No coloring.

[Klearli]

I'm typing because I'm angry and frustrated, and I really don't want to go to my girl friends about this, so I will talk to my internet ladies! So right now I'm sitting here in the bathroom, debating taking a shower, or maybe going to work out to work off some steam. My SO is more religious than I am. Backstory~ I'm 24 and he's 28. We very casually dated (as in I dated more than one person, and so did he) for about...9 months until we officially got together in sept 2010. We were intimate, pretty much regularly. In december he started asking how would I feel if we stopped coloring for religious reasons. I honestly didn't know how to feel, and I told him that. We are not engaged. He asked if I wanted to be, and I told him to stop being crazy, but I told him id try not coloring out. So we stopped for a while...it was torture to me the whole time, honestly. Then started back up after there was a death in my family. This was in march. Now he wants to stop again. Be he just stopped in the middle of a session to announce this! Well before a session. You know, um, fore coloring. So I feel...angry. and somewhat embarrassed...and frustrated...to the point where I don't want to speak to him the whole rest of the night...no...the week. Hell. The month. Idk. I just have a a mix up of emotions right now. Please comment...

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[pookaloo83]

Why couldn't he just do it this one time and then stop. There's nothing worse than getting in the mood and then stopped,

 

[Klearli]

That's how I felt. Feel. Like, wtf n!gg

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[Renewed1]

Tell him if he's serious...then he needs to be SERIOUS about not having sex (or having sex). So you can make whatever decisions necessary for you.

The back and forth thing does not make sense and its unfair to you.

I respect his principles because I'm waiting until marriage. But I will not tease a person or go back and forth between having sex then not having sex. That's unfair to my partner.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Then maybe y'all should sleep in separate rooms.

 

[Zuleika]

Then maybe y'all should sleep in separate rooms.

Why did this make me laugh

 

[Klearli]

Tell him if he's serious...then he needs to be SERIOUS about not having sex (or having sex). So you can make whatever decisions necessary for you.

The back and forth thing does not make sense and its unfair to you.

I respect his principles because I'm waiting until marriage. But I will not tease a person or go back and forth between having sex then not having sex. That's unfair to my partner.

*sigh* I sucks, I tell ya. I respect the principle of it. That's it. The principle. And then its like, while he's the most serious boyfriend I've had, and my favorite boyfriend in terms of how he treats me, things we have in common, our future ideals, ect...but dang! How do you wait for marriage when you're not engaged! Just yesterday we were looking at lingerie. Yesterday I tells ya!



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[Klearli]

*sigh* y'all are cracking up. You know, he did put the tip in. Then he tipped back out like, oooh, woe is me. I'm going to hell.

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[HAIRapy]

Wow... How frustrating. I couldnt imagine how I'd handle that. I wish you the best in working this issue out OP.

I do have a question though.. You are willing to be his SO, but not fiance'? Do you not want to marry him?

 

[Klearli]

Then maybe y'all should sleep in separate rooms.

Maybe separate planets.

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[Klearli]

I do have a question though.. You are willing to be his SO, but not fiance'? Do you not want to marry him?

Maybe if he asked me properly, with a ring and what not, id maybe think about considering it



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[Qtee]

I'd just buy a toy and play with it right in front of him....since hes frustrating you..u should show him how it feels..literally..

 

[PPGbubbles]

yall cutting up in here!

but OP you need to draw a line for him. Celebacy is a hard task and the only way it will work is if you guy stop all together.

I understand he is conflicted, but you need to make it clear that him going back and forth affects you as well and quite frankly it is not fair to you.

I have two couples who are friends who made it work and the said the key was eliminating tempting situation. IE no sleepovers, and no foreplay or else it becomes to hard to stop.

I wish you all the best OP I know this has to be a difficult situation

 

[HAIRapy]

Maybe if he asked me properly, with a ring and what not, id maybe think about considering it



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Ok, I can totally understand that.

 

[vevster]

I may as well be single! WTF? LOLOL

 

[Klearli]

He's in my bed right now, sleeping ever so peacefully, looking all...yummy...with the fans blowing on him ever so cool...probably going to wake up soon and eat the dinner I made him. Its just really not fair. I want a real apology.

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[Curlybeauty]

Is he against oral sex?

 

[MissYocairis]

@ everybody cutting up in the thread.

I suppose he messed up when he dipped in again after making the decision not to the first time. But, OP, is he The One? If he is, you guys can get through this with flying colors but you will have to sacrifice. But, you sound like you don't know that he is actually the one for you. As for spirituality, he's really religious right? How religious are you? And where does celibacy before marriage fall in your list of priorities?

 

[MissYocairis]

He's in my bed right now, sleeping ever so peacefully, looking all...yummy...with the fans blowing on him ever so cool...probably going to wake up soon and eat the dinner I made him. Its just really not fair. I want a real apology.

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UM! He can't spend the night if there is no sex before marriage. His pastor would not approve I'm sure. He's not doing this right. I don't think he knows what he really wants to do. He's conflicted!

 

[CandiceC]

yall cutting up in here!

but OP you need to draw a line for him. Celebacy is a hard task and the only way it will work is if you guy stop all together.

I understand he is conflicted, but you need to make it clear that him going back and forth affects you as well and quite frankly it is not fair to you.

I have two couples who are friends who made it work and the said the key was eliminating tempting situation. IE no sleepovers, and no foreplay or else it becomes to hard to stop.

I wish you all the best OP I know this has to be a difficult situation

I agree about avoiding tempting situations.

 

[Incognitus]

For some reason I'm seeing this as possibly a control issue. I may be completely off base, but this is the vibe I'm getting. I mean....

*Religious so no sex, but can sleep over?
*Was fine initially, then all of a sudden had convictions?
*Starts and stops?

I may be completely wrong, but it just seems like some sort of game....


ETA: Perhaps you should consider flipping the script, so to speak. Lay down a few of your own ground rules (i.e. no sleeping over, not start/stops, etc.), and stick to them. So the next time he has a change of heart, YOU be the one to turn him down. Just an idea....

 

[southerncitygirl]

y'all need to stop sex is sex whether its oral,, anal, or otherwise, y'all all going to hell with gasoline drawers.

i would have a talk with him about where he sees the relationship going and if see's you as being the one he wants to marry......he can't expect for you to deal with him going hot and cold on ya claiming he's religious without putting a ring on it and going down the aisle.
you sure he ain't cheating and is using this as an excuse?

how long have y'all been together? this is some bull, i would get up early tomorrow (before him) get out the shower dripping wet and blast some rap music and make it clap, straddle his ***, get him riled up and tell him i couldn't cause the spirit just gripped you i need to try to behave myself too

 

[Arcadian]

Sorry but he would not be sleeping in my bed. His @ss would have had to go home. Fine to mutually agree to not sleep together but for him do that in the middle of y'all um..well.. hell naw. not cool.

Sounds weird to me, like he doesn't know what he wants. You need to have a sit down serious conversation with him about what you both want and what you both expect from the relationship.

-A

 

[justicefighter1913]

For some reason I'm seeing this as possibly a control issue. I may be completely off base, but this is the vibe I'm getting. I mean....

*Religious so no sex, but can sleep over?
*Was fine initially, then all of a sudden had convictions?
*Starts and stops?

I may be completely wrong, but it just seems like some sort of game....


ETA: Perhaps you should consider flipping the script, so to speak. Lay down a few of your own ground rules (i.e. no sleeping over, not start/stops, etc.), and stick to them. So the next time he has a change of heart, YOU be the one to turn him down. Just an idea....

This!!!! Ya'll need to quit playing with yourselves (literally and figuratively). Cut the sleep overs out...that's just procrastination and it is too tempting. If you're not going to color then you've got to set the stage for that otherwise you all are just going to be feeling frustrated (well, at least you will be....he seems to be doing fine with these little breaks). Celibacy is hard enough with out the goodies being thrown in your face all the time!!!

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

This thread has me cracking up! But heaven help the man who gets me all excited then stops lol. I ain't having that. I understand wanting to abstain until marriage but why is this suddenly becoming an issue now if y'all have colored consistently before? And now that he's suddenly had a religious revelation that sex before marriage is wrong, why is he still sleeping in your bed? That should still be a no-no. Too tempting.

 

[Dizz]

*sigh* y'all are cracking up. You know, he did put the tip in. Then he tipped back out like, oooh, woe is me. I'm going to hell.

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OMG

And I agree with Arcadian... a THOROUGH conversation is needed here!

 

[ms.mimi]

He is very conflicted and needs to go to a young adult Pastor or leader in his church, that is equipped and trained to handle issues with the flesh. Some churches have young adult small groups that meet and discuss these types of issues. Poor thang. He is a believer and he knows what the bible says about sex before marriage and wants to obey but yet his flesh is weak, he has all these urges and testosterone.
He should not be staying over your place, feeling you up or tonguing you down

 

[gabulldawg]

This thread has me cracking up! But heaven help the man who gets me all excited then stops lol. I ain't having that. I understand wanting to abstain until marriage but why is this suddenly becoming an issue now if y'all have colored consistently before? And now that he's suddenly had a religious revelation that sex before marriage is wrong, why is he still sleeping in your bed? That should still be a no-no. Too tempting.

I'm wondering about the bolded, too! :scratchch Why does he want to stop now? Did you ever have a serious talk about this with him, or did he just tell you one day that you guys should stop?

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I'm wondering about the bolded, too! :scratchch Why does he want to stop now? Did you ever have a serious talk about this with him, or did he just tell you one day that you guys should stop?

probably feels guilty/like a sinner.

My friend had a FB like that and after they had sex, he would bring out a bible and start praying for forgiveness. PSYCHO.

 

[Klearli]

Lol. Y'all are too much. This should make y'all heads spin...We um...live together right now. Til august anyway, when he gets a new place (he had some messed up legal problems with his old place, and he recently won in court).
Anywho, what ended up happening was while he was sleeping I came out of the shower and slapped my wet hair on him to wake him up. Then we got in a huge fight where I said things like 'I make a lot of sacrifices for you!' And he said things like 'you should be doing this for Jesus!' He basically said he had been thinking about it for a while and this time was just too much...he was sorry for stopping like that but he couldn't do it for another moment...he's going to live right, and there are going to be changes with him...yadi yadi. So I said okay. and we talked about things to do different, said he slid back so far since he's been with me trying to please me, and how I have changed. Then we talked about some of the problems of our relationship...and how annoying it is to be cohabitating, and how great it will be to be separate again. Then we broke up. Then he went and ate the food I cooked, then we got back together. Cuz it was that good. And I have to work at 8 am, so why am I awake?

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