Online dating faux pas...{long}

[kayte]

Dating here and there with someone IRL...that's going well
he's awesome..we had a great date last night... movie,dinner and I made us walk a bunch of blocks..looking at half a dozen restauarnts even being seated in one and then abruptly chagning my mind(too noisy)
and him ..you don't want to stay? we're gone...
before I decided which one was perfect ..lol everlastingly humorous and patient...romantic...attentive...but not quite...exclusive material yet

but last fall I rec'd interest from someone from online...he's
this gorgeous guy...my age..and his job is professional career work
and he loves it..and he's also well travelled,speaks three languages,highly literary his masters is in linguistics..some thing like that, I think. He's also a writer and a good one!
At the time he expressed interest I was dating the mad professor and few other guys and it was holiday time and I was distracted.

We talked at least an hour on the phone...or emailed every other day...
but he'd immediately asked me out..right off.
I think I was intimidated by him,and put him off ..two weeks later he asks me out again...and once again I said I was really busy..but then I made the mistake of mentioning going to a concert and he figured out it was a date because it came up later in a fight..how he'd ask me out and I was busy with "my novel"..but he kept hearing about my being out doing that or this erplexed
up shot was....after the fight .. and two weeks of not talking..he decided to communicate and he tells me jokingly.....you're too much,K...
and asked me out again and this time I said YES....and but then he cancelled..I think he'd gotten fed up... and there was another fight and then no one was talking..and that was it.

I was so sad .. so MUCH in common...so good looking ..he was actually in a mag last fall..one of the very very few men who challenged me...he was quoting Dante or he appreciated that I am intuitive and the vibe was overwhelming spiritual & strong attraction ..he once said we were kindred spirits..he said....a lot of people "try" to be interesting..but that I was authentic..
I said really ? he said yes ..you are something special... he was so sincere about that &...honest, I just knew this had incredible potentional
so I was VERY said that it was disconnected ...and I was the one who'd sabotaged it.

so...l'm out with friends last week and one of my best friends said ..
how's the love life... I said ah! just so-so
and my friend who knew how about ..(we'll him call Luke)
said how about Luke?

I was shocked...I talked to my friend about many guys..I didn't think he'd remember any of them...let alone specifically mention Luke...though, I could only smh
he said THAT is the one for you ...I said really? you think?
I said I have not heard from Luke since he broke our date..and that was months ago!..my friend was adamant..GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM
I was like "oh....noooooo"

well imagine my surprise when I get out of the blue..the following week
there is an email from him!!!! He'd actually emailed it five days before I saw my friend but.... I saw it the week after

Hi, how have you been? I was in XXXX for about six weeks in January and February. I think you'd love XXXXX and especially XXXX, it's such a great city. Beautiful and interesting architecture, easy going friendly people, great outdoor cafes and general sense of the bohemian life. It's also a place where leftist and anarchistic graffittii still has meaning-much like the lower east side in the old days of the seventies. Anyway, I hope you're well and creating wonderful things with your awesome talent.

I'm off to XXXX in May for a few weeks so I'm studying intensely right now-3 hours a day. I'm also brushing up on my XXXX! Cheers.

I emailed back..it was eight days later all together

Hi ~
It sounds like you are doing great
wow..XXX sounds really really lovely...
Cafes are my cathedrals...

How'm I? Well, nothing so exciting as your travels.
I'm waiting to hear about the novel..trying to be optimistic as the days go by.....

thanks for the kind compliment~

I saw some interesting travel writing ops..but not as a traveler per se?....but more from a perspective of an interesting person who like adventures and culture within the travel experience. I immediately thought of you..and hoped you were blogging
and/or doing something of the sort....your writing's so good

Yes, cheers!
Have a great time~


wondering
now what?

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Sounds like you guys had and are having timing issues. But it says alot that he's contacted you, it shows you that 'strong connection' you feel is real and not one-sided, and your connection may be strong enough to get over your intial hurdles. Remain positive and optimistic, perhaps your feeling of regret for 'sabotaging' will be enough to erase your fears this go around. Keep us posted!

 

[Ms_Delikate]

Hopefully he can write back and then you guys can reconnect and get it right this time...Just think about it like this "if it's meant to be it will be". Good luck!!

 

[skatergurljubulee]

Sounds promising! Stay positive. I doubt that he'd contact you repeatedly if he wasn't interested. Good luck!

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Sorry if I'm being nosey, but if you don't mind sharing when you 'fought' what did you 'fight' about? Was it over the phone or e-mail?

 

[CandiceC]

Sorry if I'm being nosey, but if you don't mind sharing when you 'fought' what did you 'fight' about? Was it over the phone or e-mail?

That's what I was wondering.

You guys seem so cordial with each other. I'm thinking What are they possibly fighting about? Lol.

Was it about you being too busy for him, but not for other things/people?

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Kayte, barring any serious issues {the disagreement}...DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY...you'll never know if you don't give it a try-keep on e-mailing!!

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I read all that and it was very interesting, but in short...go on a date with him stat!

You two seem to really jive and your fear is probably well placed, because you know he could be "the one".
If you keep letting things get in the way of ya'll getting together, time might slip away. At least get to know each other in person a few times, see how chemistry is and go from there.

 

[kayte]

you all are so right on! I've got to find my blog cas I blogged about him..and there was this intuive energy around him,...it was....beautiful....

I did feel it could be really important but I was dating a few guys and really being casual and felt like I could not handle heavy then...
maybe now..better
I so agree about timing and I wonder if he had some thoughts this being significant
as he was the one who said we connected on a kindred level or what I call soulmate
..i dunno

what did we fight about?

he accused me of being..{I hate to use this word..lol...with a straight face}
snarky.....because he did not call me right away when I asked him to and he thought I'd copped an atitude
then he said all this time I've been asking you out and you've been too busy but you are always out going to concerts...et etc ...
(but at first he reassured me he would not pressure ..we could go out on my timetable..my terms)

it also had gotten a little sexual....and I accused him of objectifying me with my own words..{I read one of my poems}

and...I said to him just because I wouldn't respond to that
you are the one being.....{I cannot use that word ..snarky} weird.
My sense was tho...there would not have been a fight if I had just gone out when he asked....cas he'd ask me out and I'd refuse
but without using names I was telling him about my dates ..that was messed up and
he did it back...he told me he was excited about going out to see Slum Dog Millionaire and I was jealous...cas I knew he was NOT going alone..and that he cld not be all that excited about SDM... he might have heard the tone in my voice
and then I got an unpleasant nasty email later..after the phone


so I should sit tight,right? see if he gets back again..
and not email anymore than I've done
I wonder if he was opening the door again?
men do not usually initiate contact..... if they are not interested ..right?

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess when he gets back from Europe it will summer
and easy and my guess is there cld be at least one date or we will start dating
really dating

I'm going to see if I can find the post from my blog abt him....
it had some interesting coincidences

ETA....
timing..I wonder if we both needed to back off ..then...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Thanks for answering. Awww...you both like each other more than you want to admit to each other. Or rather you let it out at times, and then you wanna pull it back because you feel vulnerable. Been there..

I wouldn't write him anymore until he contacts you. I don't see why he won't write you back. It just may be a matter of time.

ETA: OR if you feel that you took a long long time to respond and he may have taken it as a sign of rejection, give him a call if you don't hear from him in a reasonable time. Take that opportunity to explain that you hadn't checked your email in a few days. Try to make a fresh start.

 

[kayte]

I wouldn't write him anymore until he contacts you

You are so right Svelte.....
it's hard to be vulnerable..especially if you get excited about how much
the connection is there in common...
I liked it was going really slow
some flirting romantic stuff but more connecting in other ways


no...I won't chase him
I could not believe my friend Ken was so like ...THIS IS THE ONE
I dint even bring him up..especially as I had not even heard from him
since last year and next thing ..there's an email from him that same week!
( Kenny insists cas there is the pyschic energy)

Found my blog.......excerpted from it...the relevant stuff~


5#Living in the Overflow!
40 Day Path to God's Abundance & Prosperity thru Christmas
Posted 11-20-2008 at 04:15 PM by kayte
Updated 11-20-2008 at 04:22 PM by kayte

My thoughts
After a night of anguish I dreamt a word spelled out clear as anything Gimmel
It's 3rd letter of the hebrew alphabet and though I work in jewish schools no one has mentioned it or brought it up...

where could this have come from?
how and why? yes, my Lord is speaking.....
I looked up as many meanings for gimmel and here is something that's a little scary

This is a cleverly designed Irish Claddagh ring dating back as far as the middle ages which incorporates three rings in one. While the ring is on the finger it resembles two hands clasped, but when the ring is removed from the finger if the clasped hands are pulled apart gently they reveal a secret heart inside.
In the middle ages solemn bethrothal by means of the gimmel ring often preceded matrimony. Sometimes it was adopted by lovers who were about to separate for long periods.
Today it is used by lovers and friends alike to show their love, loyalty and friendship to each other. It is made of 3 rings (a heart and two hands) which interlock.

Here is what is a little scary about BOTH meanings..I am on challenges for speaking the Lord's word on love/marriage and on this blog for God's abundance....

I dream about gimmel only to find it represents both... and also the man who fell into my life is a firefighter who is Irish American....who I am so intense over...he called us kindred spirits..and that I was special...but looks it looks like...not sure....


So that was my blog..I'm sure I'm bein silly..trying to connect dots
so I 'll keep doing what I'm doin..
live my life ..date people and if/when he contacts me again and asks me out....
IRL is the real deal so..no more stalling...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

So that was my blog..I'm sure I'm bein silly..trying to connect dots
so I 'll keep doing what I'm doin..
live my life ..date people and if/when he contacts me again and asks me out....
IRL is the real deal so..no more stalling...

Sounds great! I don't think you're being silly, it really sounds like there is an intuitive connection going on as far as your friend mentioning him and then you hearing from him so soon after. He's probably been thinking about you just as often as you've thought about him. I hope you guys get a second chance!

 

[kayte]

He's probably been thinking about you just as often as you've thought about him. I hope you guys get a second chance!

I feel real confident about this!

I had a dream about him last night and kept trying to shrug it off
and in the dream were also the words ANSWERED PRAYER
and I almost wanted to throw up..lol

and if I do hear from him again..I get this strong feeling I suspect will ..
I'd like to have no expectations other than..

hmmmm...let's see what this is all REALLY about...
:scratchch

 

[kayte]

OR if you feel that you took a long long time to respond and he may have taken it as a sign of rejection, give him a call if you don't hear from him in a reasonable time

If you keep letting things get in the way of ya'll getting together, time might slip away.

}...DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY...you'll never know if you don't give it a try-keep on e-mailing!!

I wondered about getting back to him over a week later with no explanation
if that could misinterpreted and my ending the email saying ..yes! have a good time!
if both could be perceived a brush off?

I'm on tour next week in Tallahassee with a couple of other authors so it's a good time to be distracted so as not to obsess ..lol ..too much
I go back and forth..sure he'll be in touch...
or I'd better remind him to be in touch...lol
for the time being ..focus on me....

 

[UmSumayyah]

So the person you've actually been dating, there is an understanding that you two are not exclusive?

 

[kayte]

So the person you've actually been dating, there is an understanding that you two are not exclusive?

oh yeah~~
multi-dating ...I see a few men off and on..all along...
everyone knows...i guess it is implied
they just ask are you available and if I have a date..i just say.....umm can't
and they just choose another day

an exclusive relationship means a real serious talk.....
& leaves no doubt
that has not happened with anyone except the mad professor
ha-ha

~~not gonna ever happen w/tmp~~

 

[UmSumayyah]

I hope you live long, happily, wonderfully with the best guy for you.
Keep us updated, you know you can't share stories like that and then have silence for too long.

 

[butterfly_wings]

Sounds like you too like each other but are playing games, if you like each other then just go with the flow and don't worry too much about what others think or what he's like on paper

 

[kayte]

Keep us updated, you know you can't share stories like that and then have silence for too long

hey! I'm interested.. too..lol....how it's gonna turn out

Sounds like you too like each other but are playing games, if you like each other then just go with the flow and don't worry too much about what others think or what he's like on paper

yeah ..that's the truth..defensive games people play..
one of my best friends said last night
if you don't go out with him...if he asks..and the very next time
I'm never talking to you again...ha-ha
*I love the idea of going with flow

I hope you live long, happily, wonderfully with the best guy for you

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
what a sweet benediction ..to you too, lovely lady and your marriage
wishing you the same...a hundredfold

and I accept your blessing!!!...with whoever God places in my heart
for keepsies
~amen~

 

[kayte]

:update::update::update:

one of my dearest friends has asked and asked about this man
and each time .. I say well havent heard anything
...he says ...then YOU contact him....
I'm like..I dont chase guys...

he said at dinner together Saturday..just send an email....
..I'm intuitive...and cas he keeps insisting...
figure...just go with the flow.. shrug..

so Sunday...I email a brief one liner
...completely not expecting to hear back
it's been since April..afterall...he re-contacted me and I DID answer
8 days later,and then nothing.......

anyways this is what I sent...Sunday
Just saying hey..and wondering how your trip to Italy was
ciao
K~~

my dear friend calls tonight...and i'm like
lissen nothing happened.....he's probly with some one else ..disappointed..... but I did follow your lead
dear friend says something appropriately consoling
well..30 minutes after that call..I get an email

Hi K, it's funny, I was just thinking about you about ten minutes ago. While walking home I passed I place where I spoke to you on the phone one afternoon last autumn.

Italy was great. What's not to like about Italy; the beautiful cities, the gorgeous countryside, the art, the people, the food, the way of life.

How are you doing? Did you finally hear back from your publisher? What are you writing now? What are you reading? I'm reading a lot of modern novels this summer. Philip Roth, Dan DeLillo, Richard Price and Thomas Pynchon are my favorites so far. At some point I want to tackle Joyces, Ullysses, but maybe I'll do that in the fall.

So what is up with you? Are you enjoying your summer. Tomorrow I'm going to XXXXXX and then I'll be out in East Hampton for the rest of the week.
Would you like to meet the following week if you have time? I hope you write back soon.
P.....

I was ONLY humoring my friend by sending
that follow up email.!!!!!!

I DID NOT expect him to
answer let alone meet
but as Kewlkat said STAT

there can only be one answer as I've already blown it
twice....

so I will say yes....STAT....

nervous......
next week is a long time....
sure gonna need it..my hairrrrr

 

[kayte]

I have yet to answer him, by the way..
still stunned..

but something tells me
do NOT take 8 days to answer ..like last time

 

[hopeful]

E-mail or call back tonight. Have fun. Ooooh can't wait for the recap of this date .

 

[kayte]

Ooooh can't wait for the recap of this date

Hopeful....I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nervous
I CANNOT SLEEP....
hoping for feedback on the return email...
I'm... such a baby..... with CERTAIN men

 

[hopeful]

It will be okay. Don't worry, he's interested. You two will have a nice time.

 

[JFemme]

breathe............



Just b.r.e.a.t.h.e

 

[kayte]

breathe............

lol...
must-try-to-remember

Don't worry, he's interested

you think?

well..emailing him tonight..

keeping a healthy dose of curoisity
..dropping the school girl crush mindset
and a tiny dose...of skepticism

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

glad to see that the stone cold "grow up" girl has some actual feelings =)
you'll be fine either way men are way easier than you're making them seem i think you know that already... stop calculating so much though you're gonna drive yourself crazy!!!!