Not ready for a relationship

[26INCHHAIR]

What do you do if a man says that hes not ready for a relationship? Does that mean that he may be tryin to play me? or does that mean that he may not be ready for one. As far as the guys personality goes, hes a pretty nice guy and I dont think that he is a male ho or anything like that. PS we have been talking on and off since april of 2007.

 

[CarLiTa]

oh no no...april? that was 6 months ago!

if he says he isn't ready, then it sounds like what he might be trying to say is: I still wnat to go out with you from time to time when I feel like it, and hopefully you will give up the nookie while you wait for me to me commit, and then it will never happen.

such a sad world out there...
sorry to be harsh... but 6 months?? I think it is time to end whatever you two have going on... or at least that's what I would do.

 

[Laginappe]

What do you do if a man says that hes not ready for a relationship? Does that mean that he may be tryin to play me? or does that mean that he may not be ready for one. As far as the guys personality goes, hes a pretty nice guy and I dont think that he is a male ho or anything like that. PS we have been talking on and off since april of 2007.

Believe him and act accordingly.

It doesn't neccessarily mean he's trying to play you. It may mean he thinks you're ok to fun around with but not get serious with. And that's ok. As long as you're not putting too much effort and attention towards him.

Keep it light and keep it moving.

 

[Aveena]

When a man tells me something like that.......I believe him.

 

[Much2much41]

What do you do if a man says that hes not ready for a relationship? Does that mean that he may be tryin to play me? or does that mean that he may not be ready for one. As far as the guys personality goes, hes a pretty nice guy and I dont think that he is a male ho or anything like that. PS we have been talking on and off since april of 2007.

Listen to him. It's actually nice of him to go ahead and be up front rather than to string you along. Also, don't be surprised if he suddenly get a girlfriend out of nowhere. Sometimes what a man REALLY means is that he doesn't want a relationship with YOU. Keep him as a friend if you so choose, but look for a relationship elsewhere.

 

[frankie]

What do you do if a man says that hes not ready for a relationship? Does that mean that he may be tryin to play me? or does that mean that he may not be ready for one.

He means he's not ready for a relationship with you...he's had plenty of time to figure that out (since April). Nothing that you do...or say...is going to change his mind. If you want a relationship, you need to pursue one elsewhere. It doesn't matter how sweet or nice he is...he laid his cards on the table and even explained his hand to you.

He's not trying to play you at all...he's being upfront and honest. Believe him!

 

[Reslnt1]

Believe him and act accordingly.

Keep it light and keep it moving.

I dated someone from 19-21 who told me everyday that he did not want to be in a serious relationship....i figured i could win him over and then came another female that he fell in love with and moved in with, within 4 months...they broke up and then he went on to meet his wife...where was i left...in the dust......BELIEVE HIM!!!

 

[foxxymami]

It means he doesn't want a relationship with you. If you are investing time into this hoping that it will turn into a committed relationship, I would tell you to ease up a little bit. After 6 months, I'd say a man will either make you his woman or he won't.......if he hasn't already, I don't think he ever plans to. I'm sorry

 

[MochaSilk]

Listen to him. It's actually nice of him to go ahead and be up front rather than to string you along. Also, don't be surprised if he suddenly get a girlfriend out of nowhere. Sometimes what a man REALLY means is that he doesn't want a relationship with YOU. Keep him as a friend if you so choose, but look for a relationship elsewhere.

ITA. There's never been a truer statement uttered when two people communicate. I've had this said to me and I've said it to guys. It was meant every time. It's a blessing... honesty, no matter how rare it appears.

That whole thought process of changing his mind and showing him the error of his ways only happens in the movies. He told you what the deal was and gave you proof - 6 months of it.

If a relationship is what you seek, search elsewhere.

 

[Bunny77]

Agreeing with what everyone else has said... I've been with guys in the past who said they "weren't ready" for relationships and just tried to wait it out and "prove" to them that I was worth being with... then they'd get in a relationship with someone else. erplexed

Or, they're the types that just want to date around and even if they do really like you, they just don't feel like committing to anyone right now.

Either way, you lose out if you want a relationship, because you're never satisfied. So if you want to continue to hang out with dude, you'll have to learn to do it in either a very platonic way, or just move on period if you know you can't get over your feelings for him.

And yeah, six months is a long time. A man knows by then (if not months before) what he wants.

 

[Caramela]

He means he's not ready for a relationship with you...he's had plenty of time to figure that out (since April). Nothing that you do...or say...is going to change his mind. If you want a relationship, you need to pursue one elsewhere. It doesn't matter how sweet or nice he is...he laid his cards on the table and even explained his hand to you.

He's not trying to play you at all...he's being upfront and honest. Believe him!

Very well stated. She's right, honey

 

[Farida]

It may mean:
1. I want a relationship, just not with you, and I don't know how to say it.
2. I am not the monogamous type.
3. I am immature or still dealing with some issues.

Either way, if you are ready and he isn't, move on. Don't wait for him to "change."

 

[FlowerHair]

Be happy and thankful that he's honest with you. It means he probably respects you and thinks that you deserve someone good

There are so many men out there who are willing to pretend that they are in love etc just to get sex and companionship...

 

[Sweetcheri8]

Great advice ladies...but here rests my question. Met a guy we are definetly vibing and I basically told him that I do not have time to waste meaning that I do not want to date someone who is not open to being in a relationship with me in the future. I know that when you first start dating you are not certain whether that person is going to be the one for you to be with, but I do beleive that you know if you are open to being in a relationship period. So when I asked my guy he was like I do not want to promise you anyting withregards to us, because we still have to get to know one another but I am open to the possibility of bieng in a relationship and want to see how things go. I basically said you are either open or you are not and he said he was. Anyhow it has only been two months since we started dating and things are going well and I definetly feel as thought we have a great connection and that is it mutual. When is too soon to bring this conversation up again? I know that someone should definetly know in 6 months but what about 2. I mean I am not 100% sure either but I do know that I like him and he likes me. I also know that he is not one to say antyhing he does not mean or do anything he does not feel and wants to make the right informed decision. Should I be patient for another month and see how things go for both him and I and keep my options open? Does it depend on the person involved?

THANKS

 

[Laginappe]

Great advice ladies...but here rests my question. Met a guy we are definetly vibing and I basically told him that I do not have time to waste meaning that I do not want to date someone who is not open to being in a relationship with me in the future. I know that when you first start dating you are not certain whether that person is going to be the one for you to be with, but I do beleive that you know if you are open to being in a relationship period. So when I asked my guy he was like I do not want to promise you anyting withregards to us, because we still have to get to know one another but I am open to the possibility of bieng in a relationship and want to see how things go. I basically said you are either open or you are not and he said he was. Anyhow it has only been two months since we started dating and things are going well and I definetly feel as thought we have a great connection and that is it mutual. When is too soon to bring this conversation up again? I know that someone should definetly know in 6 months but what about 2. I mean I am not 100% sure either but I do know that I like him and he likes me. I also know that he is not one to say antyhing he does not mean or do anything he does not feel and wants to make the right informed decision. Should I be patient for another month and see how things go for both him and I and keep my options open? Does it depend on the person involved?

THANKS

Is something horrible going to happen if you don't get him tagged and bagged by a certain date?

Just relax and date. You said yourself that you're not 100% sure so that means there's nothing to discuss right now. Until you're sure - HONESTLY SURE - then why stress over it? Just DATE.

 

[Syrah]

What do you do if a man says that hes not ready for a relationship? Does that mean that he may be tryin to play me? or does that mean that he may not be ready for one. As far as the guys personality goes, hes a pretty nice guy and I dont think that he is a male ho or anything like that. PS we have been talking on and off since april of 2007.

I think he's being straight up and honest - and you should take notice.

What's a relationship - commitment to a single individual?? He's not ready for that and he's letting you know.

Maybe he's not sure he's ready. Maybe he's not sure you're the one that he's ready to go that direction with (and that's not a bad thing). Maybe he knows he has bad habits that HE needs to work out before he goes into a long term relationship. Maybe he's got some emotional baggage he needs to deal with.

...and when you think about it - isn't it better to go into a "situation" with eyes wide open, rather than putting your eggs in a basket only to find out that he's not matching your emotional contributions??

 

[Much2much41]

Great advice ladies...but here rests my question. Met a guy we are definetly vibing and I basically told him that I do not have time to waste meaning that I do not want to date someone who is not open to being in a relationship with me in the future. I know that when you first start dating you are not certain whether that person is going to be the one for you to be with, but I do beleive that you know if you are open to being in a relationship period. So when I asked my guy he was like I do not want to promise you anyting withregards to us, because we still have to get to know one another but I am open to the possibility of bieng in a relationship and want to see how things go. I basically said you are either open or you are not and he said he was. Anyhow it has only been two months since we started dating and things are going well and I definetly feel as thought we have a great connection and that is it mutual. When is too soon to bring this conversation up again? I know that someone should definetly know in 6 months but what about 2. I mean I am not 100% sure either but I do know that I like him and he likes me. I also know that he is not one to say antyhing he does not mean or do anything he does not feel and wants to make the right informed decision. Should I be patient for another month and see how things go for both him and I and keep my options open? Does it depend on the person involved?

THANKS

Your situation is different from OP. He told her flat out he wasn't ready for a relationship. Your guy seems to be trying to date you, but you seem to be in a rush for a commitment, and could end up pushing him away by being impatient. He is dating you, so let him date you. You both like each other. There is no timetable in this particular instance. Go with the flow and relax. Take the time to get to know him, and let the relationship evolve naturally.

 

[caribeandiva]

it means he's not ready for a relationship so don't get your hopes up. Don't read into further than you should. Guys are usually pretty straight to the point.

 

[Keen]

What do you do if a man says that hes not ready for a relationship? Does that mean that he may be tryin to play me? or does that mean that he may not be ready for one. As far as the guys personality goes, hes a pretty nice guy and I dont think that he is a male ho or anything like that. PS we have been talking on and off since april of 2007.

I'd take it as if he is not ready to get into a relationship with you. By now he should know. I think everyone is ready once they meet someone so intriguing that they can't pass up, until then they just want to play around or keep to themselves.

 

[tatje]

I believe it simply means he is not wanting to be in a relationship with you. I know that I use to tell a couple a guys this. I just wanted to be cool or have someone I can go out with but not have a relationship with them. I wasn't wanting one with them, but as soon as someone else came, I was ready. Hope that helps.

 

[Princess4real]

I dated someone from 19-21 who told me everyday that he did not want to be in a serious relationship....i figured i could win him over and then came another female that he fell in love with and moved in with, within 4 months...they broke up and then he went on to meet his wife...where was i left...in the dust......BELIEVE HIM!!!

You are so honest. You gave her some good advice, I hope she takes it!

 

[Sweetcheri8]

Your situation is different from OP. He told her flat out he wasn't ready for a relationship. Your guy seems to be trying to date you, but you seem to be in a rush for a commitment, and could end up pushing him away by being impatient. He is dating you, so let him date you. You both like each other. There is no timetable in this particular instance. Go with the flow and relax. Take the time to get to know him, and let the relationship evolve naturally.

THNKS SO MUCH FOR THIS...that is the advice I got form my mama! She said if he is acting right, and being there i.e calls and spends time with you then he is interested. Do not try to foce anything but also have friends just in case...ya neva know. So that is what I will do. I do not want to be this nagging commitment hag so I wont be and let things progress naturally with no added pressures. In the end what is meant to be will be and if he is not the one or does not beleive he is ready at a later date, I do beleive his actions will tell me that. Dating can be hard and I know that men are scared of commitment period and hitting them over the head with it will push them away. I do beleive he has honest intentions with me and understands that i am not here for fun and games. I have explained this to him so there is nothing else to say. I will take it one day at a time and remain open.

 

[locabouthair]

Is something horrible going to happen if you don't get him tagged and bagged by a certain date?

Just relax and date. You said yourself that you're not 100% sure so that means there's nothing to discuss right now. Until you're sure - HONESTLY SURE - then why stress over it? Just DATE.

If there's only one rule you follow when it comes to dating, follow the bolded I found that out the hard way

I was just like you almost a year ago. I kept wondering when we were gonna be exclusive. Now I know with dating, you have to look at it as the two of you just enjoying one's company and if things go further that's nice, if not, then that's okay.

and yes if a guy tells you that straight out, PLEASE believe him.

 

[Kiadodie]

Yeah, been there. If he says that to you, BELIEVE HIM. Whether it's cause he doesn't want a relationships with you or because he just doesn't want a commitment either way, there's NOTHING you can do to change his mind, believe me.

It's a hard pill to swallow. I went thru the exact same thing but I let go right away. 5 months later, I "hear" he's seeing someone overseas. I was so angry but then in the end, I was happy that I didn't waste too much time on him, you know?

So, I suggest you let it go. The more time you invest in it, it will be harder to let go. erplexed