. Now I probably watch it more than he does. Maybe I keep him too occupied for it...who knows.

ETA: However, we don't live together so who knows what he watches when we're apart, but still it wouldn't bother me if he did.

 

[Krymsonkween]

As this has cause my husband to want me to have butt injections I really have a problem with it. I do feel if u both like it fine but when 1 is the only 1 enjoying it I do find it selfish.

I could tell when my hubby watched it. He would come to bed and want to do all kinds of things flips and curls and twist that my body would and could not do. He also like it ruff after he watched it which cause me alot of pain. I did however have fibroids and had a hysterectomy but I feel some of it was the ruffness. We talked and he understand but it is also something he likes to watch.

3yr ago we almost divorced becasue of this. I say talk with ur partner b4 married and if once u get married. Another friends husband wanted to introduce other women in their relationship to spice things up. She did not want to but did it 4 him now she likes other women, but still wants her marriage.

 

[Honey Bee]

Girl, that sound crazy, but I'm glad you're trying to work it out. Although I'm not Christian, I do believe that marriage is forever... then again, "butt injections"?? You shoulda been like, you know what? I've been thinking the same thing: you could use a few injections yourself. (but that would be 'wrong', I know)

 

[honeybuni84]

I think it is something both parties have to agree on..
\
For HB84, we can watch the porns cuz i like it. For OPs in this thread, its a no go. I dont really see the issue in it, but how can i force that view point on someone else. You have to be sensitive to the needs of your partner.

I think if it starts negatively affecting your sex life, its time to turn off the dvd's

 

[Princess4real]

Girl, that sound crazy, but I'm glad you're trying to work it out. Although I'm not Christian, I do believe that marriage is forever... then again, "butt injections"?? You shoulda been like, you know what? I've been thinking the same thing: you could use a few injections yourself. (but that would be 'wrong', I know)

 

[Vshanell]

Honestly I don't care if my SO watches porn.

As long as it's not to the point where it's excessive like locked up in a room for 8 hrs watching porn I don't care.