Online dating...tips, rules, advice, etc...

[Britt]

So I've decided to join Black People Meet this past Sunday evening. I thought I'd have nothing to loose at all and my friend kinda convinced me to join for the hell of it.

A little background story, I was in a relationship for a little over 3 years, and for the most part of this summer I stayed to myself saw my ex here and there but I mainly had a lot of time to myself to think and just kinda 'be with myself'. In any event, obviously I have not dated or really been around another guy in a long time, and my main New Years resolution is start going out more and maybe meeting people. Now that I take an honest look at myself, I am starting to notice subconscious things about myself like me reaching out to people more and being more comfortable going out with people and I'm normally extremely introverted and stick to myself. But that's been changing a bit, so with that said, I thought I'd join the site for the heck of it.


I joined.... I put up a normal headshot pic and filled out the profile, didn't write an introduction,I left that at it's default. As soon as I joined I felt overwhelmed :shocking: . I was trying to navigate the site and sift through the searches of men all while getting IM's and messages from dudes who just look like someone I wouldn't be interested in. Ex. men from out of state, men who are 40-50 , men who look like cornballs, men who can't spell correctly at all, men who look wayyy to0 flashy while end up looking like a cornball, men who have 30k-50k as their income but have 2 children and never been married, men who send msgs like 'hey sexy' ... the list continues.

In any event, what is the protocol, I've ignored about 90% of my messages, flirts, book marks etc since I am not even interested in starting a convo with some of them. Is this rude? I mean, realistically, you can't respond to everyone right? Wouldn't that give them a segway into talking to you. I've already come across the crazies already, some fool sent me a msg of his name and phone # to call him since he's in NYC this wk . For those who have been part of this site, what is the normal/unspoken way to go about doing things? Ex. A few people saw I was online and just started to IM me ... wouldn't it be better to send the person a message first, and then *if* they respond you start to IM them? I'm obviously a newbie and I'm just looking for all types of tips and advice.

Thanks

 

[kayte]

few people saw I was online and just started to IM me ... wouldn't it be better to send the person a message first, and then *if* they respond you start to IM them? I'm obviously a newbie and I'm just looking for all types of tips and advice.

I always close the window...I will check out the profile..and if I like what I read and photo
...I let them know I prefer emailed communication first
there is also usually a feature that lets the user disengage the IM device
temporarily or for more extended time..or as you want to use it

if a guy who there is no possibility of my EVER allowing to get next to me
but sends me a very polite and decent email...
{{{excluding the wows..hey Sexys..immediate delete}}}

I might respond
like..this

must decline with all best wishes
or sorry...don't feel this is a match.
and then block him
to forestall convo or protests
all that is strictly optional,though

you owe no strange guy...who you are not interested..in
a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g
not even the time of day..

when in doubt ..block his &^% out

good for you..for getting out-there
I'm sure you will get all the cuties,not
the frogs!

 

[ThickHair]

When I am not interested I send a short note. "Thank you for responding, but I don't think we are a good match. Good luck." I respond to all unless it is a sexual come on. So yes, I think it is rude to not respond except in the later.

 

[Britt]

if a guy who there is no possibility of my EVER allowing to get next to me
but sends me a very polite and decent email...
{{{excluding the wows..hey Sexys..immediate delete}}}

I might respond
like..this

must decline with all best wishes
or sorry...don't feel this is a match.
and then block him
to forestall convo or protests
all that is strictly optional,though

you owe no strange guy...who you are not interested..in
a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g
not even the time of day..

when in doubt ..block his &^% out

good for you..for getting out-there
I'm sure you will get all the cuties,not
the frogs!

LMAOOOOOO ! I do agree that I owe no strange guy anything. Thanks for the advice ! I will def. put it into effect.

When I am not interested I send a short note. "Thank you for responding, but I don't think we are a good match. Good luck." I respond to all unless it is a sexual come on. So yes, I think it is rude to not respond except in the later.

Thankssss! this is a good response. B/c at first I just ignored all of them. So far I've only seen 2 guys that caught my eye ... the first one I sent a basic 'hello' and nice msg to, he ignored it, and the other seems a bit arrogant and that's a turn off.... maybe it's too soon for me to jump to conclusions, but I'll just give this online thing a go for this month.