OMG..I Can't Till APL So That People Will Think I'm Mixed!

[BEAUTYU2U]

Dear Tribeless injunigro,
For those who have already witnessed your braid wearing, let them know that for years you've been in denial about your Indian heritage. Your maternal grandmother, a full blooded Indian, made a huge sacrifice by marrying a mostly black man (he had some Scottish blood somewhere down the line-you know black folks can't be 100% African, that's a death sentence)...she was isolated from her tribe and was forced to live around your black relatives.

Once your hair hits BSL, that's it. Start bubbling in "other" on official documents.

Once your hair gets Waistlength you're going to find yourself in a bit of a dilemma. Waistlength and longer opens many options for you. Don't take the bait. You'll be tempted to claim southern Italian, Greek, Indonesian, Filipino roots, but those around you will be watching closely.

Your long hair interferes with the black experience. Native Americans on the streets constantly mistake you for one of them. You can spend the rest of the night gossiping and watching western movies. Make sure you are overly sympathetic to the Native Americans in the movies. What happened to your Indian ancestors was such a shame.

 

[SmileyNY]

I'm barely BSL & very impatient!! I'm thinking about getting a super silky straight TBL weave & claiming Asian heritage. Can't wait!!! They won't know what hit em

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Well, I'm claiming French and Mongolian when I hit APL. That explains why my parents gave me a French name and the Asian genes gave me fine strands of hair. That's why MY 4a doesn't look like YOUR 4a I'm going to develop a new hobby - perfume bottle collecting - and bringing baskets of croissants to parties when I'm supposed to bring chips. When people ask about my round face and big, brown eyes I'll begin to brag about my excellent culinary skills and gourmet Mongolian dishes

 

[Naijaqueen]

Dear Tribeless injunigro,

First off I'd definitely suggest removing those braids ASAP. For those who have already witnessed your braid wearing, let them know that for years you've been in denial about your Indian heritage. Your maternal grandmother, a full blooded Indian, made a huge sacrifice by marrying a mostly black man (he had some Scottish blood somewhere down the line-you know black folks can't be 100% African, that's a death sentence)...she was isolated from her tribe and was forced to live around your black relatives. Tell them that you've finally come to terms and accepted that you are indeed not 100% black.

Now it's time to pull out all the stops.

Once your hair hits BSL, that's it. Start bubbling in "other" on official documents. Wear your hair in two "Indian style" braids and throw in some feathers for authenticity. If you have high cheekbones, wear makeup to make them look even higher. Look into using makeup to contour the nose. When people ask you if you're mixed, don't be afraid to speak up. You are black, Native American, and Scottish. But say it with a little sadness in your voice...your family history is full of so much pain. It's been a long road to accepting your mixed roots.

Once your hair gets Waistlength you're going to find yourself in a bit of a dilemma. Waistlength and longer opens many options for you. Don't take the bait. You'll be tempted to claim southern Italian, Greek, Indonesian, Filipino roots, but those around you will be watching closely. It's all about keeping your story consistent. Go get a fresh relaxer/black rinse and make sure your hair has plenty of swing. Invite your friends over and break the news. You found out you have more Indian blood than you thought. They'll all agree because there is no way a black girl could possibly have waistlength hair that moves in the wind. Break down into tears and relate to them how hard it is to be part Indian. Your long hair interferes with the black experience. Native Americans on the streets constantly mistake you for one of them. If they are good friends, they'll understand. You can spend the rest of the night gossiping and watching western movies. Make sure you are overly sympathetic to the Native Americans in the movies. What happened to your Indian ancestors was such a shame.

From that point on it's all about maintenance. You'll come across haters who will try to play Trivial Pursuit with you about your background, so make sure you can get choked up on queue while whispering "I don't want to talk about it, it's too painful". When other shorter-haired black women speak up about being part Indian, swing your hair from one shoulder to the next and ask "what tribe?" The long hair flip is very intimidating because it gives you power in the situation. You have long hair and you're part Indian, those other non-important females best sit down somewhere. You shouldn't have to deal with that, you're MIXED!

This thread has me cracking up!! I miss LHCF, havent been on in a while, used to rock on here back in my hay day hehe my hair has long suffered from my absence (starting afresh) and now *gulp" everyone can kinda guess that I'm 100% Nigerian!erplexed Gosh! Well like most say, I dont look it, but you see I'm trying to get in touch with my real roots.

Ok enough about the problem, now to the solution
my complexion is a bit on the lighter side, apparently my great-grand mother was super high yellow, but my dad done stole what was left before it got to me! Dude tells me folks be thinking he Trini! You know never Jamaican (for him thats too close to home) What an upgrade! From African to Caribbean lol, maybe now I can go even higher, with long hair even Donald Trump will believe I'm American, u know for him African means a baldie with a black face...its a hard knock life spelling out my name every darn time!
I'm trying to take my family flag a step higher, you know. This is for family! Help a sister out people!!

 

[Naijaqueen]

RED RIOT'S GUIDE TO PASSING FOR MIXED: For those of the clearly "nigro" variety

As long as your hair is SL or longer, length isn't the key. It's about how straight you can get them edges. LADIES, don't ruin your chances of being mistaken for other by not hitting those edges! Even butt length hair will get you thrown into the nigro category if those edges are of the taco meat variety.

Naturals! Listen up! You have to define those curls just right. You don't have to have much hair at all, as long as you keep up with the coconut/lime, caramel, and henna treatments--your curls will scream PART BLACKFOOT!

Lastly, if you want to go the Indian route, make sure you choose the right tribe. Lighter skin ladies can choose Cherokee, but if you are dark make sure you choose a darker Indian tribe. Mixing up tribes can be embarrassing. Make sure you have a good story to account for a wide nose and full lips if the face isn't as "exotic" as the hair. It helps if inquiring parties have never seen your parents, one must keep the "mixed" or "not black" parent in hiding, people will question your "mixedness" even more if your parents looks like Fantasia and Djimon Honsou. For Example: My father is [insert darker Indian tribe here]--but my mother is mostly of the Alek Wek variety. See, you get your facial features from your African side, but your father isn't black at all, so CONGRATS you're mixed!


Stay tuned for Part II: What to do about the childhood pictures that show you and your Ms. Ciely braids from 3rd grade.

and Part III: What to do about the future children

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Yeah..do everything stated and then you still get asked if it's a weave.

 

[allmundjoi]

At APL, I am an island girl mixed w/Native American. Wait, what's Chilli? Oh yea, her daddy is West Indian and momma's part NA. And I think Stacy Dash is part West Indian/NA too. My ancestry should have a couple twists. Now I dont want to make it to complicated, but a more complex mix makes it more believeable. You go to complex, like add Irish and Cambodian, and believers become non-believers. Maybe I'll add my ancestors were Moors too (everyone one acts like they know what a Moor is cause the watched Morgan Freeman and Laurence Fishburne play one).

My smooth dark skin (w/red undertones), long dark lashes, narrow nose (it ain't a black nose-crap, this thread might go poof) and fine shiny black side burns (dont judge me) seem to scream, 'she's exotic!' (now they will have to ignore my nonexistent hips, some what broad shoulders, and insanely muscular legs (esp calves) which scream more 'she's transgender', but that's another thread). Couple that w/APL, and folks will be yelling at me, 'Eh, mun. Det is uh det is uh det, daylight cum n me wanna go home' then put their hand to their mouth repeatedly while making that 'awawawawa' sound (I think its called whooping).

Yep, APL is my ticket away from bring an average black women, 'cause, Lawd knows, none of us want to be.

ETAretending to be delusional is draining. How do folks do it? FYI, I am 100% black (taken from another current thread). Lol.

Sent from my DROIDX

 

[BostonMaria]

Really?
I thought you were an old head.

At this point yes. Back in 2008 nope. Three years ago I'd join in the convo and nobody would reply to me ahahaha

Now that my hair is long and I make believe I'm a mixture of Pakistani and Somalian, nobody can tell me NUTHIN!


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

i forgot how funny this thread was.

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

Well hell, I'll be able to just skip the BS and claim Octoroon Status, LMAO.

ETA:
oc·to·roon/ˌäktəˈro͞on/
Noun: A person whose parents are a quadroon and a white person and who is therefore one-eighth black by descent.