Not attracted to him at all.

[yokoyokogirl]

Went on a date with a new guy. Very interesting, manages a condo building in Tokyo, went to AA&T and has similar interests as me. No kids/drama a little older than me, he's 34 yrs old (I'm 27) but it's not too old.

We met online, emailed and talked on the phone a bit, then he asked me to go out for coffee. This wkend we ended up going to a nice Hawaiian place on the beach. He totally paid for everything and catered to my every need, was very polite. Then afterwards we did get coffee from a place I picked.

Me and my date ended up chatting for hours. He's very down to earth and interesting at the same time.

He said he definitely wants to take me out again, and was trying to make plans at the end of the first date.

I think he's a nice guy, but he's so NOT attractive to me at all. He's not ugly or busted, just does NOTHING for me in the looks dept. I will say that he has nice teeth...

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I've been called vain but so....if the looks are not hitting for me...nothing else will be there....I'm not wasting his or mine time...Some type of attractiveness has to be there...You can be ugly/not attractive to a point but you betta have some swagger or something in your back pocket to make up for it....*drops mic and walks off*

 

[QueenNefi]

Been there done that- a few times. He will not grow on you as nice as he is. It's always going to nag at you and be in the back of your head. It's just one of those things- human nature.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

If you did take the chance and date him seriously you may end up like me cheating on him bc you weren't getting all your needs meet.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

If your not attracted to him, then what's the problem? Move on and just chalk it up to another date that you've had in your life. If someone isn't doing it for me, I couldn't force myself to continue speaking to this person.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

I just hope you're not one of the LHCF members here in 10 years...talking about where are all the good guys. If you had a good time and he's not unattractive, I don't see why you wouldn't give it another try.

 

[lotusspecter]

I suppose it's possible to for relationships to grow when the initial attraction wasn't there, but it's never happened for me. If you need that spark to be there right away, just let him know that you would just like to be friends. Would you like to see him again just to make sure?

 

[NOEChic]

..........................

 

[BroadstreetBully]

There was this guy that was VERY into me about a year and a half ago. I wasn't attracted to him and I was too busy chasing after some dude who didn't want me. Fast-forward to now and I'm thinking about him. I looked him up on Facebook and he is in a relationship. Sometimes I wish I could have done things differently. This is not the first time something like this has happened. Physical attraction is VERY important to me, but I don't think it is always there initially. I am VERY attracted to this guy now whereas I wasn't back then.

I think it goes both ways. I've had guys who turned me down years ago trying to get back with me now, and I've lost interest in them. Sometimes it is worth it to not depend on what you feel the first time. You shouldn't lead him on, but give it another go just to make sure there is nothing there. Sometimes a man who can make me laugh looks 15x more attractive within an hour. That is just my two cents.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

I think looks should b last on the list of what to look for in a man, HOWEVER don't force it...I tried 2 do that and ended up being disgusted by the guy after a while...I couldn't kiss him or anything...

 

[anon123]

What percentage of men do you tend to find attractive? So are you saying that he's not unattractive, he's just not fine? I would try at least a couple more dates. It's not a waste of time. I mean, not unless you have 100 men begging to go on dates with you right now so that you'd have to say no to an extra hot one to fit this one in. Go out and try to have a good time. Besides, constant good treatment starts to make someone more attractive to me.

 

[awhyley]

This is a difficult one. He's the 'on-paper' guy; everything looks good on paper, but in real life, there's no spark. Establish her friendship status with him, and maybe check him out once or twice more to confirm that there's nothing there. As long as you don't lead him into thinking that there's more than what's there, there's no harm done.

 

[Junebug D]

I don't recommend it. In my experience, they never do grow on you. As nice as they may be, there has to be some level of attraction. It can cause problems. Like in my experience, I hardly ever wanted to be intimate with him. Not that I didn't try, it just seemed like a chore and I found myself making excuses and everything. Men don't appreciate that. Stick to "just friends" for now.

 

[YankeeCandle]

This is a tough one because no matter how many anecdotes you get from either side, that won't predict whether or not this particular man will eventually grow on you personally.

For me, continuing to go out with a man I didn't really find all that attractive paid off big time. Heck, he didn't even have the most fascinating personality at first. After his shyness wore off several dates and phone calls later, it revealed a winning personality: unforcedly jovial, quietly witty, and oh-so-very-kind. And after that personality started working its magic (mwedzi is right that "good treatment" can change the way you think)... he is now the most physically beautiful person in the world to me.

But I also recognize the wisdom of what others have written about digging a deeper and deeper hole wherein you never grow to be attracted to him while he becomes more and more attached--yikes!

Unfortunately, there really is only one way to find out which way your situation will turn out: take a chance and continue seeing him.

Good luck!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I don't recommend it. In my experience, they never do grow on you. As nice as they may be, there has to be some level of attraction. It can cause problems. Like in my experience, I hardly ever wanted to be intimate with him. Not that I didn't try, it just seemed like a chore and I found myself making excuses and everything. Men don't appreciate that. Stick to "just friends" for now.

I think this is the case when the man is unattractive, but she said he wasn't unattractive but just that there was nothing there. I'm not suggesting she force it but get to know him a little more and with an open mind. Something might develop or it might not but it's worth a try.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I notice that you said he has really nice teeth. Personally, I think one outstanding feature can often have a halo effect on the whole package, especially if the man has a great personality. I would give him another date because sometimes chemistry/attraction isn't instant. Sometimes we notice more and more attractive qualities/features in a man over time. What I would recommend is giving yourself a cut-off time. If after a month you're still not feeling it then cut your losses and move on, but it seems as though this man is worth giving a chance. You may be surprised.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

Three times I've gone out with men from whom I didn't feel a spark. They weren't dogs, I liked them, but there was no chemistry. And then -- boom! --there was! They became sexual gods. It happens that way sometimes. Give a it a little chance -- 3 dates.

 

[Bunny77]

Three times I've gone out with men from whom I didn't feel a spark. They weren't dogs, I liked them, but there was no chemistry. And then -- boom! --there was! They became sexual gods. It happens that way sometimes. Give a it a little chance -- 3 dates.

I completely agree with the three-date rule.

While I don't believe that people should force a RELATIONSHIP in which one partner is not attracted to the other, I don't see how accepting a date is "forcing" anything. The whole purpose of dating is for two people to get to know each other... it's not wise to make any yay/nay decisions about the other person after one date UNLESS the person has a horrible personality, is *****, rude, etc.

If the date is decent and you aren't turned off, then go out again. Unless, like Mwedzi said, you've got multiple better options offering to take you out, then there's no reason to not give someone a second chance or a third chance.

If nothing is there after Date #3, then you can move on and not lead someone on.

As for me... I kick myself over some of the "okay" guys I wrote off after a first date who probably were great potential husband/father material... but I ain't stupid... I gave the dude I met last April a second date after initially feeling that the date was "nice," but nothing oustanding. That turned into a third date, into a fourth... and now into a nine-month relationship.

Meanwhile, not long before he met me, he asked a woman out on a second date after having a nice first one. I guess she wasn't interested, so she didn't respond.

He moved on, and I profusely thank Miss Anonymous for not accepting his offer of a second date!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I think looks should b last on the list of what to look for in a man, HOWEVER don't force it...I tried 2 do that and ended up being disgusted by the guy after a while...I couldn't kiss him or anything...

Ooooh, girl. I have been there, done that, and got the T-shirt. That is such a huge mistake. Just because a guy is funny, nice, smart and pleasant to be around... that cannot trump an unfortunate face/body over long periods of time.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Yoko, I give you lots of credit for continually trying to find HIM. At least you are out there not waiting for Him to come a door knocking.

 

[kayte]

It's so funny ...I had the opposite happen...it was with exceptionally
good looking men....one was a German hippie..and it was at a bar ..where we met and he was slightly sloshed and talking with him was like talking with a male bimbo..I was so disgusted after like three sentences and that was it..but after.... he kept asking me out and I did finally go out on a kind of what the heck coffee date ..and he was sober then,
but also brilliant mind.....an engineer with five degrees
and that eventually became an important relationship......

and another I met at an art colony.. again physically beautiful but aloof,kind of republican-ish and I did'nt care ..but he also kept after..asking me out..I just wasn't that into it..I told all my friends
I'm not into this .. .but evenutally... they both ultimately became an important part of my life....

I NEVER envisoned any of that with them initially..and when I went on the first or second date ..it was kind of reluctant....but they SURPRISED me
in a huge way.

you never know ..what seems 'okay' can actually be beautiful
and if he treats you well...then quite beautiful indeed
and a date is just that ..not a committed relationship
it 's also a determination to see if he warrants a second date or not!
but frankly... chemistry honestly does not always happen on date # 1
even with the cute guys..why should it?
they have to earn their right to your time like anyone else...it's totally up to the queen bees to determine if they get that chance.....

you're out there,tho..that's great!!!
ball's in your court

 

[Sosoothing]

Physical attraction is important but sometimes it takes a while for it to be realized. I think you should interract a few more times and get to know each other before you completely rule him out.

 

[softblackcotton]

Like Seriously...I used to "date" a guy last year to which I had no physical attraction at all, however, I gave him chance (after chance after chance after chance...) and ended up "dating" him for nearly 8 months. I wanted to see what the rest of his person was all about, because most of the time attraction (crushes) in the past have been built on a guy's personality, intelligence, way he carries himself,special skills (such as dancing, multi-lengual, singing voice, etc). Well it took me 8 months to realize that this guy's dull personality, no conversational skills, non-thoughtfulness, secretiveness, etc were justifications to my initial non-attraction to him. I initially thought he was so nice, but he was extremely secretive and I always felt uncomfortable around him. Plus he was SNORE INDUCING BORING! With each date I always felt unhappy and sleepy being around him for apparently no reason! I felt much more secure in ending our contact for good (just two weeks ago) knowing that I gave all the chances to show all his qualities or not, rather than immediately letting him go based on his looks on the first date and then wondering "what if?" for the rest of my life. I believe you should give this guy more chances. Your first date with this man sounds a whole 200% better than mine was and I still gave him chances.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Thanks for all the advice ladies!

Well yes, he doesn't do anything for me physically--but he's not ugly at all.
I checked all the small signs like greasy hair/unkept nails/rock-chompers for teeth--he doesn't have any of those flaws. He dresses nice also.

And he did make me laugh and was able to talk seriously at the same time. So I think I will go out again with his next wk.

And yes, I'm still putting myself out there to meet someone, cause I'm only 27 and really believe there's someone for everyone.

 

[CandiedLipgloss]

Like Seriously...I used to "date" a guy last year to which I had no physical attraction at all, however, I gave him chance (after chance after chance after chance...) and ended up "dating" him for nearly 8 months. I wanted to see what the rest of his person was all about, because most of the time attraction (crushes) in the past have been built on a guy's personality, intelligence, way he carries himself,special skills (such as dancing, multi-lengual, singing voice, etc). Well it took me 8 months to realize that this guy's dull personality, no conversational skills, non-thoughtfulness, secretiveness, etc were justifications to my initial non-attraction to him. I initially thought he was so nice, but he was extremely secretive and I always felt uncomfortable around him. Plus he was SNORE INDUCING BORING! With each date I always felt unhappy and sleepy being around him for apparently no reason! I felt much more secure in ending our contact for good (just two weeks ago) knowing that I gave all the chances to show all his qualities or not, rather than immediately letting him go based on his looks on the first date and then wondering "what if?" for the rest of my life. I believe you should give this guy more chances. Your first date with this man sounds a whole 200% better than mine was and I still gave him chances.

Omg....did we date the same guy? lol

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Girl after everything you've been through... I applaud you for putting yourself out there. You don't have to justify it.

I will say that even if you don't "like him like that", just go ahead and continue building a relationship. After all, he may know someone for you.

 

[gabulldawg]

I just hope you're not one of the LHCF members here in 10 years...talking about where are all the good guys. If you had a good time and he's not unattractive, I don't see why you wouldn't give it another try.

PREACH it!!! Because you know someone will throw it up in your face the second you bring it up.

I think sometimes we are too picky for our own good. I wasn't attracted to my SO when we first started dating. Mainly because I was still hung up on my sorry ex. erplexed But once I let my ex go and gave the new boo a serious chance I started seeing how attractive he was/is. He's also a great guy, so that definitely upped his points. Sometimes it just takes time to "go there" again, especially after a hard break-up.

 

[Bachelorette]

Three times I've gone out with men from whom I didn't feel a spark. They weren't dogs, I liked them, but there was no chemistry. And then -- boom! --there was! They became sexual gods. It happens that way sometimes. Give a it a little chance -- 3 dates.

Ditto. Happened with my ex. I thought he was just average when we started talking BUT he was so funny and we could talk about anything. Til today I've yet to meet anyone I've felt such a great connection with and before he broke up he had become the sexiest man in my eyes.

"Fine as hell" doesnt always "good". Infact most times it means, run for your life.

 

[Allandra]

I just hope you're not one of the LHCF members here in 10 years...talking about where are all the good guys. If you had a good time and he's not unattractive, I don't see why you wouldn't give it another try.

Hey ClassicBeauty,

I was thinking the same thing.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Ditto. Happened with my ex. I thought he was just average when we started talking BUT he was so funny and we could talk about anything. Til today I've yet to meet anyone I've felt such a great connection with and before he broke up he had become the sexiest man in my eyes.

"Fine as hell" doesnt always "good". Infact most times it means, run for your life.

Ha....isn't that the truth...