None of my business but...

[LiftedUp]

My friend told me that a woman is trying to seduce her husband. They recently went on a work trip and they spent the night at the lobby bar at the hotel together and she invited him to her room and he said that he declined. Then she decided to lay all her feelings out on the table and that's when he told her that he "loves his wife and would never cheat on her" (verbatim). They however chat via whatsapp constantly and she's creating an emotional connection with him. He told her all of this on Saturday and she threatened him with divorce.

What's odd about the situation is that she threatened him with a divorce instantly. Her reaction made no sense to me. She said it was because he encouraged it by texting her back and forth.

I work at the same organization as her husband and this woman, same department but different teams. They're on the same team. A couple weeks back she called and asked if I was going on the same work trip. I told her no it was just a couple of persons from the other team. Then she called over the weekend and asked if I'll be participating in a conference that they were both attending on Monday in our area. I told her no... but didn't think anything of it. Then this morning she called and told me the story above and my spidey senses are tingling. This is not the first incident he has had with another woman. She found out that he was financially helping an old friend as she went through a divorce during the same time that they were newly married and finances were tight in their household. She was understandably livid and put a stop to it.

I think that something more happened and now I'm curious. What do you think? Yes it's none of my business but now I'm slightly invested

 

[Evolving78]

I would file those papers asap! She is not overreacting and he is trying to get in front of the situation before it gets messy. Gotta stick to your dealbreakers before “the dealbreaker” breaks you!

 

[LiftedUp]

They have young kids... I'm thinking that divorce over an "emotional connection" is a bit extreme. I also find it weird that he spilled all of this over the weekend. The trip would've happened over a month ago. However the statement "I love my wife I would never cheat on her" makes me feel that something else occurred. I also felt as though she knew something before the trip because she has never asked me about going on a work trip where he would be there and we never speak about my job in relation to him.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

She’s definitely leaving out some details. He’s either cheated before or she suspects he’s already cheating with this woman.

 

[Evolving78]

They have young kids... I'm thinking that divorce over an "emotional connection" is a bit extreme. I also find it weird that he spilled all of this over the weekend. The trip would've happened over a month ago. However the statement "I love my wife I would never cheat on her" makes me feel that something else occurred. I also felt as though she knew something before the trip because she has never asked me about going on a work trip where he would be there and we never speak about my job in relation to him.

You do not stay with a liar for children.

 

[PeaceFlow]

They are engaging in an emotional affair at the very least.

I take these work husband/wife things pretty seriously. When you deep it people working non remotely/commuting spend more waking hours with their emotional affair at work, PLUS texting constantly when not at work, PLUS the work trips. Even if there's no sex, It's wild - the amount of intentional energy is something else.

I think he told his wife because he wanted a pat on the back for refusing to make himself feel better for passing up pumpum even though he really wanted it.

Kev on stage told a similar story about one time after an argument he said "well you're lucky I'm a good Black man. Women ask me to cheat...all the time and I don't". He wanted some gratitude for it, but she ripped him a new one I think it's quite common for men to think like this.

 

[Lylddlebit]

Your friend is not overreacting. She knows what is and is not appropriate with the agreement and standard of her marriage. You may not understand her reaction, but when people react to things that are inappropriate in the first place, a lot won't make sense. I don't like to throw the D word out casually, but getting a divorce is better than stomping a tramp out until she starts seizing or murdering your spouse. It is better than becoming someone you aren't and never wanted to be. There ain't no going out of town, spending the evening with a woman within a context that is reminiscent of a date then stepping back into your happy home round "chere". There darn sure ain't no taking resources out this household for a "female friend".

I don't know your friend, her husband, or these women, but there is a lot about the description of her husband's behavior that wouldn't work with me. Straight foolishness. Divorce is not a small thing, but sometimes you have to remove yourself from what would have been a much worse reaction or situation by staying. I endeavor to do that when I get mad because it is better than the alternative. I am not for idle threats, but l understand removing yourself from foolishness before your natural reactions causes those behaving foolishly to step into a consequence they didn't check for. Her consideration of divorce doesn't seem instant to me, at all.

 

[vevster]

My friend told me that a woman is trying to seduce her husband. They recently went on a work trip and they spent the night at the lobby bar at the hotel together and she invited him to her room and he said that he declined. Then she decided to lay all her feelings out on the table and that's when he told her that he "loves his wife and would never cheat on her" (verbatim). They however chat via whatsapp constantly and she's creating an emotional connection with him. He told her all of this on Saturday and she threatened him with divorce.

What's odd about the situation is that she threatened him with a divorce instantly. Her reaction made no sense to me. She said it was because he encouraged it by texting her back and forth.

I work at the same organization as her husband and this woman, same department but different teams. They're on the same team. A couple weeks back she called and asked if I was going on the same work trip. I told her no it was just a couple of persons from the other team. Then she called over the weekend and asked if I'll be participating in a conference that they were both attending on Monday in our area. I told her no... but didn't think anything of it. Then this morning she called and told me the story above and my spidey senses are tingling. This is not the first incident he has had with another woman. She found out that he was financially helping an old friend as she went through a divorce during the same time that they were newly married and finances were tight in their household. She was understandably livid and put a stop to it.

I think that something more happened and now I'm curious. What do you think? Yes it's none of my business but now I'm slightly invested

At the very least he doesn’t know his priorities.

 

[LiftedUp]

Spoke with her again this morning and she seems serious about the divorce part. She told me that she spoke to him about the division of assets and custody of the children. She plans to leave the kids with him

This is just so bizarre to me. I definitely will not know the inner workings of anyone's marriage but no talk of counseling nothing? It has to be more than what she's saying because from what I've been told they were messaging back and forth then they went on a work trip then she confessed her love for him then he told my friend.

I haven't been offering any advice because it's more of a listening type of conversation right now. She calls, rants, tells me what she has discovered and what she's going to do and then hangs up. I did tell her that they should try to reconnect...

 

[LiftedUp]

Also the OW is crazy. She has joined a couple of interests like gaming, hiking and fishing sent him her username and invited him on hikes. My friend found this out in her investigations and said that her join date was recent.

I still think that they can work on this even if it involves him looking for another job.

 

[LiftedUp]

getting a divorce is better than stomping a tramp out until she starts seizing or murdering your spouse

This is her exact argument. She said that it would be worse if she found the OW and fought her

 

[Lylddlebit]

This is her exact argument. She said that it would be worse if she found the OW and fought her

That's real. People will change you into someone you weren't then run it back like you were always that way. That's not worth it over men or women who already know they are trifling. I rather leave you alone than stop being the things I love in me. You don't need counseling to confirm what you already know or to rationalize the unacceptable. You need people who do right by you and foster the goodness in you, so you can rest in being wonderful. I wasn't joking, at all, on the piece you quoted. My husband is as fine as all get out but he don't play with the games many people play with desecrating marriage or disrespect...AT ALL, and I agree with him. Everyone won't respond in a way that makes games like what was described in the OP fun.

 

[PatDM'T]

You don't need counseling to confirm what you already know or to rationalize the unacceptable. You need people who do right by you and foster the goodness in you, so you can rest in being wonderful.

 

[dancinstallion]

Spoke with her again this morning and she seems serious about the divorce part. She told me that she spoke to him about the division of assets and custody of the children. She plans to leave the kids with him

This is just so bizarre to me. I definitely will not know the inner workings of anyone's marriage but no talk of counseling nothing? It has to be more than what she's saying because from what I've been told they were messaging back and forth then they went on a work trip then she confessed her love for him then he told my friend.

I haven't been offering any advice because it's more of a listening type of conversation right now. She calls, rants, tells me what she has discovered and what she's going to do and then hangs up. I did tell her that they should try to reconnect...

For Me, There's no counseling for cheating. He could have sought counseling BEFORE the cheating. He needs to communicate if there is something amiss in his marriage. Don't "slip" into kewchie or court another woman then talk about counseling. No. It's too late for that.

A woman is not going to confess her love for a man she isn't sleeping with nor for a man that wasn't courting her. It went beyond text messages.

 

[Lylddlebit]

**************Gone**************

 

[LiftedUp]

For Me, There's no counseling for cheating. He could have sought counseling BEFORE the cheating. He needs to communicate if there is something amiss in his marriage. Don't "slip" into kewchie or court another woman then talk about counseling. No. It's too late for that.

A woman is not going to confess her love for a man she isn't sleeping with nor for a man that wasn't courting her. It went beyond text messages.

According to her, no physical was involved... I can understand this reaction if it wasn't just emotional cheating that's why I believe there has to be more to it

 

[LiftedUp]

I love your story @Lylddlebit . I can only imagine what my friend is going through. I'm not good at these things so I take the listening role. I don't even want to repeat this story to my husband, that's why I brought it here .

I didn't mention this but she plans to take the issue to their pastor. He's the type of man who would listen to advice from his Pastor, however, my issue is the confidentiality part. I would not want this to come out in the congregation and our community. He's quite respected in his field and since this issue was brought to my attention, my ears have been open to any office gossip and I haven't heard a thing about it.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I love your story @Lylddlebit . I can only imagine what my friend is going through. I'm not good at these things so I take the listening role. I don't even want to repeat this story to my husband, that's why I brought it here .

I didn't mention this but she plans to take the issue to their pastor. He's the type of man who would listen to advice from his Pastor, however, my issue is the confidentiality part. I would not want this to come out in the congregation and our community. He's quite respected in his field and since this issue was brought to my attention, my ears have been open to any office gossip and I haven't heard a thing about it.

Is he also your friend? Or are you acquaintances through the wife? Idk that I’d be concerned about his reputation given everything you’ve shared. But I also wouldn’t assume that gossip would come from the preacher. Maybe from others in the church. But that’s just my experience.

 

[LiftedUp]

Is he also your friend? Or are you acquaintances through the wife? Idk that I’d be concerned about his reputation given everything you’ve shared. But I also wouldn’t assume that gossip would come from the preacher. Maybe from others in the church. But that’s just my experience.

We're not friends just acquaintances. I'm concerned that pastors talk and other persons may talk as well. His profession relies heavily on his reputation (at least I think it is) and if they were to work it out, it would affect their family.

 

[blessedandfavoured]

We're not friends just acquaintances. I'm concerned that pastors talk and other persons may talk as well. His profession relies heavily on his reputation (at least I think it is) and if they were to work it out, it would affect their family.

This might be harsh but if he didn't think of his reputation before he went crossing Biblical and marital boundaries, I'm not sure you should lose sleep over it. He's made his bed. Sadly, his wife and children may also have to lie in it. I would also hope that your pastor fears God and respects this couple's privacy.

To the actual OP, I wouldn't have thought anyone would rush to divorce over dinner and texting (more like counselling, like you said), but it's clear that if the husband and his colleague are not already in an emotional or sexual relationship, he's doing nothing to dissuade the other woman from thinking this is a possibility. He's at best leading her on, and at worst, willing/planning to commit adultery with her, at very worst already committing adultery with her. If they aren't already cheating, his behavior shows that he doesn't respect himself and his wife, that he doesn't value his marriage and he's not doing all he can to protect and improve it. If his wife was behaving this way with one of her colleagues (or any other man) would he be cool with it? Doubtful.

I don't know if he's missing common sense, self-respect, respect for his wife, the fear of God, emotional stability, empathy but whatever it is, this is shameful behavior. I wish your friend good luck.

 

[Everything Zen]

I’m just here for the fact that she’s leaving the kids with him. That made my entire day. Carry on.

 

[AVNchick]

I’m just here for the fact that she’s leaving the kids with him. That made my entire day. Carry on.

In many other cultures, the fathers get primary physical custody after divorce. I don't see anything wrong with that at all.

 

[PatDM'T]

In many other cultures, the fathers get primary physical custody after divorce. I don't see anything wrong with that at all.

I don't think
anyone was implying
anything was wrong
with it, but single
parental custody
is a huge change
when the task
was shared so
@Everything Zen
is just happy
(I think) that it is
the guy who
has to manage
this newly solo
responsibility.

After all, mothers
do a lot as
one already shared:

When I read the study that revealed mothers work on average 98 hours a week I was relieved.

Why?

I was relieved…because recently I found myself wondering why I felt so tired all the time.

I was relieved…because it’s been years since I’ve had a week off from work or kids or house stuff.

I was relieved…because I feel like all I do is take care of children, clean or work.

Reading that moms work the equivalent of two-and-a-half full time jobs each week, well, it made me feel validated.

Taken from the
article You Need
a Break Before
You Break, Mama

 

[AVNchick]

I don't think
anyone was implying
anything was wrong
with it, but single
parental custody
is a huge change
when the task
was shared so
@Everything Zen
is just happy
(I think) that it is
the guy who
has to manage
this newly solo
responsibility.

After all, mothers
do a lot as
one already shared:

Taken from the
article You Need
a Break Before
You Break, Mama

I wasn't under the impression she WAS saying anything was wrong with it. I knew what she meant. I was agreeing with her. Guess it came off differently.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I was tickled too tbh. I just like the idea of men feeling the full consequences of their actions. Too often the wives do the heavy lifting in marriage and divorce so men end up getting their cake and eating it too. The wives just end up burdened.

 

[Ganjababy]

The lady mentioned in the OP knows her husband and her situation.

 

[PeaceFlow]

@LiftedUp

Is your friend still planning to leave?

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

where there's smoke there's fire, why was he entertaining her that's definitely a red flag.

 

[LiftedUp]

@LiftedUp

Is your friend still planning to leave?

It seems so. She did some more digging and found out that they went out on dates. She said that she remembered a couple of times where he mentioned going out and found it strange that he would go those places on alone (for eg to dinner) but didn't question it at the time. She also found out more about the other woman and apparently she's in a relationship and lives with her SO. I find it quite bold that he would go on dates though as they live in quite a small town where everyone knows everyone and nearly everyone knows his family, but I guess he's bolder than I thought.

 

[awhyley]

It seems so. She did some more digging and found out that they went out on dates. She said that she remembered a couple of times where he mentioned going out and found it strange that he would go those places on alone (for eg to dinner) but didn't question it at the time. She also found out more about the other woman and apparently she's in a relationship and lives with her SO. I find it quite bold that he would go on dates though as they live in quite a small town where everyone knows everyone and nearly everyone knows his family, but I guess he's bolder than I thought.

Stop the presses! Like bona fide dinner dates? Chile
Hope your co-worker has good evidence so that she can clean him out.