Opinions about online dating

[Relentless]

Hello,

I would like to get you ladies opinion about online dating. The bible says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing. It seems like if I go online looking for someone, then I'm not trusting god for that person to find me. I really don't care for the online thing, but sometimes being single gets the best of me and makes me feel inadequate. I know that I need to seek Jesus more, but this is how I'm feeling right now.

Please let me know your thoughts.

 

[Bunny77]

There are Christians who have met their future wives and husbands through online dating and are very happy and feel blessed that God brought them together that way.

You are not "seeking" a man by putting a profile up online, but you are creating another avenue so men could "find" you.

If you aren't comfortable with online dating in general, then I wouldn't want you to force yourself to do it.

But don't shy away from it because you feel it's somehow "wrong" in the eyes of God.

I am doing online dating, and I dare anyone to tell me that I shouldn't... unless they plan to match me up themselves with a Godly man who is seeking a wife.

 

[Relentless]

Thank You Bunny, this makes good sense!

 

[Raspberry]

Hello,

I would like to get you ladies opinion about online dating. The bible says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing. It seems like if I go online looking for someone, then I'm not trusting god for that person to find me. I really don't care for the online thing, but sometimes being single gets the best of me and makes me feel inadequate. I know that I need to seek Jesus more, but this is how I'm feeling right now.

Please let me know your thoughts.

Don't mean to throw the thread off topic, but I'm not sure why we use this verse as the sole basis for a philosophy that a man has to "find" a woman and she can take no proactive measure.

In the original Hebrew,the word used for wife in that verse is best translated true, prudent, or virtuous wife. Proverbs 18, the context for that verse is a series of statements showing how godly character and walking in righteousness affects a man/person practically. So the emphasis isn't on the fact that the man finds the wife, but rather that he is blessed to find a good wife - and of course givin the culture of that time, men did indeed "take" wives as a matter of course.

It really is quite a stretch to base an entire dating philosophy off of that verse.

 

[CandiceC]

I put my profile on a dating Web site and my husband found me. So there!

 

[Raspberry]

We have to learn to hear and follow what the Spirit is saying for us personally. It's easy to follow someone else's strong opinion but God ultimately wants us to learn to follow His voice. For some women online dating is used by God and for others it is against His will - that all depends on the individual path and the work He's doing in a person's heart at a particular time..

For me personally the Spirit has prompted me to fall back when I wanted to pursue online dating in the past. I wasn't acting out of a right mindset and I'm glad God is ordering my steps.

One way we know God's will in a particular thing (that is not talked about in the Word) is that His peace follows it. Do you feel at peace when thinking about online dating? Are you acting out of peace and love or out of compulsion? Are you acting out of desperation, or do you feel that you have a right to do this because other avenues aren't working out? God is after our hearts and anything that compromises our hearts (no matter how innocent in appearance) is not in His will. So examine your heart honestly in this and you will have your answer. Don't act on anything until you have peace.

Isaiah 26:3
3 You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

 

[kayte]

I also online date.. and one of my online suitors was better suited as a friend
so turned out to not be a romance match after all... but a beautiful Christian man who has prayed for and with me and vice versa and has become a dear and beloved friend
as were others....

OP... there are also many Christian online dating sites
who advocate for Christian singles under godly stewardship and guidance
that might be a real option in exploring online dating as a possiblity
some of these offer social group meet-ups with men and women..
that's also another way of being open to online connections..
bottom line.... if you try online and don't like it..then it's not for you

dating..online or not...is a fun activity..Christians are allowed to have fun
and women are allowed to take initiative..without pursuing
it's having an open heart.....and exploring right options..that feel
right for you..
~keep lifting your heart's desires to our Lord....He'll answer
because...believe or not this post... was you taking initiative~

 

[SugarBaby]

God gives us so many options to enjoy his kingdom.


I never understand when we take new options for enjoyment as something offensive.

I love on line dating. I have not met many, but I have learned some valuable lessons about friendship.

 

[discobiscuits]

I've done online sites also. I've had success esp w/ e-harmony (mind you that is my experience b/c most black women on LHCF who used eharm have not). Like with Kayte, most were placed in the "we can be friends" category. Some I am still in touch with and I closed my eharm acct 3 years ago. For me, it is okay to do online sites because for me, my intent is not to find a mate, but to meet men that are compatible for outings and fun, not dating, sex, or marriage. I've had great success in "meeting" lots of men online, but all of the ones I've met in person want to get married but I don't and I didn't want to waste their time.

Pray and ask God what He wants you to do for your life in this area. You also have some good suggestions here in this thread.

If you choose not to do online dating sites you can try:
http://www.meetup.com/ - this is a social networking site and has everything and is not a dating site. example: if you like to play softball, it will list all the softball meetup groups in your area and you can join. this way you will be out there meeting people in a "safe" friendly environment which increases your odds of meeting someone without you "pursuing" or initiating as some people suggest a woman should not do. i think that they have church meetups too just look through the site. Meetup is a good way to socialize and meet people without having to be torn between the bible and your desires. You can get out an be seen with out it being about dating. Then if you do meet someone, you can present that person to God and see if it is okay to date. If not, you have not compromised yourself or your beliefs and you won't have an unsettled sprirt IF your intent in doing meetups is just that, have fun and meet people not men to date/marry.

I like http://www.eharmony.com/ but there is also http://www.equallymatched.com/ (never tired it).

IMO, that verse has been used and misused and that misuse and misunderstanding has created many unhappy women imo.

Bottom line: seek God first in all that you do. Let Him guide your steps and follow the path that He has for you. You still have free will to make decisions and act on them. God will approve them and bless them as long as they don't go against the instructions that God speaks directly to you through His Spirit. What may be permissible for all may not be good for all. Seek His face first.

FS posted something similar to this in a different thread and it applies to a lot of areas in our lives.

KJV - 1Cr 6:12 -
All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

NKJV - 1Cr 6:12 -
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

NLT - 1Cr 6:12 -
You may say, "I am allowed to do anything." But I reply, "Not everything is good for you." And even though "I am allowed to do anything," I must not become a slave to anything.

NIV - 1Cr 6:12 -
“Everything is permissible for me”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”–but I will not be mastered by anything.

 

[Shimmie]

Although I haven't done online dating, I have Christian friends who do, and I think it's a wonderful way to get to know 'more' about a person, before seeing them and getting too involved. It forces you to learn to 'talk' to each other and to know each other intellectually which I think is extremely important.

Too many relationships have been 'sight' oriented and become 'stuck' in that realm. It's a good training ground for communicating with the opposite sex which is necessary. There has to be a 'healthy' balance in our lives with both men and women; not all boy, all girl. Our social skills depend upon healthy communication with both.

I thank God for blessing each of you with healthy balanced relationships which will last your lifetime.

 

[Relentless]

Thanks Ladies, great advice.

 

[Raspberry]

If you choose not to do online dating sites you can try:
http://www.meetup.com/ - this is a social networking site and has everything and is not a dating site. example: if you like to play softball, it will list all the softball meetup groups in your area and you can join. this way you will be out there meeting people in a "safe" friendly environment which increases your odds of meeting someone without you "pursuing" or initiating as some people suggest a woman should not do. i think that they have church meetups too just look through the site. Meetup is a good way to socialize and meet people without having to be torn between the bible and your desires. You can get out an be seen with out it being about dating. Then if you do meet someone, you can present that person to God and see if it is okay to date. If not, you have not compromised yourself or your beliefs and you won't have an unsettled sprirt IF your intent in doing meetups is just that, have fun and meet people not men to date/marry.

I'm glad you mentioned meetup.com - I just joined a couple groups related to my profession and might try a fitness or sports one. I definitely could use more opportunities to meet people and socialize..

 

[skatergurljubulee]

I sorta kinda met my hubby online. lol
I went to an Arts school and Hubby came there to visit from another school. At the time he was in the band and I was in Orchestra. We hit it off- in that we bickered and argued so much that our mutual friends thought they'd have to handle a fight! At the end of his visit we exchanged info because we both had this sick fascination with trying to see why he had so much spark between us that didn't go in the romantic vein. lol

He lived in MI and I in FLA so we emailed and talked weekly on the phone. We're both committed believers so we could talk about anything and everything- and argue about it. From our conversations and arguments we learned that we shared the same moral belief, how we wanted to raise our children and a plethora of things- all while still being friends. DH tells me that he loved me from the start (I don't know about all that, I don't think he remembers our arguments too keenly) where as I was in a relationship and engaged (to another man) not too long after we met. My brain wasn't thinking along those lines.
After it was all said and done, we were friends three years through online and phone calls and only met up with each other a smattering of times (like 3-4) before it occured to me, dense woman that I am, that Ryan was pretty cool. 2 out of 3 marriage proposals turned down, 5 years of marriage and a 4 year old with a one on the way, later, we're extremely happy.
Yes, I'm very sorry for talking so much.
I encourage online dating (of course the sane, safe kind) because it's a great avenue to getting to know someone very well without feeling exposed. Then when you meet for the first time the iceebreaking is over and done with and you have a jumping off point. That's when you can safely say, "Well, I really like his personality and I've gotten to know him, but I'm not attracted to him physically" and it'd be okay because you didn't immediately judge him on his looks. Or, you could like the whole package and be very happy.

I think if you're safe take online dating as a fun and pressureless way to get to know people, then it's great. It might not work for you in the long run, but you're bound to meet some friends in the process.

 

[Onyx]

I also online date.. and one of my online suitors was better suited as a friend
so turned out to not be a romance match after all... but a beautiful Christian man who has prayed for and with me and vice versa and has become a dear and beloved friend
as were others....

OP... there are also many Christian online dating sites
who advocate for Christian singles under godly stewardship and guidance that might be a real option in exploring online dating as a possiblity some of these offer social group meet-ups with men and women..
that's also another way of being open to online connections..
bottom line.... if you try online and don't like it..then it's not for you

dating..online or not...is a fun activity..Christians are allowed to have fun
and women are allowed to take initiative..without pursuing
it's having an open heart.....and exploring right options..that feel
right for you..
~keep lifting your heart's desires to our Lord....He'll answer
because...believe or not this post... was you taking initiative~

What are some of these online dating sites, besides eharmony?

 

[kayte]

If you google Christian Singles Dating...
You can choose sites to explore

 

[justsimply]

We have to learn to hear and follow what the Spirit is saying for us personally. It's easy to follow someone else's strong opinion but God ultimately wants us to learn to follow His voice. For some women online dating is used by God and for others it is against His will - that all depends on the individual path and the work He's doing in a person's heart at a particular time..

For me personally the Spirit has prompted me to fall back when I wanted to pursue online dating in the past. I wasn't acting out of a right mindset and I'm glad God is ordering my steps.

One way we know God's will in a particular thing (that is not talked about in the Word) is that His peace follows it. Do you feel at peace when thinking about online dating? Are you acting out of peace and love or out of compulsion? Are you acting out of desperation, or do you feel that you have a right to do this because other avenues aren't working out? God is after our hearts and anything that compromises our hearts (no matter how innocent in appearance) is not in His will. So examine your heart honestly in this and you will have your answer. Don't act on anything until you have peace.

Isaiah 26:3
3 You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

I think this entire response is very wise advice. Your motive for something can make it wrong even if it's right...Paul mentions that all things that are lawful are not necessarily in our best interest. On-line dating in and of itself is not a sin/wrong. As someone else stated this could be just another avenue for you and your future spouse to meet. But if you're doing it because you feel that God isn't working in your time or if you are questioning His ability...it's wrong. But if this isn't the case and He has truly given you a peace about it ...go for it. If you don't have peace, leave it alone.

 

[Renewed1]

WOW! I was just thinking about online dating the other day. I've done eharmony a year ago and I meet no one of interest. Now that I'm in Colorado I will give this a try again.

Thanks ladies.