No Sex till marriage....okay, what about sexual compatibility?

Did you wait until you were married to have sex w/your current husband?

  • Yes

    Votes: 37 30.8%

  • No

    Votes: 83 69.2%
  • Total voters
    120
Being perfect is not the point of the advice and words of God stated in this thread, at least I don't see it that way. But as someone pointed out it is the full realization of your sins, yes all of them and living your life in a way as to not fall into them or blatantly indulge and permit them. Openly knowing that your defiling the temple of God (your body) and then to simply explain it away because nobodys' perfect is something that understandably shocks some people. Not shocks because they didn't know people were fornicating but shocked at the way in which the gift of salvation is being used. I can't speak for others but for myself when anyone is talking of any of their sins like it's okay because no one is perfect does upset me. Not because their life is mine but because the same savior that died on a cross for me did it for them and this is what is being done with that gift. It's just because we are talking about sexual sin that it's being talked about in this conotation but it's the same with the person who is Christian but steals from their job because the job can "afford it" so it's no big deal. Or tells a little white lie. Lies are not little and they don't have a color.
So I don't think people should feel like it's just the sexual sin and casual attitude about it but the attitude about any sin when you can read a bible and know and believe how much God loves you and what he went through.
This is a Christian Fellowship board so you should know by now what is going to be discussed and questioned when it's put out there. And if that offends you don't put it out there. I'm not trying to be rude but it's advice I follow myself. I don't put certain things about myself of blast because I follow my own advice and keep it to myself if I don't want others .02 about it.
 
I have a church full of them. My mother is one. Living for God is more important than a few minutes of pleasure.
vevster said:
I would love to hear from the women 30 yo and older if they still believe the same...
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Honeyhips said:
I have a church full of them. My mother is one. Living for God is more important than a few minutes of pleasure.
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Your mother is not a virgin... sorry my bad, I didn't clarify....
 
Oh ok... sorry. :lol: I guess she isn't. I do have a few women over 30 who are virgins, what is your question?
vevster said:
Your mother is not a virgin... sorry my bad, I didn't clarify....
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Honeyhips said:
Oh ok... sorry. :lol: I guess she isn't. I do have a few women over 30 who are virgins, what is your question?
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I don't have a question, I know virgins over 30 exist, I wanted to hear directly from women that are over 30 that made a decision to wait since their twenties...

I've noticed on this board alot of women who want to stay virginal till marriage and they are all young girls....
 
Hi,

I am abstaining from sex until marriage (God give me strength). I'm 25 and no where near being engaged. Anyway, my boyfriend's mother is 45 and she has been abstaining from sex for 12 years. :eek: She tells me that the reason is after she had her son (who is now almost 14 and the youngest), she decided to put all of her focus and effort on her children (she has 7 kids- 27, 27, 24, 23, 22, 17, 13). I think that's pretty noble.

BUT, I have noticed that she is really unhappy and wishes that she had a personal life and a companion. She focuses so much on the lives of her kids that it's like she is living through them, which IMHO isn't healthy. :look:
 
I only know 1 person period who is a virgin and she happens to be in her mid 30's but not because she is such a faithful Christian, she's a good girl but I dont even think she goes to church and I've never heard her talk about God, but because she's been about 300 pds and not very attractive her whole life and nobody wanted it. That in itself is a miracle to me since even the fatest ugliest people can get laid. She just lost over 100 pds and is dying to give it up! :eyebrows2

Not being mean just telling the truth.
 
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I made the decision as a teen to remain a virgin until marriage. I married my HS sweetheart (Also a virgin) at the age of 25. We recently talked about this issue and we are both glad that we decided to wait until marriage to have sex. Because of this, we did not have to worry about STDs, guilt, or the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. I've seen the emotional distress that pre-marital sex can cause and I said no way. Also, I did not want to be the one to jeopardize ny husbands relationship with God and be a stumbling block for him. He felt the same way though he did not develop a strong relationship with God until we were married. I won't deny that the curiosity was there. The best thing about waiting is that we have found that our marriage is built on a deep friendship and not sex. We were friends before we were lovers. If sex was ever taken away, we will still have something in common (friendship) unlike other marriages built on sex. Another good thing is that we each feel like we gave something to one another that we did not give and now cannot give to someone else.

I also have a 25yr old and a 31 yr old sister who are both virgins. And no they are not losers. I actually think they are more attractive than me.

For those of you that desire to wait, I encourage you. There are others out there like you. It is so rewarding in the end.
 
Kikootie said:
I made the decision as a teen to remain a virgin until marriage. I married my HS sweetheart (Also a virgin) at the age of 25. We recently talked about this issue and we are both glad that we decided to wait until marriage to have sex. Because of this, we did not have to worry about STDs, guilt, or the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. I've seen the emotional distress that pre-marital sex can cause and I said no way. Also, I did not want to be the one to jeopardize ny husbands relationship with God and be a stumbling block for him. He felt the same way though he did not develop a strong relationship with God until we were married. I won't deny that the curiosity was there. The best thing about waiting is that we have found that our marriage is built on a deep friendship and not sex. We were friends before we were lovers. If sex was ever taken away, we will still have something in common (friendship) unlike other marriages built on sex. Another good thing is that we each feel like we gave something to one another that we did not give and now cannot give to someone else.

I also have a 25yr old and a 31 yr old sister who are both virgins. And no they are not losers. I actually think they are more attractive than me.

For those of you that desire to wait, I encourage you. There are others out there like you. It is so rewarding in the end.
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That's awesome. I'm jealous. You guys must come from a very strong Christian home?
 
sprungonhairboards said:
That's awesome. I'm jealous. You guys must come from a very strong Christian home?
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Not so. Growing up I went to church only on the Holidays. At age 17, I officially gave my life to God. My dad did not grow up in the church but my mom did. You just gotta make the decision to not have pre-marital sex, and stand by it. And it ain't easy.
 
Kikootie said:
Not so. Growing up I went to church only on the Holidays. At age 17, I officially gave my life to God. My dad did not grow up in the church but my mom did. You just gotta make the decision to not have pre-marital sex, and stand by it. And it ain't easy.
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The reason I thought it may have been a strong family influence is because all 3 of you waited/are waiting. That's uncommon in ANY family. Praise God for your victories!
 
sprungonhairboards said:
The reason I thought it may have been a strong family influence is because all 3 of you waited/are waiting. That's uncommon in ANY family. Praise God for your victories!
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My family's like that too. My parents were virgins when they got married. Both my older sister's remained virgin's as well. All of them said it's WAY worth it.

It puts the pressure on when you have a legacy like that. Being the youngest, I'd never let go of the guilt if I ever gave it up to some punk. Having a family that waited is enough to keep me waiting till marraige. I REALLY don't want to dissapoint--GOD or my FAMILY!
 
It is interesting that this topic was posted today. I was chillin' with my Christian roommates and their boyfriends. One roommate (she's 24) commended my boyfriend of 4 years and I on being virgins and intending on waiting until marriage to have sex. She says that she would like to abstain from now on until she gets married but she doesn't think she can for two reasons:

1. She loves sex too much to start abstaining.
2. She's concerned that she might marry someone who she is not sexually compatible with.

There were some great comments that were made by some of the ladies earlier in the thread and I want to highlight them because they are very very important points they made.

1. Just because you wait until marriage to have sex DOES NOT automatically mean that you will have a great sex life or a great marriage. I've heard terrible stories about women who waited until marriage to have sex only to find out that the sex was terrible and hadn't gotten better in the 20+ years they've been married. I've heard awful stories where women were virgins until they married only for their husbands to cheat on them and give them STDs.

The reason why #1 happens to some women is because they choose to marry who THEY want to marry instead of marrying who GOD wants them to marry.

A couple of ladies have put it this way: The minister may say "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder," but many times, God DID NOT put that marriage together!

2. When you are praying for the right man to come along, also pray that you will be sexually compatible with the man you are supposed to marry. There is not a thing wrong with praying that you and your husband have a good sex life. God created sex after all!! Now, the sex might not be mind-blowing at first, but if both you and your husband (the husband God wanted for you that is) stay prayed up, trust God 100%, and work hard to meet each other's sexual needs, then the good sex will come.

I don't believe God will allow you to be in a marriage with horrible sex if you do the following:

1. Wait until marriage to have sex.
2. Pray that God sends you the right man to marry AND actually marry him!
3. Pray before marriage and during marriage for sexual compatibility with your mate.
4. Trust God 100%!

With all of this being said, I STILL do not know for sure whether my boyfriend is the one I'm supposed to marry. I pray about it but no answer as of yet. Then again, I could be missing the answer. But I will not marry my boyfriend unless I've received the go-ahead by God.

Man! Why can't God put it big letters across the sky HE IS THE MAN YOU ARE TO MARRY...GO FOR IT! That would be so awesome!!! *LOL

I hope this post helps!

Ebony
 
EbonyEyes said:
Man! Why can't God put it big letters across the sky HE IS THE MAN YOU ARE TO MARRY...GO FOR IT! That would be so awesome!!! *LOL


Ebony
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Girllllll, would save alot of time and heartache wouldn't it :lol: :lol:
 
Ebony eyes that was interesting what you said. I know a lady who was being pestered by family and friends to do this and that with her life. There was also that one young man every one said was the one. She said she prayed alot fro his will to be done. Even after disappointing her parents she prayed. One day when she was in church one afternoon praying she heard someone say clearly "David" She said it was clear as a bell. One year later she met an Hungarian immigrant who had recently made it to America. His last name was David. Through many good and bad times, separation for work and family difficulty she never waviered in her marriage. She said this was him and they both worked hard to make the marriage work. After over 50 years they are still like a new young couple.

Now I don't think she would be able to say that every aspect of her marriage was rosy and perfect. What ever difficulties they had they dealt with it but divorce was not a solution or means to try again. She said they just tried again but with each other.
 
sprungonhairboards said:
Why do I think that is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard??? (wiping away a single tear)
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Girl...I'm with you. I'ma tell my mommy about that quote!

-Ebony
 
If you're a virgin; how do you know what you want?

AnnDriena_ said:
Sexual compatibility is wanting and striving for the same thing in regards to your emotional and sexual intimacy.;) With that said. I think sex needs to be discussed up, down and to the utmost. Does he want handcuffs and whip cream and your thinking candlelight and soft jazz? Do you want fast and furious and he's thinking slow and sexy? For me the first step to my sexual compatibility with my future hubby will be to be honest about what I want and what I fear happening in the relationship and for him to do the same. Of course he could be dishonest but that would just be counterproductive for his own sexual satisfaction now wouldn't it?:ohwell:
I think lots of things can be avoided if two people who aren't even looking for the same things in bed can come to a conclusion to alternate sexual styles or find a way to incorporate what they both want in a sexual relationship. Or they should seriously think about not getting married because sex is a big part of a marriage and if you can't come to the same place with that then there's going to be problems down the road and since you can see that you need to find someone else. I also think sex is not just physical and living in a world where that's all that's thrown at us is causing us a whole new set of problems. I think mainstream society has so many of us thinking that if we are not swinging from the chandeliers and having threesomes that we are not going to be satisfied. I don't really mean to be insulting to any non virgins but I also don't think a man needs to be all that well endowed because it's not like I have all these men to compare him to or that I'm that I'm so loose in down there that he needs to be grotesquesly thick to fill it up:ohwell:
And I don't mean to sound naive but there's also practice. If two people love each other then that means they want to please each other. If you are communicating in your marriage like you need to be to make anything, in bed or out, work then you both should know what's not working for the other. He's too rough? Then a true lover will want to slow down and be more gentle because he knows that would turn you on and help you enjoy sex more and therefore he should be enjoying it simply because he is pleasing the woman he loves and he gets more sex when he does things like you like it. Are you not rough enough for him? He needs to tell you and you need to listen. If you are truly his lover it would kill you to rough that n*gga up a couple times a week:lachen: shoot, have fun, he may find out how rough he doesn't want it:lol: .

The bottom line for me is sexual compatibility comes down to communication and willingness to please. If he comes out of the box with some freaky ish that you two never discussed before marriage then you have other problems because he wasn't willing to be honest before the marriage your bedroom problems may be the least of the trouble in your marriage.
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You try different things. Trust me, you figure it out quickly enough. As long as a your DH is open, loving, and has a desire to please you, both of you can learn what pleases the other.

qtgirl said:
If you're a virgin; how do you know what you want?
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I don't think they were asking as in after the wedding night, but before hand during counseling. If you are a virgin, how do you discuss sex with your future mate. HOw do you even know you like it fast, slow, hard, whip cream, chains, and etc... You should not have any experience to go by.
natalied said:
You try different things. Trust me, you figure it out quickly enough. As long as a your DH is open, loving, and has a desire to please you, both of you can learn what pleases the other.
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It was very well said by AnnDriena. Just think, my husband and myself were both virgins before marriage and we do just fine in this department. We bought a book to look at things we might want to try but we never really used it. If you are open with your partner, it will come :) In talking with my pastor, he says sometimes you gotta tell the other person if you like what they are doing or not. You may have to actually take their hand and place it where you want it. This is supposed to be your life partner so you can't be ashamed to tell them what you want or ask them what they like. Just do it.
 
I understand what you are saying honeyhips, you don't know what you like. But for me I know what turns me on and what I like the idea of doing, youu know something you never really tried but it sounds fun:look: . I just go from there. Try it whatever way you think you might like and if it's not what you thought it would be, that's okay, you have a whole lifetime with this person to figure it out.
 
To me, sexual compatibility should not matter when it comes to the man who you will have an commitment with and love forever.

God wants sex to be motivated by love and commitment, not lust. It is for mutual pleasure, not selfish enjoyment.

Because love is such a powerful expression of feeling and commitment between two people, it is not to be regarded casually. We are not to manipulate others into loving us, and love should not be prematurely encouraged in a relationship.

The power of love requires more than the language of feeling to protect. it. Sexual expression is such an integral part of our selfhood that we need the boundary of marriage to safeguard our love. Marriage is the celebration of daily commitment to the two lovers.

While romance keeps a marriage interesting, commitment keeps romance from dwindling away. The decision to commit yourself to your spouse alone actually begins at the marriage altar. It must be maintained day by day.

Also keep in mind that the beauty that you see in your lover should not be limited to physical beauty; beautiful personality and moral purity should also be praised. When it comes to finding someone you are compatible with, look for qualities that don't fade with time--spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity, and sincerity.
 
Poohbear said:
To me, sexual compatibility should not matter when it comes to the man who you will have an commitment with and love forever.

God wants sex to be motivated by love and commitment, not lust. It is for mutual pleasure, not selfish enjoyment.

Because love is such a powerful expression of feeling and commitment between two people, it is not to be regarded casually. We are not to manipulate others into loving us, and love should not be prematurely encouraged in a relationship.

The power of love requires more than the language of feeling to protect. it. Sexual expression is such an integral part of our selfhood that we need the boundary of marriage to safeguard our love. Marriage is the celebration of daily commitment to the two lovers.

While romance keeps a marriage interesting, commitment keeps romance from dwindling away. The decision to commit yourself to your spouse alone actually begins at the marriage altar. It must be maintained day by day.

Also keep in mind that the beauty that you see in your lover should not be limited to physical beauty; beautiful personality and moral purity should also be praised. When it comes to finding someone you are compatible with, look for qualities that don't fade with time--spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity, and sincerity.
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This is beautiful. Oftentimes, when you take that vow of I will love you for better or worse, sometimes we neglect the fact that the worse can and will happen. And when it does, what do you do? Continue to put your trust in the Lord, b/c he is the ultimate healer and provider.
 
natalied said:
I'm married ten years and I thought her statement was well written and on point.:)
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I thought it was well written also....accurate :look: Romance novels are well written doesn't mean they are actually realistic.
 
Poohbear said:
To me, sexual compatibility should not matter when it comes to the man who you will have an commitment with and love forever.

God wants sex to be motivated by love and commitment, not lust. It is for mutual pleasure, not selfish enjoyment.

Because love is such a powerful expression of feeling and commitment between two people, it is not to be regarded casually. We are not to manipulate others into loving us, and love should not be prematurely encouraged in a relationship.

The power of love requires more than the language of feeling to protect it. Sexual expression is such an integral part of our selfhood that we need the boundary of marriage to safeguard our love. Marriage is the celebration of daily commitment to the two lovers.

While romance keeps a marriage interesting, commitment keeps romance from dwindling away. The decision to commit yourself to your spouse alone actually begins at the marriage altar. It must be maintained day by day.

Also keep in mind that the beauty that you see in your lover should not be limited to physical beauty; beautiful personality and moral purity should also be praised. When it comes to finding someone you are compatible with, look for qualities that don't fade with time--spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity, and sincerity.
Click to expand...

Poohbear....

This has to be, one of the most beautiful things I have ever read! Especially the parts you bolded! So well written!!

-Ebony
 
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