SilverSurfer
Well-Known Member
If in your marriage, one spouse wants to have more children and the other spouse absolutely does not; so how would you handle this situation?
Not Agreeing on Having MORE Children
- Thread starter SilverSurfer
- Start date
Farida
Well-Known Member
Either way, someone will end up mad. In my opinion, if one person doesn't want another baby, don't have one. A child shouldn't be a compromise. It's not like eating vanilla ice cream when you like chocolate. Especially if the woman doesn't want the child, she will bear most of the weight of having a baby.
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
Wow, that is a really tough one. I would say try counseling and really listen to each other's point of view. If no agreement could be reached, not having another child would have to be the only choice. No one should ever be forced to have or raise a child that they don't want.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
This is one area where you can't compromise... One of you will be disappointed either way.
I think in a marriage, if there is not a financial problem with one more child you should have one more child.
I also think the woman's vote should be something like 70/30, since she is the one having to stop working for a while, take a step back careerwise, carrying a baby, pushing it out, breastfeeding etc etc. In most cases, children are the woman's responsability.
I think in a marriage, if there is not a financial problem with one more child you should have one more child.
I also think the woman's vote should be something like 70/30, since she is the one having to stop working for a while, take a step back careerwise, carrying a baby, pushing it out, breastfeeding etc etc. In most cases, children are the woman's responsability.
Encore
New Member
My cousin is in a new relationship and he new BF is so sweet and is finacially stable. She makes decent money but because she has about 6 credit cards all maxxed out or near it, and a car note she doesnt want any more ( he has 1 from a prev. relation., she has one also)
He wants to have a child with her so he is helping her pay off her cards, thinking that once they're down she cant say thats a reason. She told him in front of me plenttyyyy times .. " I am selfish, I took care of one damn near alone and i hated it i like my freedom and I dont want to be tied to another kid There is no way I'm having any more" She went on to say she will not have more than 1 babys father. he thinks she is just sayin this, he said dont worry Encore in about a year and a half she'll change her mind.
She looked at him like he was nuts and laughed, and said she is getting her tubes tied.
but she has to wait till sh is legally of age because she said you have to be umm 27 or 28 (i forget) to get it tied.
I see a big problem in the future because she is dead set NO. she said if an accident happens she will make a trip to the clinic and he will pay.
he thinks he can change her mind.
* this is not something that can be compromised. I have seen relationship completely gone wrong and end over this. Both have to want it, or not.
He wants to have a child with her so he is helping her pay off her cards, thinking that once they're down she cant say thats a reason. She told him in front of me plenttyyyy times .. " I am selfish, I took care of one damn near alone and i hated it i like my freedom and I dont want to be tied to another kid There is no way I'm having any more" She went on to say she will not have more than 1 babys father. he thinks she is just sayin this, he said dont worry Encore in about a year and a half she'll change her mind.
She looked at him like he was nuts and laughed, and said she is getting her tubes tied.
but she has to wait till sh is legally of age because she said you have to be umm 27 or 28 (i forget) to get it tied.
I see a big problem in the future because she is dead set NO. she said if an accident happens she will make a trip to the clinic and he will pay.
he thinks he can change her mind.
* this is not something that can be compromised. I have seen relationship completely gone wrong and end over this. Both have to want it, or not.
I don't think it can be compromised on. My marriage has been succesful without the other children my husband wants but we already have 2 together and may adopted a child from within our family in the future.
He may get over it and decided that his one is enough for him.
He may get over it and decided that his one is enough for him.
Tinkerbell19
New Member
My hubbie would LOVE to try for a boy but he knows that I am totally against having more children. He knows that I am a great mother and spend tons of time with my girls so he knows that if its something that I dont want to do that he will not pressure me because if I am not happy in the situation then it wont be a good thing. You can never force someone to have another child and if you do it can be a huge strain on the relationship and I truly love that my hubby respects my views so for now we just have a boy CAT! 
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
Yes, it should definitely be discussed before marriage but people do pull a bait and switch or sometimes, simply change their minds.
You thought you only wanted one child and it was fine for a while, but 6, 7 years have gone by and you have decided that you would like another one? Now, what do you do? Very hard dilemma.
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msdeevee
Well-Known Member
Yes, it should definitely be discussed before marriage but people do pull a bait and switch or sometimes, simply change their minds.
You thought you only wanted one child and it was fine for a while, but 6, 7 years have gone by and you have decided that you would like another one? Now, what do you do? Very hard dilemma.
I KNOW...that's why I said things change (can't put everything in a post)
My DH and I decided before marriage that we wanted a certain lifestyle so we decided not to have any kids but after marriage we did go back and forth with is this what you , I, we really want? and we decided to stick to our original decision .
If one of us had changed our mind we would have compromised but I know it's not that easy for some. I have friends that really wanted kids but couldn't have any so I know the pain that can cause also.
Marriage comes with a lot of compromise and concessions and no 1 answer is right for every one.
You're right it's a very hard dilemma and there is no 1 right answer for everybody. This is a case by case situation.
erplexed
SilverSurfer
Well-Known Member
bump bump bump
Yes, it should definitely be discussed before marriage but people do pull a bait and switch or sometimes, simply change their minds.
You thought you only wanted one child and it was fine for a while, but 6, 7 years have gone by and you have decided that you would like another one? Now, what do you do? Very hard dilemma.
This is what happened to us we had decided on 4 but after 2 I was just tired and decided I didn't want anymore. Life happens.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
When it comes to children, I believe they should be wanted - by both parents. Thus, by default, the person who wants the fewest number of kids 'wins'.
If it was me & DH (say I wanted 4, he was happy with 2), he'd get bugged on a 6 month rotating schedule, esp. as the kids grew up and so forth, just to be sure he was still there. He'd also be TOTALLY responsible for birth control.
Thankfully, we've already agreed on 2, with an option for two more, depending on how the first two go.
If it was me & DH (say I wanted 4, he was happy with 2), he'd get bugged on a 6 month rotating schedule, esp. as the kids grew up and so forth, just to be sure he was still there. He'd also be TOTALLY responsible for birth control.
Thankfully, we've already agreed on 2, with an option for two more, depending on how the first two go.
Lishaboo
Well-Known Member
I was always told you shouldn't have a baby with someone that doesn't want any. From experiences in my family, my cousin had TWO kids that her husband didn't want. He didn't leave her or anything and he loves his kids but they already had two and he didn't want to have any more. Of course there was a lot of bitter attitude! Eventually he came around but it's all in what you want to deal with. They worked it out but I think you should talk and find out why they don't want to have more children.
TLC1020
Well-Known Member
This is definitely case by case and should be discussed thoroughly...
My SO or I don't have any kids yet and he want 3 kids.. His mother had two sons, his younger brother died a few years back and that left him sorta lonely.. So now he is thinking if something happens to one there would still be 2 siblings...
My mom had only my sister and I and I still only want no more than 2 kids.. I told him after 2 I am getting my tubes tied since he don't want to get a vesectomy.. He keep saying why not 3 and I say b/c then I will be mentally caring for 5 people and that's way more than a enough for me.. b/c sometimes he act like a kid himself..
My SO or I don't have any kids yet and he want 3 kids.. His mother had two sons, his younger brother died a few years back and that left him sorta lonely.. So now he is thinking if something happens to one there would still be 2 siblings...
My mom had only my sister and I and I still only want no more than 2 kids.. I told him after 2 I am getting my tubes tied since he don't want to get a vesectomy.. He keep saying why not 3 and I say b/c then I will be mentally caring for 5 people and that's way more than a enough for me.. b/c sometimes he act like a kid himself..
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Oh, I really shouldn't reply to this thread, but here goes,
Confession!
Since DH and I married so young we agreed to no children (if any) before 10 years of marriage. Well in the fourth year of marriage, SURPRISE...it was indeed a surprise. He took to our DD like white onto rice but he said no more!
Well I wasn't having that since my sister and I were like Siamese twins and I wanted my daughter to have that support system....I wanted another girl because twin had two boys. I also wanted them 4 years apart. During year 3, I told him I was having another child and he could choose to participate or not, however birth control was on him. Needless to say, champagne and candlelight for his birthday and 10 months later our son was born.
DH thought another miracle had happen....but had a vasectomy when son was 6 weeks old. We've been happy with the arrangement--I probably would have preferred another girl instead of the boy but I guess I got over it.
I do not recommend that others try this at home! I'm always telling other ladies that they shouldn't feel compelled to have children. I would have been satisfied with no children or 1 boy....but I thought a girl needed a best friend!
Confession!
Since DH and I married so young we agreed to no children (if any) before 10 years of marriage. Well in the fourth year of marriage, SURPRISE...it was indeed a surprise. He took to our DD like white onto rice but he said no more!
Well I wasn't having that since my sister and I were like Siamese twins and I wanted my daughter to have that support system....I wanted another girl because twin had two boys. I also wanted them 4 years apart. During year 3, I told him I was having another child and he could choose to participate or not, however birth control was on him. Needless to say, champagne and candlelight for his birthday and 10 months later our son was born.
DH thought another miracle had happen....but had a vasectomy when son was 6 weeks old. We've been happy with the arrangement--I probably would have preferred another girl instead of the boy but I guess I got over it.
I do not recommend that others try this at home! I'm always telling other ladies that they shouldn't feel compelled to have children. I would have been satisfied with no children or 1 boy....but I thought a girl needed a best friend!
MizzBrown
Well-Known Member
My date and I had a discussion about this last weekend. He was like 'what normal couple has 2 girls and doesn't try for that boy?' I'm like "ME!"I was dead serious. I told him should we get that far, he had better pray for one of each.
You get ONE SHOT with me. He better hope its a boy cause i'm not having any more.
That's something you may have to sit down with your mate and REALLY discuss cause men have a thing for having a particular sex.
Still debating whether i want one at all but i will NOT be staying knocked up just so he can get his boy.
I think that's true for some. My Dh wanted a boy luckily we had him first because I could see if I had a girl first he def would have wanted to keep trying for a boy. He even wants to try for another boy now like that's ever gonna happen. I tell him the boy we have now is enough for anyone.
BillsBackerz67
Well-Known Member
it depends but if the pregancy is a bad one, im not doing it again no matter what we agreed on initially
likewtr4chklit
New Member
Well so far Dh has finally agreed that we can have one more before he gets the snip.
Blackpearl1993
Well-Known Member
Hubby and I are in negotiations right now. We have two children, one girl and a boy. Both are a delight. We were blessed with one via adoption and the other via pregnancy. Before I could even get home from the hospital with the youngest, I was craving another. The desire for another child is on my mind alot, and I feel that we need a third child. I feel like I'll always wonder if our family was truly complete without another child. By the way, I LOVE the children we have so I don't mean anything negative when I say I wonder if we're complete. I shared my feelings with my hubby. I am now praying that God allows whatever is meant to happen to happen. I am also praying that God brings us into agreement with His willand with each other.
