Online Dating... Is it just me...

[TinyBlu]

...or are the majority of the men just plain unattractive?

I am REALLY trying to expand my horizons here, but hardly any of the guys do anything for me down below... yuck!

Besides, in my age group, most of them have children... NO THANK YOU!!! I'm starting to think I am way too picky for dating (although I don't think I should have to settle for someone who has children when I don't have or think I even want them).

Maybe I should start collecting cats...

 

[Bublin]

99% are *****.
I don't mind the children as I have them.

 

[Kalani]

Yep. And the ones that are attractive are players. At least in my experience of online dating.

 

[Carmelella]

Gotta agree,.. The majority are not attractive. And it's less about cute/ not cute. They put up pics of themselves just looking rough, unkept, or doing strange things. The more attractive ones have no jobs . Maybe they have more time to get camera ready?? Lol

I just got into this recently. What sites are you using?

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

OP, it's not just you. Not at all. I've thought the same thing. I'm glad it's not just me. I think one of the traps of online dating is you can convince yourself you're too picky to date if you genuinely do not find anyone attractive. I've only saw one profile I liked and I've been on multiple sites.

 

[CarLiTa]

Well, OP, I think your wishes are definitely limiting. You want a Black guy, right? Do most use online dating like that? I believe I've read that there are fewer black men online (than men of other races).

Are you in your 30s? Your options for a fit man in his 30s will also be limited. I just don't see many men post 30 with bodies that look well taken care of. Men like that are in the minority, for sure ( though I think in a few years that will be at least somewhat different).

I'm having a pretty decent experience online dating so far. It isn't everyday offline that I find someone whom I think is incredibly attractive, so I don't expect to see that online. It just is what it is. But at the very least, I have to find the person at least easy enough to look at for us to go out (in addition to meeting other preferences). That has worked well.

I've been online for 2 months, have gone out with 8 guys. 3 of color, rest have been white, some cuter than others.

For me, that's okay. The one I've gone out with the most is the one I connected with well and who, IMO, turned out to be the cutest one (possible that my fondness for our conversations made him look even more attractive as the weeks went by).

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I haven't been online dating in ages but I always found a few attractive, fit, employed Black men. Do not settle.

I met a gynecologist, a Ph.d and a lawyer online. The gynecologist was a jerk but attractive and fit. The lawyer was geographically unattractive since he lived in Connecticut. I did still go out with him a few times. He was fit and like 6'5". I dated the Ph.d right before DH. He was also fit and attractive but gave a closet gay vibe.

 

[SwtAnana]

I found a lot of attractive men online but that usually meant that they were vain

I met my fiancé online so it is absolutely possible to find a jem among the junk

 

[prettydarkthing]

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[TinyBlu]

Gotta agree,.. The majority are not attractive. And it's less about cute/ not cute. They put up pics of themselves just looking rough, unkept, or doing strange things. The more attractive ones have no jobs . Maybe they have more time to get camera ready?? Lol

I just got into this recently. What sites are you using?

I'm currently on blackpeoplemeet and BLECK!!! I have no problems admitting that I am superficial.

And the profiles are sooo scripted. First, spell and grammar check!! Second, stop writing what you THINK women want to hear. Third, this is NOT testimony service. If God is mentioned more than twice in a paragraph (for the few who use them), I'm like... "NEXT" (My first love is God and the five kids he's blessed me to have with four baby mammas...)

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this. I'm NOT open minded in these areas...

 

[TinyBlu]

Well, OP, I think your wishes are definitely limiting. You want a Black guy, right?

I would PREFER a black guy, but I am not totally opposed to entertaining men of other races. Where are the black guys? Can they not afford computers? Are they playing X box? That's a depressing statistic.

Are you in your 30s? Your options for a fit man in his 30s will also be limited. I just don't see many men post 30 with bodies that look well taken care of. Men like that are in the minority, for sure ( though I think in a few years that will be at least somewhat different).

I choose to disagree with that. I am 35 actually and am in better shape that I was in my twenties. If I raise that bar for myself, I will definitely do that for the man in my life. To even settle for that generalization is more depressing that the "black men aren't online" stereotype. So, I should accept that men are just gonna be fat after 30? Ummmm... no.

I'm having a pretty decent experience online dating so far. It isn't everyday offline that I find someone whom I think is incredibly attractive,

The men don't have to be "incredibly" attractive. As another poster said, if they are that fine, they probably don't need online dating or they are looking for more notches in their belt, or they bat for the other team (I'm always nervous around guys that are tooo pretty. They don't want me), but I would like someone that I can at least LOOK at. These guys are tore up from the floor up.


I've been online for 2 months, have gone out with 8 guys. 3 of color, rest have been white, some cuter than others.

For me, that's okay. The one I've gone out with the most is the one I connected with well and who, IMO, turned out to be the cutest one (possible that my fondness for our conversations made him look even more attractive as the weeks went by).

I'm glad you have had success with online dating. I realize that I am limiting my choices by being selective (or picky...), but I just don't want to settle. I did that before and married the guy... I was totally miserable.

My philosophy is to be truthful with self about my desires and realize that it may not come overnight. Until then... I have power tools

 

[TinyBlu]

I haven't been online dating in ages but I always found a few attractive, fit, employed Black men. Do not settle.

I met a gynecologist, a Ph.d and a lawyer online. The gynecologist was a jerk but attractive and fit. The lawyer was geographically unattractive since he lived in Connecticut. I did still go out with him a few times. He was fit and like 6'5". I dated the Ph.d right before DH. He was also fit and attractive but gave a closet gay vibe.

Thanks so much for that! I feel encouraged and a little less like a picky you-know-what. You would be surprised how many of my UNHAPPILY attached girlfriends keep telling me that I should settle. I needed that...

 

[prettydarkthing]

deleted

 

[blue_flower]

I'm currently on blackpeoplemeet and BLECK!!! I have no problems admitting that I am superficial.

And the profiles are sooo scripted. First, spell and grammar check!! Second, stop writing what you THINK women want to hear. Third, this is NOT testimony service. If God is mentioned more than twice in a paragraph (for the few who use them), I'm like... "NEXT" (My first love is God and the five kids he's blessed me to have with four baby mammas...)

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this. I'm NOT open minded in these areas...

I was on blackpeoplemeet a couple years ago and the entire experience was ridiculous. I'm not obsessed with looks, but a good majority of those guys were unattractive, out of shape and had unkempt facial hair and fuzzed up braids. Their profiles were just as pathetic- vague and uncreative with poor grammar. It's just a huge turn off!

 

[BayAreaDream]

I'm online dating I agree, your cat idea sounds fantastic lol.

 

[londonfog]

Blackpeoplemeet.com enough said!! Unless something has changed in the last time I attempted it, the men on there did look a little homely & had the nerve to be N.A.S.T.E.E! The ones that were either decent or nice looking chose to be ignorant. "No sir, uh uh! I actually don't find it important to tell you my panty/bra size." "I'm sorry, did you say that you want me to skype with you so that you can view my waist line?" "Would I let you stick what, where?" This is just among the list of things that I heard out of the blue. My blocked list was so long I thought that there weren't anymore left on the site!

I am only 31 but I am too old to be talking about explicitives with some strange man that I have no intentions on getting to know if I'm not feeling you. That was the worst site that I have ever tried & almost gave up until I tried a few others. Come to find out, a couple of other friends ran across the same thing that I did with BPM! E-harmony was pretty decent & Match.com has some pretty nice fellows. Match, you may get a lot of emails from different races though because they be trying to find love too, lolol! Like another poster said, please do not settle!! I refuse to go out like a chump!

 

[TinyBlu]

OMG Londonfog! Thanks sooo much for that. I've decided that online dating isn't for me. My friends suggested that I use it to fish in bigger ponds, but I don't like the fish I'm seeing. I'm gonna tough it out for a couple more weeks then bye bye.

I tried E Harmony and Match and actually went out with 3 guys:

One was 30 lbs. heavier than his pic, broke, with bad breath

One was short and odd (who asks for a heart healthy menu at a sports bar or cuts their sandwich into at least 10 tiny bits and eats with a knife and fork...)

One was oddly nosy. He would randomly just go through my stuff... without asking and he was CHEAP. No matter how inexpensive the restaurant, he would get upset if I didn't get the special because it was cheaper. He suggested we split a meal... then his card was declined...

Ummm yeah. I'm good with the online dating. As for the pervs... I struck up a conversation with a guy at an attorney's happy hour... he actually showed me a picture of his... member. He just keeps it in his phone just in case?

When did dating become so hard? Have I been out of the loop for that long? Things weren't great when I took a hiatus, but in a year things seemed to have really gone downhill.

Thankfully, I have great girlfriends and "surrogate" parents to spend time with, but I would like a special someone. SPECIAL being the operative word...

Back to animals and power tools for a while...

 

[Bublin]

^^^This is why I am not going back to paying sites. No point as it's the same clientele on them. I didn't go to e-harmony because I wasn't prepared to pay £100 a month - looks like I saved my money.

 

[CurlyCoilycourt]

Same thing with me, after being single for three years my best friend suggested i try online dating because two of her friends had success stories (later casualties), reluctantly i did it and i was so turned off by the messages and lack of attractive men up there. I was using the app on my phone took it off, the next day went on the computer to deactivate my account and with luck or blessing had a message waiting from my current SO. It is a bit discouraging but it is possible, don't settle and keep looking!!! Website i was on was called POF

 

[Renewed1]

SwtAnana I agree with your entire post.

I'm trying to find some decent guys online to date. But I REFUSE to settle, I almost married the wrong guy by settling.

My friends tell me all the time I limiting myself by refusing to date a guy that has been previously married and I have a no kid clause.

I tell them, I don't know about you.....but I only need to marry ONE man.

I am not the type of woman to date a slew of men. I feel I should only date men that meet my criteria, anything less is a waste of my time.

I found a lot of attractive men online but that usually meant that they were vain

I met my fiancé online so it is absolutely possible to find a jem among the junk

I'm glad you have had success with online dating. I realize that I am limiting my choices by being selective (or picky...), but I just don't want to settle. I did that before and married the guy... I was totally miserable.

My philosophy is to be truthful with self about my desires and realize that it may not come overnight. Until then... I have power tools

 

[PretteePlease]

I meet plenty of average to handsome men. I can only thing of 2 pure uglies.

 

[Renewed1]

TinyBlu have fun with online dating. I don't take it seriously. I'm online now, asking any guy I find cute random questions.....out of boredom.

I need to go to bed.

 

[londonfog]

^^^This is why I am not going back to paying sites. No point as it's the same clientele on them. I didn't go to e-harmony because I wasn't prepared to pay £100 a month - looks like I saved my money.

E-Harmony didn't use to cost so much. I joined them back in 2009 & it was like $14 a month around that time. I wound up meeting my ex after about 1 month of being on there & we dated for about a year. He bought a ring & everything to propose then that fool hollered at my momma. THE END! When I went back to sign up again in 2011, I saw that the price had increased to like $59.99 a month so I politely closed out the browser & moved on to another site that didn't cost a tank of gas. I usually don't stay online for longer than a couple of months.

I've been on Match for 2 months now & I when I went to cancel my subscription with them, they asked me to choose the reason that I wanted to cancel & I chose "cannot afford to keep paying every month." (or something like that) Then they offered me 3 months for the price of one & I took the offer. I might as well try for a little while longer. I also signed up for OKCupid (the free version) since I saw some other ladies on here trying it.

 

[Shay72]

I totally disagree OP and I was on many sites off & on for a year. Match, OKCupid, Black People Meet, E-Harmony, and POF. I guess it does depend on where you are. I'm in the DMV. I didn't have a no kids clause. I'm 40 years old that would be unrealistic. My requirements: black, job, car, own place, sense of humor, cute, nice, and if he had kids it was important that he was in their lives regardless if they lived with him or not. I found that after a year on POF. Found out recently that's where the Millionaire Matchmaker met her current SO too.

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