Okay so I locked my fotki...

[DragonPearl]

Im glad that you added this here. Because the reality is that it happened, BmoreFlygirl was hurt/frustrated (and rightfully so).....but I dont see a reason why this situation cant be repaired by a simple apology. We have spent several pages expressing our sympathy for the situation, and in essence, criticizing the person who did it (who is right here in this thread, and commented on the first page). Im sure that, by this point (and after reading all this), Meka is aware that what she did is wrong, and is appropriately remorseful, and probably quite embarassed.

I just hope that after this dies down we can move forward and forgive. Both BmoreFlyGirl and Meka are part of the community/family. Part of being in any family is making mistakes, learning from them, and being able to get past it. I just hope that we can do that here.

This is one of the most enlightened and positive posts I have ever read on LHCF or on any hairsite for that matter.

 

[Zeal]

Whatever! That's my business. I really didn't think that the makeup forum needed to know that I have a weave. It was irrelevant! I was a post about MAKEUP. When other people ask about my hair I don't give up information because I don't feel like explaining.

I know the feeling.

Sometimes it's just easier for all parties involved to smile and nod.

This is very true. We as black women . I am not saying all. But we really need to stopdoing things like this. A lady of another persuasion asked be during job interview Is that "all" your hair. I was like yes. I think that is the most ignorant question to ask someone. What difference does it make? Now that you know it is a weave, what now? How do you feel? I don't know the entire issue. However, if you don't know me like that, you have no right to ask me about my hair. I also thought it was an unwritten rule that we only discuss thes types of thing among each other.

It wasn't your place to take the link to my fotki from here to someone else on another board. You were out of line and that was an invasion of MY privacy. What are you the truth keeper? And it wasn't what she said it was how she said it. It was a backwards compliment which isn't really a compliment at all. She should have just said it looked nice and kept it moving. If someone really wanted to know about the hair that bad, they could have PMED me and asked me about it. Not ask me in public on a forum. Do you walk up to people in the mall and ask what kind of weave that is. No because that's rude and distasteful. And for you to go out of your way to show her my fotki and make that bwahahaha comment makes me think that you did it maliciously like you had something to prove. Quite a few people here have pmed me about weaves and my hair and I don't mind. I always answer questions. We're all here trying to achieve similar goals and my hair goals are a private matter of my own. And I assumed that that information would stay on this board. But I guess not. Now I see why people are leery of posting pictures and lock their fotkis.

I am so sorry that this happened. Just shake it off as one of those things and keep going. I know that you will be annoyed for a while. But "this too shall pass"

Let's do the right thing and forgive her. It is between her and God now.

 

[hopeful]

What if she isn't sorry? What if she enjoyed embarrassing and "outing" the OP? Then what? I used to be optimistic about situations like these, but I've found that often when people do things like this to someone the hurt was not accidental, but intentional. I hope I am wrong.

 

[secretdiamond]

Kewl.

Dont get me wrong, I am just as disappointed by this, and just as sympathetic as the next person.... but this public flogging was getting out of hand. Meka is still a part of the LHCF Family.... in this situation, she just exercised poor judgment and messed up. It happens.

BmoreFlyGirl, again, I want to extend my remorse that this happened. I am sure you felt quite violated and angry when this happened, and rightfully so. I dont mean to take that away from you, or invalidate your feelings. But at the same time, Im just trying to be diplomatic and play peace-maker up in here.

That was wonderful of you Kinikakes!

And even if she is not sorry, I'm sure people (in general) will hesitate to do something like this in the future as we all see how this can hurt someone, even if the intent wasn't to hurt.

& I guess like someone else said, there's nothing we can really do now as what's done is done, but we can move on.

 

[Mystic]

Damn, this thread is so mature. Very inspiring!

 

[Denim And Leather]

I just hope that after this dies down we can move forward and forgive. Both BmoreFlyGirl and Meka are part of the community/family. Part of being in any family is making mistakes, learning from them, and being able to get past it. I just hope that we can do that here.

Very well put!

 

[Plenty]

Whatever! That's my business. I really didn't think that the makeup forum needed to know that I have a weave. It was irrelevant! I was a post about MAKEUP. When other people ask about my hair I don't give up information because I don't feel like explaining. Sometimes it's just easier for all parties involved to smile and nod. It wasn't your place to take the link to my fotki from here to show to someone else on another board. You were out of line and that was an invasion of MY privacy. What are you the truth keeper? And it wasn't what she said it was how she said it. It was a backwards compliment which isn't really a compliment at all. She should have just said it looked nice and kept it moving. If someone really wanted to know about the hair that bad, they could have PMED me and asked me about it. Not ask me in public on a forum. Do you walk up to people in the mall and ask what kind of weave that is. No because that's rude and distasteful. And for you to go out of your way to show her my fotki and make that bwahahaha comment makes me think that you did it maliciously like you had something to prove. Quite a few people here have pmed me about weaves and my hair and I don't mind. I always answer questions. We're all here trying to achieve similar goals and my hair goals are a private matter of my own. And I assumed that that information would stay on this board. But I guess not. Now I see why people are leery of posting pictures and lock their fotkis.

Sorry you have haters. However, it looks like you don't have anything to worry about. Some people are just so insecure and stupid. It's amost laughable and embarrasing! Heehe!

 

[Plenty]

What if she isn't sorry? What if she enjoyed embarrassing and "outing" the OP? Then what? I used to be optimistic about situations like these, but I've found that often when people do things like this to someone the hurt was not accidental, but intentional. I hope I am wrong.

no, I doubt it...

 

[glamazon386]

What if she isn't sorry? What if she enjoyed embarrassing and "outing" the OP? Then what? I used to be optimistic about situations like these, but I've found that often when people do things like this to someone the hurt was not accidental, but intentional. I hope I am wrong.

Thanks all of you ladies for your kind words. I really appreciate them. I plan on keeping my fotki locked for a while. For some reason I thought that no one would be checking up on little old me and it wouldn't hurt to have a fotki. I assumed that info would not leave this board. And you would think that a member of this board of all people would respect that. I know that there are many ladies here who keep their hair goals and even this site to themselves for various reasons. I don't discuss my hair in mixed company. Hell I don't even discuss it with my friends and fam most of the time. They just dont need to know. But I agree with you hopeful, she isn't sorry and hasn't had anything else to say about the matter besides I digress. After all this backlash you think she'd at least apologize. She was dead wrong but I get the feeling that she doesn't think that she's done anything wrong. Like it was her duty to out me. Whatever. She was all big and bad earlier when she had the guts to out me but now all the sudden she has nothing to say? Where is she? Go figure? It wasn't accidental it was intentional. What good could have come out of her giving my fotki link to someone only for that person to post it and then for her to make a post saying bwahahahaha why do people have to lie? That was ignorant and distasteful in my opinion. How old are we? Grow up! I'm merely a baby. I just turned 20 years old a few months ago and I'm above this petty nonsense. I try my best to get along with everyone. Some people just don't make it that easy...

ETA: I just went back to the makeup forum and I see that the mods have removed all of those posts from the thread. That makes me feel a bit better.

 

[meka]

Thanks all of you ladies for your kind words. I really appreciate them. I plan on keeping my fotki locked for a while. For some reason I thought that no one would be checking up on little old me and it wouldn't hurt to have a fotki. I assumed that info would not leave this board. And you would think that a member of this board of all people would respect that. I know that there are many ladies here who keep their hair goals and even this site to themselves for various reasons. I don't discuss my hair in mixed company. Hell I don't even discuss it with my friends and fam most of the time. They just dont need to know. But I agree with you hopeful, she isn't sorry and hasn't had anything else to say about the matter besides I digress. After all this backlash you think she'd at least apologize. She was dead wrong but I get the feeling that she doesn't think so. She had the guts to out me but now all the sudden she has nothing to say? Go figure? It wasn't accidental it was intentional. What good could have come out of her giving my fotki link to someone only for that person to post it and then for her to make a post saying bwahahahaha why do people have to lie? That was ignorant and distasteful in my opinion. How old are we? Grow up!

Actually, Im not the type to go back and forth about any issue. I could care less that no one here likes or agrees with me. Like you said, it's just the net. I said what I wanted to say to you already, no need to keep coming back and going to battle. It's just the net. Would you have been this upset if the person who "outed" you was really the girl you told it was your hair. What if she did search for you on google? And I am not a hater. I have no reason to be. The weave is pretty, and I said that but I just thought that when people asked questions about hair, people responded truthfully whether it was on a board about makeup or whatever. But I guess not.....
If you thought her question was rude, you could have chose not to answer it and just kept it about makeup but you chose to get an attitude with the girl for having the audacity to think it was not yours b/c you were black. That was not her intention. Everytime a woman of color gets asked about her hair by someone who is not black or another minority, they get pissed. But with the net the way that it is, anyone can find out anything about anybody. Would you have been upset had I asked you whether it was your hair? I doubt it..........
But then in the thread everyone kept telling you how beautiful your hair was and then you proceeded to tell them that they would not be happy with it b/c it is a frizz ball so they really should not wish they had your hair. But it is yours if you bought it and that is ok. I wear weave also, but when people ask me if I wear a weave, I tell them the truth. But I digress

This board is so fickle at times, we will talk about whether Jada's hair is real or not, put people on blast, and everything else, but when it is one of us, it's a problem. I could care less what people say about me on the net, b/c just as you said, you will probably never meet any of them anyway. But I don't know why some of you ladies pick some people to death (Lenzi's Request, doubting people's hair lenght b/c they don't have photos, etc.) but get mad when one of you are supposedly brought out about something. You say LHCF is family, so why lie? Regardless of where you are.....

 

[glamazon386]

Actually, Im not the type to go back and forth about any issue. I could care less that no one here likes or agrees with me. Like you said, it's just the net. I said what I wanted to say to you already, no need to keep coming back and going to battle. It's just the net. Would you have been this upset if the person who "outed" you was really the girl you told it was your hair. What if she did search for you on google? And I am not a hater. I have no reason to be. The weave is pretty, and I said that but I just thought that when people asked questions about hair, people responded truthfully whether it was on a board about makeup or whatever. But I guess not.....
If you thought her question was rude, you could have chose not to answer it and just kept it about makeup but you chose to get an attitude with the girl for having the audacity to think it was not yours b/c you were black. That was not her intention. Everytime a woman of color gets asked about her hair by someone who is not black or another minority, they get pissed. But with the net the way that it is, anyone can find out anything about anybody. Would you have been upset had I asked you whether it was your hair? I doubt it..........
But then in the thread everyone kept telling you how beautiful your hair was and then you proceeded to tell them that they would not be happy with it b/c it is a frizz ball so they really should not wish they had your hair. But it is yours if you bought it and that is ok. I wear weave also, but when people ask me if I wear a weave, I tell them the truth. But I digress

This board is so fickle at times, we will talk about whether Jada's hair is real or not, put people on blast, and everything else, but when it is one of us, it's a problem. I could care less what people say about me on the net, b/c just as you said, you will probably never meet any of them anyway. But I don't know why some of you ladies pick some people to death (Lenzi's Request, doubting people's hair lenght b/c they don't have photos, etc.) but get mad when one of you are supposedly brought out about something. You say LHCF is family, so why lie? Regardless of where you are.....

Yes, I would have been mad if she had outed me. I don't care who it was. I don't care if it was my own mama. It's my head and therefore it is my business and no one elses. Just because you tell people your hair is weave when they ask doesn't mean that everyone else does. I've never actually had anyone come up to me and flat out ask is that weave. They always kind of dance around it and ask where I get my hair done or something like that. If I wanna tell, I do. If I don't, then I don't tell. That's my prerogative. And if I didn't want to reveal the type of hair, so what. Some people don't reveal where they buy their clothing. I don't want everyone walking around Baltimore with my weave. However, the hair forum is a different issue. Ladies here are comfortable enough to share their secrets, regimens, and products and I've learned a lot from the members here. It's only right for me to provide information to anyone who might benefit from it Outside of this forum I don't really share hair info with anyone and I'm sure I'm not the only person here who doesn't. And I'm sorry but I don't pick people apart. Maybe other people on this board do on some occasions, but I don't. I've never maliciously attacked anyone here on this board or any other board. There are some products and practices discussed on this board that I wouldn't do to my own head but for those that do that isn't any of my business. But to the rest of the ladies who choose to do whatever, go ahead and do what you feel is best for you. I've never had a negative experience in the whole year that I've been here until now. And it was totally unneccessary regardless of how you feel about it.

 

[Cinnabuns]

I really like your hair bmoreflyygirl and always have. I stalk your album allot.

 

[KiniKakes]

Actually, Im not the type to go back and forth about any issue. I could care less that no one here likes or agrees with me. Like you said, it's just the net. I said what I wanted to say to you already, no need to keep coming back and going to battle. It's just the net. Would you have been this upset if the person who "outed" you was really the girl you told it was your hair. What if she did search for you on google? And I am not a hater. I have no reason to be. The weave is pretty, and I said that but I just thought that when people asked questions about hair, people responded truthfully whether it was on a board about makeup or whatever. But I guess not.....
If you thought her question was rude, you could have chose not to answer it and just kept it about makeup but you chose to get an attitude with the girl for having the audacity to think it was not yours b/c you were black. That was not her intention. Everytime a woman of color gets asked about her hair by someone who is not black or another minority, they get pissed. But with the net the way that it is, anyone can find out anything about anybody. Would you have been upset had I asked you whether it was your hair? I doubt it..........
But then in the thread everyone kept telling you how beautiful your hair was and then you proceeded to tell them that they would not be happy with it b/c it is a frizz ball so they really should not wish they had your hair. But it is yours if you bought it and that is ok. I wear weave also, but when people ask me if I wear a weave, I tell them the truth. But I digress

This board is so fickle at times, we will talk about whether Jada's hair is real or not, put people on blast, and everything else, but when it is one of us, it's a problem. I could care less what people say about me on the net, b/c just as you said, you will probably never meet any of them anyway. But I don't know why some of you ladies pick some people to death (Lenzi's Request, doubting people's hair lenght b/c they don't have photos, etc.) but get mad when one of you are supposedly brought out about something. You say LHCF is family, so why lie? Regardless of where you are.....

If I might add my $19.13.....

I think that the bigger picture here is that folks on LHCF with Fokti's are now feeling a bit unsafe. This has always been a place of trust, mutual respect, and camraderie. And I think that sharing the link to another member's Fokti on another board, in a mocking "See, this isnt her hair and I can prove it. Bwahaha" way, has caused ppl to feel uncomfortable. So.... if BmoreFlyGirl is coming off "harsh" to you at all, and if other ppl's comments appear that way to you as well, i think it is because ppl are feeling betrayed, in a sense.

I tried earlier to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seemed that ppl were coming down on you kind of hard for what I deemed an innocent mistake. But you dont seem to regret what you've done. Instead of going back and forth, and trying to justify your actions, I would have expected a sincere apology. Because again, whether BmoreGirl was right or wrong for not being open about whether the hair was her own, is not the issue.... the issue is that it wasnt your place to reveal that information. And when you did that, you hurt and embarassed her.

With that being said, I just hope that, from here on out, everyone understands and respects that what we discuss and share on LHCF (be it pictures, personal stories, etc.) should really stay here. I hope we can at LEAST agree on that point and move forward.

 

[Supergirl]

Please no one slap me, but I am going to be the oddball and say that I kind of understand where Meka is coming from. (ducking)

With that said, I will also say to bmorefly that the hair is very pretty and I've been admiring it in your siggy pic. Why do you feel "outed?" Are you embarrassed that the weave is not your real hair? Did you want others to believe it was your real hair and if so why? Maybe I am ignorant in this area.

 

[MrsQueeny]

Please no one slap me, but I am going to be the oddball and say that I kind of understand where Meka is coming from. (ducking)

With that said, I will also say to bmorefly that the hair is very pretty and I've been admiring it in your siggy pic. Why do you feel "outed?" Are you embarrassed that the weave is not your real hair? Did you want others to believe it was your real hair and if so why? Maybe I am ignorant in this area.

I agree, ducking with SG. I also think it speaks volumes that she posted it was her and not just leave you to think it was some random person. Q

ETA: None of us were there except the 2 ladies so we really don't know what was said, done, or the intent behind it. I just hope we can move on. Q

 

[patient1]

Meka,

I think if you search your heart you will find your own reasons for issuing an apology. I'm your sort. I'm very open and there's not much that I won't reveal. I've never worn a weave but I've rocked extensions. When I wear kinky twists the style is sometimes mistaken as my own and I always correct the mistake. HOWEVER, everyone is not that sort and we have to respect that.

Beyond that though...there's a bigger picture and a bigger lesson. When someone expresses hurt by our actions, we have to learn to accept that they are HURT...no matter what our intentions. I learned this a long time ago in a more personal meaningful way than the internet. Until we accept another's hurt, then there will be no meaningful communication...no forgiveness. It doesn't matter who was wrong or right. Attempts to be right are futile.

Bmore,

Forgiveness is not dependent on an apology being issued AND more importantly forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It is simply a letting go NOT and endorsement of the hurtful behavior. I think there are some lessons here for you in this situation as well that have nothing to do with Meka. Release it for yourself so that you won't be bound to the hurt and disappointment of it all. At 20 there are things that will roll off your back when you get another decade or 2. I remember 20....sorta (LOL) so please don't think I'm minimizing your pain. Just know that it gets easier and we learn to have different expectations from strangers.

Love to you both. Cause I know you're both hurting in your own ways. It'll be better tomorrow. Let me take my behind to bed.

All said with loving intentions,
p1

 

[ThinNnappy]

Please no one slap me, but I am going to be the oddball and say that I kind of understand where Meka is coming from. (ducking)

With that said, I will also say to bmorefly that the hair is very pretty and I've been admiring it in your siggy pic. Why do you feel "outed?" Are you embarrassed that the weave is not your real hair? Did you want others to believe it was your real hair and if so why? Maybe I am ignorant in this area.

She said it was the way the girl asked her, and that the girl that can not bennifit at all and wouldnt really understand about our type of hair, and was just asking her was it her hair just to be snotty. She probally told her that it was her real hair to prove the girl of the other race wrong that was trying to say in her little question that it wasnt her hair-i think the other girl said that "hair is pretty if its hers" or something. I know i wouldnt lie, i would just say none of your buissness or maybe. The one girl should have left it at that, i think it was kind of ignorant like "no she lying thats not hers" But oh well.....

 

[Sistaslick]

patient1, you said that girl. you said that

 

[meka]

She said it was the way the girl asked her, and that the girl that can not bennifit at all and wouldnt really understand about our type of hair, and was just asking her was it her hair just to be snotty. She probally told her that it was her real hair to prove the girl of the other race wrong that was trying to say in her little question that it wasnt her hair-i think the other girl said that "hair is pretty if its hers" or something. I know i wouldnt lie, i would just say none of your buissness or maybe. The one girl should have left it at that, i think it was kind of ignorant like "no she lying thats not hers" But oh well.....

Actually the girl said "ohmigod your hair is beautiful and I will die from jealousy if it is all your, curly like that". I actually know the girl who asked her and she is Samoan and always asks me about weaves b/c she wants one herself. But anyway...........

 

[shawniegee]

Meka,

I think if you search your heart you will find your own reasons for issuing an apology. I'm your sort. I'm very open and there's not much that I won't reveal. I've never worn a weave but I've rocked extensions. When I wear kinky twists the style is sometimes mistaken as my own and I always correct the mistake. HOWEVER, everyone is not that sort and we have to respect that.

Beyond that though...there's a bigger picture and a bigger lesson. When someone expresses hurt by our actions, we have to learn to accept that they are HURT...no matter what our intentions. I learned this a long time ago in a more personal meaningful way than the internet. Until we accept another's hurt, then there will be no meaningful communication...no forgiveness. It doesn't matter who was wrong or right. Attempts to be right are futile.

Bmore,

Forgiveness is not dependent on an apology being issued AND more importantly forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It is simply a letting go NOT and endorsement of the hurtful behavior. I think there are some lessons here for you in this situation as well that have nothing to do with Meka. Release it for yourself so that you won't be bound to the hurt and disappointment of it all. At 20 there are things that will roll off your back when you get another decade or 2. I remember 20....sorta (LOL) so please don't think I'm minimizing your pain. Just know that it gets easier and we learn to have different expectations from strangers.

Love to you both. Cause I know you're both hurting in your own ways. It'll be better tomorrow. Let me take my behind to bed.

All said with loving intentions,
p1

Very well put! We can all learn something from this post!

 

[MizaniMami]

If I might add my $19.13.....

I think that the bigger picture here is that folks on LHCF with Fokti's are now feeling a bit unsafe. This has always been a place of trust, mutual respect, and camraderie. And I think that sharing the link to another member's Fokti on another board, in a mocking "See, this isnt her hair and I can prove it. Bwahaha" way, has caused ppl to feel uncomfortable. So.... if BmoreFlyGirl is coming off "harsh" to you at all, and if other ppl's comments appear that way to you as well, i think it is because ppl are feeling betrayed, in a sense.

I tried earlier to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seemed that ppl were coming down on you kind of hard for what I deemed an innocent mistake. But you dont seem to regret what you've done. Instead of going back and forth, and trying to justify your actions, I would have expected a sincere apology. Because again, whether BmoreGirl was right or wrong for not being open about whether the hair was her own, is not the issue.... the issue is that it wasnt your place to reveal that information. And when you did that, you hurt and embarassed her.

With that being said, I just hope that, from here on out, everyone understands and respects that what we discuss and share on LHCF (be it pictures, personal stories, etc.) should really stay here. I hope we can at LEAST agree on that point and move forward.

And what is she (meka) isn't sorry? Should she just give a fake apology just to make Bmore feel better?

Though I don't see what the big deal is about this whole situation, I don't think she owes no one an apology if she feel it isn't justified. There is NOTHING wrong with standing by what you believe, be it at the disgrace of others or not. If you don't stand for something you will fall for everything...

This reminds me of elem. school. If you hurt someone's feeling apologize to them and make it all better. Pure B.S.

 

[asubeauty]

And what is she (meka) isn't sorry? Should she just give a fake apology just to make Bmore feel better?

Though I don't see what the big deal is about this whole situation, I don't think she owes no one an apology if she feel it isn't justified. There is NOTHING wrong with standing by what you believe, be it at the disgrace of others or not. If you don't stand for something you will fall for everything...

This reminds me of elem. school. If you hurt someone's feeling apologize to them and make it all better. Pure B.S.

I don't think that my soror was saying that she should just offer an apology to rectify the situation, that's just what she would have expected.

Even if she didn't feel as if her actions were wrong, she could offer an apology for the effect her actions had on another person. There is nothing wrong with saying "Although I don't see what was wrong with my actions, I apologize because they hurt you."

And if she isn't remorseful because she hurt someone, I just don't know what to say.

 

[Candy_C]

I didn't want to "out" you. But when the girl stated that your hair was beautiful and she would be jealous if it was yours, you replied like it really grew out of your scalp. Everyone thought it was beautiful and i feel like people should share the information b/c some even wanted to know how to get their hair like that. But you seemed to get a little miffed at her question and I know her and trust me your ethnicity was not an issue. I am not trying to start anything here but why state that it is a weave here but get mad when another board asks you if it is real. Would you have gotten as mad if it was someone here vs someone over there on a mainly Caucasian makeup board?

you know what, i understand ya both. one day somebody said to me "YOUR HAIR IS WEAVE" it got me mad because i thought omg what it every1 else thinks its weave?! to me that really offended me.

but, i understand Meka. really, i dont see the big deal. dont mean to be nasty but it is weave, you know its weave etc. and if somebody thinks your hair is real isn't it fair to let them know it isn't WHEN they are looking at your fotki for advice and inspiration.

ok i put it like this, what if somebody was really inspired somebodys hair, its long thick and beautiful looking only to find out its not their hair at all...

your subject says "outed" therefore it was a secret. Being outed means revealed asif it was a secret. and i know you feel your privacy wa sinvaded by the link being posted, but then shouldn't your fotki be locked in the first place, this is the internet, of course if you have pics of yourself on this WWW its gonna be seen by people u dont know, word will spread. locking your fotki is wise, i locked mine, i dont want any foolery about my hair getting to me. You need to understand why she said this to you, i dont think she meant it to offend you, wouldn't she conceal her identity if she was being maliscious??

 

[Candy_C]

I don't think that my soror was saying that she should just offer an apology to rectify the situation, that's just what she would have expected.

Even if she didn't feel as if her actions were wrong, she could offer an apology for the effect her actions had on another person. There is nothing wrong with saying "Although I don't see what was wrong with my actions, I apologize because they hurt you."

And if she isn't remorseful because she hurt someone, I just don't know what to say.

yes, thats wise. if i said something like that and didn't intend to offend..and it DID then i would say sorry out of courtesy. i am respectful enough to apologise if i hurt some unintentionally...everyone is different pride can burn you and Meka not saying sorry, maybe she shouldn't have to cuz she didn't see herself doing any wrong, but out of manners its for the best so this issue can be solved. and i'm not taking sides, i'm on my side..

 

[MizaniMami]

I don't think that my soror was saying that she should just offer an apology to rectify the situation, that's just what she would have expected.

Even if she didn't feel as if her actions were wrong, she could offer an apology for the effect her actions had on another person. There is nothing wrong with saying "Although I don't see what was wrong with my actions, I apologize because they hurt you."

And if she isn't remorseful because she hurt someone, I just don't know what to say.

That's just the thing. I don't think she is sorry. And personally, I don't see nothing wrong with it. *In my opinion* people are oversensitizing this whole thing. So what's an apology if she don't mean it?

I just don't understand, what is really the concern here. The fact that she was called out? The fact that she was embarassed in front of white members (someone mentioned race)? Or if she was embarassed that it was a weave?

 

[glamazon386]

I'm not embarassed that my hair was a weave. I'm currently wearing a weave to give my hair a rest and to help me reach my goals. Some people think it's because I'm baldheaded or whatever but I don't pay them no mind. Once I reach my goal, they'll see that it paid off. Actually I wasn't embarrassed at all I was just pissed that someone went out of their way to do that and invaded my privacy in the process. My hair is none of their business. I just didn't feel like the makeup forum needed to know about my hair. We were not there to discuss hair. If it had been a white girl posting would anyone have asked if that was her real hair? I seriously doubt it. Like I said before, someone's hair is a personal matter and I don't discuss it in mixed company period. Just like when white people at work make comments I just smile and nod. I don't feel like explaining to them the specifics because then it turns into a ton of questions. So its not real? Well what is it? Well how is it in there? Well how much does it cost? Can you take it off? I don't feel like going through all of that.

This hair is a unique find for me and is a part of my look for modeling. Therefore I don't want to reveal info about it because I don't want other people stealing my look. If they find it out on their own, then that's one thing. But I'm not giving up all my secrets. I don't think that's in my best interests. And with this particular hair, people ask me about it ALL DAY LONG. I'm just tired of answering questions about it. I just smile and nod so to speak. I'm guessing that people just can't figure it out. It's not a dead giveaway that it's a weave because the front blends so well. My own brother asked me the other day and he knows damn well what my hair looks like. Personally, I can spot a weave a mile away even if it is a good one. But I would never say anything about it out loud to the person. I would just compliment them by saying their hair looks nice or something like that. That's just rude.

So unless it is someone here I don't reveal info about my hair. And people generally don't ask if it is real upfront like I stated before. They'll just say oh your hair is pretty. It's not about me being ashamed its about me not wanting people all in my business. Wouldn't you be offended if someone walked up to you and asked if you were wearing a push up bra or something? IMO, that's personal info. And if someone chooses not to reveal that personal info about themself, then that is their prerogative. The whole point of this was that she invaded my privacy. Not that she outed me. She didn't just tell the woman oh that's a weave she gave her the link to my fokti which the woman then posted and said something like well I just assumed because here (link) you have galleries with your real hair. She didn't leave it at oh she has a weave. If that woman was so interested in a weave, why wasn't she just directed to the forum or why didn't she pm me and ask me about it personally? If she hadn't given me that backwards ass comment maybe I would have given her the info. She never asked me for it. If someone came at you side ways and rude about your hair would you be so willing to give up information? I don't think so. It's all in your approach. When you want to know something or want something from someone you have to be nice right? Do you think that if someone asked Beyonce about wearing a lacefront wig on tv she would say yeah I'm wearing a wig and I bought it at such and such place. Nope. The industry isn't even talking about those wigs yet. They're still saying they're wearing weaves. Or what about hair mags who don't say the women in the pictures are wearing weaves. We don't have a problem with that do we? No. You don't discuss weaves freely in public and especially in mixed company. It's still a little taboo even though many people wear them.

Nothing positive has come out of this situation. Well actually, I take that back. I took my frustration out on my motorcycle photo shoot last night and my pictures came out fab! I'm just waiting for the edited copies to come back. So I guess I can say thanks to Meka for that one.

 

[Tresses]

Bottom line is homegirl violated by putting you on blast. Then she threw salt to the wound by posting a link to your fotki. Its one thing to tell the secrets, then to show proof. Come on now, why did you do that? What did you have to gain?

Thats sad!

 

[glamazon386]

you know what, i understand ya both. one day somebody said to me "YOUR HAIR IS WEAVE" it got me mad because i thought omg what it every1 else thinks its weave?! to me that really offended me.

but, i understand Meka. really, i dont see the big deal. dont mean to be nasty but it is weave, you know its weave etc. and if somebody thinks your hair is real isn't it fair to let them know it isn't WHEN they are looking at your fotki for advice and inspiration.

ok i put it like this, what if somebody was really inspired somebodys hair, its long thick and beautiful looking only to find out its not their hair at all...

your subject says "outed" therefore it was a secret. Being outed means revealed asif it was a secret. and i know you feel your privacy wa sinvaded by the link being posted, but then shouldn't your fotki be locked in the first place, this is the internet, of course if you have pics of yourself on this WWW its gonna be seen by people u dont know, word will spread. locking your fotki is wise, i locked mine, i dont want any foolery about my hair getting to me. You need to understand why she said this to you, i dont think she meant it to offend you, wouldn't she conceal her identity if she was being maliscious??[/QUOTE]

Not necessarily. Not if she wanted it to be known that she was the one who said it. Was Superhead anonymous when she let all that info out about those men in the industry? Especially those that were married with kids? No. Because she was out for personal gain. What was Meka's goal?

but, i understand Meka. really, i dont see the big deal. dont mean to be nasty but it is weave, you know its weave etc. and if somebody thinks your hair is real isn't it fair to let them know it isn't WHEN they are looking at your fotki for advice and inspiration.

Candy C, I also understand what you're saying here but the fact is that woman was not a part of this board and knew nothing about the fotki. Meka took it upon herself and gave her the link to it. I was on a makeup board. My hair was totally irrelevant to the post. And that is where my problem lies. With the invasion of privacy.

 

[LaNecia]

O.T. Meka, I love the pic of your little girl in your siggy! She's too cute!!

 

[Cooyah]

I believe the lesson to learned from this is to NOT leave your Fotki unlocked, I did it for one day and that was it, I was going through someone else's from NP and some really nasty comments were left. After that, it was password city.

I know it's the WWW but no one here has a right to post a link to my personal pictures to ANYONE at ANYTIME without my permission. It's about what little privacy the internet provides us. I'll miss looking at your fotki Bmore, I learned about giving my hair a rest with sew in's because of it. and reneice, though I can't ever go to her, she does great work.

Ladies, I know we feel safe posting our links in our siggies, but remember people browsing can look at our siggies as well and post links to their friends or family. I know it's a pain looking for passwords but better to be safe than sorry.

cooyah