opinions needed

LiftedUp

LiftedUp

Well-Known Member
I'm posting this scenario for a friend. I gave her my opinion but she doesn't believe me so I'm posting here to hear the opinions of you ladies. I'll put it in point form.

A couple if years ago she meets a guy at work and he asked her out
They didn't click
She met another guy and was in a 3-4 year relationship
They had a marriage discussion this year and he says that while he wants to get married to her he doesn't think that he is financially ready for that step now. Maybe in 2-3 years
She says no and they broke up
The first guy contacts her out if the blue on social media after all this time
He says that he wants to try again and he misses her etc
They hv been chatting via this medium (I assume fb) and text over the past 4 months or so. Right after her break up
He now lives and works 2-3 hours away and is in early 30s
She has a funeral to attend in his area.this weekend and went down on Friday and text him when she reached
She didn't want to seem thirsty she says that's y she didn't tell him in advance
He messages her only twice during this time only to ask how is she doing and when is she leaving
He didn't invite her out or visited her etc. She's leaving in a couple of hours and called me sounding very upset

What do u think????
 
Lol are you asking if he's interested or not? I don't know, its hard to say. It doesn't really change anything though. She should just go home, live her life. If he's interested I'm sure he knows where to find her.

Not sure why you're friend is upset... unless there is more to the story than you've shared. They've only been communicating via FB. Is she high strung or something?
 
Well she's at a funeral so he may assume she'll be with family etc. OR he has plans and isn't trying to stop them for her. OR he has a woman.
 
She let him know the say she was coming that she was coming? He could have been busy, not getting the hint that she wanted him to ask her out. I would assume a date is the furthest thing from someone's mind when their attending a funeral
 
I dont understand.

She text him very last minute to say she was going to a funeral near him. How did he know she would be free to meet him, or be able to text regularly in that circumstance. Why would he want to meet her in that circumstance for the first meeting also:spinning:.

He could very well have a woman IDK. Although being a cheater wouldnt neccessarily mean he couldnt make an excuse for 1- 2 hours to get away.

They need to make a plan to meet, 4 months is long enough. Not because she's in town because of a death... a proper date. Has he not asked her yet?

1. See if he will have a phone conversation
2. He needs to ask her on a date
 
To me it sounds like he's just not that into her. Men will make time for someone they want.
 
I would give him the benefit of the doubt seeing as though she's in town for a funeral but if I were her, I would take the hint and fall back quite a bit. :nono:
 
What is she upset about? She dropped into town - for a funeral no less - seemingly out of the blue to him. What was she expecting? Him to ask to meet her? Text her more because she's there? It all sounds very bizarre. If she was dying to get together with him - even though she was going to a funeral - she should have told him she would be there in advance (she didn't have to tell him about the funeral) and then see if he asked her to get together during that time. If not, then I would understand the upset.
 
If she wanted to meet him and she was in his town, she should have asked him to meet up for coffee or something. Under the circumstances of a funeral it would inappropriate for him to ask her to meet up.
 
I hv limited access. Basically I think that he's living a double life and I'd playing her but she doesn't believe me. The last I heard us that they met briefly. Will be bk in the morning
 
LiftedUp said:
...
She didn't want to seem thirsty she says that's y she didn't tell him in advance
He messages her only twice during this time only to ask how is she doing and when is she leaving
He didn't invite her out or visited her etc. She's leaving in a couple of hours and called me sounding very upset

What do u think????
Click to expand...

If she didn't want to seem thirsty she might as well not even told him she would be in town at all. Under the circumstances (telling him last minute and attending a funeral) there really isn't anything to think. He was put on the spot and probably had other plans, maybe has a girlfriend, didn't want to be rude, idk who knows? She needs to calm down and patiently wait for him to initiate a meet up.

However, if he's only 2-3 hours away I find it odd that they have not met up yet. People have a lot of patience these days. I couldn't talk to an able-bodied grown man who hadn't made an attempt to see me after talking for 4 months, and lived only a few hours away. I get bored easily though and would get sick of just texting and talking. After a month I would have stopped talking to him.

So all that said, I personally would not take him seriously at all and would keep my eyes open for someone who lived in my city.
 
It seems that my Internet service is a bit better tonight. We'll I hope. First I thought it was odd that he began messaging her literally 2 days after her break up. But since I'm going to show her this thread I will try and stick to the pt.


She said that the only reason she went to the funeral was to see him she went Friday the funeral was that same day and left today.

She said that on the way bk she stopped at a supermarket and surprise he was there. She said that it seemed as though he was with ppl hut she was busy trying to pretend she didn't see him that she didn't look properly she just walked past.abd pretend she didn't see him. He ran up to her. She spoke to h for about 2 mins and more or less brushed him off. And well that's it I guess. Oh and she's annoyed that she wasted get weekend lol

Pls excuse errors on my phone
 
LiftedUp said:
<b>She said that the only reason she went to the funeral was to see him </b>
Click to expand...

This is the problem. Women with options don't act like this. Men can sense when a woman is desperate. I wonder if your friend has issues with being "too nice" when it comes to relationships?
 
It happened to me ,dude called me from the airport ,asked me if we could hang out . He was only in town for 2 days.
Unfortunately by that time I couldn't organize myself to see him , I was genuinely busy and had to say no .If he told me in advance I would have made sure to have time for him.
 
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OP I've found myself in similar situations before. My best advice is that she shouldn't put too much thought or energy into him and what he was doing. They are not in a committed relationship so he might be dating someone else or just genuinely busy. She shouldn't feel the need to carry this whole relationship on her back. If they are going to become something serious and worth her effort, he will put forth the effort that will make things simple, not complicated.

Also, if she wanted to see him and didn't care who initiated what, she should have told him specifically what she wanted before or during her trip. That way he knew he needed to make things happen if he wanted to keep her happy.

When she talks to him again she could mentioned that she wishes they could have seen each other (without seeming like she is accusing him of something) and start a convo about when they will actually see each other face to face. The results from that conversation will tell her more about the potential for the relationship than this incident.
 
She said that on the way bk she stopped at a supermarket and surprise he was there. She said that it seemed as though he was with ppl hut she was busy trying to pretend she didn't see him that she didn't look properly she just walked past.abd pretend she didn't see him. He ran up to her. She spoke to h for about 2 mins and more or less brushed him off. And well that's it I guess. Oh and she's annoyed that she
Click to expand...

why did she brush him off?

well that sounds like the end of it.

*maybe it's a good thing I'm not out there dating...all these games we're supposed to play *
 
She went to the funeral only with the intent to meet him is that correct? That sounds very desperate to me.

Anyway, if he wanted to meet her or go on a date some type of plan would have been made by now with him as the initiator.
 
I'm sorry. My typing was atrocious! I was using my phone and the internet access was horrible.

I did this thread to show her the responses when I got back home but she seemed over it. I assumed that she brushed him off because she felt as though he made no effort to see her.

I honestly think that she thought that she was going to rebound into a marriage. Because for the last couple of months, the way she talked, it was as though they had a relationship and a serious one at that. He was older and seemed serious and she seemed very happy with it all. Even though, I think that we're too old to be participating in whatsapp relationships but oh well.
 
TayMac said:
She went to the funeral only with the intent to meet him is that correct? That sounds very desperate to me.
Click to expand...

Yes :look:. I don't think that she is close to the person who died etc. I don't even know who it is, her relation to the person etc. Or who knows if the funeral ever existed. I only heard of it the night when she called upset about this guy.

Honestly, I think that if he was really single and ready to mingle he would've made the effort to at least see her for 5 mins.

I think she's on the rebound hence the desperation. I don't think it was a week before the left her ex before this guy began messaging her. It was like on to the next.
 
She's in town for a FUNERAL. He should feel timid about asking to hang out. "Hey, sorry you're dealing with a funeral and all, but... let's hang out!"

If she really wanted to hang out with him, she should have told him she was coming and mentioned that she wouldn't mind linking up.
 
Kinda like she was trying to make him meet with her without it looking like she was the initiator. What are your thoughts on him contacting her soon after the break up? Do you think she is lying? Or that the two men are friends? Just curious.
 
hopeful said:
Kinda like she was trying to make him meet with her without it looking like she was the initiator. What are your thoughts on him contacting her soon after the break up? Do you think she is lying? Or that the two men are friends? Just curious.
Click to expand...

I think that was her intention as well. At first I thought it was her ex pretending to be another person because how weird was that. Then she told me that she went out with him before, a couple of years ago. Maybe he and the ex are friends, now that I think about it. But do guys go to such extreme lengths?

She seems to be over it though because she hasn't spoken about it since. Now if she gets a whatsapp message from some other dude tomorrow I would definitely question it.
 
Reading situations like this (and talking to my guy friends) has really changed my perspective on playing games. It's just stupid and confusing. The Op's friend is sad over her own actions. If you want to meet up with him, just do it, set it up! It's not always the case that the guy is more into you if he arranges the first date. If women use their smarts and stop getting attached the moment a guy gives them attention, then it will be easy to see how a guy feels about you. I guess my main point is dating/getting to know a person should be easy, stop forcing arbitrary rules in situations that don't apply like this one.

I hope that made sense I'm exhausted lol.
 
*~*Afrolicious*~* said:
Reading situations like this (and talking to my guy friends) has really changed my perspective on playing games. It's just stupid and confusing. The Op's friend is sad over her own actions. If you want to meet up with him, just do it, set it up! It's not always the case that the guy is more into you if he arranges the first date. If women use their smarts and stop getting attached the moment a guy gives them attention, then it will be easy to see how a guy feels about you. I guess my main point is dating/getting to know a person should be easy, stop forcing arbitrary rules in situations that don't apply like this one.

I hope that made sense I'm exhausted lol.
Click to expand...

Ditto. So many games and not even getting the result wanted. And even worse, setting up more barriers to having those results happen.

When someone doesn't like you, any little genuine thing you do could be seen as thirsty. Yet if they do like you, they're just so glad you aided them in getting to know you more.
 
If someone told me they were coming into town for a funeral I would not ask to hang out. Shoot, my friend's dad was sick and when I stopped by I canceled plans with her because I knew she needed time to be with her family during that time. It would come off as insensitive, rude and weird to ask someone on a date when they are in town for a funeral. She can tell him she wants to see him and then see where it goes from there. She can hen judge his actions based on that.
 
As for the other relationship, I don't think men should date marriage-minded women if they are not ready to get married. How long is she supposed to wait for him to get his act together? If you are not ready to get married then do not get into a serious relationship. That's how women end up roped into a 10-year relationship going nowhere and waste their lives. Or worse still dude dumps her 15 years later and is married in 3 months. Sometimes it is an excuse from the guy.
 
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